Elya was slumped against the head board – her favourite spot whenever we met – but her usual sharp eyes were slightly unfocused. Hair unbound; I couldn't help but admire as ringlets of deep red clashed against the dark shirt, so different from Lyra's dark tresses. I frowned, letting the door close behind me in a whoosh. I had never seen the young woman so … unkempt. The bottle of liquor that rested by her bedside might have something to do with that.

— "Hey, Galen ! Nice of you to swing by, make yourself at home"

Familiarity that bordered on rudeness. Ever since that lunch she had shared with Orson, Elya seemed rather tense. Angry, even. I couldn't blame her; she was probably reassessing every single interaction she had shared with her mentor. Realising how Krennic used her, led her in the direction that suited his needs with honeyed words and mock concern. The uncomfortable thought of him pushing Elya in my arms to keep me contented was as insulting as it was loathsome. Did he really think I could forget Lyra so easily ? So readily ?

For sure, Elya was a beautiful woman. Lovely, in any way, if I was true to myself. So young… too young for to even consider something as preposterous as intimacy. Our understanding came from the mind; we almost never touched. No. We were partners in crime, fellow scientists, communicating on a deeper level; that of the world. If my fondness and care had grown over the past months, it was only because I could find much of myself in her. And because she had found the courage to see things as they were. To turn her back on the man who had 'created' her. I admired her for it.

So I sat in my usual spot stretching my legs with my back to the wall. Elya was partly drunk, and I wanted to know why she seemed so wretched.

— "What is wrong ?", I asked gently.

Her outlined eyebrows shot to the sky.

— "Wrong ? Nothing is wrong. I'm a happy scientist, devising a weapon able to annihilate planets on the whim of a Sith Lord."

I gasped; how did she come by this information ? Could Lord Vader really be a Sith Lord ? It it was true, then the rumours… and the emperor. The information was drowned in a drunken chuckle, and I stored it for later assessment.

— "I'm trying to help this guy find his daughter again, and left his wife to die because I was afraid she would kill my beloved mentor. Nothing's wrong, Dr Erso. How was your day ?"

The mock giddiness didn't fool me, and I reached the bottle of liquor to take a whiff. It smelt of sugar and fruit. Comfort.

— "Elya. I didn't take you for the drinking type", I scolded.

The young woman didn't react at my patronizing tone, refusing to play the daughter-father relationship she had with Krennic. Thirteen years separated us, and, sometimes, I found her more suited to the world than I. Of course, I had grown, been a farmer, a prisoner of war, and had a child. Many events that had pushed me to consider true, down to earth considerations. Yet, Lyra had always been my anchor, and now that she was gone, I had trouble keeping on my feet again. Somehow, Elya managed to balance the two aspects of life more easily.

— "I'm not. It makes me sleepy. Want a swig ?"

I shrugged, chastising myself for trying to paternalise her. She needed a friend, I needed a friend… So I drank a good lump from the bottle, and found her poison much sweeter and less alcoholic than expected. It smelt of gardens and ripe fruits, of strong winds and sunshine. In the bowels of a stormy planet like Eadu, it warmed my insides.

Elya held out her hand and I let the bottle go. Instead of taking another mouthful, she set the bottle on the nightstand, and looked me in the eye. Her hazel eyes danced, her cheeks flushed so red that it echoed the intense hue of her lips.

— "I only allow loss of control when I'm alone. Beware, you who walked into the dragon's lair"

Still witty, even if I could read her depressed thoughts easily upon her face.

— "Loss of control… in controlled conditions ?", I resumed.

The young woman chuckled, my analysis landing true. And I had to admit that it was nice to meet her without the uniform, and the carefully blank features. The woman that hid behind the mask was worth noticing. For a moment, we just sat there, each of us mulling over … thoughts. Hours could have passed as easily as seconds, both encased on our own private world, we wouldn't have noticed it. Yet, her quick movement as she took another swig of the bottle marked the end of our private musings.

— "He didn't choose me because I was so clever. He chose me because I reminded him of Lyra, hoping I would lure and control you"

So this is what is was about. A blow to her ego, or the fact that she had been manipulated ? Perhaps, more so, the realization that Krennic's affection was so twisted that it bordered on obsession. We were both victims of the same man; I wasn't surprised by Orson's idea, but I was sure that he had recognized pieces of me as well. Elya couldn't see it, but she was the perfect adequation between me and Lyra. Perhaps now was the time to speak of my late wife, if only for her sake.

— "You share with Lyra the same will to fight, the same inner strength but you are very different."

— "Uh ?"

I bit my tongue, trying to find the way to make her understand. Words, to me, were too diminutive a concept; I wasn't comfortable with them.

— "You think like I do, albeit with a little more people's skills."

A dry chuckle greeted my statement, and I was glad to see mirth return to her eyes.

— "I don't want to demean your people skills but…"

Of course, I had dug my own grave. Teasing was good, it meant proximity and trust. So I shook my head.

— "You have no idea how far I've come. Lyra was so patient with me."

— "What changed ?", she asked, suddenly dead serious.

For a moment, I wondered if she'd not been playing drunk, and how acute her mind was behind those blushing cheeks. What had changed me, truly ? The answer was plain as day.

— "Jyn… Jyn wouldn't take no for an answer, she asked for my attention, now, and I couldn't desist."

I remembered with fondess those multiple interruptions, calling me back in the land of the living whenever Lyra wasn't available to play buffer between my daughter and I. As the time, she had driven me to the brink of madness, interrupting my gallivanting into the world of numbers and equations. How I missed her today, my Stardust ! What I would give to hold her in my arms, and answer her never ending questions before I tucked her into bed. Despite my misgivings about becoming a father, she had made me a better man. She had grounded me into my own body, when I longed to be a free spirit.

I took another swig to lessen the clenching of my chest; to no avail. Nothing, expect wrapping my arms around my daughter, would dull that pain. So I swallowed it down with the burning liquor, and resumed my story.

— "I had to prioritise, it was brutal but it helped me."

Elya folded her knees up, resting her face against them.

— "I have no idea what it's like", she whispered.

— "No, and you will never know until you have your own children begging for attention."

Her appalled expression caused laughter to bubble in my chest, loosening the knot that had settled without permission. Children seemed the ultimate punishment to her controlled self. And I understood, for the idea of a child had not even brushed my mind when Lyra approached me with the news. But today, I wouldn't go back for the world.

— "I was like you, then it just happened", I told her.

— "You didn't carry and birth it, it's not the same for you guys"

There was wisdom in those words.

— "I grant you that. Our bodies definitely have different roles. But our minds are so alike, Elya."

She perked up at this, and I didn't give her time to deny my sayings as I continued.

— "The way you have to rework things from scratch, it makes me think of me when I was younger. I'm sure it didn't escape Orson's notice either"

She cocked her head aside, considering my words, reassessing her hand like she would in a game of cards.

— "You think he chose me in hopes of replacing you ?"

— "Probably", I nodded.

Eyebrows shot up in surprise; the notion seemed preposterous to her. Yet…

— "That would be a fool's errand, you are way out of my league"

I swallowed the scoff that nearly spilled out; could she not see how close she had been, after only a few years studying my unintelligible notes ? It would have taken just a nudge… The slightest of creativity, a whisper from a Kyber to find out how to harness their power. And then, all would have been lost.

— "You would have, given the time. The empire just pressured Orson too early", I stated.

And despite all the manipulations, the anger and the burning pain of Lyra's death, I still called Krennic him by his first name. Frennemies, they would have called us in sassy holocrons.

— "I was stalled."

— "It's because you were in charge of others and under pressure, not free to let your creativity soar. Lyra helped me a lot in that regard. It was only a matter of time before…"

Her eyes widened suddenly, and she bit her cheek. Then, she let her head sink against the wall with a loud thud, realization setting in. And somehow, the deep sorrow I could read upon her face only echoed to mine.

— "You stayed… because of me", she said, aghast. "Not for me, but because of me. I am the reason you haven't fled back to your daughter, because you had to keep me in check."

I saw how the realization send a thousand tons of galodinium upon her shoulders, but I owed her the truth. And I couldn't lie to someone I esteemed. Fleeing the base, with its laxist security – compared to our Coruscant lab – wasn't impossible for a man of my resources. But to leave Elya in place would have meant success, on the short term. I couldn't have that.

— "Yes"

I expected tears. But when her eyes found mine, I only found resolve. Hard, steely resolve. If Krennic had seen her face in this moment, he might have realized what dangers lurked ahead.

— "Tell me about Lyra"

— "Why?", I blurted out.

The young woman shuffled, setting the bottle on the ground and sitting herself against the wall, mimicking my pose. She was but a foot way when she told me, dead serious.

— "Because you're my friend, and I want to know about your life."

To say I was caught off guard was an understatement. But I complied, and I talked of my beloved wife who now slept under the stars, and the way she approached me for I was too clueless to realise my eyes couldn't leave her. I spoke of our marriage, and it brought a smile to my lips. I spoke of her pregnancy, of the synthetics Kybers we attempted to built on Vallt, and the captivity that took me away from her at the hands of the separatists. Of the regret of not being close to her in those last months of pregnancy…

My eyes watered when I recounted Jyn's birth, how Lyra had ridden the pain like a champion, leaving me totally stunned when I held this bundle that was my daughter. Of the stardust that flecked her eyes… my stardust.

Elya's head gently sunk to the side, and eventually, I felt a weight upon my shoulder. Half asleep. My hands eased her onto the mattress and I smiled when an eye peeked open.

— "Uh ?"

— "Sleep", I told her.

What would she remember, tomorrow ? Returning the courtesy, I covered her with the blanket and left. I waited until the automatic lock engaged, then returned to my quarters. She was such a strange woman, but I was growing fond of her. At least, she made my captivity more bearable.