Disclaimer: I own nothing but the mistakes as always. I did rewrite this which has extended the story because I just couldn't keep with the original author's timeline of their reconciliation. It is true to her work, but also true to me as a writer of fanfiction because of your requests that Sam jumps through some hoops before he is forgiven by our sweet Cede.

Chapter 14

Mercedes

You know those drives where you don't remember any of it, but you somehow get to your destination? My mind was going a million miles a minute with thoughts of tonight. I pulled my car into my parking spot. When I released my hand from the steering wheel to turn the car off, I realized my hands had had a death grip on the wheel. Sleep wouldn't come easy tonight. That I was sure of.

Before getting out of the car I made sure I had my pepper spray set and ready to spray. A girl could never be too safe when she was alone at night. I hopped out of the car and made a quick beeline to my door. My head looked from left to right and a quick glance behind to make sure no one was trying to sneak up on me. These were habits I'd done for years. Ever since my college days.

I was so busy looking around that I didn't see the figure standing right beside my door. With my free hand, I reached for my phone and held my pepper spray up and at the ready. My heart was pounding in my chest. If I screamed, I knew my neighbors would hear. Between the pepper spray and my screaming, I thought my chances were decent.

"Don't move, I have pepper spray."

The person leaned against my door, pushed off and raised their hands in a surrender motion.

"I said don't move. I'm going to call the police." I tried to keep my voice steady. I didn't want them to sense the fear. Psychos thrived off of fear, didn't they?

"Cede, it's me."

My hands dropped to my sides. Relief flooded me. Although I wasn't sure that this situation was much better.

"What are you doing here?"

He took a step toward me, but I put my hand up to stop him. A look of pain crossed his eyes, but I didn't care. I didn't want to at least.

"Cede, please can we go inside and talk? I wanted to give you more time and space while I figured out how to talk to you. I didn't want to bombard you after everything I did, but after seeing you tonight with that guy I had to see you. I had to talk to you before it's really too late."

I let out a breath. I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry or both.

"Too late? Don't you think it was too late the minute you left me in the park alone? Who I go out with is none of your concern. You made it crystal clear that we were done. You wouldn't even listen to me and consider what I was saying. You were so blinded by your manipulative sister that as soon as I said something that may have marred her image in your eyes, I was no longer worthy of your time. All I wanted to do was to help and protect you. That's what you do when you love someone. You try to protect them and do what's best for them."

My chest was heaving. I knew my voice had risen. The pepper spray was clenched tightly in my hand. I wanted to throw it at his stupid head.

"I'm so sorry Cede. Can we please go inside and talk? I don't want your neighbors to get upset over the raised voices. You can yell at me, hit me, even pepper spray me if you want. Can we please just do it inside?"

"Not tonight, Sam, not tonight. You hurt me so deeply after I decided to risk my heart and trust again with you. I can understand you putting your sister first, but to just shut me out of your life, like I didn't matter. And the balls it must have taken to you to come up to my table while I was on a date and say what you said. If you don't want to be pepper sprayed or be arrested, I would suggest you leave and not return again."

"Everything you say is true, and words cannot express how sorry I am. I am truly sorry that I was the man you needed me to be. I have been working on myself, and I can see how I probably have lost the best thing that has ever happened to me besides my Uncle Dwight and Aunt Mary taking me and Stace in. I will leave but please if you could see yourself forgiving me and just giving me a chance to talk to you, call me." He said to me as he headed toward his car.

I didn't look at him. Even though I was mad as hell at him, and I had the right to be mad because Lizzo was right in saying why men great til they gotta be great rang through my head as I tried not to care. I tried not to still love that man who had hurt me so deeply when I just gotten my confidence back and felt that I was not the person who let people emotionally abuse her anymore. Yet, there was a still a part of me that wished that I hadn't made Sam leave. A part of me that felt unmoved seeing the tears in eyes. I wanted so bad to that bad bitch, but that just wasn't part of my DNA.

As soon as I took my shower and dressed in my pajamas, I called Tina and told her what happened. After cursing out my best friend when I found out, she was the one who had told Sam about my date and gave him the blueprint to winning my heart. We had a heart to heart. Tina told me how she knew how much I still loved the jerk, and even though she wanted to maim him for life and make him nails and shit them out every day for the rest of his life, she knew the type of person that I was. Because I never really stood up to my stepmother and I allowed myself to be trapped in an emotionally abusive with Anthony for years, she wanted me to be able to decide for myself if a person was toxic and dismiss said person from my life without any assistance from her.

"Mercedes Ann you know I love you with all of my heart. We are two extremes. I am all for if you hurt me just once you are banned from my life forever; whereas, you are the person who gives second, third, and fourth chances to the people you love like your father, stepmother, and even that lying cheating creep Anthony Rashad."

I nodded my head reluctantly agreeing with what my best friend was saying.

"Neither of us is right in how we deal with situations. I am too harsh and you are too giving. There is a balance in the middle, and you give me that balance in my life. Sometimes before making decisions, I do ask myself what would Cedes would do. Sometimes I bend; sometimes I am just too emotional to react with compassion. I don't condone what Sam did to you. I hate it with every fiber of my being every time someone you love causes you to distrust them."

I started crying listening to Tina who was not being jokey or outrageous but telling me the things that I needed to hear.

"I wanted to kick Sam in his balls and threatened him to never come around you again or I would pour gasoline on him and set him on fire starting with his dick. However, I looked at him and saw that he was actually sorry for what he had done. Yes he was thirty days late and three million dollars short, but I could tell that man loved you and was beating himself up emotionally for the both of us."

"Still, Tina you should have warned me and prepared me and not aided and abetted him." I said trying to understand why my best friend did what she did based on the words coming out of her mouth.

"You are right. But I didn't want to see the walls coming back up in your heart to keep you from trying at love again. You had blossomed so much with Sam's tender loving care, and you were the woman I always knew you could be with your newfound confidence and swagger. It was like watching a caterpillar emerge from it's cocoon as a beautiful butterfly. You couldn't see the glow to your eyes, the perpetual smile on your face, and the other changes that loving Sam and being loved by Sam has done for you. The old Cedes would have never given Matt a chance. You would have thought you were unworthy of fine, smart, and great catch of man Matt was to even be receptive to the idea. However, Sam has changed you even though he broke you heart with his distrust, you were able to move on. I couldn't hate Sam for doing that. I hate his actions of the past month, but I can't hate him. You never really loved Anthony, but you love Sam Evans. And if you are willing to give him another chance, I support you, and if you no longer want to see his face again, I support you in that as well. True love and support and friendship is unconditional."

"Okay, Tee, I hear you. I am not okay. I am not in my right mind to be in a relationship with anyone right now, or I would try to forget Sam and move on with Matt. I need to love on myself, and spend time appreciating who I am. I don't need a man to make me happy. He should just be the icing on the cake."

"Alright Cedes. You have to do what is best for you, and only you can make that decision, and like I said I will support you whatever, like you have supported me. Do you want me to tell Sam to leave you the hell alone?"

"No, I will put my big girl panties on and handle him myself. I need to get some things off of my chest. We need resolution one way or the other, but I am not about to fall back in to his arms and be in a relationship with someone I can't trust with my heart."

I ended the call with Tee, and I texted Sam to meet me at my apartment the next day, so I could say my piece and hopefully keep from being swayed by his green eyes that looked like a kicked puppy.

The following day, I had to ask myself if I was a glutton for punishment or just not hard enough to say f you to Sam and keep it pushing. However, when he showed up at my house the next day, I reluctantly let him in, and now here he was sitting on my couch. His legs were stretched out in front of him. The top buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned. My traitorous hands itched to run along his bare chest like they had many times before. I made my way to the couch and sat on the opposite end from him. I curled my feet under me and covered myself with the throw I kept on the back of the couch.

We sat in silence for a several minutes. I couldn't look at him. I chose to look straight ahead. Every few seconds, I would look at him from the corner of my eyes giving him the side eye in more ways than one. Each time I did this, I would see that he was staring at me. His hands were rubbing up and down his thighs in a nervous gesture. I wasn't going to be the first one to speak. But I figured we would be here forever if I didn't say something, the only words that came out of my mouth were, 'why now, Sam?'

He looked at me as if I punched him in the gut with the tears that had formed in my eyes and clouded my throat with just those three words.

"I've been going to therapy. I've learned a lot about myself over the past month. I've learned that I never properly mourned the death of my parents. I learned that even though we had Uncle Dwight that I felt like I had to be a parent to Stace. I felt responsible for her in some ways. I needed to protect her. Not just for her own good, but to protect myself from the heartache that comes from loss. It was an obsession with me that blinded me to her manipulations. She picked up on my need to be hero, and she used it to have her way and to live a life basically with zero consequences. Instead of loving her, I enabled her to be a user of people not just drugs." Sam got up and started pacing the room.

I didn't say anything. Even though I was still mad at him and hurt more than anything, I sensed that he needed to get this out first and not why he should be apologizing to me and groveling at my feet for forgiveness.

"I found out that Stace had been lying. She wasn't going to rehab. As soon as we would drop her off. she would get picked up by her boyfriend. Goodness knows what all they were doing. I'm sure none of it was good. Of course, you already knew that."

Sam looked me straight in the eyes when he said the last part. I gave a small nod in response. That seemed to trigger something in him because he walked back to the couch and sat next to me. He grabbed my hand in his. My mind wanted me to pull away, but my heart wouldn't let me. My traitorous heart fluttered. He angled his body toward mine.

"Cede please look at me." He gave my hand a gentle squeeze. His other hand gently cupped my chin and turned it toward him. I could feel tears again prickling in the back of my eyes. I swallowed hard and willed them not to come. I willed myself not to slap his face, and not to want to hate myself for allowing myself to be so easy that I would allow him access to my person. I should be spitting in his face. But I could see the boy that lost his parents that tried to keep his sister safe from harm even though she needed to fall to see that she had problem and needed to be her own hero in order for her to recover.

"Cede, I know I messed up. I was so busy trying to play the fixer and father role to my sister that I was blind to the truth. The therapist says I'm an enabler when it comes to my sister. That's one of the things we're working on now. I know that doesn't make what I did to you okay. I don't deserve your kindness or forgiveness. The words I said to you and my actions were unforgivable. I know my deepest regret and sorrow doesn't change the fact that I hurt you even though I was hurting myself just as much. I've never cared about a woman the way I care about you. No one has ever cared about me the way you did. Most women see me and think of me as an object. Someone that will look good on their arm. You see the real me. You cared about me, and I couldn't help but fall in love with someone like you. I love you, so very much Cede. I don't think I can ever stop."

We hadn't broken eye contact. The stare between us was intense. I wanted to break it but I couldn't. His tears made me weak. I hated this weakness of mine concerning this man. Lord why can't I just get over him. He is not worth my time. I prayed internally before gathering the strength to speak.

"I love you too, Sam. So much." It felt so good to finally say those words. The corners of his lips lifted slightly. "That doesn't mean that what you did doesn't still hurt. That doesn't mean I can just act like none of it ever happened. Trust is important to me. You didn't trust me. How am I supposed to trust that you won't turn your back on me again if something else happens?"

He started to rub slow circles on my hand with his thumb. As if he was child comforting an adult when he needed to be comforted.

"I with I could promise you that I'll never mess up again, but I'm human. I will make mistakes; we will argue and fuss and fight. But, I can promise that I'll never do anything to make you question my trust or my devotion to you again. I trust you with my whole heart both literally and figuratively. My heart which is the source of my life, I trust it with you, and my heart my emotions and love, I trust with you as well. You are an amazing woman. A woman who I know I could never deserve, but I will live each day trying to be worthy of you and your amazing love."

Before I could protest his lips were pressed firmly against mine. His hands were in my hair. He was kissing me like his body needed mine to survive. Like he was a car, and I was his fuel. My eyes closed, and I wanted to wrap my arms around his neck and return his kiss. But I just couldn't. It felt like minutes passed, but I knew it was only seconds before I pulled away.

I placed my hand to my lips. When I looked up, Sam was smiling at me. I wanted to smile back because the kiss felt so good and right, but it was wrong and inappropriate. We were not dating. We were not in a relationship. I stood up from the couch and walked to the door.

"I still need time. I'm not ready to jump right back into things where we left off. I may not ever be ready." I told him honestly looking into his eyes, so he knew I meant what I said.

Sam got off of the couch and came to stand by me at the door. He reached for the hand that wasn't on the door knob.

"I can respect that. I'm not giving up though. I won't rush you. Just know I'm not going away. I'm going to do whatever it takes to prove to you that I meant what I said. I will fight to get you back."

I didn't respond. I just opened the door. He stood there looking at me for another second before kissing my cheek. Then he was gone.