Caroline moved to the side to let him in. She'd been home for a little while, working on grading and trying to focus on prepping for the week ahead. Tomorrow she would drive back to Cincinnati, go back to school on Monday and just live this new version of her life.

But now, it felt different. Like life was on the cusp of changing again. This injury, in all its strange form, had forced her to see him. To address this part of her life. The scary part was knowing if this part was ending or just evolving.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you," Sid said hesitantly, looking over at the kitchen table covered in colorful folders, her laptop opened.

"No, just finishing up some stuff," she replied lamely, her heart racing a bit more than she would have liked. This time yesterday or even this morning she'd felt so guarded, so resolute on being distant and unaffected. But to be honest, that had gone out the window. The conversations, seeing him, seeing the way he looked at her. She had to admit, it had softened her. Made her forget a little how bad things had turned out.

"How did you get here?" she asked, looking out the window in the kitchen. In the darkness, she saw the outline of a dark SUV.

"Rusty's brother," Sid replied. "There's a game tonight, but I'm staying back. He dropped me off on the way to the game. I don't want to bother you, but I just couldn't sit in that house anymore." he leaned back against the counter, his fingers tapping at the counter's edge.

Caroline went to the cupboard and pulled out a glass, crossing over to the fridge, she pressed the glass against the water dispenser, filling it up.

Handing the glass to Sid, which he accepted with a smile, she said to him, "You're not bothering me. I get it."

Sid took a gulp of water then asked, "We could hang out, get some take out maybe? It just...with everything going on, it just feels weird that you are here and I'm there and it just doesn't make sense." He said looking away and shrugging his shoulders.

It was a rare sight to see him so unsure of himself.

"Yeah, it does feel sort of strange," Caroline said softly. "Um, well have you eaten? We could order dinner from My Thai if you want."

He perked up at the mention of their old favorite Thai restaurant in the area. Living in Sewickley it was too far and they hadn't had it in years.

"I could eat," despite the fact he'd just come from dinner with his parents.

He watched as she pulled up the menu on her phone. Coming to stand next to her, peering over her shoulder to look over the choices. His arm brushed hers as he pointed out some favorites. He could feel her stiffen at his closeness. In a way, it gave him a thrill that he still affected her that way. While there was this big hole where the last twelve months should be, he remembered that it had been rocky. They'd spent a lot of months following schedules and cycles. They'd felt the strain of month after month seeing negative pregnancy tests. Caroline would be late. They'd get their hopes up and then nothing. Back at it. And while he'd always enjoyed the "trying" part, it had started to feel forced. Less romantic. More procedural. And now, standing next to her, feeling that spark, that stir, he was sort of grateful he couldn't remember because what was coursing through his veins had been missing for some time.

He pressed his shoulder up against her, aligning his body next to her. Making her space, his space. The energy coming from her, told him she was just as affected as him.

Once decided, Caroline pressed call. Sid asked for the phone and pulled out his wallet. Once connected, he recited the order and grabbed his credit card. The order was read back to him, along with the total but when he looked at the numbers on his credit card, he couldn't get them into focus. He started, then stopped. Blinking rapidly, squinting. It was only a few seconds until he felt her hand close over his, her pulling the card in her direction.

"5175-" she said quietly, nodding at the phone against his ear. He repeated what she said, "

5175-" his voice hoarse and hesitant. She read the rest of the number, along with the expiration date and the secret code. He repeated what she said, then ended the call. Their food would be there in 40 minutes.

"Thanks," he said, giving her a rueful smile.

"Anytime," she said quirking a small smile of her own. "You should be resting," her tone changing and concern on her face.

"I feel fine," he replied.

"You still have symptoms," she replied back, not backing down from her concern.

He leaned back against the counter again, facing her. His arms crossed tight against his chest. He surveyed her. She was different. More like before. In a way it made her look younger. Like that girl standing in the doorway all those years ago.

She was growing self-conscious of his stare. "What?" she asked somewhat defiantly.

"You look good," he said with a grin that was more sure than he felt.

Caroline felt the hot stain of color blossom on her cheeks. She smoothed back the errant waves of her hair that was in fact longer and a little curlier. Her yoga pants were tighter. Her t-shirt more worn. Gone was the glossy WAG with the perfect hair, perfect makeup, and clothes that she didn't mind but wouldn't fit her now as the past year had caused her to put on some weight.

"I'm not as put together as I used to be," she said with a nervous laugh. Her gaze on the floor in an embarrassment he couldn't understand.

"I think you've never looked more beautiful," he said, his eyes on hers waiting for her to look at him.

Sure enough, she quickly looked up at him, their eyes locking and that buzz coming back again.

To her credit, she kept his gaze for a few seconds, before looking away and awkwardly tugging at her shirt.

"Yeah, well, um, heh," she babbled sort of feeling like she had the first time she'd met him. She shouldn't feel this affected. There was too much there to still feel this way. They'd grown too far apart.

Right?

"How do you like Cincinnati?" he asked, changing the subject. He sounded genuinely curious.

"I like it," Caroline replied, relaxing a bit. "I'm teaching and I really like my neighborhood. I live in an old duplex in Mt Adams and I have a great neighbor. She and her grand-nephew are really sweet and very welcoming. And I've made a few friends at school. It's been...it's been a tough year, but I'm happy." She struggled with those last few words, her voice wobbling a bit.

As she spoke, she could see the sadness in his eyes, behind the smile he gave while listening to her. It was an "I'm trying to be supportive but you're breaking my heart" look and she felt like such a heel for going on about her new home.

"That's, that's really great Care," he replied, his voice a bit unsteady. "Are you...uh, dating anyone?" he asked, his voice more unsteady as he felt the hot stain on his cheeks and he pulled off his ball cap and scratched at his head nervously. He dropped his cap on the counter and waited for her reply.

"N-no," she stammered. The soft waves of her hair curtaining her face as she shook her head. "Nothing like that."

"No good looking gym teachers?" he tried to say it teasingly but he could hear the tinge of jealousy.

She shook her head more emphatically. "No, there isn't anyone." She looked at him with trepidation. "What about you?"

He saw her swallow waiting for his reply. He'd asked Marc-Andre earlier about it. If there had been anyone, Flower would know. But instead, he'd just laughed and asked if Sid was joking. It was a relief despite a bit of a blow to his ego.

"No, from what I've heard, it's only been hockey."He replied lamely.

Caroline smiled shyly. "Why am I not surprised?" Her tone was light, almost flirty. He felt a tightness in his jeans at the lilt in her voice.

He just smiled and the awkward lull returned.

"So what do you do when you're not teaching or visiting husbands with memory issues?" he asked, trying to keep it light.

"Oh, I don't know. Not much I guess," she replied, unconvincingly.

"I find that hard to believe," he replied with a smile. Hoping she would open up, worried that there was better than here. But he did want to know. He wanted her to be happy. What had happened was fucked up and had worn her down a bit, but he wanted to know that it wasn't all bad for her.

"Well, so I am part of a dinner club. We go around the city trying out spots. And there are a lot of great museums too. I took Max, that's my neighbor's grand nephew, to a Cyclones game a few weeks ago. That's the minor hockey team in town.."

"Yeah, I know the Cyclones. I know a couple of guys in the front office. It's a good organization."

Caroline nodded, "Yeah, they are pretty good. And Max had a good time, it was fun."

They spent the next 20 minutes or so chatting more about her life down there. It was awkward and he pushed down the jealousy that continued to bubble up. They chatted until their food came and they decided to move to the living room. There wasn't much he could do. TV was out. So was playing a board game or a round of cards. However, with the Pens playing, Caroline was able to work her brother's stereo and pull up the game on the radio. They settled on the couch, opening containers and filling their plates. Pens' announcer Mike Lange's voice filled the room and it was a nice break from more conversation that felt weighted in a way neither had any more energy to deal with.

It had been a long day.

Caroline was hungrier than she realized and with a full stomach, she leaned back against the couch and listened as the Pens scored their first goal of the game.

October 2014

"He scores!"

The crowd went wild as Sid's shot flew past three Rangers players and King Henry and landed in the back of the net. Caroline was among the 18,000 fans that leaped to their feet in celebration.

As they settled back into their seats, Caroline smiled and chatted lightly with the other WAGs. It was always a bit awkward and there was a low level of competitiveness among some of the ladies. Caroline tried to avoid it by feigning naivete most of the time. Which worked to some extent. Most of the WAGs with children were in the family suite but it wasn't long after the goal that some of them came out into the suite facing the ice and took a seat in Caroline's row. There had been a few babies born the past summer and Caroline didn't need to do the math to know that she would have been one of the WAGs with an infant in her arms wearing little sound-canceling headphones right now along with a little jersey with their dad's name on the back. Caroline smiled politely as everyone oohed and ahhed over the new additions. Without even realizing it a baby was thrust into her arms and she sat stock still as the wiggling infant stared up at her. Her heart began to pound and she felt like the roar of the crowd was a hundred miles away.

"You're a natural," a fresh-faced very blonde girl said to her. She was the girlfriend of a player new to the team. Caroline should have known her name, but she'd fallen behind on her list of WAG duties which included reaching out to the significant others of players who'd joined the Penguins this fall.

Caroline just gave a weak smile, "Thanks," she said stiffly.

"When are you and Sid going to get one of those?" the blonde continued, acting as if she and Caroline were pals, as if the couples knew one another.

"I don't know," was all Caroline could manage. She wanted the mother of this baby to take her child, but she was busy chatting with another WAG, so Caroline was stranded.

"I bet you'd make a great mom," the blonde began to gush. It was one of those annoying things some of the WAGs did with her. Caroline suspected it was because she was married to the team captain, but they would suck up, giving false compliments or acting over the top as if to impress her or something. Normally Caroline just smiled through it, but for this, it was too much.

"How do you know?" Caroline shot back. The blonde looked surprised.

"I, I just meant, you guys are probably thinking of starting a family…" the blonde stammered.

"Maybe you should just mind your own business," Caroline said sharply, not caring how she came across. The blonde just gaped at her and Caroline turned to the mother of the baby and thrust him into her arms. She grabbed her purse and made her way out of the aisle without another word.

Luckily she had her car at the Consol, so avoiding everyone, Caroline made her way to the private elevators and took one all the way down to the parking level.

The tears were hot and raw. The emotions more than she could handle. She was grieving. Did anyone get that? Everyone wanted to act like this was all normal. That she was normal. That conversations and laughing and spending time passing babies around was normal.

It wasn't. Caroline thought petulantly. And they should know that. Why was she holding a baby? Why didn't someone tell blonde girl that Caroline had a miscarriage?

Why didn't anyone seem to know or seem to care that she was grieving?

She was deep under the covers when Sid got home. His body cast a silhouette in the door frame.

"Are you ok?" he asked tentatively. She hated when he talked that way.

"I'm fine," she said quickly, quietly.

"Scotty says you got into it with Amber."

Amber, of course, her name was Amber.

"Well tell Scotty that Amber has a big mouth," Caroline shot back huddled under the blankets, the hot tears returning.

"Care, c'mon, she didn't know."

He'd come and sat down on the bed, his hand on her hip. "It was an honest mistake."

He was too nice. She loved that about him..usually.

Caroline turned to face him, her hands swiping at the tears. "They act like everything is normal. Like I'm supposed to just hold babies and talk about changing diapers or feeding schedules. I don't want to do that."

"I don't think they realize th-"

"Will you stop defending them?" Caroline interrupted. Her voice was loud and angry. "You're supposed to be on my side."

"I am on your side, I'm always on your side," his voice remained even. "But I'm trying to manage team stuff too."

Caroline wasn't in the mood to be understanding.

"I just want to go to bed."

"Ok."

It was a few moments later she felt the weight of the bed dip and his warmth surrounding her, pulling her into his arms.

And all she could do was just cry.

November 2014

"What do you mean you're leaving tomorrow?" Caroline's voice was high and laced with panic.

Sid rubbed at the space between his eyes, "Care, I told you earlier this week. They want me in Toronto a day early."

He watched as she struggled to remember.

"You were on the computer, I came home from practice and told you that for Remembrance Day they want me early for some HNIC stuff."

"I don't remember that," she replied. "Do you have to go?"

He stared at her dumbfounded for a moment. "Care, of course, I have to go."

"But what if you didn't?" Her voice now frantic.

She'd been this way lately. Wanting to be around him all the time. Texting him throughout the day. He didn't mind it. She was his wife. He wanted to be around her too. The extra texts were hard to keep up with, but she was being extra affectionate, which he liked. Part of him knew she was struggling and that he needed to be patient. It was just a tough time right now.

"Didn't go on the road trip?" his face scrunched up in true confusion.

"Can't you say you're hurt?" she replied, her eyes wild.

"Caroline."

"What? You deserve a break...you're needed here. I need you. Please Sid."

This was a side of Caroline he'd never seen. Clingy was one thing, but this was something entirely different. It was the first extended road trip of the year. He knew it was going to be hard. They hadn't been apart for more than a day or two since they lost the baby.

She sat on the bed staring at him, her eyes pleading. The past few weeks had been tough. She'd only been to a handful of games. She spent most of her time studying for the GRE. But when he was home, there she was, like a shadow. She'd have food ready when he got home from games, she preferred that to going out with the team. She'd plan activities for him on off days, asking him to cut workouts short or texting him about when practice was over even though his schedule was on the board in the kitchen. Some days he'd come home to find her still in her pajamas scrolling on her phone, Eliot on her lap, hair up in a bun to hide the fact it hadn't been washed.

He was worried about her. But he figured it would get better. She'd take the test, start her classes, find an outlet. It was just a tough time right now.

"I have to go, you know that," he replied helplessly.

She didn't even fight him. Her face crumpled, the tears fell as she brought her knees to her chest.

"Let me make some calls," he said with a sigh.

Thirty minutes later he'd arranged to skip the Hockey Night in Canada commitment and he would travel with the team the next day.

Caroline smiled widely through the tears as she wrapped her arms around him holding him tight to her.

It was just a tough time right now.

December 2014

The game was tied, with only a few minutes left in the 3rd period. The Capitals had just scored causing the Pens three-goal lead to fade away. Sid slammed his stick against the rail, causing it to splinter into pieces, and threw it under the bench.

"Stick," he yelled. Frustrated and pissed they were even in this position.

It was just a few days before Christmas and it had been a long week. Caroline had gotten her test results for grad school, she'd failed the GRE. Whatever score she needed to get, she hadn't come close. She'd shrugged it off, said she'd take it again in the spring for next fall. It was like she wasn't even upset.

Her parents had been up the weekend before, they'd all celebrated Christmas early. Sid and Caroline would be going up to Nova Scotia for the few days he had off, he was looking forward to going out of town. The season so far had been trying. Caroline was up and down, he was trying to get used to this new coach and system, and he felt like all the excitement and anticipation he'd felt just nearly a year ago was gone. Instead was this bland version of their life. He and Caroline didn't fight. They always had something to talk about and things in the bedroom were good. But it felt so different than before. He continued to work with her, be patient and understanding. She was going through a lot. Some days he thought it was getting better, other days it just felt like the sadness would consume her.

"Crosby," he heard his name from behind the bench, he turned thinking it was his stick, but it was a trainer, motioning to him.

What the hell was going on?

As the players whizzed past him, he looked up at the clock, there were two minutes left in regulation, he had a shift coming up any second.

"87!" The trainer shouted again.

Sid ambled his way past the bench to where the trainer stood near the concourse.

"It's your wife. She's on the phone, she says it's an emergency."

Sid felt his blood go cold. All thoughts of the game forgotten. Shaking off his gloves, he disappeared into the concourse walking quickly in his skates to where a staff member was holding a cell phone.

He grabbed it quickly. Terrified of what had happened. She wasn't at the game tonight. She wasn't up to it she'd told him.

"Caroline, are you ok?" he asked, angling his body into the corner for some semblance of privacy.

"Sid?" Her voice was thick with tears.

"What's wrong, are you ok?"

"He's dead Sid, he died."

For a moment he thought she was talking about the baby. That she'd had a breakdown of some kind.

"What?" he asked again, he was in the middle of a fucking game.

"Eliot, I don't know what happened. He was sleeping...guest room bed… you know he likes that. Didn't come down for dinner..found him, he wasn't moving. Sid, he died. Eliot died." Her voice was thick with tears. He couldn't quite understand all the details but he'd gotten the gist.

She was calling the team in the middle of a game claiming that her cat dying was an emergency.

He didn't want to be heartless, but, jesus.

"You have to come home now, Sid." Caroline sobbed through the phone. "I need you to come home now."

He plugged one ear with his finger as he talked into the phone, trying not to let the others hear him. "Caroline, I'm in the middle of the game, I can't just leave."

"Sid, please."

"Caroline, I'll be home soon. We'll take care of it then."

"He died Sid," she wailed.

"I know Care and I'm sorry, but I have to go." He was trying to keep it together. This was insane.

The sound of a collective groan reverberated down the concourse and he looked up at the monitor to see the Capitals celebrating with a few seconds left on the clock.

Fuck, he wanted to punch a wall. Why was everything so hard?

"I'll be home soon." He pressed end before she could respond.

The ground was too hard to dig a grave that night. Instead the next day they took the box containing Eliot to the vet for cremation. They would get the ashes in 4-6 weeks.

They were on a plane to Halifax the next day. While she slept on the plane he looked over at her. She'd lost weight. Her face was worn, her hair once again in a messy ponytail. Her fingernails chewed up, her rings loose on her bony fingers.

She was struggling. And he'd never felt more helpless. It was affecting their marriage, it was affecting his game, it was affecting her health.

This wasn't grieving, this was dying.

And it had to stop.

It was Christmas night when they settled into bed. As they lay there in the dark, he spoke quietly.

"I want to try again," he said. "I want a family with you. I want us to try again. Please, Caroline. Please. Can we just try?" His voice strangled with emotion.

She was silent. He wanted to scream and shout and beg and plead. But instead, he waited.

Finally, in a quiet voice, she replied.

"Ok."

Caroline rubbed her head against the solidness of what was the arm of the couch? She had dozed off not long after dinner. She had heard the sounds of the game in the distance, as the lure of sleep became too strong. She rubbed again at the solid mass under her head and heard his quiet voice.

"Hey."

Caroline sat up, only then realizing that the solid mass hadn't been the arm of the couch but rather the shoulder of her estranged husband. She smoothed down her hair and she rubbed at her eyes and looked at him.

"Sorry," she said in a whisper. "I must have dozed off. She looked at the clock. It was after eleven, she'd slept for over three hours.

His gaze was dark and intense. There was a look in his eyes she hadn't seen in a long time. It was primal, it was hungry.

She swallowed.

"Um, I am, uh, I'll go get you some blankets. You can sleep on the couch, I'll take you back in the morning."

He nodded, still staring at her like he wanted to have her for dessert.

She got up, legs shaky, and made her way to the hallway. She couldn't remember what she had dreamt about, but she felt charged up like a bolt of electricity was running through her body. She found some blankets and an extra pillow in the guest room where she was staying.

Arms full she came out into the hallway and there he was.

He didn't say anything. His hair was a bit tousled as well, she wondered if he had slept too.

He came closer. She took a step back. He came closer.

She could stop him.

He came closer.

She should stop him.

He came closer.

The blankets and pillow fell to the ground. Her back was up against the wall and his body was so close.

"Care," he said, his voice strangled.

It was all she needed.

Without thinking, her hand came up and curled around his neck, pulling him closer. He looked into her eyes, then at her lips, then back into her gaze. He started to speak, but she surged forward pressing her lips to his. Immediately he welcomed the kiss. His body hard against hers, his mouth parting, his tongue entering her mouth, searching, exploring, tasting her. She kissed him hard and with a need that had been buried for months. Her hands clutched his shoulders as she pulled him in closer. His hands, one on her hip, one cupping her cheek as their mouths moved against one another, reacquainting themselves.

Caroline's hand moved from his shoulder and searched frantically for his hand on her hip. Closing her hand over his, she guided it to the waistband of her pants. Boldly she directed his hand between the fabric and her skin, hot and needy. She kept directing him until she felt his fingers come in contact with her hot and wet center that was weeping with need.

He pulled his mouth from hers and looked at her questioning. Caroline met his gaze, "please." She said softly. Her head falling back against the wall, her eyes drifting shut as his fingers began to move between her legs. She spread her stance, her hands back on his shoulders, as she felt his fingers enter her, his thumb rubbing against the bundle of nerves that made her come undone. Shamelessly she thrust against his hand, her fingers curled into the warm soft fabric of his pullover. His body pressed into hers, pushing her further against the wall. His mouth was hot and wet on her neck. She felt him inhale against her skin, the column of his hardness pressing against her thigh. Her hand moved to the back of his head. His hair, soft and familiar. She arched as she felt herself begin to crest.

She made sounds of nonsensical pleasure as she let him play with her body, bringing the completion she so desperately needed.

Faster and faster his fingers moved in and out of her. He dragged his mouth back to hers, his tongue in her mouth as she felt her body constrict around his fingers, clenching onto him, the waves of her orgasm crashing into her, into them, as she tore her mouth from his and wailed into the darkness her completion.

She spasmed against his fingers, her nails digging into his shoulder, finding that satisfaction that had eluded her for so long.

Her chest heaved as she gulped for air. Her hair was a mess, sweat poured from her temple. His body against hers, his heartbeat pounding fast against her chest. He pressed soft kisses against her neck as she tried to regulate her breathing. He withdrew his fingers from inside her, cupping her hot and moist flesh still spasming with aftershocks of her orgasm.

She opened her eyes, saw the endless depth of his hazel eyes that she'd fallen in love with. Looking down, it was clear he was still hard. Her hand moved to his zipper, prepared to return the favor, but he stopped her.

She looked at him questioningly but didn't say anything.

Sid brushed back her hair, his lips gently pressed against her fevered forehead.

"Good night, Care. I love you."

He bent down and picked up the blankets and pillow and made his way back to the living room.

She stayed with her back against the wall and whispered, "I love you too."

***Author's note: Thank you for your patience! Sorry for the delay, work has been crazy busy and COVID life is always keeping me on my toes. Hope everyone is hanging in there!***