Trigger warning mentions of self harm
When the day is long and the night, the night yours alone. When you're sure you've had enough of this life, hang on. Don't let yourself go. Cause everybody cries, and everybody hurts sometimes
2nd July 2019
"Well, that was good" Morgana sighed as she dumped her backpack on the ground and undid her hiking boots. "But exhausting. Man I'm knackered". She made her way to the living room and sat down on the sofa.
"Merlin's out with a friend" Hunith said with a smile. "And Amhar's being rather good. Gosh I will say, the Teletubbies have changed".
"I know" Morgana agreed as she lay down. "They have babies! It is adorable".
"I'd thought you'd say that" Hunith chuckled. "How was it?".
"Exhausting ... but brilliant!" Morgana grinned. "No one was badly lost which was a nice change, and everyone pretty much finished on time. Nice weather, except it was cold and lightly raining on Monday morning yet otherwise great".
"I'm glad" Hunith smiled. "You should go take a bath or something and relax. I'll do baby duty tonight".
"Sure" Morgana agreed. "Merlin still unsure on how to use the formula?".
Hunith laughed and nodded. "My son is so clumsy!".
"If you don't mind—I'm going to head to bed early if that's okay? I've been sleeping on the floor for two days so I'm a tad tired".
"Go for it! You look tired" Hunith replied. Morgana went to the bedroom and ran herself a hot bath, texting Merlin 'your mum's here?!' which he quickly replied to with 'needed help with the baby'. As of late Merlin had been drinking a lot and Hunith had simply confirmed her suspicions. Yet she too was drinking quite a bit, sipping away at a glass of wine as she scrolled on Mumsnet. Seeing as she was basically a parent now she could use all the advice she could get.
Merlin stumbled into the bedroom. He hasn't tended to drink much before Arthur and Gwen died yet found the bottle to be rather comforting lately. He had just been to the pub with Gwaine where they spent the evening downing some vodka shots.
"Are you drunk!" Morgana exclaimed.
"Hm maybe" Merlin chuckled as he fell into bed.
"You're gonna hate yourself in the morning" Morgana muttered.
"Jokes on me! I'll hate myself in the morning no matter what, especially without my destiny!" Merlin retorted.
"We have work! Fucking work! And unlike you I'm very grateful for this bed so shut the fuck up and sleep Anyway you do have a destiny, raising the baby with me".
"All right buttercup" Merlin sarcastically replied. "I don't see how raising a baby is a destiny".
"Shape his life, etcetera" Morgana shrugged. "Laying down foundations of life. Been a while since I did child development".
"Night then".
"Good fuckin' night" Morgana retorted as she pulled the blanket off of Merlin.
3rd July 2019
"Did we oversleep!" Merlin yelled as he checked his phone as he rolled out of bed. "OUCH THAT FUCKING HURT!".
"Shuddup" Morgana whined as she put her head under the pillow. "Too early".
"MAMA" Amhar shouted. "DADA".
"The Prince awaits" Morgana grumbled. "So go see what he wants".
"I've already done baby duty for three days, it's your turn".
"I'll have you know I've slept on the fucking floor for three days! And it's split parental rights, off you trot".
"If I just" Merlin grumbled as he rolled out of bed. Shit. 8:01. Work was due to start at 8:30. "Morgana! We have work, like soon!".
"Shit!" Morgana gasped as she began to take of her pyjamas and rummaged through the wardrobe. They ignored one another as they ran around to get changed.
"Ooh isn't it time for" Hunith said as she opened the door. While many people knew that Merlin and Morgana hated each other, Hunith wasn't exactly aware of what exactly had transpired through the duo. Merlin was stood on one side on the bed as he pulled his boxers back on while Morgana was pulling her bra straps onto her shoulders. Bare arms. Red scars marring the pale skin. "Whoops" Hunith apologised with a grimace. "I just wanted to let you know I'll take Amhar for the day, and you've got to be at work soon".
"We know, mum" Merlin replied through gritted teeth. Morgana just lay on the floor next to the bed instead, mortified to move again.
"She's gone" Merlin sighed as he buttoned his shirt up. With Merlin sat inside the drivers seat and Morgana on the passenger seat, they briefly looked at each other before they burst out laughing.
"That was awkward" Morgana laughed as Merlin began to drive towards work.
"I know" Merlin agreed. "She probably thought we were having sex instead of getting ready".
"I don't think I'll be able to look your mum in the face ever again!".
"At least you had your bra on!" Merlin exclaimed. "I can't believe she saw..".
"Your mum saw your dick?" Morgana howled. "Fucking hell...that's hilarious".
"And mortifying. At least not much well, happened".
"We have been in a rush for work" Morgana winked. "But maybe ... maybe another time?".
"What are you saying?" Merlin asked.
"That I want to give us another try" Morgana confirmed with a small smile.
"Morgana's rather well..skinny" Hunith remarked.
"Can we please not talk about this morning" Merlin groaned. Morgana was upstairs putting the baby down to bed, and Hunith was due to leave in the morning.
"I'm not" Hunith protested. "But she's definitely lost weight since the funeral. She is okay isn't she?".
"Mum, leave it" Merlin sighed. "It's obviously tough. But hey, we'll be okay".
"And you, you're drinking a lot" Hunith remarked.
"Two glasses of wine and three beers a night" Merlin shrugged.
"Which is way too much" Hunith continued. "What's going on, Merlin? I'm your mother, please tell me".
"Honestly mum" Merlin sighed. "It's been hard. So much has happened in the last eighteen months and so much has changed that it's unbelievable".
"What happened eighteen months ago?" Hunith asked.
"Let's see ... Morgana and I's memories returned".
"Oh" Hunith said flatly.
"Yes, oh" Merlin agreed. "And well, for a while things were tough. I accidentally well, 'poisoned' her, and things were shit as she then believed that I'd kill her. And then this happened so we're stuck together".
"You know what, Merlin? You need to let go of the past. Let go of it. But keep the lessons it taught you. Everything happens for a reason, but the future isn't set in stone. You can change your future".
"Thanks mum" Merlin smiled. "Rather inspirational".
4th July 2019
Merlin and Morgana sat in the car in the car park of the graveyard that Arthur and Gwen were buried at. Amhar was happily babbling away in his car seat and Dylan was interacting with the baby as he played with his toys. Nine whole years. If Arthur and Gwen were alive they would've celebrated nine years of marriage today.
They heard another car on the gravel and saw Elaine pulling up with the twins—unfolded the pushchair and strapped Amhar in as they met with the twins while Elaine waited in the car.
"What the fuck is that?" Gideon laughed as he pointed as the pushchair. They had taken Merlin's car and he had the weird looking dinosaur pushchair with teeth.
"He chose it" Morgana shrugged as she pointed at Merlin.
"It's cute!" Merlin protested.
"I think so too" Leonardo agreed. "But a tad strange". They walked through the graveyard until they found Arthur and Gwen's grave. It had been almost two months since they died and there had (unfortunately) been many more funerals so their graves were more in the middle of the graveyard now. Not that they would forget where the graves were.
They spent some time with the boys before the twins had to go home as they had homework to do, and dropped Dylan off given that he had work in the morning. With the baby in bed, Merlin and Morgana browsed through Arthur and Gwen's DVDs and debated over what to watch. It had to be a sad one—both of them were in the mood for a good cry given that today was the last full day of school—in the morning they'd have speech day and go home for lunch.
They quickly agreed on Up! as even though it was a happy Disney film, it was rather good. "Married life" soon commenced, the scene appearing with the babies in the clouds as Ellie and Carl decorated the nursery, followed by them being told devastating news in the doctors office.
"Why!" Morgana sobbed. "Why this is just like Arthur and Gwen".
"It is" Merlin cried. "Wanting a baby. Miscarriages. Finding out that something is wrong with the baby when they finally are able to have one".
"They didn't even get to grow old together" Morgana sobbed as Ellie and Carl went up the hill and Ellie collapsed before being admitted to hospital.
"This is too sad" Merlin said as he turned of the tv. Tears were streaming down his face. "Why oh why? They didn't realise they were making memories, they just knew they were having fun".
"I'm heading to bed" Morgana sighed. "You?".
"Yeah, let me just grab a beer" Merlin replied. He grabbed two beers, drinking one downstairs and then another one upstairs as he waited in bed for Morgana to finish in the bathroom.
"Merlin" she called. "Where's my razor?".
"I'm not telling you" Merlin replied as he eyed her arms. The scars were no longer bleeding yet still rather prominent.
"Why?" Morgana challenged.
"You know why" Merlin scoffed.
"Let's make a deal then" Morgana offered. "I won't if you won't".
"But Morgana..".
"You can have a half pint of beer or one glass of wine each night. Or even better, don't drink every night".
"We've both got a fucking problem, haven't we?" Merlin sighed.
"We're grieving" Morgana shrugged. "But I'm going to book myself a doctors appointment to see about antidepressants. I suggest you do the same".
A/N: Anyhoo, I gave up on trying to navigate the tumblr website so bit the bullet and got it ... I'll be back in approximately six years once I figure out how to use this new piece of technology, also if anyone is interested username is same as on here, no spaces