TRIGGER WARNINGS: The following themes are in this fic: self-harm, addiction, homophobia, abuse, abandonment, self-destructive behaviors and thoughts, suicidal thoughts. If you are not into serious angst, depression and dark fics, feel free to skip this one.
Chapter 11: Cancelled: POV Kurt
"DAD! Are you okay?! What's wrong!?" Kurt yelled into the phone, hands shaking, "Kurt, son, I'm fine. What in the world are you yelling for? I'm fine." His dad was speaking in the most soothing voice he could muster, and Kurt couldn't help but feel exhausted from the panic attack he just had. "Oh my god! I'm sorry dad. You had called me while I was in class, and I thought the worst. I'm sorry." Kurt could tell by the sigh on the other end of the phone that his father was shaking his head, "son, you have got to stop doing that. I'm going to be fine. I'm in better health than I've ever been. You need to stop worrying so much about me. I was just calling because I haven't heard from you all week, and I wanted to make sure you hadn't forgotten about your ol'man." Kurt apologized and talked to his dad for forty minutes, mainly about his classes, and tried to reassure his father that he was doing great, despite his panic attack.
Even though Kurt knew he truly wasn't doing "great". It was now Monday, and he had not heard back from the owner of the tailor shop he had interviewed with. He was starting to assume that the assault charge and the petty theft charge on his record was proving to be too burdensome for the shop owner. And at this point he was starting to become a mess, with midterms only a week or two away, and his midsemester housing payment fast approaching, he needed to find work. He didn't want his father to know how much he was struggling both in finding work and mentally. Kurt had become accustomed to self-deprecation, and now that finding a job was becoming difficult because of his past, he was falling even deeper into the fact that he was truly worthless. But he kept going to classes and held out an ounce of hope that he'd find work, and he looked forward to seeing Blaine.
As the day went, Kurt got gradually more stressed, but also got gradually more excited to see Blaine tomorrow. He was excited because even though he doesn't stand a chance at dating Blaine, or maybe even touching Blaine, Blaine always looked at him like he was worth something. Blaine looked into his soul, not his eyes. And it made him feel that little once of freedom from the self-deprecating thoughts he was perpetually haunting himself with. The excitement was quickly shattered when he received the email, and he instantly got worried. The email was from the department head of peer tutoring, stating that Blaine would be canceling his appointments for the week. Kurt ran back to his dorm, where Xander was sitting studying. "Xander, what the hell is this?" holding to his phone with the email on it, Xander looked over it and was instantly confused. "Kurt, I have no clue, especially because from everything everyone's said, he would usually never do this. I guess we'll just have to see"
Kurt was disappointed to say the least. He was hoping to have Blaine look at him like he matters, and is desired, but he just decided to instead throw himself into finding a job. And got on his computer and started looking. He had to get over Blaine anyways, because everything good in his life has ended, and everything bad in his life as continued. He never could quiet escape his past, even if he moved states, and became a new person, and he had to live with that reality, so if that meant getting a shitty job, or two to pay the bills then he would do it.