A/N: I'm back! I have been falling behind in drafting this. With an ungodly amount of French homework to get through, it's been difficult to keep up with this. However, I still have a couple more chapters ready, so don't even worry about it.

Without further ado, this super short chapter...

Chapter Eleven
All Choked Up and Nowhere to Go

I had to tell him. I had to.

The rest of the pack left my house a couple hours later, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Until three am, I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and hoping that I could get the courage to do it. To just walk up to Beau and tell him: I'm a motherfucking werewolf.

I reached out, trying not to lose my balance on the branch I clung to. My nails made an awful screeching sound on the glass of his window, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

Bed springs squeaked from inside the bedroom.

"Beau!" I hissed, hoping he would notice me. "Damn it, open the window!"

A few seconds later, Beau opened the window and rubbed his eyes when he saw me literally hanging from the tree outside his window. He wore a t-shirt and pajama bottoms, and his dark hair was tangled strangely.

"What are you doing?" he gasped, voice thick with sleep.

"I'm trying to keep" —a gasp as the branch nearly dropped me— "my promise!"

"When did you ever promise to kill yourself falling out of Charlie's tree?" he sniped.

I snorted. "Get out of the way."

"What?" Then he suddenly realized what I was about to do. "No, Jules!"

He ducked to the side as I launched myself out of the tree and into his bedroom, somersaulting into a low crouch. I glanced up at him, grinning. He did not look pleased.

"Get out!" he hissed.

I blinked, standing. I thought he would want me here, but apparently I was wrong.

"No," I said. "I came here to apologize."

"I don't accept."

Beau stepped toward me and pushed my shoulders lightly. I didn't budge. Was he trying to push me out of the window? Seriously? Why would he even try to do that?

"Are you okay?" I asked.

He looked at me, and I noticed half-dried tears staining his cheeks. "Why in the world would I be okay, Julie?" he said.

"Right." I took a deep breath. "Crap. Well…I—I'm so sorry, Beau." He would never know how sorry I was. Never.

"Why did you come here? I don't want apologies from you, Julie."

"I know. But I couldn't leave things the way I did this afternoon. That was horrible. I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "I don't understand anything."

"I know," I repeated. "I want to explain—" And then I choked on my words. I couldn't tell him. Samantha had forbidden it. She had good reasoning, reasoning I understood, but it didn't mean we couldn't tell anyone, right? "But I can't explain. I wish I could."

"Why?"

I tried to force the words out. I'm a werewolf. But I kept choking. I physically couldn't say it. Say anything.

"What's wrong?"

My expression must have been pretty screwy. "I can't do it," I muttered.

"Do what?"

"Look, Beau, haven't you ever had a secret that you couldn't tell anyone? Something you felt like you had to keep from Charlie, from your mom…? Something you won't even talk about with me? Not even now?" Maybe a secret that the Cullens and Quileutes have kept for who knows how many years?

He knew what I was talking about. I could see it in his eyes.

"Can you understand that I might have the same kind of…situation? Sometimes, loyalty gets in the way of what you want to do. Sometimes, it's not your secret to tell." He couldn't argue with that. Not at all.

"I don't know why you came here, Julie, if you were just going to give me riddles instead of answers."

He had to know what I was talking about. I had told him months ago!

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "This is so frustrating. The part that kills me, is that you already know. I already told you everything!"

"What are you talking about?"

Wait. I couldn't tell him, but I could tell my mom because she already knew. And Samantha had never really told Elliot. Because he had guessed.

And Beau already knew.

"I think I see a way to make this work out—because you know this, Beau! I can't tell you, but if you guessed it! That would let me right off the hook!"

"You want me to guess? Guess what?"

"My secret! You can do it—you know the answer!"

He blinked, unknowing.

"Hold on," I said, "let me see if I could give you some help."

"Help?" he questioned.

"Yeah. Like clues."

I grabbed his hand in both of mine, staring into his eyes. "Remember the first day we met—on the beach in La Push?"

"Of course I do."

"Tell me about it." It had been the day I had told him everything. Told him the secret I couldn't tell him now.

He took a deep breath, closing his blue eyes. "You asked about my truck…"

I nodded.

"We talk about the Rabbit…"

"Keep going."

"We went for a walk down the beach…"

I kept nodding. He was so close.

"You told me stories…Quileute legends."

"Yes," I blurted. "Do you remember what I said? Think hard."

He opened his eyes. "Yes, I remember."

I inhaled deeply. "Do you remember all the stor—" I choked, my mouth falling open.

"All the stories?" Beau finished.

I nodded.

His dark brow furrowed as he thought, a small V creasing between his eyebrows. Then he started to shake his head.

I sighed quietly, releasing his hand and starting to pace across the room. He had to guess. He had to!

"You know this, you know this," I muttered to myself.

"Jules? Jules, please, I'm exhausted. I'm no good at this right now. Maybe in the morning…"

I took another deep breath and nodded. I could wait until the morning. I had to deal with the rest of the pack, too. They were going to kill me. "Maybe it will come back to you. I guess I understand why you only remember the one story." The story about Edythe. His love. "Do you mind if I ask you a question about that? I've been dying to know."

"A question about what?"

"About the vampire story I told you."

His eyes darkened minutely, and I took that as a go-ahead.

"Did you honestly not know? Was I the one who told you what she was?"

His eyes widened and his jaw clenched.

Of course! He didn't know that I knew!

"See what I mean about loyalty?" I murmured. "It's the same for me, only worse. You can't imagine how tight I'm bound…" How tightly my vocal chords feel when I try to tell you.

"Isn't there any way for you to get free?" he whispered, touching my hair lightly. I leaned into his touch.

"No," I whispered, closing my eyes. "I'm in this for life. A life sentence." I laughed bleakly. "Longer, maybe."

"No, Jules. What if we ran away? Just you and me. What if we leave home, and left Samantha behind?"

How tempting it was to say yes. To run home and pack my bags now. Maybe he'd forget about his vampire whore. Fall for me, instead. But I couldn't.

"It's not something I can run away from, Beau. I would run with you, though, if I could." I took a deep breath, hearing a soft wolf howl in the distance. "Look, I've got to leave."

"Why?"

"For one thing, you look like you're going to pass out at any second. You need your sleep—I need you conscious. You're going to figure this out, you have to."

"And why else?"

"I had to sneak out—I'm not supposed to see you." I had to have Ember lie to Samantha and tell her that she was staying at my house. "They've got to be wondering where I am." And Ember was a terrible liar. "I suppose I should go let them know."

"You don't have to tell them anything," he hissed.

"All the same, I will."

"I hate them."

My eyes widened. "No, Beau. Don't hate them. It's not Samantha's or any of the others' faults. I told you before—it's me. Samantha is actually…well, incredibly cool. Janie and Paula are great, too, though Paula is kind of…" Idiotic, blood-thirsty, bitchy. "And Ember's always been my friend. Nothing's changed there—the only thing that hasn't changed. I feel really bad about the things I used to think about Samantha…"

"Then why aren't you supposed to see me?" he demanded.

"It's not safe," I mumbled. I could have hurt him tonight. Samantha would've said I was being reckless and stupid. And in truth, I was. But still… "If I thought it was too…too risky, I wouldn't have come. But Beau, I made you a promise. I had no idea it would be so hard to keep, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try. After that stupid movie, I promised you that I wouldn't ever hurt you… So I really blew it this afternoon, didn't I?"

"I know you didn't want to do it, Jules. It's okay."

At least there was that.

"Thanks, Beau. I'm going to do what I can to be here for you, just like I promised." I smiled. "It would really help if you could figure this out on your own, Beau. Put some honest effort into it."

"I'll try."

"And I'll try to see you soon," I sighed. "And they'll try to talk me out of that."

"Don't listen to them," he pleaded.

"I'll try. Come and tell me as soon as you figure it out." Unless he hated me. If he thought I was a monster. "If you…if you want to."

"Why wouldn't I want to see you?"

"Oh, I can think of a reason. Look, I really have to go. Could you do something for me?"

Beau nodded.

"At least call me—if you don't want to see me again. Let me know if it's like that."

"That won't happen—"

I raised a hand, cutting him off. "Just let me know." I walked toward the window, preparing to jump out and run home.

"Don't be an idiot, Jules," he complained. "You'll break your leg. Use the door. Charlie's not going to catch you."

"I won't get hurt." Still, I turned for the door, not wanting to upset him.

As I passed him, I reached my hand out. He took it lightly, and I yanked him into a tight hug.

"Just in case," I muttered, burying my face in his shoulder. Just in case the redhead came back, trying to hurt him. Just in case.

"Can't—breathe!" he gasped.

Whoops. Too tight. I let go of him.

"Get some sleep, Beau. You've got to get your head working." I ran my hand through his thick hair, and he cringed back. I guess the bloodsucker used to do the same thing. Ugh. "I know you can do this. I need you to understand. I won't lose you, Beau. Not for this."

I ran home in human form, not wanting to have to explain anything to the others.

Ember had left a note on my bed, telling me that she had patrols to run, and before I could change into pajamas, I collapsed onto my bed in a heavy dreamless sleep. I guess I was tired, too.

Next chapter titled: "So I Might Have Misunderstood..."