Hey all, WARNING, Lara's going to have a panic attack in this chapter, and some pretty brutal flashbacks.
Katia0203: Orophin is glad for the support! lol
Ponytail goddesss: I had to find a way to get Eldrin off the trip and Haldir on the tip to Gondor, and well I thought he had probably said enough that someone wanted to beat him up. I completely agree that Haldir is decisive and firm and that's why he's such a good soldier. But I like to think that he has a soft spot for Lara...
Next chapter, I will be giving Lara and Haldir some bonding time! Til then!
Haldir stoked the campfire intently, he was rewarded by the fire roaring to life. It was their first night on the road. They had eaten a simple dinner and now Haldir was making coffee over the fire.
The bags were packed and saddled on their horses. The last thing to do was bid their son a goodbye.
Lara gently stroked her son's soft blond hair. He had buried himself on her chest, a "monster hug" he called it. He smelled of leaves and wood, she reciprocated his cuddle.
"We'll be back before you know it" Lara murmured. The elfling sniffled as he held back tears, trying to be brave.
"What would you like us to bring you from Gondor?" Lara prompted. The young child shrugged.
Haldir, in turn, also gave their son an affectionate hug. "Will you be good for uncle Orophin?"
Toby nodded silently.
Lara finished setting up their sleeping kits and joined Haldir at the campfire. He handed her a cup of hot coffee which she received gratefully. After a few sips, she voiced her concerns. "I'm not sure we should have let Toby stay with Orophin."
Haldir's eyebrows raised and he turned to his wife. "I would trust Orophin with my life. He may feed our son too much cake, but he's responsible and Toby will be well looked after."
"You call what he did to Eldrin responsible?" Lara challenged. The beating Haldir's middle brother had given Eldrin was on her mind. They had not had the opportunity to discuss it before they left.
"He is loyal. He was defending me." Haldir said simply.
"From Eldrin?" Lara pushed, the entire situation confusing her.
"Believe it or not Lara, there are some of your friends who do not think I am good enough for you." Haldir said, pushing back. "Orophin did not like Eldrin's opinion and he took it upon himself to teach the Lord a lesson, the soldier's way. It was wrong, and I will speak to him about it."
Lara considered Haldir's answer for a moment. Then, replied in a softer tone. "Eldrin insulted you?" Her husband did not need to speak an answer. Haldir was proud, and Eldrin's accusation would've hurt. "Why didn't you beat him up yourself?"
"Because, I don't want to hurt someone you care about." Haldir answered patiently.
Lara nodded in understanding. "It's not true" she said forcefully.
"What's not true?" Haldir asked.
"It's not true that I'm too good for you. I know what some – some of the Noldor think. But it's stupid. I've never cared about who your family is, and what you did for a living Haldir. I married you because I fell in love with you. I fell in a love with a good, loyal, honest person. I knew you would be a good father. And if Eldrin can't see that, then he is a fool." Lara explained, folding her arms in frustration. Her life choices were hers to make and she didn't want the judgement of others.
"I've made mistakes in our marriage Lara. I have not been there for you when I should have. I regret it, more than you know." Her husband said heavily. It was his turn to confess.
She had not shown her husband much empathy in the recent months, but tonight she would. "You had obligations, to the survival of our people, there is not greater duty than that" Lara justified.
"I should have been there when our children were born. It's – unforgiveable that I wasn't. I don't blame you for your anger. It was also my duty to be there when they came into this world" Haldir said quietly. Lara was only just discovering how insightful her husband was.
"Well, if you really want to know, with Toby my contractions started in the afternoon. I was doing dishes at the sink when I felt the first one. My water broke about an hour later. The labor lasted 18 hours. Your son was stubborn and took his time descending. I pushed for another 2 hours after that and he was born the next day at midday. The first thing I noticed were his beautiful blue eyes. They were your eyes, and your father's eyes." Lara recounted, meeting her husband's gaze. Emotion welled up in Haldir, he knew Lara could tell he was grateful to her for telling him. She sighed. "Orophin said I didn't deserve you. I've been angry and I took it out on you. And you have born it silently and patiently. And Phin was right, I didn't deserve such good treatment. You may not have been there the day he was born, but you've been there for Toby when it mattered."
"You've felt alone for much of our marriage. And you were alone when our daughter - " Haldir's voice caught in his throat. "I am sorry."
Lara said nothing. She didn't have the energy to contemplate that topic this night. She rested her head on his shoulder and Haldir reciprocated by putting an arm around her. They sat in that position silently for a long time, until Lara could no longer fight her fatigue and she dozed off.
The next morning, brought a new détente between them. Lara was no longer hostile. They were not intimate, but they were polite. Each knew they had a job to complete on the trip and it would go smoother if they worked together.
The elven party received a royal welcome. The courtiers were dressed in their finest, the soldiers that lined the path to the great hall of Gondor wore their dress uniforms. When they reached the throne where King Elessar and Queen Arwen were seated, Lara and Haldir bowed in respect.
"Your highnesses" they said in unison. Even though Haldir and Aragorn fought in the war together, and Arwen and Lara had known each other when they were children, their current titles required official decorum.
Aragorn and Arwen rose and immediately dispensed with the formality. The King grasped Haldir's shoulder's tightly. "Marchwarden, it has been too long!" Aragorn exclaimed, before pulling Haldir into a hug. It was like Helm's Deep all over again, except this time the circumstances were much more pleasant.
"My Lady" Lara curtsied. Arwen broke out into a smile, and kissed Lara on both cheeks.
"It is wonderful to see you again. I am so glad to have a visit from an elleth!" Arwen said delightedly.
The visitors' bags were unsaddled and taken to their rooms. The white halls of Minas Tirith did not disappoint. The palace had been restored to its former glory after the destruction of the war and Haldir and Lara were each given lavish guest rooms. They were shown to their lodgings personally by the King and Queen.
"The official business is but a formality. Arwen and I are so pleased to have our kin visit. It is a welcome reprieve" Aragorn said warmly.
They arrived at their staterooms. "Join me for tea after you freshen up?" Arwen asked, to which Lara curtsied ("Oh stop that! It's not like we don't know each other!")
"While the ladies go for tea, we shall go for a ride on the plains" Aragorn suggested, to which Haldir heartily accepted.
With her luggage unpacked, Lara bathed and changed into a fresh dress. She was led to a warm sunny room, with large windows. It was the Queen's sitting room, Lara gathered, from the soft tones of fabric and feminine furniture. Arwen was already pouring out the tea when Lara sat down.
"Feel better?"
"Much more refreshed, thank you your highness" Lara answered.
Arwen frowned. "Call me Arwen, we were friends as children. Everyone here calls me your highness, there's no need for titles amongst kin." Lara smiled and nodded. Arwen enthusiastically cut a slice of fruit cake for each of them and served it on the delicate china. Lara made light conversation, updating the Queen on the latest news from Lorien. They each inquired after their respective children.
"How are you settling in to being Queen?" Lara asked. She hoped the question was not too intrusive.
"It has its challenges" Arwen said thoughtfully. "There are many expectations, duties, protocols. When I feel constrained by it, I remind myself that I am not alone. That Aragorn is with me and our love is worth it."
"That's a wonderful way of thinking about it" Lara said approvingly.
"Lara, I hope I'm not being too forward. I heard from my grandmother about the loss of your baby. I am very sorry." Arwen said gently. Lara visibly stiffened. No doubt Arwen had received the news from her grandmother. She had avoided her friends and those close to her so that she wouldn't have to talk about. But she could not refuse royalty.
"I just wanted to tell you that I know it must be so lonely. What happened to you, it's unheard of for elves. No one in Lorien would really know what you went through. But, for mortal women, it is not uncommon to lose a pregnancy, even in the late stages." Arwen explained.
"Really?" Lara choked out.
"Gondor lost many healers during the war, we've not yet recovered all that knowledge. So from time to time, Aragorn and myself are called upon. Elven healing skills are rare here. I've attended many births, they are not all happy occasions. Many women have gone through what you have Lara. I just wanted you to know that."
Lara could say nothing, for all her energy was consumed in holding back her tears. The company of Queen Arwen was not the time to let loose her emotions; she was relieved when she successfully beat it back.
The two horses carrying the King and Marchwarden galloped mightily along the plains. When they finally came to a stop, both were breathless. Aragorn gestured over the vast expanse.
"We are planning to build new homes just beyond that ridge. Recovery has been steady since the war." Aragorn said proudly.
"The realm is in good hands with you Aragorn" Haldir nodded approvingly.
"Governing is not so different from being a soldier. I still do battle every day, only now it's in the council room rather than the field" Aragorn smirked. Then his expression turned serious. "I could not do it without Arwen's support. People think she is lucky to have married a King. Truth is, I am lucky one."
Haldir nodded in understanding. "How are you and your wife coping?" Aragorn asked. Haldir turned his head in surprise.
"I don't mean to pry, but I heard what happened."
Deciding that he could confide in his old comrade, Haldir nevertheless chose his words carefully. "It has been difficult. Lara suffers and she won't let me help her. She's angry at me, and has good reason to be" Haldir confessed.
Aragorn gave the elf a sympathetic look. "We soldiers make sacrifices but so do our families. Theirs is often unseen and unappreciated. Don't give up my friend. Your bond will pull you through this."
The couples reunited at the end of the day. As Haldir escorted Lara back to their rooms for the night, the King and Queen looked at each other lovingly. "I think there's still hope for them" Arwen murmured.
Several days later, the foursome were taking a stroll in the courtyard gardens. The flowers had first been planted by a Queen centuries before, each successive generation contributed their own style and preference. The result was a beautiful array of unique flowers. Lara remarked at the uniquely colored roses, carnation yellow and baby blue. Most of all, Lara found the garden peaceful. The group's light chatter was suddenly interrupted by a squire running at full speed towards them.
"Your highnesses, the head healer bid you come quickly!"
"What's happened?" Arwen asked.
"It's Carwyn, the kitchen maid, highness. Something has gone terribly wrong and the healers say there is nothing more they can do. She will surely die if you can't help" The squire said breathlessly.
Without further explanation, Arwen and Aragorn followed the servant in a sprint. Haldir and Lara followed without hesitation, hoping to be able to offer whatever assistance was required. They entered what was obviously the servant quarters of the palace, without any hesitation. Lara knew the King and Queen would help whoever needed it, servant or noble. Only when Lara burst into the room, after the rest of the group, did she realize what was happening. The scene in front of her was paralyzing. It triggered the worst memories and she found herself backing up against the wall, struggling to breathe.
Carwyn was the young woman on the bed, in a labor that was clearly going wrong. She expectant mother was screaming in agony, perspiring and breathing hard. Bloodied bandages were strewn all over the place. A young man, presumably the husband and child's father, stood anxiously at the head of the bed, begging the healer to do something, anything. The scene was all too familiar. While Lara stood frozen against the wall, the others sprang into action.
Arwen took Carwyn's hand and offered her soothing words. She then began to coach the woman to breathe slowly and steadily. Aragorn conversed urgently with the healer, the conversation seemed tense. Haldir put his arm around the young man, leading him back a few steps, so as not to worsen his wife's anxieties.
"She's been in labour for hours, no progression, and she's beginning to tire" Lara heard the healer say.
Though her peripheral vision was beginning to blur, she could see Aragorn reaching over Carwyn's pregnant belly to feel for the position of the baby.
"The child is sideways, that's why it hasn't descended into the birth canal" Aragorn's voice echoed, it sounded so distant, softer than it probably was.
"I will help you turn it" Arwen said, immediately understanding what had to be done. Together, the two applied coordinated pressure, resisting the temptation to stop as Carwyn screamed once again.
Lara closed her eyes. Was her miscarriage just as horrible? The images of her own pregnancy loss began to replay in her mind, uninvited. She felt a crushing pressure in her chest as she lost control. In the background, she could hear Haldir's voice to the young man. "You must stay calm, your wife doesn't need to see you panic. You must be her strength now, do you hear me?" The marchwarden's voice was calm and steady, and Lara tried to center herself to it. In the distance, she heard her own name.
"Lara!" The voice got louder. "Lara!" Her eyes snapped open and she saw it was Arwen calling out to her. "Lara, we need your help. This baby needs to be delivered now!"
Lara was still flattened against the wall, without ability to control her limbs. "Lara! This baby has no time!" Lara's eyes turned to Haldir. Though they said nothing to each other, she reached out to him through their bond. He provided a safe, soothing place for her. His eyes encouraged her. And finally, she was able to step away from the wall and move towards the head of the bed.
"Carwyn, I am Lara. Your baby needs to be delivered as soon as possible. You need to do exactly as His Majesty and Queen Arwen say, do you understand?"
The woman nodded silently, tears streaming down her face. Lara took Carwyn's hand and pivoted to sit at the head of the bed, propping the woman up against her. She nodded to Arwen, who now took charge at the foot of the bed.
"She's fully dilated" Arwen reported, after inspecting the birth canal.
"The head is down" Aragorn said, after checking the position of the baby again.
"Push!" Arwen ordered.
The woman bore down as hard as she could, gripping Lara's hand. In between pushes, Lara tried her best to offer Carwyn sips of water and more encouragement.
"The baby's crowning" Arwen said excitedly. "One more push Carwyn, then you'll have your baby!"
And Arwen was right, one agonizing push later, the infant slid out into her waiting hands and gave a healthy cry. When Arwen was ready, Haldir quietly encouraged the father to step towards the newborn and cut the cord. Then the infant was quickly swaddled and placed in his mother's arms. A sudden calm washed over the room. Arwen busied herself with delivering the afterbirth and cleaning up the equipment while Aragorn conversed more with the healer. Lara and Haldir stood silently, watching the new parents caress their newborn. Suddenly, Lara realized she never got the chance to hold her daughter.
A wave of grief hit Lara hard. Wordlessly, she turned and fled the room. She was shaking and she wanted to get back to her room badly. Like a hurricane, she entered her room and let the door slam shut behind her. She headed straight for the crystal container of liquor. The crystal clinked against the glass as she poured the brown liquid into a goblet. With great effort, she brought the cup to her lips and downed the whole glass. She refilled it, and then sank down to the floor while drinking the second glass. The door quietly opened and she soon saw Haldir kneeling in front of her, with worried eyes.
"Meleth, you did a good thing. That baby is alive because of you" he said, taking her hands into his and placing a kiss upon them. Lara said nothing as the tears finally began to fall. "Meleth, I know you think of our daughter now. It's alright, you can cry." And Lara did cry, she clung to Haldir as she cried, hysterically. She screamed at the unfairness. She confessed that she never got to hold her daughter. She cursed the Valars. And her husband, now on the floor with her, cradled her as she finally let herself grieve for her daughter.