Chapter 13

August 2007

Chuck looked around the halls of what was about to become his home for the next two years. Sinclair Preparatory School for Boys -- basically a fancy name for too much dick. He would have to work extra hard to get laid, something he'd always deemed a leisurely sport.

The tour guide stopped in front of a nondescript door with brass numbers above the peep hole. He opened the door and gestured for Chuck to enter. "This is your dorm, and this," he pointed to a short shrimp of a kid, "is your roommate."

The boy stepped forward and held out his hand, "Damien Dalgaard, nice to meet you."

Chuck extended his hand and grasped Damien's. He looked him up and down as though he were evaluating his worthiness. He noted the slight scent of marijuana emanating from the boy's blazer and smirked. This kid has potential, he thought, as he said, "Chuck Bass, pleasure."

XOXO

Chuck awoke with a start, soaked in his own sweat. The nightmares had haunted him for months after the incident. He had spent six months in intensive therapy sessions to come to terms with what had happened. The first dreamless sleep he had had was the night he slept with Blair. She was the light in the darkness, and her presence chased his demons away.

Something Serena had said resonated with him. He loved Blair, and he needed her in his life. But did she need him? Was it selfish to pull her in all of her radiant glory into the darkness with him?

He had to at least apologize, perhaps feel her soft skin against his lips one last time.Then, if she decided that she wanted nothing to do with him, he would honor her wishes. He could love her from afar if she was truly happy without him.

Before he could even think about talking to her, he had to pull himself together. Serena may be a self-righteous bitch, but she was right about the fact that he was wallowing in self-pity. His current state of drug-addled intoxication wasn't helping anyone, least of all Blair.

He called room service to discretely clean up his suite and get rid of all the drug paraphernalia and liquor bottles. He wished now that his father had actually followed through and made him move in with the van der Woodsens. Perhaps that would be his next step if he could get Serena to accept his presence.

XOXO

Blair was glad that Chuck was absent from third period, but she did have to face Nate. She ignored him the entire class period, but he was too quick when the bell rang. He blocked her from leaving.

"Nate, I have nothing to say to you. Let me pass."

"Look, Blair, I know that I don't deserve to even speak to you right now, but I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am. The bet was really stupid, and I never meant for it to happen. I tried to call it off, but I let my family problems override my sense of decency. I'm sorry."

"Nate, I don't know if I will ever look at you the same way. I'm not even sure if I can forgive you, but I think you've paid your penance. Now, please, just leave me alone."

"One more thing. Please talk to Chuck. There's more to the story than what you saw. He really cares about you. Just talk to him, please. He's really hurting. Give him five minutes, and then you never have to see him again if you don't believe him."

"He's hurting?!" She scoffed as she felt her anger boil in her veins.

"Blair, he was only trying to get Carter to back off…"

"I don't need to hear this," She screeched and pushed her way past him.

After school, she sat on the picnic tables outside the cafeteria, and stared at the Gossip Girl tip she had written and rewritten multiple times: Chuck Bass isn't just a lady killer, but a literal killer, as well. Damien Dalgaard's blood is on the hands of CB.

Her hand hovered over the send button for several minutes until she sighed and hit the backspace button.

I hate him so much, she told herself as tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. She desperately wanted to hurt him as badly as he had hurt her. He deserves her wrath, she reminded herself.

But this secret was next level. It wasn't high school drama and public shame; it was a life-altering scandal. It would ruin his life, not just his reputation. Could she really be responsible for inflicting that much pain on him?

At first she hadn't believed Georgina. Chuck was many things, but a killerwasn't one of them. She had never seen him act aggressively or violently toward anyone.

After doing her own research, she had discovered that Damien was Chuck's roommate at Sinclair. They seemed pretty close as far as Blair could tell, almost as close as Chuck and Nate. Damien had mysteriously died in May 2008 -- a year ago, she realized -- but the cause of death was undisclosed.

She thought about what Nate had said about there being more to the story. What possible excuse could he have for what he said. She had trusted him; he was the first boy she'd ever trusted unconditionally and he had broken her to pieces.

She felt her resolve crumbling, so she quickly opened up the Gossip Girl tab and pushed play on the horrible video. She had to remind herself who he really was.Forgiveness wasn't an option.

XOXO

Serena couldn't believe her luck when she stepped out of the school building on Monday. There sat Blair in all of her perfection. Red lips, beautifully coiffed hair, headband in place like a crown. This was the Blair Waldorf she knew and loved.

"B, I've been trying to reach you for days…" She said as she approached the brunette.

"Sorry I haven't been in the mood for your I-told-you-so lecture," Blair didn't bother looking at her.

A look of hurt crossed Serena's eyes, and she sat down beside her friend, "I would never do that to you. You were hurting, and I wanted to be there for you."

"I'm not hurting, Serena. I'm angry. There's no fury like a Blair Waldorf scorned. Everyone will pay. Most already have," She smirked.

"Listen, B, I saw Chuck before the video at the dance, and a few days later. I think Georgina only showed the part that she wanted you to see. He's a mess. He told me some things that I think are better coming from him, but you need to hear him out." Serena knew that saying all of this to Blair, now, when she was still so angry, was a risk. But it was a necessary risk. Having the two of them speak face to face might be the only way to fix this disaster.

Blair turned away from her. It was the same thing that Nate had told her a few hours earlier. "I have to go," She stood abruptly and walked away.

XOXO

"Dorota, I need my cell phone. Now!" Blair yelled as she marched off the elevator.

"But, Miss Blair, you say…"

"No buts, Dorota. I said now!"

As soon as the phone was in hand, she shakily pressed play to hear each of the voicemails from her friends. She rolled her eyes at her mother's and Carter's messages, but she froze when each of Chuck's desperate pleas carried across the speaker. He sounded broken, and her frozen heart began to melt once more.

XOXO

Chuck had just dressed for the first time in a week, when his cell phone chimed. He ignored it as he adjusted his bow tie. No one worth his time would be contacting him now. He had an appointment with Dr. Sherwood. He finally realized that therapy was the only productive and healthy way to deal with all of his baggage. He was so used to self-medicating that he had never realized how effective his therapy sessions actually were.

After therapy, and with a clear head, he started in the direction of his limo. He had decided that now was the time to go to the van der Woodsen home to plead his case to Serena. He needed to be surrounded by people who could hold him accountable.

As he slid into the limo, he remembered the notification from earlier. He pulled out his phone and almost dropped it in shock at the words blazing across the screen.

Blair 4:13 pm: I need to talk to you. My place, 7 pm.

His hands trembled so badly that he could barely raise his sleeve to check his watch. 6:37 pm. Shit. "Change of destination, Arthur. The Waldorf Penthouse. Now."