Note; I snuck my own genshin impact character in there because I have honeslty no idea, what any of the Childe's family names are and I didn't really feel like making them up and creating a whole new different personalities for them, so if you're bothered by that I'm sorry but she probably won't appear outside of this and MAYBE the next chapter 🙏

Several days have passed since I regained my physical power and left the infirmary bed, however for some reason the four of us still didn't leave Sneznhaya, partially because of Venti's goal of trying out various strong alcohols here - fire-water included - and partially because of Paimon's journey throughout the new foods that were traditional to the area. Zhongli didn't mind staying and waiting for them to get ready to leave, but I didn't know what he was busying himself with most of the time, and I was just following Venti and Paimon around. Childe on the other hand... He seemed distant. They came here together, but apparently ever since he woke up - he started avoiding any contact, so obviously, I haven't seen him since the day I was 'rescued' and it would be a lie to say I wasn't bothered by it. I knew he was nearby, but whenever I saw him somewhere and he acknowledged my presence, he left the spot as soon as he could. It didn't take long to realize he was avoiding me, but I still couldn't figure, why he would do that.

I sighed looking out the window of a large dining hall, waiting for anemo archon and a small pixie to finish the meal we were given, I somehow didn't share their appetite.

"Something the matter?" I heard from across the table. Looking upon Signora I could see that she was starting to be bothered by the noisy duo, but still stayed in the room for whatever reason. Unlike the other harbingers, she almost never seemed to leave the palace - spending as much time with Tsaritsa as she could. It was kind of formidable how much she looked up to the archon.

"I was wondering, what is fatui up to really..." I answered still looking out the window, purposefully generalizing the question as to not let it be known that I was actually concerned only about one particular member of the organizations' whereabouts.

"If you're concerned about Childe then he's currently staying at his family house." She said as if reading my mind. "He also volunteered to take over Dottore's abyss inter gathering task after Tsaritsa told him about the whole ordeal with you and your brother. I've heard rumors about him being familiar with the abyss, but I didn't know he was so eager to go back there." She said taking a sip of the tea. Childe was familiar with the abyss she said. Somehow it made me wonder about how little I knew about this man. I never asked for the reasons behind his actions or his past... I somehow pushed aside the thought of wanting to try to learn more about it - as if I was actually scared that it would make me trust him and then I started to realize how ignorant I was. I never looked at the situation from his point of view. I assumed he was evil even though he showed me his kind side multiple times and tried to stop myself from trusting him even though my instinct was telling me that he wasn't dangerous in fact. I never felt the sudden need to run away or be on full guard when I was around him. I was always prepared for him to attack, but he never actually did that unless he was forced to, but then again he kept going about how much he loved the idea of fighting me again... This man was full of contradictions and that I never even intended to solve, even though maybe they would make a lot of things clear.

"He's at his family home now..." I thought reminding myself and looked at the blonde-haired lady that was still calmly sipping her tea with closed eyes. "Do you know, where his home is?" I asked her to which she raised an eyebrow, clearly not expecting such a question.

"Fatui have a very strict privacy policy. I don't know anything about his outside life, but why?" She asked looking clearly confused. I was a bit shocked to hear that because it would mean that if something happened to him during work, there would be no one to inform his family... "If you really need it, you can ask Her Majesty for permission to access private data... Knowing you, she probably wouldn't refuse. She seems quite fond of you." The last sentence had a bit of a jealousy ringing to it, but I didn't pay attention to it as I stood up from the table as drunk Venti was mocking the lady about her tone.

We already established that we would leave the day after tomorrow because that's when the storms were supposed to be the least severe outside of the city - that would mean I had a day to still find him and I honestly hoped that this one day will be enough. With that, I rushed towards the grand hall, where Tsaritsa used to spend most of her time. Sometimes I wondered, what she was doing there besides playing with elemental energy in her hands and how she wasn't bored of staying in one place for whole days, but right now all I thought about was how should I ask her the question that I had in mind.

I opened the door to the grand room without knocking, hoping that even at this time she would still be there - and I was glad for it to be true. Deity looked to me with a surprised expression that disappeared after a few seconds and got replaced by a warm smile, completely contradicting the coldness of the hall. And so, I stepped forward explaining my sudden visit without any further ado.

"And so that's what happened..." He finished speaking as he looked at the black-haired girl sitting on the sofa in front of him. He didn't usually bring the topic of Fatui when at home, but this time they were alone and he really needed someone to share with, apparently, childhood friends are really good for letting things like that out.

"Man, that old failure of a human keeps getting madder and madder..." She said sighing before standing up and heading towards the kitchen - picking up the empty cup from the coffee table on her way. When she was passing by the hallway she heard knocking on the door, a bit taken aback by the fact that the person outside didn't use the doorbell, which would be a lot easier to hear even in the living room, where the ginger-haired man was sitting. Since his mentality was in no shape to welcome guests - even though he desperately tried to hide it with this usual "Childe" smile of his - the girl decided to open the door herself and if need be, send the guest away. In front of her stood a girl blonde-haired girl of around the same height as hers and the same golden shade of eyes like hers, but she was sure that she's never seen anyone of that appearance in Sneznhaya, not to mention visiting this house that she was treating like her own family home. "How can I help you?" She asked opening the door a bit wider to look the girl in the eye. Lumine was visibly stressed and moved her sight all around before finally getting herself to say something.

"Uhm... Is Childe home?" She said instantly making the black-haired girl's eyes widen up. She was well aware of the fact that Childe was his Fatui operation name - and as a member of fatui herself, she also knew that someone who knew of his connections there had no right to know this address.

"Who's asking?" She asked with a cautious look to her eyes, before hearing the footsteps coming from behind that stopped suddenly halfway through the corridor.

"Lumine?" He asked, with a tone that even she never heard him let out.

She was there.

Standing at the doors to my house, anxiety written all over her face. But if she was anxious, why would she seek this place out in the first place. Well, she did promise to visit here at some point, but if it made her feel uncomfortable she didn't have to do it. No one was home right now anyway... Well except for me and Irina that apparently came to visit a few hours ago and found herself stuck here for over three hours by now as my mother told her to watch over the house when she 'left for a few minutes'. I wasn't surprised to find her here alone though, since she was almost like a part of the family at this point... But I was surprised to see Lumine appear out of nowhere at my front doors.

"Lumine?" Irina repeated looking at me with a questioning look. She was well informed about who Lumine was, she was a Mondstadt hero and a person I felt comfortable talking about to her, also the main protagonist of the story about the last two weeks I just finished telling her about.

"Would you mind leaving us for a moment?" I asked and the black-haired girl blinked at me a few times before nodding with a quiet 'Hm' and went towards the kitchen, probably to wash the cups that were still in her hands. "What are you doing here? How did you even get here?" I asked once we were left alone.

"I..." She stuttered and I wasn't sure if it was because of the cold outside or not, but I still gestured to her to come inside as I walked up to the doors to close it behind her. "Thank you." She said after I helped her take off the winter cape. "I have a few questions." She said finally. I blinked twice then pointed to her shoes.

"Well... Take these off and we can go to a more appropriate area for chatting." I said desperately trying to build that usual facade I wore when I met her since usually, I met her as a fatui harbinger. It was a bit hard to switch to that 'me' when I was at home... Where I was a completely different person.

After we entered the living room I could see Irina walking back and forth around the kitchen through the small dark wood bar that had a window cut out towards the kitchen. It was funny, how she tried her best to not act awkward and pretend not to listen or hear anything happening in the room right next to where she was.

"Can you make something warm for the guest?" I asked to which she answered with a quick nod.

"Of course!" She raised her voice a bit. "Do you want something to eat as well?" She asked looking at Lumine that shook her head with an apologetic smile. I unwillingly chuckled. My friend always used to be excited about meeting the hero of Mond and a person that defeated me, so she probably felt awkward being introduced to her in a situation that was filled with pressure between me and the blonde-haired girl.

"I wanted to thank you." Said Lumine after a few seconds catching me off guard as I looked to her. She was looking at the floor and clutching her dress tightly. "For helping me from that laboratory. Thank you." She looked at me with those incredibly sparkly golden eyes making me completely lose contact with reality for a second - also ignoring the fact that Irina dropped and shattered a few glasses after hearing the word 'laboratory', but then trying to pick it up as quietly as she could once Lumine looked over to her.

"Don't mind me..." I could hear her whisper before the gaze of the younger girl came back to me.

"Are you going to say something?" She asked and I shook my head to get myself out of the sudden shock.

"Why would you thank me? I only made sure that a worthy battle opponent wouldn't die. I told you a few times that you can't die until you see me fulfill my goals." I said building up that harbinger personality I would always wear with me. I felt incredibly uneasy putting that act up when I was at home. It was the place safe from Childe. The place where I only showed up as Ajax and never thought I would have to act like a dangerous harbinger here... But it somehow was my only line of defense against all the emotions building up inside me whenever I looked at that beautiful woman... The beautiful woman that I tried to kill twice... Almost succeeded one and whenever I thought about it - I ended up being crushed by guilt. I tried to distance myself from her so I wouldn't have to feel that way. Selfishly I applied for my workplace to change so I wouldn't have to see her ever again... That is unless she would go down to the abyss and why would anyone go there out of their free will. This place was terrifying even to me.

"That's what I wanted to ask about..." She said quietly before looking up again. "Look me in the eyes." She demanded, surprising me. I did as told and even though I was home, a place where I should feel safest - most comfortable. Right now I was made of a fear mixed with stress and uneasiness, as I anticipated her to ask a question she had in mind.

"What do you want from me?"

I awaited his answer trying to look as deep into his eyes as I could - remembering Tsaritsa's words to look him in the yes more - but all I could see was emptiness. They were as shineless as always and by now I didn't think it was because of him being evil, but because of the fact he was down in the abyss. The place where humans don't venture to and only legends speak of. He was there and he must've seen something that scarred him for life, and maybe that was my answer to one of the many questions I had about him, but right now there was only one thing I needed an answer to. If it didn't meet my expectations, I wouldn't have any need to wonder about the other things ever again. "Who am I to you?" I asked again working it differently this time as he just sat there staring at me with his eyes wide open.

"Ooh boy-..." Said the girl in the kitchen as she left the room leaving whatever she was busying herself with mid-prepared and went to a room, which I assumed was one of the bedrooms or a bathroom, visibly wanting to escape the pressure that was so heavy in the air that both me and Childe have had our breaths either deepen or become more shallow.

"Well?" I repeated after the girl took her emergency escape route.

"I..." He whispered still a bit taken aback before he looked to the ground and connecting his hands on his knees. "I don't know." He said refusing to look at me as if it would mean acknowledging how obvious that lie was.

"What do you mean you don't know?" I asked. My patience with this man was very close to reaching its limit. "You keep me in a state of certain confusion ever since we met. You try to kill me and then act like we're best friend only to repeat that action and then when I think you are my enemy you suddenly pop up out of nowhere and help me in the time of dire need, just tell me what is it you really want from me?!" I snapped. Before I could control my actions I was standing above him screaming my throat out as the tears of anger started to form in my eyes. He still refused to look at up me or give me any answer. I could see his hands twitching for a moment before he inhaled deeply.

"I guess I am a pretty complex person... Being a harbinger doesn't help here." He whispered as if to himself more than to me and then raised his eyes. "If I were, to be honest then I am pretty confused myself about all that. I wasn't supposed to maintain any relationship with you after the whole Liyue incident and yet there I was finding myself trying to find an excuse to meet up with you... I guess I really did fall in deep..." He laughed moving himself back. For a second I swore I could've seen a painful expression but it was quickly replaced by that typical cocky one that I last time I saw in the golden house - instantly reacting with strengthening my guard. "I am your enemy after all." He said. "I live and fight for Her Majesty and if it meant fighting you to death again - I would gladly do it. However, the honor won't be given to me apparently seeing I'm being sent to the abyss now. Maybe I will however get the opportunity to fight someone a lot stronger, who's also from outer world." I didn't believe, what I was seeing or hearing. He didn't care about anything other than battle and he didn't even try to hide it. Earlier that day, I denied the idea that he would keep me alive only so he could be the one to end my life, but right now it felt like it really was the case.

"I see." I said clutching my hands and heading towards the entry doors leaving him sitting on the sofa since he clearly didn't bother to see me off, not that I wanted him to anyway. I shouldn't have come here in the first place, I thought that maybe Tsaritsa's words had some deeper meaning but after actually looking into his empty eyes I realized that he was a plain bastard and didn't care about anything or anyone. I ignored the black-haired girl sitting in the corridor that waved at me with a nervous smile as if to say 'I didn't hear anything'. Quickly I put on my shoes and took the cape into my hands - not even bothering to properly equip it, I just wanted to leave this house as fast as possible. I really couldn't believe what just happened... I didn't want to believe it, but it was clear as day now. Childe was nothing more than an enemy, but why did that realization had made my chest hurt so much? Maybe because a few hours ago I actually considered him having feelings towards e an option.

"I was terribly wrong."

"Are you sure about that?" She asked looking at me with wide surprised eyes. Their color was similar to that of Lumine's but only a tiny bit darker... And her eyes didn't have that stunning glimmer to them - they were the same as I saw when I looked in the mirror. Empty. Not a tiny bit of shimmer in them and now seeing her eyes reminded me of those that I saw upon arriving in Sneznhaya a few days ago when another Lumine looked at us before the fight. "She did seem quite upset after that little show you've presented."

"Well, what do you expect me to do?" I asked looking at Irina that crossed her arms with an irritated expression.

"You know." She started," Sometimes, some girls wish that a boy would run after them and do anything to keep them by his side." I was surprised by her remark. She never talked to me about this kind of stuff and I didn't expect her to know anything about, what having romantic feelings towards someone felt like so it was weird to hear her trying to give me advice in that matter.

"And how do you know about that?"

"Books." She said and I sighed instantly before getting up from the sofa and walking up to her.

"You know, social interactions aren't exactly like what you see in books." I poked her forehead lightly to which she growled and walked away a few seconds earlier appearing in the kitchen.

"But I know that if something was written by a girl... Then the author probably knows what she would feel like in that situation, right? Even the most clueless person would be able to tell actually..." She pointed out. I appreciated the fact that she tried to help me do what she thought was good for me. The issue was that even though she thought it was good, on the other side of the situation - on the Lumine side - it would be something not so good. When was it that I started to care about her well being more than mine? I didn't know... But I knew that the further she was from me the better for her.

"I'm not someone she should get close to anyway and you of all people should know this." I said walking back to the sofa and sitting down, staring at the sparkles in the fireplace.

"Well... That depends." She said catching me a bit off guard, i looked towards her to find her standing with her hands on the bar and looking at me while drinking something steamy. "Maybe getting close to Tartaglia would be bad for her... But you wouldn't even let Ajax out around her. You keep him tucked away and hidden, scared to show your weaker side that would do anything for the people you care about." She had a point. "At this point, you only use being a harbinger as an excuse so you won't have to be worried about more people than you already are. But it's okay to worry for someone else than your family... Especially if it's somebody that you look at the way you look at her." I knew she was right, but I still wouldn't answer. My thoughts kept piling up and then slipping away before I could even pin them down with words, but the one that was were would never more and keep my mind occupied with it all the time. It was a simple statement that was occupying my mind whenever I was too close or too far away from Lumine or saw something that reminded me of her - and recently that would mean everything. So basically it was on my mind all the time.

"I love her." I said after a few moments of silence and I could see Irina smile warmly. "I always thought that loving someone would make me super happy you know. Like the kind of feeling you have when you're a kid and get a present from your parents or eat a whole load of sugar." I inhaled deeply trying to keep calm as I felt emotions building up. "No one told me it's a feeling that suddenly makes everything in life harder." A chuckle escaped my lips, but it wasn't my usual cheerful one. This one sounded almost like I'm feeling sorry for myself.

"Do you think running away will make it easy? That going back into that place and risking your life full time daily is going to make it easy?" Irina was still standing, where she did before. Looking at me as if she saw through every thought I had in the last few days instantly making me face the truth that I tried to push aside. "Or are you willing to risk your life there so she won't have to?" She had me there. She probably figured out my reason for taking on this work line the moment I told her about everything that happened. She knew me too well... And she also knew abyss just as well as I did.

Truth be told, I didn't want to go down to the abyss to make sure I will be away from Lumine, quite the opposite. I wanted to keep her safe that way. I knew she was powerful, but abyss was a whole new kind of an opponent and he didn't want her to go there, so when Tsaritsa told me about her brother and his possible ties to it - I decided to look for the clues myself, keeping her away from there. She didn't know, how to prepare for it and without someone guiding her it would take much longer for her to start doing that. I also doubted that Paimon was very aquatinted with that area. If everything went right... I would have around two weeks to search for some information. That would be over a year in the abyss since time didn't work the same way there. It should be enough for me to uncover everything and make sure she was safe at the same time.

Irina sighed, ripping me out of my thoughts.

"I'll go with you." She said. "It's not like I could change your mind at this point. Might as well just try to keep you from recklessly dying though." She brought her palm to her forehead as if her head hurt. I knew how dangerous the abyss was and I knew that going alone was risky, but most of the usual fatui wouldn't last there long and would only slow him down. She, on the other hand, I could trust as a companion. I smiled.

"Thank you."

Note no.2: So we are SLOWLY nearing the end, there's going to be probably like 3-5 more chapters so we should be done here before christmas and then possibly start second part(?), that depends I guess.

Anywho, I hope you enjoy reding it so far and please leave a review if you have any thoughts ^^

PS. Someone asked me in the previous chapter if this wasn't posted on ao3 and yes it is being posted on ao3 at the same time as here - mostly because I'm using both platforms so if anyone sees it there under a differently named author, dw it's still me XD