Sesshomaru scowled at the can of Strong Zero that Miroku placed in his hand, "half the calories of beer, but double the punch." One of mother's many men had come to take his Lady for her dinner and nightly bath.

She would be returned to him tomorrow morning after her breakfast, which was fine by him.

"You don't have to look so abused," Sango said as she pulled Uno cards from her bag. Apparently, Uno made it easier to get emotional. He was content to watch and no one pestered him.

InuYasha didn't take to losing very well. He threw his handful of cards in unrestrained frustration, "I'm always losing this stupid fucking game!"

Sesshomaru was about halfway through his can, only remembering to drink it when Sango pulled it from its place between his thighs and offered it up, but the world was warped.

Kagura would laugh that he was a lightweight.

"The only game that doesn't make you angry is checkers." Sango noted, "and that's still up in the air."

InuYasha crushed his third beer can between his fingers, aggressive in a way that was wholly unnecessary. He wondered if Takeda thought InuYasha to be manly. Would he do him the basic courtesy of worrying about them being alone together or did the long hair and nail polish absolve him of his attraction to women?

"Care to join our circle?" Sango pulled the can from between his thighs, trying to lead him onto the floor with the others. Kagome was moving to flip off the lights, leaving them with the stars as their guide.

He didn't answer her, but he carefully slid onto the ground, waiting for someone to say something.

"I'll start," Kagome said finally. It was like a seal snapped and her usual cheer turned to frustration, "Kikyo is impossible!" Her upset bled out of her in an overwhelmed groan of disbelief, "nothing I do is good enough for her! I told her at three am this morning that I wouldn't be able to help her today! And, yeah, I know it's my responsibility to put her first, but Kohaku could have died." He could hear her sniffling, "I want to do a good job, but she acts like her grades are more important than people's lives."

To be fair, without perfect grades and a dedicated Little she would likely have trouble getting into Medical school on a scholarship. Kikyo wasn't kind and she didn't believe in failure or weakness, it was why she hadn't wanted to take anyone on to begin with.

The three of them were better off alone, yet they'd found comradery in other people who were better off alone.

"At least you know who you're going to be," InuYasha was a person away, but Sesshomaru couldn't see him in the dark. "I'm so trapped in dad's web that I don't even know if I'll ever be able to see my mom again. He's all but forbidden me from speaking to her until I choose a career path that's 'worthy of my bloodline'."

Sesshomaru felt a bit rotten. He knew as well as anyone else that he was one of the main people that delighted in reminding InuYasha that he didn't belong there. How often did he refuse to speak English even in moments when InuYasha was clearly at a loss?

Did he or did he not think terrible things, on the regular, about his own brother and the broad that bore him?

Yet these people sat in the dark with him. Trusting him. And he could only wonder how stupid they could be? Was it not clear that he was venomous?

"Meanwhile I'm supposed to be embracing a family that -at their kindest- considers me an impolite imbecile. I've got no idea what I should be doing or if I even want to do it. At least the kids in America were blunt, y'know? Here I just get yelled at for not knowing all the rules- but no one is willing to teach me!"

"There's no reason for you to adhere to anyone else's rules," Miroku said gently, "you're not fully Japanese and you're not fully American. You should do what makes you happiest."

Sesshomaru could hear InuYasha sniff, just once, and then blow his nose into -hopefully- an offered tissue, "I just want to have a place in a family that doesn't resent me for something I had no say in. And my only shot at that is playing by some set of rules I have no access to. Isn't that right, Sesshomaru?"

He didn't know he was supposed to be replying to people and so he was wholly unprepared to say more than, "you have access to the rules. You made it clear you had no interest in learning."

And he had! He'd yelled at Sesshomaru twice in a single day, both in response to his trying to help the stupid whelp, and it had been more than enough. He was hardly in the business of helping people at all.

If InuYasha would reject his generosity then he wouldn't chase him with it.

"Why would anyone want to learn anything from someone with their head so far up their own ass they don't even realize their shit stinks?"

"The same reason someone would go out of their way to help a stranger who was notorious for belittling and disregarding his very culture."

The answer to both scenarios was simple. There was no such reason. No one was willing to be belittled or bullied and it was glaringly obvious that they'd both been wrong.

Sesshomaru took a mouthful from his can. Alcohol really was a depressant.

"Sorry." He hadn't expected to be the first one to apologize, but he figured it was only right. Technically, he was older. He was supposed to be more mature, "I still don't think you're very smart, but you're earnest and loyal and that's," more than Sesshomaru would ever be? "Worth a lot."

There was some rustling, the shifting of clothes and bodies, and he nearly jumped six feet when two arms went around his shoulder.

He hissed a startled, "shit," which earned him a couple of chuckles at his expense.

"I don't hate Japan, I'm just not used to so many rules."

Sesshomaru patted his back a bit, stiff and uncomfortable and wishing to be set free. This was all becoming very overwhelming and he hated the feelings swirling within him. Like he was an imposter.

"Do you want to say something?"

Why did Sango seem to continually and incorrectly assume he was capable of bearing his soul the way they were?

"I am… overwhelmed. I'd like to leave."

It was as honest as he could be.

Someone shined their phone light, offering him a clear path out of their tangle of limbs and cans. He focused his energy on caring for himself.

Even if it was girly.

He plucked his eyebrows, vicious in the face of the brave rebels that dared to defy perfection, and rid himself of the patchy stubble that grew along his jaw. He exfoliated his skin until it was red and soothed the irritation with sweet smelling oils.

Smelling nice would not make him any less deserving of Sango's affections. No, there were real reasons why she should avoid him. There was the fact that he'd been dishonest and there was also the fact that he'd always be dishonest.

He climbed into bed, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes in an effort to beat back the mounting discontent that rolled within him like waves.

"Do your magic, girl." The sound of soft feet padding across the floor towards him was accompanied by the familiar jingle of a collar. Soon she'd be gone too. His Lady's oppressive presence did little to soothe his turmoil, but the sensation of not being alone…

It was helpful.

"The boys are going to sleep in the living room with Kagome and I tonight," the bed dipped under Sango's weight as she pressed her cheek to his shoulder.

It would seem that she didn't expect much from him, "I guess it was a bit of an ambitious goal to think you liked any of us enough to just… open up. I'm sorry. It was a bit inconsiderate."

Everything inside of him cracked in half when she kissed his temple. He wound his arm around his Lady, trying to hold it all together, but failing so desperately it was sad.

"Could you leave." It came out so evenly it nearly fooled him as well.

Her hand left his hair and she was gone without a word. He was grateful for that.

But without a witness the pieces all came crashing down, falling around him like debris and he was finally able to face the hot ribbons of grief that stung his eyes and soaked into his pillow.

oOo

Takeda san had called Sesshomaru girly, yet -when Kohaku admitted to feeling inhuman and beastly- it was Sesshomaru with the solution.

He hid the dark circles beneath a liberal layer of concealer and brightened his cheeks with a conservative blush he'd bought for Sango. Kohaku required a bit more attention than most people, but by the time Sesshomaru had finished he was expressing his undying thanks.

"Sometimes, a little makeup can make you feel more human." Sesshomaru watched with shit eating delight as Takeda glanced at the floor tile.

"Dad! You should let Sesshomaru do your makeup!" Kohaku was beaming at his reflection, smiling brilliantly for the first time in a long while.

That evil little smirk widened as he waited to hear what kind of excuse would be made. Or would he bite the bullet?

"Oh!" The distractibility of youth was his least favorite thing about them, "do you have any special tricks to keep my hair from falling out?"

Regrettably, he did not. Radiation therapy had done a number on the brittle mass, leaving him with balding patches.

"Sorry." He focused on something other than the disappointment that swirled in eyes that were just like Sango's. "You'll probably have to shave it, but we can definitely find you some cute hats or a nice wig. Whatever you want."

"What do they wear in Tokyo?" Kohaku would be moved to a rehabilitation center in the capital. Once he was well enough for surgery they'd go from there, but proper funding was likely going to go a long way towards undoing the damage.

"Anything you want. People aren't so concerned with each other or what they wear."

Sesshomaru was supposed to be bonding with Sango's family, taking a few pictures for the hospital's website, and then taking Kohaku to the breeder to meet up with his family.

But there was only one person on his mind.

"So, between you and I." Kohaku leaned in close, "are you in love with my sister?"

Sesshomaru felt heat crawl along his skin, spreading like flames along dead branches and gasoline.

"I don't see how it matters either way."

Kohaku shrugged, careful of his IV, "well, I guess it doesn't. I just thought you'd like to know she thinks you're a womanizer." Sesshomaru balked, trying to look uninterested despite being terribly interested, "anyways. I'll pass my findings along." He grinned, evil as could be, "Let's go. I'm tired of being in this hospital."

oOo

Womanizer. Sesshomaru? How.

He was dazed all the way to the breeder, trying to connect the pieces of a blank puzzle. Womanizer.

"Why do I have to come with you to get a dog?" Kohaku asked. He'd been ignored for too long for his liking and now he was insisting upon pestering Sesshomaru.

"Because you're still on suicide watch."

In what world was he a flirt- let alone a womanizer? He hadn't thought about another woman since she kissed him and left him high and dry a month ago.

She should had the quads of a fucking Lion with the way she ran through his mind and she had the audacity to consider him to be a womanizer? He couldn't even flirt with her.

"You're really hung up on that womanizer comment."

"Because it doesn't make sense." Which was true. It didn't make an ounce of sense. How could stare-until-they-love-me Sesshomaru be considered anything other than awkward and deranged?

Kohaku smirked at him, "well if it makes no sense then you should let it go? What's it matter if she's wrong about you? You shouldn't care."

Being suicidal sure made people bold.

"Okay. For the sake of argument, let's say I care. Where'd she get something like that?"

"Some picture you sent her. She wouldn't show me."

Once again praising his smart purchase -the privacy screen proved to be endlessly useful- he went flipping through the old thread, watching endless and senseless conversations roll by.

Then he considered snapping his phone in half.

One of Kagura's breasts were in his hand, filling his palm and spilling from between his fingers. It was a photo taken from a mirror, meaning they'd gone into a one man bathroom together.

There were no complaints of discomfort from Kagura, so he was pretty sure he hadn't done anything too heinous, but the fact that he'd sent her-

And she had referenced it the day that he'd been fighting the urge to chuck himself out the window, but then he'd done more cocaine and he'd forgotten.

He'd forgotten that he'd sent the woman he was infatuated with soft core porn.

The kid took the phone from his hand before Sesshomaru could stop him and even though he snatched it back, the damage was done. Kohaku dropped his feeble fists upon Sesshomaru's chest and shoulders, heedless of the desperate breaths he struggled against.

"No wonder she was so angry! You're disgusting."

"Will you calm down. I'm not dating anyone so I've technically done nothing wrong, but…I'm deleting it. And I will properly apologize later."

These Coke Queen Benders were becoming more and more risky as time went on. The fact that she didn't drop him and move on was… phenomenal.

And how 'pent up' did he have to be to touch Kagura? There were a million people without Chlamydia or whatever other whore disease she was always getting treated.

For him to be so desperate that he would touch any inch of that girl was worrying.

"What about your recently deleted?"

Sesshomaru paused, "my what?"

"Give me your phone and I'll show you."

He would be doing no such thing. There wasn't a being -dead or alive- that knew what lived in the recently deleted and they wouldn't find out today.

The Gods only knew how far back those photos went. Especially since -when he was bored and back in his childhood home- he had a tendency to admire himself in all his own glory.

Some would call those nudes. He called it a phallic self analysis. And why shouldn't he? He worked day in and day out to make sure he looked good from all angles. If no one else was going to admire him then he had to.

He could have kissed the driver when he hopped out of the car.

Pick a dog, spend some time with his family, head home and never have to deal with a shrewd, suicidal teenager again. It was a perfect plan.

Or it would have been.

"I fear your darling girlfriend may demand all four of those puppies," mother said with a giggle. She led him to the barn, whispering for him to sneak.

What a blessing.

Sango was sitting with all four pups on her lap, knocking her over with their paws, licking her face, and snuggling into her with a recklessness that could only be found in creatures made of sunlight.

"Not my girlfriend." He said absently, but he couldn't deny the giddiness that flooded him when Sango turned that megawatt smile upon him. "Where is grandmother?"

He couldn't help, but wonder if she'd approve.

"She sent Sango in her stead."

His happiness dimmed significantly. How was he supposed to do anything at all with his grandmother around?

Who would tell his mother he was certainly allowed four dogs? Because there was no way Sango was leaving with just one. He could see it in her eyes.

"Don't make that face, grammy needs her rest if she's going to make it to your wedding."

That was looking less and less likely.

"Okay, I know you're supposed to be choosing." He wondered if she was actively trying to steal his heart? Why was she straining under the weight of three puppies? The other followed at her heels, begging to be held as well, "but… I was talking to them while I waited for you."

"Oh? And what was said?"

She passed off two of the dogs and went for the one at her feet, "they all wanna come."

"Heavens no. Four dogs is far too many for anyone." Mother was far gentler with Sango, speaking to her as if she were an angel and not some girl she'd met a day ago, "there'd be no room in your bed by December- even if you were in separate beds."

"Hiriko san!" Sango glanced between the two, her expression just as painfully uncomfortable as his own, "Sesshomaru and I are just friends."

He watched in dismay as she placed the pups on the ground and rushed far away from his embarrassing mother.

"This is why I'm single."

She put her hands on her hips, "excuse you! That was your cue! You were supposed to put your arm around her, roll your eyes, and say 'it's hardly any of your business'. Honestly! What kind of kuu-dere are you?"

Kuu-dere? Sometimes his mother seemed to embrace her disconnect from reality. This was one of those times, "you can't expect me to act out your deluded fantasies."

"I'm never having grandchildren."

She watched him as he toyed with each puppy, rubbing bellies and flipping their ears. Each of them was amicable, fluffy and friendly. He was torn between two by the end of it all and his mother, unhelpful as ever, suggested that he ask Sango her opinion.

He was not a fan of her meddling, but he did want Sango's opinion.

Neither of them were like Lady Floof. He hadn't wanted to feel like he was replacing her and so he was torn between her opposites. They were rambunctious and vocal, free spirited and easy going.

There was no doubt in his mind that he would love either one of them, but with that realization came the dreaded reality that one would be left behind. And how could he be the one to break their hearts? How could he not fight for them both?

"Mother-,"

"Not on your life, my darling."

An injustice. If grandmother were there he'd have all four.

He took the pups in his arms, strolling over to Sango with a look of contemplation tugging at his features.

The one on the left was heavier -which would make it harder for Sango to hold- but the one on the right seemed a bit sleepier.

"Sango, mother is being vicious again and forcing me to choose one. Which one catches your eye?"

Upon looking away from the dogs, he realized that her attention had long since strayed south. And his phone was in Kohaku's hands.

"Your coincidental passcode is peculiar." He said, handing the phone back, "you'll have to teach me how to shave everything so nicely. Dad doesn't even trim it. It's just a …" he rolled his wrists as he imitated a bush.

Sesshomaru considered ramming his head into the dirt and freeing himself from his earthly attachments. What was the point?

"So let me make sure I understand. You stole my phone, guessed the password, dug through the very folder I refused to let you into, and then showed whatever horrors you found to Sango."

Kohaku nodded, "had to make sure you weren't cheating on my sister anymore." Sesshomaru was at a momentary loss and Sango's smoldering gaze was making his pants feel tight.

"Firstly, my eyes are about three feet upwards. Hold a puppy, get some water, get it together."

Sango's gaze snapped upwards and her cheeks colored, but it was far too late for that bashful act. She had not managed to spare him a moment's attention, instead choosing to ogle him- as if she could will his jeans into transparency.

"Secondly, I'm not dating anyone." He used his spare hand to crack it over the boy's skull, "respect people's privacy!"

He was considering smacking him again when Sango turned those smoldering eyes back on him. The melty chocolate was bad enough, but he didn't think he could keep restarting his heart.

Whatever perverse thoughts were going through her mind were bleeding into her gaze.

"Maru are you sure we can't get both?"

He felt like prey and his jeans weren't loose enough for her to keep staring him down.

"M-mother says no."

She pouted prettily and he'd never felt like such a monster, "I understand."

"Have you chosen a puppy?" His mother approached with a pleasant smile, steeled against his charms, but blown away by Sango's.

"She won't leave without the two of them." He said slyly. His arm fell along Sango's shoulder, placing a chaste kiss to her temple in an affectionate display that set off wedding bells in his mother's eyes.

There would be no doubt that she would scold him for letting her get caught up in Sango's blinding charm.

"I can deny my girl nothing." She sighed, melodramatic until the very end. He wanted to wonder when Sango had become 'her girl', but found he didn't have the energy to care.

He had too much to consider.

oOo

A.N./:: might get the next chapter up tonight. Saturdays are such a good day for reading Fanfiction and REVIEWING IT.