Edd woke up to Kevin's tongue soothing across the sore spot on his neck. The skin prickled at the warmth of his mouth.
"Oh." Edd sighed. He leaned his head to the side to let him continue his lavishing. Kevin smiled against the bruised flesh but continued his ministrations. Kissing the spot and whispering soft regrets for the mark.
"Don't apologize." Edd ran his hands down Kevin's back. "I liked it."
He pecked the inflamed mark again and Edd's legs twitched from the scratch of Kevin's morning stubble over the irritated skin. His knee brushing Kevin's morning wood.
"See?" Kevin said, kissing around the area in apology.
Edd shook his head. "Do it again." He asked in a breathless tone.
Kevin grinded himself against Edd's thigh. "You really do like the pain, huh?"
"Is that bad?" Edd asked. "I like that every time I move my head I'll be thinking of how you put it there."
"Fuck." Kevin grunted at the image. "Not bad, just… fuck I wanna make you feel good but hurting you scares me."
"I trust you." Edd said. "I know you're doing it because I want you to and that you'd never do anything to me unless I asked."
Kevin nuzzled the area, sending another shockwave of prickling pleasure skating across his nerve endings. "I just love you. Hurting you seems wrong."
"What's different from the other hickies?"
"I broke the skin." He said, rubbing the indent of his teeth.
"Did it bleed?" He asked, tapping the spot, still a little wet from Kevin's saliva, and looking at it as though it might have been still bleeding.
"A little, yeah, last night." He said. "But it stopped quickly."
"Well. Forget that for a bit." Edd said, dragging his hand down Kevin's chest and hooking his finger into his sleep pants.
"Minx." Kevin grabbed Edd's hips and opened his legs to grind down.
The position was incredibly revealing and despite their sleep pants Edd felt wide open and naked.
"Look at you all spread out for me." Kevin said with lust.
Edd wrapped his legs around Kevin's waist and rolled his hips up.
"Oh fuck, babe." He grunted and thrusted forward.
"Wait!" Edd said, shocked suddenly and tightened his legs around Kevin in a leg lock.
Kevin stilled. "What's up! You okay?"
"What time is it?" He asked, frantic.
Kevin laughed. "6:30."
"Oh. You woke up early." He said, releasing his legs just a little.
"You knocked me in the jaw." Kevin laughed.
"Did I? I'm sorry!" Edd gasped.
Kevin grinded back down. "I know a way you can make it up to me."
Edd moaned. "Yeah? Oh-okay ."
"Good boy." Kevin replied, rubbing his boyfriend's sharp hip.
Edd's legs tightened up again. " Oh ."
"Oh?" Kevin asked at his reaction. "You like that?"
Edd squeezed his eyes shut and nodded.
Kevin chuckled. "Yeah, bet you do, pet." He said, using his admission from last night to pull a reaction from his boyfriend.
Edd keened and his hips jerked.
"My good boy. Perfect pet." Kevin moaned.
Edd melted and made little whimpers as he was bent in half. Kevin held him open by the back of his knees and continued to grind him into the mattress, whispering complements as he watched Edd fall apart under him.
When they finally moaned and released Kevin collapsed onto Edd.
"Sorry." He tried to roll off but Edd hugged around his neck and sighed blissfully at being covered completely by his boyfriend's muscled body, holding him in place.
"What time is it now?" Edd asked after they both caught their breath, Edd much longer with Kevin's weight pressed into him, but he wouldn't let him move.
"Almost 7." Kevin said looking at the clock.
"We should shower." Edd said rubbing his cheek against Kevin's clavicle.
They both stretched while getting up.
"I don't think I could go home and sleep in my bed again if I wanted to." Kevin said, cracking his back. "Even if your bed is really small."
"I don't think I'd want to try." Edd started grabbing his clothes and towels for the both of them. "But I bet it would be nice to both sleep in your bed."
"Only if we don't want to be able to have sex. The walls are too thin and my mom would be checking up on us every half-hour, I swear." Kevin kissed Edd's ear from behind, wrapping him up in a hug. "You ready for today?"
"I assume you mean therapy." He sighed. "I'm not sure."
"It'll be okay." Kevin said. "I promise."
"Nazz should be here soon. Let's get ready." He had a wan smile on.
"You're allowed to be scared." Kevin assured. "You don't have to act okay if you're not."
Edd pursed his lips. "I… may be a little frightened."
Kevin hugged him tighter. "I'll be there as soon as you're out."
Edd leaned his head back onto Kevin's shoulder. "Thank you. That really does make me feel better."
"Think I can get you off again in the shower?" He grinned, trying to lighten the mood.
Edd sputtered. "Insatiable!"
Kevin laughed and picked Edd up to carry to the bathroom. "Says the guy who can have multiple orgasms."
"I- bu-" he turned bright red. "I- you're the one who discovered that!"
"Yeah, I sure did." Kevin grinned. "I even gave you a dry orgasm. We should try that again."
Edd elbowed him lightly. "Stop it." He wriggled out of his hold and started the water, his ears red. "Maybe... later."
"If I didn't think Nazz would break the door in if we don't hear her knocking I'd be all over you."
Edd wanted to be annoyed but being so desired made him feel weak in the knees. Kevin had awoken a part of him he didn't know existed.
"Over me or in me?" He asked with a coy backwards glance.
Kevin cornered him in the shower. "Who's insatiable now?"
Edd laughed and twisted the handle to make the water freezing and Kevin yelped.
"Later." He said with a cocky grin.
"Fuck! Minx." Kevin laughed.
They took their time in the shower and brushed their teeth side by side.
Edd put his toothbrush back and felt satisfied placing it directly next to Kevin's. Kevin saw him stare at the cup.
"Is it okay or should I have put it somewhere else?" He asked self-consciously.
"No, no. I'm just feeling sentimental." Edd replied. He leaned up to place a kiss on Kevin's cheek. "I like seeing our things together."
Kevin smiled and pulled him in by the hips. It was nice to know that Edd could be as soppy as him.
"Who's the sap now?" He chuckled.
"Still you." Edd replied with another peck. "But I like it."
Kevin held him and kissed him more fully, until the doorbell rang. Edd jumped and Kevin took a step back.
"Not letting you clip me again." He laughed.
Edd froze and then snorted. "How is it?"
"All better. How about your neck?"
Edd looked at it in the mirror. "Oh, it is dark, isn't it?"
"Put some neosporin on it, I'll get the door."
"Mmm." Edd replied, looking in the mirror with appreciation. The rope mark was now completely ambiguous, even if there were still some unhealed scrapes they weren't too noticeable. It mostly just seemed like he was covered in hickies.
For the first time in a long time he liked what he was seeing in the mirror. He glanced up and realized he'd even left his hat off. The scar from his accident was mostly covered by his hair, and the new scar above his eyebrow was fresh and pink but he found it didn't bother him as much as it once might have.
He was underweight and his skin paler than it once was but he wasn't put off completely by the reflection. Some days he was barely able to glance at himself but for the first time he can remember he was really looking at himself. He thought about how Kevin looked at him and saw someone beautiful. He looked back at his neck. The visual reminders of Kevin in his house were nothing next to the visual reminders of him on his body.
He longed to show off Kevin's marks, though he knew if anyone so much as looked at him funny while it was on view he'd probably have a panic attack. He wished he had more confidence but he figured being able to look himself in the eye for the first time in months was good enough for today.
Besides it'd probably be best to wait until it wasn't so raised and raw. He put some antibiotic cream on it and threw on his shirt and hat. He frowned at the image of himself clothed and turned his head to view himself from multiple angles. His clothes were too big on him, even though he was wearing one of his smaller shirts. He wanted to show some change. He took off his hat but put it back on after just a moment. Maybe that was too much change too fast.
Kevin went to the door to let Nazz in.
"He's getting dressed." He said. "You can sit down. I'm gonna throw on a shirt myself."
"No new hickies?" She laughed.
"Not on me." He responded with a grin.
"How is his neck doing?"
"It's not so bad anymore." He rubbed his short hair sheepishly.
"But?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Good morning Nazz." Edd said coming down the stairs. "Thank you for bringing us to school today."
Kevin motioned to go upstairs. "I'll be back."
"Hey, no prob." She watched Kevin flee with confusion. "What's up?"
"Nothing much. I'm sorry how long we took." He said, picking up his bag.
"Morning quickie?" She smirked.
Edd dropped his bag. "I- b-"
"No way!" Nazz said with a boisterous laugh. "I was teasing! You're more of a sex-fiend then I thought."
Edd's face burned from the admission but he so badly wanted to gush to someone about how great Kevin was.
"It… helps when your partner is very attentive." He wasn't able to look at her when saying it but he liked being able to talk about it.
"Oh yeah?" She asked with jeer. "You'll have to tell me all about it."
"Okay, let's go." Kevin said. "What's up?" He asked at Edd's red face and Nazz's raunchy grin.
"Edd was just telling me what an attentive lover you are."
He barked a laugh and slid his arm around his boyfriend. "I've been called worse." He teased.
"Yeah, cause you didn't wanna have sex with your past girlfriends."
"It wasn't that I didn't want to. Just that was all they wanted and I wasn't into that." He shrugged.
"Well your turn. How would you explain Edd in the bedroom?" Nazz asked brazenly.
Edd seemed embarrassed but curious, hiding in his hat but peeking out.
"Hmmm." Kevin pretended to think. "Insatiable is the first word that comes to mind."
Edd sputtered and elbowed Kevin. Nazz snickered. "Oh yeah?"
"Oh yeah, last night-" he started and Edd covered his mouth. Kevin wasn't going to say anything really but he liked teasing him.
"Oh come on!" Nazz complained. "You can tell me!"
Edd was shaking with embarrassment. "Don't you dare." He hissed in the least menacing way Kevin had ever heard.
"I'm kidding babe." Kevin said. "I wouldn't say anything." He chuckled and kissed his cheek.
"Boo!" Nazz said.
"Busybody." Kevin replied immediately. "Go have some of your own sex so you can stop trying to find out about ours."
"Best friends tell each other about their sex lives! There's nothing wrong with asking!" She said.
"I'm not opposed to you talking about our- Uh… sex life… I'd just prefer if I wasn't there for it." Edd clarified. "I do know there are some things you may want to… talk about and receive advice on… especially newer developments." He seemed to be embarrassed to say it but he did, worrying his lip the whole time.
"Aww." Nazz said. "I'm gonna be asking about all of that later."
Edd shouldered her lightly. "Please stop."
"Fine, fine, but only because you asked nicely.
The school day passed far quicker than Edd wanted. He was dreading his therapy appointment and was on edge all day. Whenever he looked up at the clock and more time had passed then expected his head would start throbbing. He hadn't meant to the first time but his fingers grazed his new mark and he felt instantly more grounded. He was sure the concussion was better but how much his head hurt he wondered if it wasn't.
By lunch he'd rubbed the spot raw.
"What's with you rubbing your neck?" Tray asked after class.
Edd snatched his hand away. "Oh, Uh. Nothing. Just nervous."
"What for?" He asked as the rest of the class filtered out of the room.
Edd bit his lip. Tray was now his friend and he was sure he could trust him. He also wanted to talk about it. Kevin was amazing of course but it was healthy to have more people to lean on. Kevin wanted him to build a support network and he did feel some sort of friendly kinship with Tray.
"I have my first therapy appointment today." He said fiddling with the hem of his shirt.
"Oh yeah? Kevin got you too?" Tray said.
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing bad. He got me to go a few times but it wasn't really for me. Frank still goes and swears by it, and I actually got Marta to go. It's been really good for her. There's nothing to be scared of though."
"I didn't have the best experience with it as a kid." Edd wrung his shirt before realizing it would cause wrinkles and let go.
"Oh? Do you have the kind of overbearing parents that thought they were helping but really just smothered you?"
Edd winced. "No. As a child they were more hands on, yes. But… no."
"Oh? Sorry dude. Was that too personal?"
"My parents are a bit of a sore spot."
"Do you not get along?"
"As a child my parents were often absent but when they were around we were rather close. My dad moved out of the country for work though when I was in middle school and my mother moved in with her new boyfriend a year later." He shrugged. "I've been… quite lonely. Kevin has helped a lot."
"Oh. Shit dude. I'm sorry."
Edd rubbed his neck again. "It is what it is. And I'm doing much better."
"Well, if you're ever feeling too lonely give me and Marta a call. We've told Abuela about you. She said anyone that can outtalk Marta is someone she wants to meet."
"Thank you." Edd seemed surprised by the invitation and felt emotional that they'd talk to their families about him.
"Hey babe." Kevin said coming up behind Edd and hugging him to his chest.
"What's up?" Tray greeted.
Edd squeaked. Kevin's chin had come to rest on the side of his neck that he'd bitten and with how much he'd been rubbing at it, it was even more sore than before.
Kevin didn't recognize what was wrong and shifted to look at his boyfriend's face.
"Ah." Edd bit his lip to cut off his moan.
Kevin's eyes widened and he removed his chin. "Shit, sorry."
Edd shook his head but didn't release his lip.
Tray raised an eyebrow. "Let me guess." He snorted.
"I'd prefer you didn't." Edd responded in a high voice.
"You've been rubbing at your neck because he gave you a monster hickey. Honestly that's too funny. Come on, lemme see it."
"You've been rubbing at it? It's just gonna get worse." Kevin chided.
Edd looked away with a blush. "I was nervous. It… helped."
Kevin looked around despite they were the only three in the room and pulled the fabric of his shirt collar down, he knew the rope shape was gone and Edd didn't try to stop him.
"Fuck, babe."
"Jesus." Tray said. "Did you mean to maul him?"
"No-" Kevin started but was cut off.
"Don't blame him. I asked." Edd said.
"Is there a reason you asked for him to take a chunk of flesh out."
"Don't exaggerate." Edd rolled his eyes. "I hadn't realized."
"Hadn't realized you were being drained of blood because you asked him to become a vampire?"
"Ha-ha." Kevin glared. "We were a little distracted."
"I'm sure." Tray laughed.
"We should get more cream on it."
"I put it in my bag, just in case." Edd replied.
Kevin dug it out and got to messaging the cool gel into the skin.
"You're quite the masochist." Tray laughed.
Edd made a questioning face. "Masochist?"
Tray laughed and Kevin went a little pink. "Oh. I didn't think of that. I mean I knew about it but..."
"What?" Edd asked.
"It's when someone's into pain. Like sexually." Tray said. "How didn't you know that one."
Edd blushed. "Oh. I guess."
He thought for a second. "But not just any pain." He said. "I just like that it was-" his pink face turned bright red. "Never mind."
"Oh go on." Tray laughed.
Kevin capped the ointment and put the shirt back in place.
Edd looked at Kevin then away. "I just like who made the pain."
Kevin gulped. "You're too much."
"You know… I could just go and the two of you can go to the roof alone." Tray grinned.
Edd shook his head. "We should eat."
Kevin's mouth went dry at the implication that it wasn't because they were at school and he might have otherwise.
Tray laughed and clapped Kevin on the back. "You found your match."
"Yeah." Kevin nodded. "Sure did."
Lunch passed without much fanfare. They'd taken their new favorite spot on the roof and more of the team and even some surrounding tables had come to take in the sun. It was a surprisingly perfect day and Kevin held his hand the whole time. Edd had whispered that sitting in his lap would be too tempting and Kevin had to agree, especially when Edd bit his ear and then slid from next to him to sit in his usual spot.
He was getting very good at teasing.
At the end of lunch Kevin kissed his boyfriend goodbye, biting his lip before pulling back and grinning at the dazed look on Edd's face.
"Payback." He smiled.
Edd smiled back and licked his nipped lip. "Was it?"
Kevin stared at the pink shiny lip and he frowned. "You're a terror."
Edd laughed and Kevin couldn't keep himself from holding back and kissed him again.
"You're so beautiful." He groaned against his lips. "Love you." He whispered after another kiss.
Edd whimpered. "Now that's payback." He said after pulling back a bit. "Love you too." He whispered back.
"See you after class." He kissed him again.
Nazz very much felt like she was intruding.
"Come on!" She said. "You're gonna be late."
Edd snapped out of his romance induced trance and ran off. "Thank you Nazz! I'll see you both after class."
Kevin grinned and Nazz elbowed him. "You're too much."
Kevin just shrugged, still too happy.
"So what are we getting at the store?" She asked.
"Well we're running out of food at his place but I'm also going to grab some condoms."
She whistled. "So what was that earlier about new developments?" She asked as they went down the stairwell.
"I'll tell you when he's in his session." He said. "I'm kind of hoping for some advice too."
"Finally I get to stretch my best friend muscles. I'm the best at advice."
"I know. I've just been sort of unsure if I was allowed to bring anything up until earlier. I actually have an appointment to talk to my therapist soon too. Just a check in, you know. He's dealing with some heavy stuff and I want to be able to help him without it being too much for me."
"Man, I was just gearing up to say you should do that. Well if your weekend isn't set to just lie in and use up your box of condoms how about you bring him to a party? Marta is throwing it at her Dad's while he's out. What do you think?"
"I'll ask him. But if it's Marta's I think he'll say yes."
"Well we're gonna be late again." Nazz said, not even attempting to quicken her pace.
They were only there a few seconds after the final bell and while the teacher was annoyed she ignored it.
When the day finally ended Kevin apologized to his teacher who had asked him to help, yet again, and said he had somewhere to be. She was about to raise a stink until another student offered to take his place. He thanked the kid silently behind the teachers back and him and Nazz made their escape.
Edd placed his bag in his locker since his work for the week was done and there wasn't any reason to bring it home.
He looked incredibly uncomfortable and tried hard not to panic. Without Kevin or any of his other new friends in his classes he found himself nearly clawing at his new mark to achieve that calm grounding he'd had before but each time was like the effect got weaker. He'd made a trip to the restroom half-way through his final class and it had started to bleed. He put more ointment and tried hard not to touch it but hadn't succeeded.
"Still worried?" Kevin asked when he saw him.
"Yes. I'm pretty worried." Edd said with a huff.
Edd leaned into Kevin's chest and his arms immediately went around him.
"If you end up not liking this person we can always find you someone else." Kevin said.
"What do you mean?"
"Well if you don't like the way they practice you don't have to go again. You can always find someone that fits you better."
"Oh?" He asked. "That… makes sense. I don't have to keep going if the therapist says something that makes me uncomfortable?"
"You don't even have to stay the whole session if that happens. Just call and we'll be back as fast as we can."
"Oh." Edd calmed considerably. "I never thought of that. Is that really okay?"
"Marta's first therapist was a guy named Leslie. She walked out immediately because she specifically asked for a woman. You're totally allowed to leave if you don't like the person." Nazz added.
"And if you realize later that you don't like something they said that you didn't catch in the moment you can choose to talk to someone else too. No pressure." Kevin said, kissing Edd's temple.
Edd nodded. "Okay… it won't be a bother to call out early?"
"Not at all." Nazz said. "We're just gonna make a trip to the grocery store across the street. We aren't going far."
Edd sighed and rested his head on Kevin's shoulder. "Okay. Okay."
The drive was spent in relative silence. Relative because Nazz played her music obnoxiously loud. Kevin walked him in to get checked in. He didn't leave him until he was called back. Edd looked scared but followed the receptionist to the room.
Kevin went back to the car and buckled himself in. "I hope he gets someone good on the first try. I don't want him to get a worse taste in his mouth over this."
"I'm sure it'll be fine." She said. "Now I'm dying to know though, what was it you needed advice on?"
Kevin chewed his lip and looked back to the building then back to Nazz. "I really fucked up his neck."
"What?"
"He… we… I bit his neck cause he asked. He really likes it when I'm rough with him." He was trying not to get embarrassed.
"So are you just trying to brag?" She laughed.
"No! I want to do what he likes but I feel so bad when I hurt him. Dude, I broke the skin! He bled. I don't want that for him."
"Then talk about it and set limits. Here-" While driving she took out her phone and Kevin grabbed the wheel with a hiss.
"Look at the road!"
"Yeah yeah." She said and Kevin's phone pinged.
He let Nazz take the wheel back and looked at the link and sputtered.
"What is this!" He blushed.
"It's a consent list. You can go over what you're both okay with and what you're absolutely not into."
"Why do you have this?" He asked scanning the list with trepidation. He saw 'collars' and blushed. He saved it.
"I dated a girl that was into bondage." She shrugged. "But she graduated last year and went to college out of state."
"Mandy? Really?"
"Yep. Mostly rope bondage though."
Kevin made a face. "I don't think I want anything to do with rope."
"Yeah. I bet." Nazz said, backing into a parking spot. "But that's what the list is for. You can put down no. So can he. And then if you have different answers than you talk about it."
"And if there's something he wants that I just can't bring myself to do?"
"Then you don't do it. He wouldn't make you do anything you didn't want to any more then you would."
"That's true." He stared at the screen again and made it to spanking and closed his phone with a bright blush.
"Ohhh found a favorite?" She asked.
"Let's just go inside." He said unbuckling and skirting out of the car.
"Oh come on."
"Nope. Let's shop."
"Fine what are you getting besides condoms?"
A woman with a child in her cart glared at them and Kevin elbowed the blonde. "Can you say that louder ?" He hissed.
She took a deep breath and he covered her mouth.
"Fuck! I knew you'd try that. I'm just gonna grab some stuff to make some of the dishes I know."
"Did you make a list?"
"No. I just know what we have." He shrugged. "I need to get some noodles, vegetables, chicken. That kind of stuff."
"Well then I'm gonna peel off and get my own stuff. Call me when you're done."
He agreed and they went off in their own directions. Kevin parsed through the vegetable section and filled his basket. He remembered what Edd said and made sure to grab fruit as well. He kind of wished he waited until Edd could be with him. It would be good to see what Edd's preferences were, but also it would have been nice to do this sort of menial task with him. Shopping together was just the sort of domestic task that Kevin had to admit he'd love to do while holding hands and cracking jokes. Though getting condoms together might be a tad bit more embarrassing. Especially at checkout.
He eyed the condoms with confusion. He didn't know anything about sizing. Edd cleaned with latex gloves so he didn't have any kind of allergy, right? He wasn't sure about size either. Maybe medium? He hadn't cared about that kind of thing since middle school and he'd obviously grown since then. He should have looked it up before he came to the store. He threw in medium hoping it was right and moved on, not wanting to be in front of them any longer. He grabbed the first bottle of lube he saw that was water based, he at least knew that much.
As he was about to head to the open register he passed the pet isle and froze. He darted his eyes and tried to pass. He turned and walked to the collars. There wasn't much variety, it being a grocery store and not a pet store but he found a medium grey collar that looked like it would fit Edd's thin neck… he shoved it in his cart and tried not to think too hard about it.
Checking out was fine until he got to the end. He coughed in his hand when the older woman checking him out got to the more embarrassing items. She didn't even acknowledge them though, used to seeing far stranger things, and he sighed in relief. He paid the woman and Nazz was waiting next to the door with her own bags.
He waved and she placed her two bags in the flip-out seat of the cart.
"What'd you get?" She asked, peeking into the bag with the condoms.
"I didn't know which size to get so I just grabbed medium."
"Well at least you're not delusional about your size."
"What would you know." He said. "You've never seen my dick."
"Yeah but I'm sure you're not so big it's shocking or the guys would be making fun of you. It would have become a rumor and ballooned out of control."
"Just because that happened to Mic doesn't mean it was gonna happen to everyone else." He said.
"Not unless they were bigger than him." Nazz said. "Anyone else close?"
Kevin elbowed her. "You're not even into men."
"True but it's still good gossip." She said.
"Well I wouldn't know. I don't look like that. None of them are even close to my type."
"And Edd's thin and willowy body just gets you hot?"
"Oh shut up. He's hot as hell. He's got a super cute face. And his ass…"
"My god you don't even realize how you sound." She snickered. "He's cute for sure but he's like, pretty average."
"Of course you'd think that. You're a lesbian." He scoffed. "Besides you've never seen him without his hat. Or naked. One of these days I'm gonna get him to wear stuff that really shows him off."
"Ohhh was that the kink? Dressing him?"
"B- what? No? Is that a thing?" He'd only skimmed it but that seemed improbable.
"Totally. Lots of submissives like to have their doms choose their clothes or other stuff like that."
Submissive was a word that sent Kevin for a loop. It was a perfect word for the way he was in his floaty headspace.
They loaded their groceries and Kevin thought about that.
"Hey," he started, "Is it weird that sometimes D gets all… out of it and really happy but like he's not completely there."
Nazz blinked. "Do you mean subspace?"
"I guess?" He said.
"How do you deal with it?"
"He gets super cuddly so I usually just lay with him until he comes back. Is there something I'm supposed to be doing?"
"Well you seem to be doing what's right for him but when does it happen? I've only heard of it happening after really intense scenes."
"Well. The first time we weren't even having sex. He just zoned out completely when I was washing his hair. He started to shake. I think he was just really overwhelmed being taken care of."
"And the next time?"
"After Eddy broke in. He was so upset. He basically bagged me to hold him down."
"And he acted the same?"
"Yeah, he couldn't talk for a bit but when he mostly comes to, he's really affectionate."
"And that was it?"
"There was one other time…" he said.
She raised an eyebrow. "And?"
"Last night… When I bit him. He really liked it. I still feel terrible."
"And when he came out of it?"
"He said he likes it and that he'll think of how it happened whenever it hurts."
"Then why do you feel bad? It seems like he's happy."
"I just… it bled. Not much but I don't like seeing him hurt like that. He only talked about how much he loved it so it feels stupid that it's freaking me out and in the moment it was hot but… I dunno. I feel like a bad person for liking it, even if he enjoyed it more than me."
"Top drop." She said as though he should know what she meant. "Basically the side effect of a lack of personal aftercare. What do you think might make you feel better?"
"I… I don't know. I think I just want to spend the night taking care of him. Maybe have sex but I'd be just as happy to just… make sure he was good."
"God you're a sap. Tell him that. Maybe take the night to go over the list and take care of each other. Set up an aftercare box for the both of you."
"You make me feel so stupid. Aftercare sounds pretty self explanatory but humor me."
"After you spank him or whatever it is you two like, when he's coming out of it you can have like, a cool compress and maybe some aspirin and a water bottle at the ready. That way you don't have to leave the room."
Kevin tried not to let it show how much the guess at spanking had affected him.
"Oh that's totally your thing isn't it." She grinned when he refused to comment. "Spanking him? Really. That's so vanilla. Of all the things on the list to be embarrassed about."
"I just like his ass okay!" He said.
"He did look good in those workout shorts. Maybe you should take him clothes shopping."
"So I've been doing everything right?"
"Seems like it. I mean it might be odd how easily he slips into subspace but It makes sense that everything is really intense for him because he's been so lonely."
"And it's not a bad thing for him to be there?"
"Nah. You just need to take care of him while he's there. If it's too intense he might cry but that's not always a bad thing. Lots of people find it cathartic and nice to let go that much. I don't think you'd be able to handle seeing him crying because of you though. Which is why I'm warning you."
He felt his chest tighten. "Yeah. Thanks. I really don't think I could…"
"If it really bothers you this much you can also just not do it. I'm sure he'd be just as happy to have vanilla sex."
He hadn't even thought of that. He didn't really care for that either though. "I love seeing him like that. All blissed out and without any worries. I want to bring him there. I just don't want to do it in a way that could do any real damage."
Nazz nodded. "Just watch out for top drop then. Maybe you can get some massage oil or lotion. Do something to take care of him and confirm you're not a bad person for loving him in the way he wants. You need to take care of yourself too."
"Yeah. That's a good idea." He said. He thought about what else he could do.
Nazz bit her lip, wondering if she should say anything. Ultimately she decided it was best to talk about it though. "You realize how fast you guys are moving right?"
"It's bound to happen with us staying together like we are." Kevin said getting out of his head.
"At least you can admit it." She started the car. They had a while still but she figured they could wait in the therapist's parking lot.
"I can't say I'm unhappy about it though. I wish I'd known how amazing he was before all of this. I hate that I could have been there before and I just wasn't."
"As much as you want to help it's not your problem to solve and it's not your fault it happened. He needs to want it for himself too."
"I know. I really hope he does. That's why I was so excited when he said he'd go to therapy."
"You've only been together a week- not even. Don't expect that years of isolation and depression can be fixed by the power of love. It's going to take a while."
"I know. I'm not going to give up because his recovery isn't fast enough. I love him. It's not going to always be easy but I'm willing to fight for it."
"But is he?" She asked. "You're so willing to make sure he doesn't get hurt you're not making sure you won't either. I'm not saying he wants to, or even that he will. Just that you need to take care of yourself and let him take care of you too."
Kevin sighed. "Yeah. Yeah, okay."