"Move!" screamed Gretchen frantically at her mother. The ensign raised her phaser and moved sideways at the same time, clicking the gun to stun as she fired.
Janeway ducked, coming quickly to stand next to Gretchen as the black creature was hit by the ray.
"Computer, containment field," commanded Janeway, pushing Gretchen's hand down as she prepared to fire at the creature again.
"Back to back," said Gretchen, and Janeway nodded. Gretchen held her phaser on the creature as her eyes searched the room thoroughly. Behind her she heard Janeway's firm voice, "Red alert," ordered the Captain.
"Harry," said Janeway to her combadge, as her eyes searched the room, phaser raised, "We have an alien intruder, search the ship for anymore. Are the shields holding?"
"The shields are holding," said Harry, "I'm reading one extra life sign, in the holodeck with you. We went through a sudden storm a moment ago and they flickered. I was about to contact you when you called me."
"We got lucky," said Janeway, "We may not be so lucky next time. Did storms like that happen in your timeline Gretchen?" said Janeway, lowering her phaser and turning towards the younger woman.
"No," said Gretchen, "Or I would've warned you. I guess they only happen in this part of The Rift."
"I have the frequency we passed through Captain," said Harry on the combadge, "I think I can alter the shields to prevent it happening again, but it'll take at least five or six hours."
"Keep the Red Alert up until it's done," said Janeway, "And I want senior staff in my Briefing Room in two hours."
"Aye, aye Captain," said Harry, clicking off.
"Doctor, report to the holodeck," said Janeway, touching her combadge again, "Tuvok, report to the holodeck and bring a security team. Stay outside until the Doctor clears us."
Gretchen continued to hold her phaser to the containment field, as the shadowy black creature with claws pushed against the invisible barriers.
Moments later the Doctor arrived.
"Doctor," said Janeway, "Scan us both, and this room for evidence of any fungus or pathogens."
Gretchen and Janeway waited tensely as he scanned, Gretchen's eyes not moving off the creature.
"All clear," said the Doctor after a few minutes.
Janeway nodded, "I want this creature evaluated to the best of your ability. Don't harm it, or let it out, but I want every possible piece of information you can find without doing so."
"Of course, Captain," said the Doctor, holding up a scanner to the containment box in the center of the room.
"Tuvok, you and your team can enter," ordered Janeway on her combadge.
The Vulcan and four crewmen with rifles entered.
"I want you and your team to be sure that creature doesn't escape," ordered Janeway, "And I want you to use what the Doctor finds out to improve our security measures against that creature's species."
"Of course Captain," nodded Tuvok.
Janeway finally went to stand in front of the creature. She spoke clearly and commandingly to the alien, "I am Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager. You are on my ship with possible ill intent. Identify yourself."
The creature did not show any signs of understanding and made no noise as it lurked around the small space, fangs phasing in and out as it moved.
"Gretchen, I want you to assist Harry in the shield modifications,"
Gretchen looked at her, nodded, and left, keeping her eyes on the creature until the holodeck doors closed.
Two hours later, Janeway, in full uniform, looked grimly around the table at her senior staff. She nodded at Harry, "Report, Ensign."
"The modifications are going well Captain, it should take about four more hours. If the energy that caused this shield fluctuation is the same or similar, it won't be a problem next time."
"I am researching a ship alteration to create a secondary shield and anticipate future fluctuations," said Seven, "Estimated time to completion is 68-74 hours."
"Good work, Seven, Harry," said Janeway, "Tuvok?"
"The alien being does not seem to be able to escape," said Tuvok, "Nor has it attempted to communicate in anyway that is known to us. I have put a secondary containment field in place, and the Security Team continues to monitor the creature in my absence."
"Thank you Tuvok," nodded Janeway, "Doctor?"
"I regret to report I was able to gather less intel on the creature than I expected," said the Doctor, frowning, "It appears to be made of energy, of a type not documented before. That's about all I've been able to find out."
"Keep on it Doctor," ordered the Captain and he nodded.
"Harry?" continued Janeway, and he looked at her expectantly, "Once you finish with the shields, see if you can find a way to communicate with the alien."
"Aye, aye, Captain."
"Seven, I'd like you to take a brief break and see if you can communicate with it using Borg technology."
"Yes, Captain,"
"Tuvok, Chakotay, I want you to see if you can use your telepathic powers, or your spiritual ones to contact it. No mind meld, though Tuvok," said Janeway, lip quirking, as he and Chakotay nodded gravely.
Janeway looked around the table, finally smiling wistfully and breathing in, "I wish Kes were here…..Does anyone else have any ideas?"
No one spoke.
"Alright," said Janeway, "Dismissed."
Her crew filed out, and Janeway looked up from a datapad to see Gretchen lingering.
"They're dangerous you know," said Gretchen looking at her grimly, "I hope you realize that,"
"I'm not planning on taking any chances," said Janeway, returning her serious look, "But we'd be foolish to not attempt to communicate.
Gretchen nodded, and left.
Twelve hours later, and there was no progress on contacting the creature. Tuvok called Captain Janeway to the holodeck early in the evening.
"Captain," said Tuvok, as she entered, "Although we cannot be certain what anything with these creatures means, the alien is acting strangely. Its movements have slowed considerably and it appears to be in some level of distress."
The creature was still moving in the box, but its movements were sluggish and lethargic.
"Has the Doctor examined it again?"
"He has, but he has not been able to determine anything for certain."
"But it's reasonable to assume that it needs food, or some other kind of nutrient we can't provide for it," said Janeway.
"It is," said Tuvok, "If you wish for this creature to survive, it should be returned to its natural state as quickly as possible. It could of course, be a ruse. And returning it is no assurance that it will survive, but it is logical that we have deprived it of something and that in its present circumstances, its condition will continue to worsen."
"Alright," said Janeway, "We've tried everything we know to do to make contact with it. We need to get it off the ship in a way that is safe for it, and us."
"We cannot lower the shields for transports, however, we could use the shuttlebay's double shielding system to let it loose and then force it off the ship."
"Make plans as quickly as possible," ordered Janeway, "Get B'Elanna to help you."
"Yes, Captain," nodded Tuvok.
Janeway had not slept at all the night before, but she was only able to sleep for two hours that night before she found herself lying in her bed, awake, alert, and worrying.
Why can't I sleep?...The creature has been removed from the ship with no apparent damage to us, Harry's shield modifications have been implemented, and Seven's are well on their way to being done…..Still…..We came so close to….something last night. My death?….the ship's infection?…..first contact?…we don't know these creatures' intentions…..if they even are sentient…but there are so many dangers here…..we have to figure it out.
Janeway felt herself drawn to her Ready Room, but felt it would be unfair to wake Gretchen, who had also had no sleep the night before.
She turned on the lights in her quarters, replicated a coffee, and sipped it slowly as she paced, thinking.
Slow minutes passed, and Janeway sighed, still pacing, turning around towards her window, pausing in shock as she saw someone's lower half dangling out of her ceiling.
Before she even processed it, the person dropped silently to the floor, and Kathryn could see that it was Gretchen.
"H….hi," said the younger woman, staring at her with wider eyes than Kathryn had ever seen, mannerisms and voice embarrassed. She looks so young.
"I was….uh….."
"Out with it," ordered Janeway, hoping to startle her into a confession.
The younger woman stared at her owlishly. I bet she hasn't slept at all.
"I…uh….I was trying to make sure you were still alive."
What?
"The computer said you were, and it said you were asleep…but…..uh…..I wanted to check…..I'm pretty quiet and…..I thought I could sneak in and…..see if you were…..before I left…..or maybe stayed and…..protected you."
I think that's the cutest thing anyone's ever done for me, thought Janeway fondly, trying not to show amusement on her face, in case it offended Gretchen. Still, it won't do to have her so concerned about me she can't even sleep.
"I'm still here," said Janeway casually, shrugging as if it nothing could ever change that fact.
"I can see that," said Gretchen, looking around slowly, still clearly sleep deprived.
Is she looking for the aliens?
After a scan of the room she settled her gaze on a spot on the floor, and blinked for long moments, not moving her eyes from it.
Kathryn was silent, wondering if she would speak.
"Gretchen," said Janeway in concern after another long moment, "Are you having a vision?"
"What?" said Gretchen, blinking at her, seeming to awaken a bit more, "No, I'm taking my herb from the Doctor like he said."
"Did something happen here? There," said Janeway, gesturing.
Gretchen looked back at the spot, obviously seeing something that Janeway couldn't.
After another moment she spoke very quietly, "Mary was killed here."
"Mary Paris?"
"Yes," said Gretchen, seemingly fully awake now, and face intensely unhappy.
"The aliens got her," she continued heatedly, "Those demons. It wasn't enough that they had to kill every single one of Voyager's first generation crew with that fungus. They had to kill Mary too. We never did anything to them. That creature….we found it by recalibrating the security cameras later. It stalked her for weeks before it made its move."
Gretchen looked at Kathryn viciously, and then her face dissolved into sadness, "She had blue eyes like Tom's. And B'Elanna's brown hair…..She was the sweetest person on the whole ship…..Tom used to say she was as kind as summer…..Everybody loved her….L'Naal, you….everyone."
Gretchen gulped, and the single sob she made was terrible, "When we found her, she was on the ground right there, one blue eye looking up at us,…three gashes through the side of her face, so deep there was no hope she was still alive…..and she wasn't…"
There was silence as Janeway stared at Gretchen, and Gretchen returned to staring at the floor.
I'm sorry seems such a stupid, inadequate thing to say. What a beautiful life….just gone.
Gretchen straightened her body, and Janeway watched her, surprised when the bereaved woman spoke again, "What kept you going? Really?" she asked Janeway tiredly, but with a gaze so intense it seemed as if she could see through steel.
The young woman continued after a moment, voice becoming stronger, "You were depressed for months after your father died. You gave up Starfleet, everything. How did you even make it back to life, let alone become Captain of Voyager?"
Janeway paused for a moment, sipping her coffee and playing with the rim, steeling herself. When she looked at Gretchen again her voice was both serious and vulnerable, "John's death…my father's….it was the death of my naivety. The accident was a tragedy of course….the deaths of two wonderful men, who I loved dearly…..But the death of my naivety, that needed to happen, a Starship Captain should never be naïve."
Kathryn's eyes started to shine, and she looked away, out the window, "What kept me going?...Well, my sister to begin with, my mother, our old family dog… The farm that had been the Janeway's for generations…But eventually, I started to wonder again, to be curious about what was out there. To look up at the stars, like I used to when I was a little girl, and imagine what was out there."
Kathryn smiled fondly, and then looked at Gretchen seriously, "Starfleet had lost two good officers, it seemed a shame for them to lose one more."
"I knew Starfleet had to be in there somewhere," said Gretchen, sighing, "But that was very honest…..I can't say I deserved that….keeping you up in the middle of the night…..thank you."
"You're not keeping me up," said Kathryn firmly, "What keeps you going?" she asked holding Gretchen's gaze, "Really?"
Gretchen looked at her wide-eyed, and then looked away, "I don't think I….." she breathed in exhaustedly, "…..I'm too tired to be made fun of …You're not religious."
Janeway's eyes grew intent, "I've never made fun of Chakotay's beliefs."
"I can't say you were exactly supportive of them either," said Gretchen softly, shaking her head, again staring at the spot, "…..but honestly, maybe because of that, or because there were five Klingons on board.….I was more influenced by Klingon ideas, honor, the afterlife."
"I'm happy to say some Klingon prayers with you if that's what you want," said Kathryn, trying to catch her eye, "Or read the stories? Visit the homeworld with you when we get back to Earth?"
Gretchen was silent.
"Why do I have the feeling this isn't about me converting to the Klingon religion?"
Gretchen sighed but met her gaze, "You never did understand."
"I want to. I'm here, I can't understand if you don't let me."
Gretchen looked away again and was silent for a few moments, a few tears leaking out unbidden. The young woman sat down on the couch, and held her head in her hands. It hurt badly and she felt nauseous and hot. She looked up slightly, instinctively looking for a mug of water and caught sight of a science book on Janeway's coffee table.
An auburn haired 12-year-old Gretchen woke up in her bedroom, hearing voices in the next room. She moved closer, slowly opening the door, and hearing her father's voice for the first time in months. She nearly ran to him, but paused in the doorway as she heard a conversation.
Her father sighed softly, "I'm very sorry I missed our daughter's birthday." He paused for a moment, "Did you have to get her those science books Kathryn? I've been saving credits for months so that she could have that crystal fashion doll she wanted."
"She's getting too old for dolls," said her mother, voice quiet.
"I don't think that's true," argued Chakotay quietly, "But even if it is, what difference does it make? It would've made her happy."
He sighed again, "There's so little we can do for her out here…..But we could've done this….I know the mission drew out longer than we expected, but you shouldn't have spent those credits without consulting me."
"I had to make a decision," said Janeway, voice still quiet and controlled, "Would you rather I have delayed her birthday a month?"
"Maybe not, but you knew what I was saving them for."
"We need to be pragmatic," said Gretchen's mother, "It would be different, if she was exceptional, like all of B'Elanna's children, but she isn't."
Gretchen gasped lightly, and felt hot tears run down her cheeks.
"She tries so hard Kathryn," said her father, "She's a good child. We could've rewarded that."
"Those books will help her. I had them when I was younger. They helped get me into Starfleet. If she works hard, she can still help Voyager."
Janeway's voice became conciliatory, "You were gone, I didn't even know if I would see you again, and I did what I thought was best. Maybe next year we can get her something frivolous."
"Do you have any idea how long a year is to a 12-year-old?"
Gretchen moved away from the door, fell quietly into her bed, and sobbed into her pillow.
"Don't cry," said a scrawny 10-year-old boy the next day, "That was a scummy thing for S.B. Janeway to do….But don't cry, I'll build a replicator that can make anything we want, I'll get that doll for you, you'll see."
"It's not the doll Thomas," said 12-year-old Gretchen on her knees on the floor, holding her head and crying, "I'm useless. I can't learn these stupid books she gave me instead, Fractal Calculus….Spacial Engineering…this is way beyond me….maybe she'd love me if I could learn them…..but I'm not the daughter she wanted."
"I love you Mary," said Tom Paris, from the couch, staring forward, and voice oddly stilted. Gretchen approached him anyway, hugging his legs, and the man's fingers moved through her hair for the slightest moment, before stilling in his lap.
"She doesn't matter," said Thomas heatedly, "But we'll show her," he said, clapping his hands together, "You're going to help me build that replicator."
"I can't." said Gretchen, sniffling, "You're 2 levels ahead of me in science, even though you're two years younger."
"Right," said Thomas, turning to her, "So I can teach you….I bet I'm a much better tutor than Tuvok, and we're together all the time, school, meals, free time…..You're going to be acing those tests, and part of one of the most important scientific discoveries in Voyager's history. We won't let anyone else know what we're doing, until it's done."
"Are you sure you want to work with me?" said Gretchen, wiping her face.
"Who else is qualified to be my partner in crime?" said Thomas bombastically, "You know we were born to be together! Nobody does it better!"
The 10-year-old held up his hands, and Gretchen sprang up and clapped both of them, "Nobody does it better!"
She turned to Tom and pulled one of his hands up and clapped it, and Thomas pulled the other hand up and did the same.
"You're gonna be soooo proud of us TomTom," said Gretchen, hugging the inert man, "When we get those replicators finished, we'll get you whatever you want! Captain Proton figures, model cars, you're gonna be so happy!"
Gretchen pulled away after a last hug, smiling, but Tom shook and coughed suddenly. His hands came up to shakily cover his face and when he pulled them away there was ugly green bile on his hands and shirt.
Gretchen moved up, wiping his hands with a towel in a practiced motion.
"Thomas, can you go get a new shirt? I'll watch him." The younger boy sprinted into the next room.
"TomTom? Are you okay?" asked Gretchen to Tom Paris.
His eyes met hers for the slightest fraction, but then went forward immediately, staring at nothing, as he hummed to himself.
The young boy returned, holding a blue shirt, and he spoke to his father, "Dad, can you lift up your hands, we've got to change your shirt?"
Tom's eyes did not move.
"You lift one hand, I'll lift the other, and we can do this," said Gretchen, evaluating, "If your mom comes home and finds him like this, we won't be allowed to watch him anymore."
Thomas nodded, but winced as he lifted his arms to help with the shirt.
"You shouldn't wrestle with L'Naal," said Gretchen scolding, "One of these days she's really going to hurt you…..Be careful and don't lift your arms too high, I'll do the tricky part."
With great effort, the two managed to change the man's shirt, Tom's arms were dead weight as they maneuvered the material over his head.
"There dad," said Thomas, coming to hover in front of his father, grasping his shoulders, "You're all clean now. Do you need anything?"
Tom was silent, facing the wall. The young boy nodded, unsurprised, and then winced terribly as he moved to get up and awkwardly positioned his injured arm.
"Tommy," said Voyager's former pilot, eyes clearing, and moving one arm to grasp Thomas'. Gretchen gasped, staring at Tom wide-eyed. "Tommy, son, are you hurt?"
"No, no dad," said Thomas, squeaking the words out as he gazed back in shock, "I'm alright."
"I love you Tommy," said Tom, hand falling off of Thomas' arm a moment later and face gazing forward again.
Gretchen came to, lifted her face from her hands, and saw Kathryn sitting beside her on the sofa, looking at her very intently, face soft.
Gretchen spoke softly, "You asked me what my beliefs were…..the deepest one is that there's something behind the universe…..You asked me earlier…..why I agreed to change the timeline…..if I thought it was wrong…..Why I agreed with Thomas…..But you see…Thomas was always right."
Gretchen gulped, and sighed sadly, but continued to look at Kathryn, "When we were very young,…..I was three, and Thomas was just a baby, Tom Paris….his mind was crushed in an accident. His oldest daughter, her name was Miral, was killed. He fought….this creature….who tried to wipe his memory of her…..but he held onto it…..and it broke his mind….later it killed Naomi too….."
Gretchen paused, and looked away from Kathryn's horrified face for a moment, "…His other two daughters recovered, but they never remembered their sister. Tom couldn't go back to being a pilot, or really anything on board, but I with his family all the time, and with the computer's help he was often half our babysitter. We'd crawl all over him….he was this hazy teddy bear."
Gretchen's lip trembled but her voice was even, "Tom was always confusing me for one of his daughters, since he had three. A couple of times, he even said my real name…But he never, not once in almost a decade, said his son's name. He'd call his girls by their names, often the right ones. He knew everyone else on board at times, almost always he knew his wife and the senior staff. But never ever, did he remember he had a son. He'd ignore him, or look confused, or call him a girl's name."
"You would think it would upset him," she continued intensely, "But Thomas…always….., he always insisted his father knew him. That it didn't make any difference that his father couldn't remember on the surface, because deep down he remembered. That looks were deceiving…..I was just old enough when he died to start wondering if Thomas was deceiving himself, if it was all wishful thinking…..When TomTom's health started to go, he started to get confused. No one wanted to admit it, but looking back now I can see that his death was closing in…..But two months before he died, one of the last times he was allowed alone with us….."
She paused for a moment, holding Kathryn's soft gaze, "He looked at Thomas. I was there. He looked at him. We were trying to get him to change into his blue shirt, Thomas was wincing from where L'Naal had hurt him, and out of nowhere Tom said 'Tommy, my son, and held his arm."
Kathryn felt hot tears coming down her cheeks.
"For less than five minutes, 2 maybe, 2 minutes in 9 years,….but he knew. Even though he looked nothing like the baby he was when Tom's mind was ripped from him, even though that monster took the years they should have had together, he loved his son. ….Thomas was right…..all those years, underneath the surface, underneath everything, it was there."
"Ever since my crew died…..Really since the moment your body drifted out there somewhere in space….I've been holding onto that…..that Thomas was right."