Please note: I have no intentions of making light of mental illness or suicide. If you struggle with either of those things and you find this story upsetting, I am more sorry than words can say. I respect that some may find this conclusion disturbing. I thought long and hard about having it happen some other way, but this is what I kept returning to. Please seek help if this ending prompts you to experience harmful thoughts or feelings. Please understand this is JUST a work of fiction.
This story was never meant to contain a happily ever after. I respect the canon and I never intended to alter Fred's character or status, which is why I chose a point in his past which is relatively obscure (according to the research I did. I apologize if there's anything I missed). I will come back to this point.
That being said, from the very beginning, I always planned for Khae to die. I know, I'm heartless. But it was part of the original idea which took form. Khae is a troubled and hurting character. I hope I was able to depict this adequately. I didn't know how she would die from the get go, but I knew she would, and the further I developed her, the more certain I became that this was the way it would happen. She's in pain, she's lost so much – her family, her home, her dignity (ahem, I'm now noticing a theme with my tendencies towards my OCs…) – and along comes a guy who looks at her and sees none of those things. He doesn't pity her, doesn't look down on her. He also doesn't have the first clue about social interaction, he's somehow a trained soldier and yet naïve about life, and her opinion of him actually means something to him. She's drawn to that like a moth to a flame. She just wants to feel safe and warm and cherished. Just one final time.
Returning to how this all affects Fred's history and the character he is in more recent lore – I felt having this experience occur in his mid-twenties would both be shaping but also not change too much anyone's perception of him in the now. He's still relatively young, still somewhat impressionable when it comes to human interaction, and not as 'hardened', if you will, as I believe he might be later on in life. He's seen some shit at this point, but he hasn't seen ALL THE SHIT. He's less experienced, still learning what it means to be THE soldier, not simply A soldier, and he hasn't at this point (in my humble opinion) had time to come across too many people who see him as just a guy rather than the freakishly big dude inside the crazy armor (aka a Spartan). He doesn't want to let anyone down, least of all his teammates, but that need to uphold expectations goes hand in hand with an intense desire to be needed, to be appreciated, to be enough without all the constant striving for perfection, and Khae almost immediately assigns him that role. She doesn't have expectations, she just wants to be with him. So while they struggle to make it work at first, it just made sense to me that the characters complimented each other. And even though I think her death would profoundly affect him because he's never experienced loss associated with romantic feelings for another before this, I also believe that it wouldn't fundamentally change him to the point where he'd be dysfunctional. I see it as more of an explanation for why a comparatively warm and relatable Spartan might not have entertained notions of opening himself up to any (known) such relationship (until Veta Lopis). Fred is not John or Linda. He's described as charismatic and deeply emotional when it comes to losing those who serve with or under him. And I struggle to imagine a guy of that character going forty-some odd years without rubbing shoulders with SOMEONE who he might develop deeper feelings for. Hence, this story.
I hope these ramblings have shed some light on my thought process and why everything went down the way it did. I don't normally feel the need to justify my writing, but as this story contains sensitive subject matter, it felt prudent to address that.
As always, thank you to those who have reviewed.