Chapter 11
"We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day."
— Edith Lovejoy Pierce
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March 5th, 2022
Dear Dean:
I don't think I have ever felt so scared in my entire life, at least not like I do now. Even when we were kids, we did not have time to plan goals to accomplish or dream about the perfect family with a permanent roof above us. That's not a valid reason to admit I did not want to start planning a life when you could not live it any longer. I guess I just didn't want to do it. It didn't feel right.
Dad was always driving around the country with us in the backseat, until you became old enough to ride shotgun, and I was jealous about that, I must admit. I always looked up to you before making a move of my own. I wanted to be brave like my big brother. Some of those decisions almost destroyed the world. I knew I had to be a good kid since I was a little boy. I wasn't clean.
When dad told you about this messed up destiny of mine, it felt like my eyes could not see the world as I used to. It confirmed everything I suspected. Does that make sense? It did for me. Maybe it still does today, in some sort of way.
I just wanted to be good enough to own our last name properly. Even after Jessica's death and finding dad, deep down, I still felt like a kid who had been insecure all his life, so to prove myself wrong; I gave my first steps by myself. You dried my tears every time I fell in your own way, forgiving me when I let you down.
I fell a lot, until I learned how to walk properly. My legs are shaking again, but as I mentioned, it is related to I am going to tell you. I'm not ready for this. I don't think I'll ever be ready to what you were to me.
I wrote you about how I started to have small 'dates' with Genevieve. It has been over a year since I left the bunker and never looked back, and a year since I met her for the first time.
It's been a year since I chose this path, and no matter how hard I tried to keep on running, I felt attracted to this town. I fell on my knees, and decided to have a regular job and even start studying again. I'm not the youngest person on the class, but not the oldest one either.
Erik gave me a little speech when he sensed something was happening between her and me. I listened in silence, waiting to be fired at the end of the conversation. He told me his daughter had suffered enough, and if I wanted to be with her, I would have to protect her. He liked me, and that's why he allowed me to meet his family shortly after we met. He has this faith in me that I cannot say I share with him. Would you agree with him? I think you'd say 'yes' to that.
When he said those words, I remembered all the people I couldn't protect. Every single person I couldn't save and their blood was soaking their clothes. That same blood that's on my hands now.
I don't want to hurt anybody else. The weight of not being able to protect Genevieve as Erik asked me is torturing me. I was so afraid of what I would do without her that I said I would always be there for her, if she wanted me to stay in her life, of course. He just nodded and brought a cold beer we drank in a comfortable silence.
I learned new things about her ever since. We spent New Year's Eve with her and her parents, and when it was officially January 1st, I looked at her beautiful smile and deep brown eyes that can read your soul. We saw the night sky we, as kids, would look at all the time, and for a moment, I was at home. She held my hand, and this time, I was the one to kiss her first.
I say 'we', because I talked about this with her. We started to feel safer around each other. Eventually, one thing lead to another, and now, I am here writing this letter to you.
It's not that I wanted to quit writing this journal. I feel you close to me all the time, but I'm resigned to the fact that I will be forever alone when it comes to not having the family I grew up with around me anymore. I am and forever will be an orphan since you left my side.
All hope of seeing you again is partially gone. Ever since the accident, I have not seen you smile again, nor seen you in my dreams either, and things are getting complicated. I don't know if you saw me, but I went to see you on your birthday. I'm trying so hard how to do this on my own. I hope it works out just fine in the end. I sat on the grass and I drank a cold beer, leaving one for you as well. Don't you dare think I would ever forget about the way we lived for two decades of our lives, stuck together in the car or in some ugly motel room. Beer was always the safety blanket we used to survive in many occasions.
It's not the healthiest way to live, but each day that passes by becomes harder without you.
I need your advice. I wish I could hear your voice right now.
She's pregnant. The thing is that she told me she couldn't have babies. She was told the bad news a couple days before her ex ditched her, just a few days prior their wedding day.
Dean, I am not sure if I was born to be a father. I mean, just look at me. I'm not innocent to the dark creatures killing people out there, and having a family is like trying to hold a knife with two sharp ends. It always ends bad. It ends bloody.
I'm heading to see her again, and figure out what to do from now on. Erik and his wife are going to be so mad at me. We have not talked about engagement yet. I screwed up, again.
I'm gonna have a kid, Dean. I could really use your help for a diaper change in a couple months from now.
You would tell me you are happy for me, but I'm still shocked. What if the baby's blood is tainted as well? What if he or she is born cursed like me? What if I turn into dad and my child hates me? I want to be like you, but that will never be possible.
Help me brother, please.
Sammy
Author's Note: Hey guys! Long time no see! Here's another chapter for y'al! Hope ypu had an amazing New Year
So, Genevieve is gonna the mother of Sam's baby! Life is full of surprises, and this one is one of them for Sam and Gen. Sometimes, some surprises come to make your life whole. Hope you enjoy this chapter, and if you have a minute, please leave a review!