DECEMBER 14 TUESDAY

The cast rehearsed every evening. Roy sat on stage, on the floor, dressed as a shepherd with the Palestinian headgear and all that. He was singing a heartfelt ballad, backed up by a trio of sheep going: baaaa.

"You put the Joe in Joy

I'm just a simple sheep herding boy

Or girl, one of those anyway

(Heavy sigh) One of those anyway

Sirius was more proud of that song than any other. He just knew that it was going to win him his very first Tony award.

When the song was over, Roy just sat in silence for a while, until the spicy latino rhythms of Boom You're Pregnant began.

Everybody were waiting for Phil to come out and do the merengue as well as the cha-cha. But something was holding him.

"Hold we're in a hold," said Sirius and the school orchestra stopped playing. "Someone go and find out what's keeping Phil."
The back end of a pantomime ass disappeared backstage.

"The pumpkin is missing!" said Mona Weed when she came back.

Sirius needed a telegraph to censor his swears. He stormed backstage, where some of the cast and crew were searching for the papier mache pumpkin everywhere.

"When did you last have it?" Sirius asked Phil.

"I was just sitting at my dressing table putting on my hair flare," Phil explained. "The pumpkin was right next to me! I look away for two seconds and next thing I know it's gone!"
"Well isn't this just my luck! First the pumpkin and now the other pumpkin!"
Remus came into the room.

"Did you find it?"

He turned a wig bust and found a sticky note. The message said:

We have the other pumpkin. You better cancel the show unless you want trouble from The ABBA.

"The ABBA?" said Remus.

"The ABBA?" Sirius also said, reading the note several times. "Not just ABBA, but the ABBA. Why would they want us to cancel our show?"

"I don't know. We're not using Honey Honey."
"Why would The ABBA have a problem with our queer nativity? The queers love The ABBA, so it follows that The ABBA love queers."

Or so he assumed.

This was the second time someone was trying to get Sirius cancelled and de-platformed. People didn't want him to have free speech and it was getting annoying.

"It can't be The ABBA," said Remus.

"That's what it says. If The ABBA isn't trying to cancel us, then who is?"

"Isn't it obvious? Vampires."

"It's not vampies."

"Then I just don't know."
McGonagall came into the room to deliver the bad news herself.

"The show is off."

"WHAT!" cried everyone.

"I'm sorry. But, you know, parental pressure."

"Parental pressure?" said Sirius. "Who told parents!"

"I don't know. But word of the nativity has reached some of the more conservative parents. They are very upset by it. You see, musicals are perceived as a very gay thing by conservative people. If you just cut the singing and dancing-"

"Never!"
"It's up to you. It looks like The ABBA will get to do their show after all. Good evening."

Sirius was so mad he punched the wig off a bust. He had just about had it with the PC police wanting to censor his art! He turned to Remus.

"Do something! Do something with the rules!"

"Do exactly what with the rules?"

"Find a loop hole! It's your specialty!"

"I know you want it to be my specialty, as well as my super-villain name, but it isn't."

"Yes it is! You just have to believe!"
"I'm sorry but there just isn't any loop hole that can beat conservative parents because this is a private school and they're paying for it."

"Here you go, with your communism!"

The cast were getting out of their costumes.

"Now where do I find these bigoted vampires..," Sirius mumbled.

James came in, fresh after quidditch practice, and so did Peter, fresh after an evening class in wand holding.

"What's all this stuff I hear about the show being cancelled?" James asked.

"It's been cancelled, because of parental pressure," Sirius told him.

"Parental pressure?"

"Apparenly it's more powerful than any loop hole. The show is off. There's nothing I can do. As long as there are parents..."

Sirius stroked his chin, "But if they were all killed..."

"If only there was a special rule," said Peter. "A rule that was more powerful than ALL the rules!"
If only indeed.

Remus turned away, all dramatic like.

"There is... one rule. But it's just a legend. They say there is a rule that is more powerful that parents and money. But of course, it'sjust a fairy tale. A campfire tale I heard a prefect camp one time."

"Where would one find such a rule?" James asked.

Remus turned away, all dramatic like.

"They say the keeper of the rule has it. Thing is, only the keeper of the rule knows, who the keeper of the rule is."

Helpful.

xxx

Finding the keeper of the rule was easy. All James and Sirius had to do was take each prefect to the prefect bath and hold their heads under the water until one confessed to being the keeper.

They did that to boy prefects. They had a bath of small spiders reserved for the girl prefects. (Irregardless of what gender they identified as.)

"Alright I'm the keeper of the rule!" Mona Weed confessed before even getting dunked.

James and Sirius let her go and gave her a shock blanket.

"Or I used to be," she said. "But it's been stolen."

"By whom?" James asked.

"I don't know I swear I don't know! It is the nature of the rule that it should be near impossible to find for anybody but the keeper. So it stands to reason that a Hufflepuff did it."

And James and Sirius knew which one.

xxx

Lady Wilhelmina Scott-Holmes, the Hufflepuff portrait guard, petted her badger.

"Can we see Fletcher please?" James asked.

"No," replied Lady Scott-Holmes.

"But he has my notebook. I have an exam tomorrow morning. I must have it back."

"Sorry but you can't."

Sirius whipped out the prefect badge.

"What about now? I had some polly before. Prefect infiltration gig, you know."

"Of course nobody could make that up, only a true prefect would know about prefect infiltration gigs."

The portrait guard swung open and shouted: "MUNDUNGUS!"

Fletcher came to the frame in a t-shirt and underpants.

"What's going on?"

"McGonagall wants to see you," said Sirius.

Fletcher followed them around a corner.

"What does McGonagall want with me? When were you made prefect? Ohhh. Prefect infiltration gig?"

"Where's the rule?" James asked.

"The what?"

"The one rule to rule them all? The rule that you stole! Where is it?"

Fletcher turned away, all dramatic like.

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

"It's talk or chinese torture chamber!" The prefet bath.

"Alright it was me! I stole it!"

"Why?"

Shrug. "A girl asked me to do it."

He looked proud.

"What girl?"

"I'll give you a hint. It was Mac."

"Why did Mac ask that of you?"

"Dunno she didn't say."