Silverstar's POV

"Of course we did!" Stormfang exclaimed, shoving his way forward. He shot Hailwhisker a glance. "Right?"

Silverstar thought that there was a hint of nervousness as Hailwhisker regarded his mate, but soon that confident nature returned.

"Of course!" Hailwhisker stared at all the gathered cats, anticipation from both teams hanging heavily in the air. "So-"

"Maybe, since Icefeather had the stick just when Snowpaw got the other one, that means Berryleaf's team wins!" Mistypaw suggested. Then the apprentice winced when everyone began arguing at once.

"Well that's not fair!" Redthorn exclaimed, flexing her muscles like she was preparing to spring. "Snowpaw worked so hard! And now it'll mean nothing! We had no idea that our stick had already been taken!"

"Maybe you should have remained back in your territory and stopped us then." Icefeather meowed scrutinizingly around the stick in his jaws. To have better speech, he dropped it on the ground, placing a protective paw over it. "You were so eager to join the offensive side." He tilted his head mockingly. "This could be a learning experience for you for real battles, right?"

Redthorn's only response was a low growl. Other members of both teams looked almost ready to attack. Silverstar frowned. This wasn't good at all. It was his responsibility to prevent this from escalating any more.

"Alright, that's enough." Silverstar meowed, and everyone fell silent. Redthorn, Icefeather and a few others were still stiff with hostility, but gave him their attention. Good. He was leader, so maybe, to solve all this, he could act as the decider in this situation. "I believe in this case, Icefeather is right. But-" He was interrupted by a round of cheers from Berryleaf's team. "But not in that way." Silverstar continued sharply, and the team sagged with disappointment.

"This is a training exercise." Silverstar made sure his voice took on a wise tone, the one that was slow and patient. He looked at each and every cat for a few moments. "The point of which is to strengthen your skills as warriors. Both teams performed very well from what I've seen and heard, so why declare a winner?" He allowed a small smile to come onto his face, a reassuring one. "You've all won today."

He wasn't too surprised to hear a few grumblings in response, but for the most part everyone accepted his verdict. His speech complete, he allowed Hailwhisker and Stormfang to go toward the front and presumably give last remarks. There were a few more congratulations sent in the young Snowpaw's direction, since no one had expected the normally timid apprentice to climb the tree and retrieve the stick amidst the intimidating opposition. Silverstar was also pretty proud. Glorymask had made the right decision, giving him to Invisiblepelt.

Then a wave of sorrow washed over Silverstar, and with only a quick farewell, he wandered away once again. Some warriors voiced confusion at his quick departure, but other than that it received no protest. He'd been like that a lot lately. Distant. Secluded. Only on a whim had he decided to observe Hailwhisker and Stormfang's impromptu training session. His appearance there was probably a bit of a shock, especially to Birchtail, who'd been assessing his condition the most. Nothing physical seemed to be wrong, his head had healed up nicely, and he hadn't caught greencough, thank StarClan. It went a little deeper than that, and happened every time he thought about someone who had passed.

He knew that they all were happy in StarClan now. Glorymask leading patrols to capture bountiful prey said to roam StarClan's hunting grounds. Flakewhisker telling off an overzealous StarClan warrior. All the ones he loved were safe in death. But StarClan… Silverstar had always felt distant from it. Other than his own leadership ceremony, he never communed with his ancestors, instead allowing the medicine cats to do most of the communication. And it wasn't only his lack of affinity with communing with his ancestors. StarClan changed cats.

During his leadership ceremony, images of his parents, kin, and friends gave him his nine lives, but they weren't the living, breathing warriors like before. They were creatures of starlight and moondust, eyes radiating with a wisdom and power that they'd lacked in life. Seeing them again became almost like torture. They still retained a tiny spark of themselves, but in gaining the powers of StarClan they joined one collective being, and lost much of their individuality. They were bound for the rest of eternity to deliver prophecies and become watchful guardians. Was it really worth visiting ancestors when that's all you could see?

Silverstar growled to himself, shaking his head to rid the fear that had been slowly clouding his thoughts. This heavy sadness took up enough room in his heart.

But when he died… would the same thing happen to him?

SIlverstar shifted in his nest, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to keep warm. The day had been unusually mild for leafbare, but the cold came creeping back in its full strength that night. He didn't want to fear the worst, but he felt in his bones that snow would be coming soon.

Snow meant that prey crawled back into their warm burrows and nests and only came out for brief moments to scavenge for food. And all while the clan cats that dwelled above ground sifted through the cold white drifts in vain, feeling the pang of hunger in their empty bellies. He'd lead ThunderClan through such things. Served under the previous leader through famines, freezing spells, droughts, and floods. The clan had persisted despite these things for a long time, but claws were only so sharp. Again he thought of all the ones who'd fallen victim to the threats that clan life brought them. All of them were in StarClan now. But the thought of those pupil-less gleaming eyes made his stomach roll.

He curled his lip. It was something a kit would say, but he couldn't help but envision StarClan as a greedy tyrant. Taking souls by the pawful, consuming with an insatiable hunger. He blinked tiredly, whiskers drooping as he sat up and frowned. Every time he began to think like this, he always convinced himself that he was mistaken. Just tired. Paranoid in his growing age. And once again reason succeeded, and he settled back into his nest, trying to hold on to the small scrap of peace he had left.

He closed his eyes and tried to convince his stubborn mind to slow down, and let him sleep. All was fine. All was alright in the world.

The stretch Silverstar did that morning had never felt more painful. After a night of tossing and turning, every muscle felt extra sore, as if a thousand knots had formed in them. Resting his chin on his paws, he wondered if it were even worth going out of the den. Invisiblepelt would organize patrols as usual. Clan life would continue. Only the cold awaited him.

Silverstar shivered. But while it was cold outside, the groping darkness in his den seemed more threatening, more chilly than any leafbare morning. He felt the need to escape. Mindlessly he straightened a few loose strands of bracken lining his nest, then ventured out into the gray morning. The clouds hung in the sky like downy feathers on a dove's belly. Snow was definitely on the way.

"Oh! Good morning Silverstar!" Lilystorm meowed, where she stood next to her friend Opalwing. Ever since she'd followed him to the island in the center of the lake, she'd always been more friendly towards him. Silverstar appreciated that and the other small gestures of kindness the young warrior would give: bringing him prey, or making conversation, transcending the nervous barrier of silence positioned between him and the rest of the clan.

"Good morning." Silverstar returned. Opalwing fluffed up her fur and shivered.

"Invisiblepelt's about to send us out on patrol. Can you believe it might snow? At least that's what Orangeface said, and elders usually know those kind of things, right?"

"You're speaking to Orangeface?" Silverstar asked with surprise, giving Lilystorm a sharp look. The she-cat quickly ducked her head. Silverstar furrowed his brow. Was she ashamed? But then she lifted her head back up to meet Silverstar's gaze, and held her head high. Silverstar saw resolve in her eyes.

"Yes. Yes I am." Lilystorm replied, only the slight quiver in her voice betraying her. The two of them stared at each other for what was in reality only a few moments but felt like moons due to the intensity. Opalwing looked on nervously, her tail twitching back and forth.

Silverstar nodded and smiled. "I'm glad."

Opalwing let out a squeaky breath as she released the air she'd been holding in.

Lilystorm blinked. "Oh. I thought you'd be upset." She twisted her mouth wryly. "You know, because of his actions…?"

"I may have my own issues with him, but he is your father." Silverstar answered. "I'd rather see families reconciling than more punishment." Lilystorm and Opalwing exchanged shocked glances, and Lilystorm barely managed to stammer her thanks before Silverstar walked away yet again, leaving things hanging in the air. Emotions churned within him.

He didn't want Lilystorm to see the ugly face he was making. It was at least half true. He wanted to see Lilystorm making her own decisions for once, instead of being controlled by her sister Lilacfalland recently deceased mother Ravendusk. But Orangeface…

He could almost hear the echo of Brambleburn's voice ringing in his ears as he gave him the life for forgiveness.

Forgive others, as hard as it may be. The StarClan cat had told him, all those moons ago. For the weight of anger and hatred will be almost impossible to bear. And yes, Silverstar could feel the weight. But it wasn't just unforgiveness. It was the literal weight of life. The toll of years and years of it. At this point, it was easier ignore StarClan and just add his anger at Orangeface to the top of the pile.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Orangeface across the clearing, snoozing in a patch of sunlight in front of the fallen tree that sheltered the elders' den. Silverstar narrowed his eyes at the thought of Orangeface's contentment, and turned away, heading toward the center of the clearing.

There he saw Bluefrost, Dewpaw, and Birchtail talking calmly. All three of them looked up with surprise at Silverstar's approach and fell silent out of respect. Despite the obvious loneliness of this treatment, part of him had to admit he quite liked the effect he had on his warriors.

"Silverstar! Are you joining us?" Bluefrost meowed, trying not to sound too hopeful. Birchtail and Dewpaw also fixed wide green eyes upon their leader. Silverstar looked around the camp, which was beginning to feel as confining as his den.

"Why not?"

Bluefrost graciously allowed Silverstar to lead to the border patrol, which was also doubling as an escort as Birchtail went to check on the catmint patch near the abandoned twoleg den. After having been stolen by SkyClan, Birchtail was wondering if anything had started growing back. Silverstar doubted it, since the frost probably would have killed anything that had started to grow, but he wanted to give the new medicine cat some room to grow. He would realize this fact eventually and learn from his misjudgement.

And just as Silverstar suspected, when the patrol arrived at the place where catmint usually grew, the frozen ground was bare, save a few dead leaves that held a small trace of the fragrant herb's scent. Birchtail sagged with dismay, sniffing in vain for anything salvageable. He sighed and turned to the patrol apologetically.

"Sorry. I thought there might have been some that grew back by now." Birchtail explained, sweeping the debris with his tail.

"No need to explain yourself Birchtail. It was good to at least check." Bluefrost meowed reassuringly. The white warrior turned to Silverstar. "What should we do now? Continue the patrol?"

Silverstar examined the catmint patch thoughtfully. "I believe Flakewhisker had a method for protecting new shoots from the frost?" He suggested, addressing Birchtail. Birchtail frowned for a moment, looking confused, but Silverstar didn't prompt him any further. The youngster was smart. He'd figure it out quickly.

Just as Silverstar predicted, Birchtail's eyes lit up moments later. "Ah! Wait!" He looked from cat to cat excitedly. "I can cover the patch in some leaves to protect new shoots." Then he looked at Silverstar shyly. "Thanks." Immediately he turned away and began to work, using his tail to start sweeping leaves into a pile.

"I can help!" Dewpaw exclaimed, rushing to Birchtail's side. She glanced back at her mentor for permission, and Bluefrost nodded.

"If that's alright with you, Silverstar."

Silverstar also nodded it was. His heart felt a little lighter. It was nice to see, clanmates respecting the medicine cat as well. Not only through words, but actions.

With the four of them working together, the entire patch was soon covered with not only leaves, but also dried bracken, providing some extra warmth. Silverstar set one last strand down, and stood back with the rest of the patrol, admiring their work.

Silverstar's whiskers twitched. He should do this more often; doing work alongside clanmates. He hoped for his own sake that he'd feel up to it in the future.

"Ready to continue?" Silverstar asked, and all three of his patrolmates voiced their agreement. The SkyClan border being only a few foxlengths away, they headed there first. Silverstar absent-mindedly renewed the markers, a little concerned about the strong SkyClan scent. Hyper-aggressive as usual, it seemed. Silverstar just hoped that they could keep their mousedung together a little longer, at least through the rest of the leafbare. No clan needed a battle on their paws right now. If Goosestar wanted war now, she was just plain stupid.

Silverstar came to particularly nasty patch of scent in some briars and lifted his leg, ready to drown it out with ThunderClan's when he stopped. He lowered his nose to the ground and took a deep whiff. He straightened up and waved his tail for Bluefrost, who was the closest, to join him.

"Does this smell like…" Silverstar trailed off while Bluefrost sniffed the briar patch. Bluefrost stiffened, giving Silverstar an uneasy look.

"Fox." The white tom breathed, and immediately the two of them were on alert. Examining it further, Silverstar noticed the scent veering away from SkyClan territory, and deeper into ThunderClan's. Bluefrost called for Dewpaw and Birchtail, who fortunately weren't too far away, and debriefed them on the patrol's findings.

"The scent is relatively fresh, meaning it's less than a day old." Bluefrost explained, while Dewpaw quivered nervously.

"Are we going to go find it?" Dewpaw questioned, her gray and white tail becoming as thick as a bush.

"We're going to have to drive the fox out of our territory." Bluefrost responded. "Perhaps we should return to camp first and get Silverstar and Birchtail to safety and get a large enough patrol-"

"No." Silverstar's voice was firm, determination and something he hadn't felt in ages sparking beneath his pelt. Excitement. "I'm going with you. This patrol is suitably sized for a fox. They usually travel alone, and there doesn't seem to be multiple scents. And we have Birchtail if anything were to go wrong."

Birchtail visibly blanched at the suggestion but didn't protest. Silverstar assessed the rest of the patrol, and no one looked like they wanted to argue further with their leader. Good. Silverstar didn't want anyone to argue with him. He'd made a decision, and he was going to stick to it. He wanted to feel like he did in the early days. Fighting alongside his clanmates, becoming one with them.

Not alone in the dark with his thoughts.

"ThunderClan! After me!" Silverstar yowled, and marched through the forest, following the winding trail the fox had left for them.

As he leapt over a clump of dead ferns, he felt something cold land on the tip of his nose. Startled, he stared up at the sky, seeing thousands of tiny flakes drifting downward.

It had begun to snow.

✲ﾟ✲ﾟ✲ﾟ✲ﾟ✲ﾟ✲ﾟ✲ﾟSNOWWWWWW!✲ﾟ✲ﾟ✲ﾟ✲ﾟ✲ﾟ✲ﾟ✲ﾟ✲ﾟ✲ﾟ✲ﾟ✲ﾟ✲ﾟ✲ﾟ

(I really hope it snows here possibly tomorrow for me since it has been very rare this winter)

And hello! Sorry for the lateness! I took a break that wasn't really a break (when you're home with my family it's all hands on deck) but I finally finished up this bit- Silverstar's POV! Oooh! He's relatively calmer than Snowpaw, which a nice change from the previous chapter, though it seems he also has issues of his own.

I hope everyone is doing well; and again, thanks for reading this story!