I planned to stop writing and focus on studying initially because i'm taking A Levels next year (i'm not sure what it's called in other parts of the world but it's kinda like final year college admission exam?) so that's really important for my future and i really should start revision BUT I HAVE SO MANY OTHER PLOTS IN MIND.

I wanna write about kidnappings and avalanches, and accidents and idk maybe cancer(?) and i wanna write happy endings for my Addie and my favourite couples... Do you think you guys would be interested in reading those hehe...

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;

For nothing now can ever come to any good

- Funeral Blues by W.H. Auden

Addison never asked about your plans for the child, whether you were staying with her or Meredith, in LA or Seattle, and you were grateful for the space she allowed you because frankly, you didn't know what you were going to do as well.

You wanted LA, and you wanted your baby. But your baby is Meredith's baby too, and Meredith is in Seattle. And your job's in Seattle. But Addison's in LA. You don't want to leave LA.

Addison was eager to go back to surgery to gain some form of control back in her life. The operating theatre had always been her haven, her sanctuary, where she knew what was going to happen before it happened.

Where she knew what she could do to fix things.

Despite your objection, Charlotte King had granted her that liberty.

She performed her first surgery since the shooting 6 weeks after you landed in Los Angeles. She sat on the elevated chair in the OR, and like her first solo surgery so many years ago, she looked up to you in the viewing gallery before making her first incision, the same excitement and apprehension reflected within her eyes.

She'd probably murder you if you ever said this to her, but you could see the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes and the creases on her forehead. Evidence of the life she has lived, and the hardships she has conquered. A past she has triumphed from.

The surgery was a success, and you saw relief in her eyes when she wheeled herself out of the scrub room. Determined not to break the tradition of first-successful-surgeries, you brought her to a bacon cheeseburger restaurant downtown like so many years ago, where she gleamed in happiness the whole night like she did then, munching on fries and polishing off milkshakes.

The days after, the both of you fell into a comfortable routine as she returned to work.

She started seeing patients again at Oceanside Wellness, performed her second surgery, then her third, then her fourth and soon, her schedule got back to how they used to be before everything.

You pick her up at the practice every evening after work with plans in mind.

You brought her to Santa Monica Pier and watched seagulls fly freely into the vast, orange horizon. She looked beautiful when the last bits of golden light had brightened up her face.

You brought her to the Venice Neighbourhood, and bought her hotdogs while she watched the street ballers game. She looked happy as she cheered when they scored, irregardless of whichever team it was.

You brought her to the top of Griffith Park, where the both of you had sat in silence and bathed in the lights of California's skyline. She looked wistful when she asked you,"Your baby, Girl, or Boy?"

You were content every night as you tucked her into bed and kissed her goodnight. You were grateful every morning when you awoke to her arm stretched over your stomach, hugging you in her sleep. You were happy. You are happy.

Until Seattle beckoned for your return.

Richard called you at 2am in the morning, Addison sleeping soundly by your side.

"Derek, Meredith's in labour,"

She can't. It's too early.

You were dumping possessions into a shoulder bag when she told you she was coming along.

"It's not up for debate," she had said.

Your leg refused to stop jittering during the flight, the only acceptable avenue to express your nervousness on a plane, and she had reached over to place her palm on your thigh, rubbing it gently before flashing a reassuring smile.

You and Addie find Richard once you've reached Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital.

Pre-Eclampsia. Likely caused by the lack of prenatal care. Exacerbated by the fact that Meredith was underweight during pregnancy. She's only at 6.5 months.

"I want to do the surgery," Addison had sounded when you asked which doctor was in charge.

"I'm the best shot your baby has at survival Derek, and i'm not going to let an innocent child die because of the mess the adults in her life has made,"

"Get me an elevated chair Richard, and prep Meredith for surgery. I'm scrubbing in in fifteen minutes. Tell the NICU we have a preemie on the way."

This time, she didn't make eye contact before she sliced into the belly of your baby's mother.

Katherine Shepherd came into the world at 8.13am on a Sunday, weighing a mere 5 pounds 4 ounces.

She was transported to the incubator before you had the chance to tell her to be strong, to memorise her features.

Meredith bled out on the table after Katherine was out, her blood pressure dropped scarily low, and Addison spent a full half hour fighting for her life.

Addison saved Meredith's life.

You didn't realise how difficult this must be for her. She flew across the country despite her disability indirectly caused by her ex-husband because she knew he needed comfort, fought to save the ex-girlfriend her ex-husband (also current lover) had left her for, and might leave her for after. She fought to save the life of a baby her ex-husband had with someone else, even though it meant that the baby's survival would likely lead to her loneliness.

You visit Katherine in the NICU, and she was the most beautiful baby you've ever seen. Ever.

She gripped your finger with her tiny hands and you vowed then to protect her for the rest of her life.

After, you searched the hospital for Addie to no avail. You went to see Meredith and it was obvious that Addison's disappearance was bothering you.

"Check the 3rd floor supply closet."

You found her where Meredith said she would be, and she clutched your shirt in her fists as she cried into your chest. "You have a baby..."

You bring her to see Katherine, and you're almost sure that's maternal love you see in her eyes.

You don't see her again after though, and your search for her the second time that day proved fruitless, and so you went to find the one person who knew her maybe just as well as you do, who might know where she was.

Mark hands you a letter when you ask,

She left. Again.

Not the best chapter, but ADDIE'S GONE AGAIN!!! I thought about how i wanted this story to end yesterday, and i have the perfect ending in mind, i'm probably gonna end this fic in the next chapter so STAY TUNED and REVIEW :D

Also, since Kate Walsh posted an Anne Sexton's poem on her story the other day, i'm gonna insert one of my favourites here because if Kate approves, gee i'm not gonna say no.

"...To love another is something like prayer and can't be planned, you just fall into its arms because your belief undoes your disbelief."

- Admonitions to a Special Person by Anne Sexton