Two weeks. The case was making her exhausted, she had been spending the previous days at the bureau until late night hoping they could find something, but ending up just with messing her sleep schedule. She hadn't talked to Cal about what happened at her apartment, not even once, never a mention. It had started and ended in her house, following the first rule they had ever made, no talking, no feelings. She missed him, every single day, not just for the sex, to be honest it had never been just sex with him. She missed his kisses, his cuddles, holding his hand , his hugs, everything. After the first days she started to feel the need to be closer to him again, this time not seeking his body just for arousal, but needing to feel personal contact and intimacy.
To their lucky the case had moved forward, they felt like the answer was getting every time nearer and clearer. They had found a man who was experimenting some sort of drug that made rats extremely violent and he had told them that one of his colleagues had tried to test it on humans too. Maybe that was what happened to her, she got exposed to that drug and now she couldn't remember anything. She felt her eyes being stuck by the vision of the animals in their cages, almost hypnotized, she had to take some air or she would have panicked.
She searched for the exit but her eyes found a picture on the wall. She quickly looked at every people in it, her eyes almost moving without her consent. She felt her heart stop as soon as she saw him: Doctor Odwale, Flynn's therapist. Her son was in danger and no one knew it, he was in danger because of her, if she had never disappeared, he wouldn't have needed a therapist. Soon her feet moved, her breath stuck in her lungs and the hallway with glass windows and rooftop didn't help. The sound of the pouring rain reminded her of the water tank, she felt herself drowning, hurt by something that cut both her arms and a great amount of blood on her. She looked at her arms stepping backwards but her brain couldn't analyze the reality, she saw her arms bleeding as she let herself fell down against the wall and sat on the floor. She tried to calm her breath, not really succeeding in it, but trying to find a bond with reality. She saw someone coming for her and taking her hands, she tried to push him away but he didn't care, he trapped her hands between his own and she closed her eyes scared, trying to breathe.
"Emily you're ok you've got this" it wasn't the voice of a stranger, it was Cal.
She opened ger eyes, finding his face close to hers and one of her hands found his beard, stroking it softly as he kissed her other one. She looked up into his green eyes and she felt her heart ache for the mixed feelings she got.
"Shh, you're ok" he kept shushing, slowly caressing her face, wiping away the tears that were flowing down her cheeks.
He had never seen her like that. It clearly was a panic attack and he wanted to help her as much as he could, even though she looked like she was definitely able to manage it. It must be terrible, he knew it was.
"Breathe" he repeated as he took deep breaths too, hoping she would mimic him.
"He had Flynn... he had Flynn, he had Flynn all this time" she cried, caressing his beard slowly and looking at him, she was glad he was there.
"Who had Flynn?" he asked calmly, seeing her panic.
"Odwale had Flynn" she let her tears flow on her cheeks again as she looked at him.
She didn't like people to see her vulnerable part, she had always wanted to seem strong, but it was Cal and she trusted him. There was no need to fake with him, if their relationship would have started again she wanted it to be real and trustful, something important and true. In that way he would have still been able to run away from her mess before they even got together.
It made him feel so useless seeing her like that, he didn't know what to do to make her feel better. He didn't have a son, he wasn't a parent, he'd like to be one but now he couldn't even imagine how hurt she was. He knew Flynn was the most important person in her life and he was sure nothing could hurt her more than knowing her own son was in danger, he really wanted to be able to make her feel better but he knew she would have been only by seeing Flynn.
"Come on Em, can you walk?" he asked, seeing her catch one last breath and nodding.
"Can you stand up?" he got up, leaving a small and soft kiss on her head, something he didn't have to do, but it felt normal.
"I got it, I got it" she answered getting up as he helped her.
She had to talk with both Nick and Alice,letting them know what she found out so they could remove Flynn from therapy, but she didn't want to raise suspects; plus, she needed to see her son or just call him to know if he was ok.
She asked Cal to go back at the bureau to add the new informations to their case and find every single person in that picture, they might both be involved or have informations about the researches doctor Odwale was making. Emily headed towards the psychologist's study, calling Flyynn in the meantime since he had just come out of school, he was ok. The call with Nick was definitely longer, she explained what they found out and after a first shock he told her that he would have informed Alice when he could. She didn't know if he just didn't really wanted to talk with her or he didn't want to bother her if she was at work, since she was always in a rush working at the hospital.
Her relationship with Alice had been hostile for some months, but after all she was a good woman, she had been taking care of Flynn when she was taken and she was like a second mother to him, maybe even the first one. She had been jealous of her relationship with her son at the beginning but they both wanted his happiness, so it was useless to fight or act like kids.
Arriving at Doctor Odwale's studio, she told him she just wanted to ask some simple questions hoping she wouldn't raise any suspect on her or her family. She specifically named project Quill, telling him they were just investigating in it and he was on a list of colleagues that one of their suspect had been working with. Unfortunately that man acted strangely around her so she could't really tell if he was being honest or suspicious; he even offered her a glass of water, she wouldn't have drunken it even if it had been the last glass of water available in the whole universe. She had never really trusted him and now, knowing he might have been personally involved some kind of scientific experiments on humans made her sick and even more suspicious. It looked like he didn't have anything to hide, or at least that's what he wanted her to believe; she knew he was involved, she just had to find enough evidence to prove it. She decided to play the good cop part, for now, but it didn't work. Leaving his office she started to think how to enter the other role without doing something illegal that could either get her fired or add another thing she was guilty of to her folder.
She got to talk with his secretary, asking for a fake appointment and she had learnt about a private practice he worked in every Wednesday. She didn't know if it was just a cover or not but it was the same base where one of her suspects, Rex Wolfe, was stationed at before his deployment. Everything seemed to fit just right, but she didn't have any real proof.
She felt like once she solved one of her problems, another one was already there to remind her that her life was a mess. Solved the problem of informing Nick about the situation and talking to Odwale, there he was, Cal, on her desk. He obviously was working on the case, she actually had been the one asking him to do it, but it was just another excuse to get him far from her to ignore what happened an hour before.
If there was one thing that Cal Isaac had learnt in the past months was to never talk to Emily about personal stuff when she was at work, not only she would have avoided the conversation, she also would have gotten either mad or sad for the whole day. She was really private and always overwhelmed by emotions when something touched her personally and he didn't want to make her panic even more. He knew what it felt like, he hated people talking with him too when he was still struggling with PTSD and pressuring him was the worst thing someone could do. He showed his support by investigating alongside her and supporting her decisions, giving her an objective eye on the whole situation. He could bet she had something in her mind but he didn't want to ask her.
He tried to talk to her about the case, showing her the folder he found but she seemed lost, looking at her computer screen. She had found some papers that doctor Odwale wrote that connected him to the case Tommy was looking into. Everything kept looking clearer and messier at the same time. Knowing the two cases were now strictly related scared the hell out of her; now everything they found could have been connected to her too. They needed a list of people who worked there or some patients, anything.
They decided to go to Catalyst Diagnostics personally to see if some of their names were reported in it, and to their lucky they were. As their eyes scrolled the paper the case started getting clearer for the first time in months; the only thing she didn't understand was why the hell he had to stay so close to her! Couldn't he just look at the paper by standing by her side? Did he really have to look at it from behind her? She had to fight against the need to lay her back against his chest as her breath got stuck in her lungs, she had to calm down.
As the elevator's doors opened she spotted Alice, she might have been on her lunch break but what was she doing there?
"Emily, what are you doing here?" she greeted her.
"I'm investigating something, did Nick told you?" she asked, as she said she didn't want to hid her anything.
"He did but he wasn't specific about it, is everything ok?" her words were interrupted by the ringtone of her phone.
Alice took it out of her bag and looked at the Name appearing on the screen, she couldn't answer now.
"Do you have to get that?" Emily asked confused, looking how she was staring at the screen.
"No, what's happening?" Alice asked again.
"We're investigating Doctor Odwale, we don't really know if he's guilty or not but we just wanted to interrupt Flynn's therapy just in case" she explained, even though she knew he was guilty of something, she could feel it.
"Oh God, that's terrible" she answered.
"I know you two know each other so I need to ask you if he had ever been strange or did something bad when you worked for him" Emily asked.
"No he had never... he never would, I really admire him" Alice pointed out.
"Ok, we have a lead that we hope it could get us somewhere, if I find anything related to Flynn I'll let you know" Emily said as she got away from her.
"Ok, thanks" she answered.
"Alice, thank you for every you're doing with Flynn" she felt the need to tell her.
"Thanks" she answered getting away.
Returning to the bureau she had to share the car ride with Cal, a really silent car ride that led them to check the last things of the day about the case and head back home. They had been working so good at keeping everything impersonal and formal between them and she had fucked everything up by panicking, sometimes she hated her PTSD more than ever. A good night sleep might have made her feel way better, she thought.
It actually worked, for an hour, then she entered the bureau and just by seeing him she felt her heart race, why was he always around? Was her previous partner that much around her too? And why did he have to look that good in a suit? Did he have like his whole wardrobe made of suits? Was it even a problem? He looked good in everything. She had to recollect her thoughts, she needed a favor from him. Emily asked him to slow play the interrogation he had to make to Odwale so Nick could check his office for evidence, it wasn't that legal but he was the only person she could ask to. Obviously he accepted, if he had been available to help her by hiding whatever they found about her with the consequence of lose his work if any of them went public, he surely would accept to slow down an interrogation.
In fact he did, and that gave time not only to Nick to check his office but to her to enter doctor Odwale's house and set her plan. She had tried to get evidences playing good cop and it didn't work, now she was tired. She waited for him to come home and she tied him up to a chair, torturing him with a tear gas he thought was mortal and punching him. He admitted he killed Tommy and she slapped him harder. Then his words hit her, he said she was his patient zero, the one connected to all the victims, they were injected with her blood and a question filled her mind. Was Flynn injected too? He didn't answer, on the other hand Cal and Nick arrived to take her away before she could do anything stupid. Suddenly outside something exploded and then they heard a gunshot. Going back into the house, they found him dead, now all her proves went to hell.
"Emily" Cal tried to stop her, taking her arm and talking with her in a private corner of the room.
"Let me go" she said pulling her arm out of his grip.
"What the fuck do you think you were doing?" he asked shocked.
"Saving my son and closing our damn case" she snapped back.
"You're just messing it up! You were torturing him and now he is dead. We know it wasn't you because you were lucky enough we entered the room and saw him alive, but what if we never came?" he asked, she legit could have been accused of murder.
"If you didn't come he would have been alive and the case would have been closed. I needed to know what he did with my son Cal, you're not a parent, you don't know what it feels like!" she just wanted to protect her kid, even if it would have meant going to prison.
She wanted to close the case to see if her and Cal still had a chance together, but at the same time her son was way more important than him, and he couldn't blame her.
"You're right, I don't. I'm just saying you were lucky, but I don't think your behavior won't have consequences and we can't cover all this Em" he explained.
She had to find the person behind the murder and she would have done it with or without her job, her son was too important.