Optimus and Cordelia sat side by side at the lake that sat within the ranch's property lines. Cordelia was leaning against Optimus' left thigh, nestled in the cosy warmth of his mammoth grasp.
He sat with his hand curled loosely around her small body, his right knee drawn up to his chest. In his right hand he played with a large branch, rolling it easily between his huge fingers.
Cordelia toyed with the blue spherical charm that Leo and Optimus had gifted her for her birthday. It felt like eons had passed since then.
The weeks since their return to the ranch had been rolled into a confusing allegory of pain and catharsis.
Cordelia had days where she could get up out of bed and go about her day as if nothing had happened. She would do the housework and hang the laundry out, all the while trading jokes with Optimus and the other Autobots.
Optimus too, had his fair share of good days.
He also had his fair share of bad days.
Cordelia thought back to the time when she'd walked into the woods that bordered the property line to find him punching the living daylights out of a fallen tree.
She'd been curled up on the couch in the living room underneath her favourite blanket, just staring into space. The soup she'd made herself an hour before sat uneaten and cold in the bowl before her.
A distant thudding brought her back to reality, and she had gotten up off the couch to go and investigate the source.
It had taken her about twenty minutes to reach the woods, and with every step she took, the thudding noise got louder and she started to feel gentle vibrations in the ground.
The sight that met her eyes had taken her breath away.
Optimus was punching and kicking the trunk of a huge, fallen tree that must have been resting on the forest floor for some months, judging by the moss that had gradually grown to almost completely cover the trunk.
With each kick and punch, the ground vibrated ominously as if an earthquake was about to begin.
She watched as the mechanisms in his back and shoulders tightened and loosened as he drew his arm back repeatedly to punch the tree. A fist-sized dent had appeared in the great trunk and splintered bark littered the floor around Optimus' feet.
He growled incoherently to himself, intent only on beating the tree trunk as hard as he was capable of.
The noise was terrifying. It crashed through Cordelia's ears and directly into her brain at the same time as it vibrated throughout her whole body, making her feel as if her skeleton was enjoying some private disco that she herself was no part of.
"Damn you! Damn you! You failed! You failed your little one, you failed your planet, you failed this planet, you failed Sentinel, you failed yourself! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE CALLED A 'PRIME'!"
He bellowed the last words so loudly that Cordelia had to cover her ears. In the distance, she heard the squawk of some unimpressed crows as they took flight out of their perches.
Hot tears pricked at the inner corners of her eyes at the sight of somebody she loved so completely displaying such raw and heart-breaking pain.
Suddenly he rose to his full height and wrenched the tree trunk from the ground in a terrifying display of brute strength.
He secured it over his right shoulder, and for a moment she was reminded of the ancient medieval knights and the way that they had carried their lances into the jousting tournaments.
He lobbed it, there was no other word for it. He threw it high and far into the distance. It turned as it flew through the air, snapping branches off the neighbouring trees as it went by them.
It landed with a dull thud somewhere that Cordelia couldn't see. She tore her gaze from the sightless tree trunk and rested her gaze back on Optimus.
He dropped to his knees heavily, crouching and wrapping his arms around himself.
Cordelia could see steam escaping from the smokestacks on his shoulder blades, and the tell-tale unfurling of steam that must have been expelled through his nostrils.
He gouged great trenches into the ground, tearing up the earth like paper. His great body shook with the effort of his warring emotions.
Great, wracking sobs left him trembling and he had to brace his weight on both hands to stop himself from collapsing completely.
Cordelia had never seen him so vulnerable.
And it did not matter.
She walked slowly toward him, instinctively knowing that he would not hear her approach.
"Optimus?" She asked, keeping her tone low and gentle. She stopped about fifteen feet away from him, just in case she startled him.
At the sound of her voice, his head snapped out and he turned around so fast that he lost his balance a little.
He leaned on one knee, his optics round in surprise. Their pupils were thin pin-pricks. They always constricted when he was dealing with any sort of negative emotion, and this time was no different.
She wordlessly asked his permission to approach with a look.
He answered her unspoken question with a tiny nod.
She ran towards him and was swept up into both of his hands. He cupped her tiny body in his behemoth grasp, bringing her close to his face.
She stood on his palms and pressed both hands on his flat nose.
"Hey big guy, what's up?"
His mouth plates moved up and down for a few seconds before he could find the words to answer her.
"Cordelia – I – you – I'm sorry. You should not have had to see me behave like that. It was absolutely unacceptable and I can only apologise for my conduct."
She rolled her eyes at him, "Are you serious right now?! How many times do I need to tell you; I don't care! I don't care if you beat the living shit out of a tree or skip around a meadow dropping daisy petals! All that matters to me is that you talk to me Optimus. I'm never, ever going to judge you for getting angry or sad, for laughing or crying. To me you are just Optimus, the person who I love most in the world and the person who I would do absolutely anything for!"
His optics misted over as he took in her words, and he nuzzled into her, pressing his nose into her torso.
"Whatever did I do to deserve you?" He mumbled against her chest.
She ran a hand up and down his cheek, trying to comfort him. He started 'purring', a soft low rumbling that seemed to come from deep within his chest.
"You're wrong by the way." He canted his head to one side, studying her from beneath a raised optic ridge by way of a silent question. "You're wrong with what you said just now," she continued. "You haven't failed me, you haven't failed this planet. You haven't failed anyone, and you are fit to be called a Prime.
"Optimus, I need you to talk to me when you feel like this. Remember, you asked me to do the same for you? We are a partnership, and partners share everything, not just the bad stuff. I love you, and I need to be able to help you. Otherwise I am the one who has failed in her duty."
"Absolutely not. You have not failed in anything, Cordelia." He placed an index finger under her chin and gently tilted her face upwards to meet his penetrating gaze.
"I apologise for not confiding in you. I was afraid of burdening you when you have…already been through so much."
She sighed. "Yes, I have been through a lot. But so have you, and I need to be there for you Op, and I need you to let me be. Promise?"
He kissed her gently on the forehead with a quiet click of his mouth plates.
"Promise."
.o
Cordelia sighed and looked outward over the lake.
The late September sunset was beautifully mirrored in the water, setting an almost incandescent glow as the sun continued its descent.
She leaned against Optimus' thigh again heavily with a sigh.
His hand shifted around her body so that she was gently gathered in all four of his large fingers, his thumb holding her in place.
He laid back in the long grass of the meadow and deposited her on his broad chest.
He had rested his head against a large boulder and was able to look at her easily. He kept one hand cupped behind her, partly to keep the cool air at bay and to prevent her from rolling backwards onto his abdomen.
She rested her chin on her knees, looking at him warmly. "Whatcha thinkin' about big guy?" She asked, folding her arms beneath her head.
"I was…thinking about Nova's funeral and what a beautiful service it was."
Cordelia thought back to the afternoon when they'd held Nova's funeral service.
It had been a warm August afternoon, right here by this very lake. There hadn't been a cloud in the blue sky and the sun had beat down warmly onto her ivory skin.
She'd sat on Optimus' shoulder as the humanist celebrant had commended Nova's soul to pass from this life and into the next.
She'd had Nova's ashes put into the blue charm that Leo and Optimus had given her, so that she need never be apart from her daughter for as long as she lived.
All in all, it had been a short, intimate and beautiful service.
"Yes, it was a beautiful service," she said, toying absent-mindedly with a strand of her auburn hair.
"I am so proud of you Cordelia." Optimus said unexpectedly, gently drawing the tip of his index finger down one side of her face. "To go through what you have done in your short lifetime, and still be one of the most selfless, caring and beautiful souls I have ever known is no mean feat. I've known soldiers crumble under less than the trauma you have experienced."
She smiled sadly at him. "It isn't a competition big guy. No, I'm not okay right now, but I know as long as I have you, I can overcome anything."
She leaned back into his curled fingers, holding his thumb where it rested on her lap.
"Promise me something big guy?"
"Anything," he declared passionately, his optics flaring with like twin supernovae with conviction.
"Don't ever leave me."
He brought her close to his face and nuzzled her hair, kissing her shoulder at the same time.
"Never. As long as there is a Spark in my body, I am yours."
They settled into silence and watched the sun bid goodnight to the waking world, happy to just be with each other in total silence.
The coming challenges would be hard, and even feel impossible. They would face feelings of despair and failure, accompanied by misery and hopelessness.
But they were safe in the knowledge that they would also face these challenges together. Hand in hand, as they had done for the last decade or so. They would laugh together, cry together and build new memories, together.
Fate could throw anything She wanted at them. Cordelia knew and had faith that as long as she and Optimus were together, they could conquer anything.
"And we walk together into the light
And my love will be your armour tonight
We are lionhearts"
Lionheart (demi lovato)
Author's note:
Well, this has been a wild ride! I have plenty more planned for Optimus and Cordelia, you'll be hearing from them again soon. ^_^
As always, comments and favs are alway appreciated! Happy reading