Laryna

I'm not sure how long I stood staring at the door Hackett left through, but eventually I followed. Dr. Chakwas would likely have stopped me, but there was no way I was going to be able to spend any more time in that narrow bed.

Garrus was walking by, probably heading towards the battery where he felt most comfortable, as I was making my way to the elevator. His eyes narrowed, and then he nodded towards the hall. Taking a deep breath, I followed him.

"Finally up and about?"

I tried not to cringe at the tone in his voice. I had refused visitors while I was retained in the med bay, mostly to avoid for as long as possible these kinds of conversations. "To much to do to stay in bed all day."

"Damn it, Laryna!" Garrus growled, spinning around on me and advancing towards me in a very aggressive manner. I back up instinctively at his anger, but quickly hit the resistance of the wall. He loomed over me, both of his hands against the wall above my shoulders, his face not far from mine. I could heard his ragged breath and the slight clicking of his mandibles. He could kill me, he was more than strong and skilled enough, but I knew no matter how much I would upset him, he would never actually harm me. Not permanently, at least. Maybe I should prepare for a punch.

"Something on your mind, Vakarian?"

"Why didn't you take me with you?" he demanded. "Why am I here, if you're just going to leave me behind? Do you know what it was like, for Joker and I, when you collapsed bleeding in the cockpit? After being gone for days! Joker choking on his loyalty, refusing to say anything?" His arms were shaking now. "Why didn't you trust me?" he finished in a dangerously low voice.

"Don't ask me that. You know how much I…"

"Then why? Why risk taking yourself from us? Again?" His arms were extremely tense, I could see the muscle tightened under the stiff fabric of his work shirt as I averted my face from his. "If you had just gotten over yourself and asked for my help than perhaps there wouldn't be hundreds of thousands of dead colonists out there!"

I could feel my face flush in anger, tears stinging the corner of my eyes. "You're out of line, Garrus!"

"Like hell, I am! I'm not part of the Alliance, and I am sure as hell am not part of Cerberus. The only reason I am here is because of you. To do the impossible with you, and save our galaxy, and we can't do that if you're going off half cocked and dying!" Boldly, he reached down and hitched up my shirt, just enough to expose the bandages there from the gun wound I had gotten. "I could have had your back," he continued more softly, his anger finally cooling off. "I could have helped you save them. I am not Kaidan! I would never turn my back to you!"

Yanking the material of my shirt from his hand and covering myself, I put both hands on his chest and gave him a none to gentle shove to force him to give me some space. I then shoved my report that Hackett had decline at him, and continued to the elevator without a backward glance. He would see how I had suggested to bring in my crew, that I had wanted him to be there, and the choices and struggles I went through to make it back alive. I am alive. I fought for that.

To keyed up to go to my cabin, though I was in great need of a proper shower, I went down a floor to the engineering deck. I ignored the surprised looks of Don and Gabby and continued down to see Jack.

"Hey," Jack said as I nearly stormed into her hidden corner of my ship. She was clearly surprised to see me, probably not thinking I would make an appearance so soon after coming out of my own isolation.

"Hey," I said back, forcing myself to stay still instead of pacing as my legs were itching to do. "What are you up too?"

She shrugged. "Still checking out your ship. Wouldn't mind putting her through her paces when you're not around."

Was that a snip about how long I was gone? Was everyone going to get on my case about this? Jack doesn't even know me enough to be pissed. "I doubt Joker would appreciate that," I replied more calmly than I felt. "At least not while we're working."

"Relax," she said as she moved to put more distance between and leaned up against some pipes. "Joy riding doesn't have the thrill it used to. Beside, if I wanted it, I'd take it."

"That so?" I asked a little tartly.

Jack didn't raise to the tone in my voice. "I've been around. Ran with gangs, wiped out some gangs, joined a cult. Kept the haircut. I learned how to survive and not be a victim."

"It's hard to imagine you in a cult," I replied, curious now. "That usually involves a lot of rules."

"I was looking for answers. Drugs and sex and going to a better place." She snorted. "A better place...right. It was all about money. They wanted to take a colony, shake the suckers to fund their spread. And guess who was their ace in the hole? They were just like the rest. Didn't give a shit about me."

"What did you do when you found out?"

"What do you think?" she sneered.

I was calming down now. "You must have met some good people, too."

"Everybody wants something. And because of that, everything is fair game. Murder, assault, kidnapping, drugs, stealing, arson. Done it all, and that's the boring shit. Piracy, theft of military craft, destruction of a space station, and vandalism. That was a good one."

My time in a gang on Earth was looking pretty boring now. But we were kids, and I got out of it as soon as I could, before they had taken themselves to the stars to cause mischief. I focused back in on Jack. "Military's a hard target. Bet that made you some friends."

"Shouldn't have had left the thing unlocked. Besides, parades are boring. I helped."

Was she spinning stories, or was she actually this daring? "A space station?" I repeated from her list. "You're pushing what I can believe."

"Ain't saying it was easy. Not everything is spur of the moment. Sometimes, you got to work to give people what they deserve." She took a little breath. "Had some people I hung out with for awhile. Outlaw colony. Felt like they were like me. Guess that made us a nice target. Turians think they know something about a scorched earth response. Fuck 'em."

Surprised she was being so open with me, providing details without my even asking her to elaborate, but not wanting to be invasive, I thought back to what else she had said she had done. "You were a pirate, too?"

While she continued to keep her distance, she shifted to be able to look at me better. "Ties in with the kidnapping. If you hijack a passenger ship and don't kill everyone, anyway. Good lesson. Simpler to just kill them all."

Don't judge. Just keep her opening up. "I'm surprised you'd even mention vandalism in that bunch."

She actually smiled. "That's what the hanar call it when you crash that space station I mentioned into one of their moons and make a new crater. They really liked that moon."

I could feel the judgments fighting to come out. "Do you ever wondered if you could have done things differently?"

Jack's face hardened slightly. "No."

"Shouldn't you?"

"There's no reason I should be alive," she replied, her voice more gentle then what I thought I was going to get. "But I am. You know why? Instinct. It's worked for me so far and I'm not going to change." My only response was a slightly raised brow. Jack pushed herself away from her perch. "Hey, Laryna. No one's ever asked me about this shit. It's strange to talk about. So fuck you, and thanks for asking."

I couldn't help but smile at that, and I inclined my head in response and left on that note. I used to be very much like her before I joined the Alliance. Perhaps I can get through to her, afterall. I just had to wear down her walls some more.

This time I did take the elevator to my cabin. I took a long shower and replaced the bandage around my middle, pulled back my hair still wet, and then headed to the CIC instead of my bed. As much as I would love to be able to get a decent nap, I was feeling to anxious with how long we have idled. We've gotten no new data from the Illusive Man yet, but I did owe Jacob. I put my destination request into the galaxy map, and Jacob came out not long after and gave me a single nod in thanks. Before I could wander off to see Joker so I could apologize, Kelly caught my eye.

"I read what you did at Horizon and Aratoht," she stated. "What you did was amazing. The first report mentioned that Kaidan Alenko was there. How did that go?"

I was a little taken back by her question; it was not where I was seeing this going, but it made sense. Emotion attachments could affect performance, and she needed to know how I was holding up. "It was good to see him." I started off slowly, trying not to think about what he said.

"Do you have strong feelings for him?"

Yes, I almost said. He said he loved me. "Kaidan is an incredible man," I said instead. "I didn't like saying goodbye."

"I'm sorry," Kelly said sincerely. "Parting ways with someone so close is never easy."

Oh, I really can't deal with this right now. I just can't. "You just get over it."

Kelly nodded. "I understand. Officer Lawson would like to see you in her office if you have time before we get to our destination."

"Thank you," I said formally and made for the elevator again. The ride to the crew deck was quick, and I slowly made my way to Miranda's office. I stopped when I spotted Garrus out of the corner of my eye. His back was to me as he leaned back a little awkwardly in a chair, clearly uncomfortable in it. He was sipping from a mug in his right hand, and his left was on top of my report I had shoved at him earlier. He must be done reading it. And some of Kelly's words went through my mind: Parting ways with someone so close is never easy. I frowned. What if I was taking the reason for Garrus' anger the wrong way? When I...when I died, I didn't just leave a lover and my friends. I left my best friend. My absence must have done more to him than he let on in the short time we've talked about it.

Pushing Miranda aside for the moment, I walked up to the table. I put my hand down on the far side of the digital report and looked down at him. Slowly he looked back up at me. He didn't look angry anymore, but he was being very careful with his features, so I couldn't really say what he was feeling.

"Commander."

"If you're done with this, I need to file it away," I said simply.

"Yeah," he replied, freeing it. And then he sighed. "Look, Laryna… I lost my temper. I'm sorry. I don't take back what I said, but the way I did. If I had done that in the turian military I would have been beaten to an inch of my life."

I tilted my head ever so slightly to show I was listening.

"So...yeah… I won't do it again."

I sat down slowly, thoughtfully. "I'm sorry, too," I finally said. "I was only trying to do a favor, if a favor it can be called, for Hackett. He set his conditions, and I guess I still have a lot of Alliance left in me, because I obeyed his orders. I didn't think it was going to be as dangerous as it ended up being. Get in, get the doc, and get out. Believe me, if I had known what was going to happen, I would have asked you to come with me in an instant."

His entire body seemed to relax after I said that. "Thanks, Laryna."

Narrowing my eyes and leaning forward, I put one hand on the back of his chair and the other on the table to keep my balance as I got in his face as he had mine earlier. His blue eyes got wide for a moment, and he regarded me warily.

"If you ever," I said slowly, nearly purring, "lift up my shirt again without my permission, you'll be missing a hand, Vakarian."

He nodded slowly. I gave him a smile and straightened up. "We're on our way for a possible rescue mission. You in?"

"Should you be going out again so soon?"

I glared but he didn't back down. I sighed. "We're just responding to a distress beacon. It's from a ship lost for the last decade. We're likely only going to find bones and a lot of dust. I'll be fine. And I'm asking you to come with me."

"Well, in that case, I'm in. Definitely."

"I'll see you at the shuttle," I said. "I need to see Miranda."

"Gotcha."

Grabbing my report off the table, I gave him another smile and made the short detour to Miranda's office. The door opened before I knocked, so I entered on the silent invitation. Miranda was sitting at her desk, her long black hair twisted over one shoulder, and her eyes were unreadable when she looked up at me.

"Laryna," she starts, and I'm surprised she calls me by my first name. "I find myself in the unpleasant position of asking for your help. I don't like discussing personal matters… but this is important."

"Miranda," I replied as a walked forward to allow the door to shut behind me. "You're one of my crew. Tell me what's on your mind."

"You remember what I told you about father… building a dynasty? There was another reason I went to Cerberus for protection." She stood up from her chair and crossed to the front of her desk to stand next to me. "I have a sister. A twin. And he's still hunting her. Cerberus has kept her safe. Until now. She's living a normal life on Illium, safe and hidden from my father."

"So you think your father has tracked her down."

"Precisely, Commander," Miranda replied as she tugged at the material of her suit over her shoulder. "My sources indicate he knows that she's on Illium." Her voice grew sharper. "I've tried to keep her hidden without impacting her life, but I'm out of options. He's to close. I need to relocate my sister's family before it's too late."

"What do you know about your sister?"

"She's my genetic twin. We're identical. But she deserves a normal life. And she's going to get it, no matter what."

I crossed my arms and rolled back on my left leg, taking some of the strain off the still healing injury on my right. I had wanted some insight to how much Miranda was prying into her sister's life, and she wasn't playing ball. "Does your sister's family know about this? Are they okay with being relocated?"

"They know nothing. They're completely uninvolved. Normal. I told Cerberus, and they're coming up with a positive reason to move the family."

"What do you need me to do?" I asked, confused. It sounded like everything was under control.

"My father is extremely persistent. I'd like to go to Illium when Cerberus is moving the family to make sure none of his agents get too close. My contact's name is Lanteia. She'll be in the lounge near the Nos Astra docking bay."

"How long do we have?" I asked. "We're in route to handle something for Jacob."

"I haven't gotten confirmation from Cerberus yet on the move. I'll keep you updated. A detour should be no issue." She gracefully sits down. "Thanks, Laryna."