Chapter Eleven - Muddled Thoughts
If Inoichi thought that he had seen it all, then Izumi's mind had to go and prove him wrong. From the moment he entered her mind, goosebumps ran up all along his arms. A cold feeling settled in the pit of his stomach.
It was the first time he felt anything like this. He wasn't supposed to be able to feel anything; he was nothing more than a phantom being in her mind.
The darkness was eerie. Only the dimmest of light from an unknown location kept the landscape from being basked in total darkness. Inoichi found himself gravitating towards that light source, even though he knew that wasn't where the memories in the brain were normally located. But judging from how everything went against his expectations the moment he entered her mind, Inoichi wouldn't be surprised if something else was thrown his way.
As he approached the light source, Inoichi noticed the light flickered on and off, dimming then brightening once more, seemingly in a game of tug of war. So far, it seemed that the dark side was winning as the strength of the light waned, allowing the darkness to creep closer. Inoichi sped up his pace; it would be too problematic to find his way around in the dark. At that point, Inoichi didn't think it was possible to be saved.
He reached it. His hand reached out to grab the translucent lock; the source of light embedded inside of it. Moving the lock closer to him, Inoichi's finger traced the cracks along the lock. The crack at the edge of the lock was newly formed, judging from the swallow mark. As Inoichi followed the path closer to the center of the lock, the deeper the cut.
Inoichi flipped the lock on the other side, noting the seal plastered on the back side. The edges of the seals were already fraying, no longer sticking to the lock. The paper looked almost as brittle as the lock; it seemed at any moment, the lock would break.
But what was inside? What was Izumi desperately trying to protect to go to such lengths?
What would happen if he broke the lock?
This was the first time Inoichi had encountered something like this, but his expertise told him that if he didn't break the lock now, it would shatter on its own. At least if he broke it on his own terms, he would be there to mitigate some of the damage.
Taking a deep breath, Inoichi tore the seal off of the lock. In that instant, the lock immediately disintegrated into million pieces of shards and light particles, all falling at his feet. The tattered seal joined them on the ground. Inoichi watched in awe as the walls fell, one by one, revealing her memory plane.
Except it was all wrong.
Her memories were located on the other side of her brain. Even though Inoichi didn't know her personally, one glance at the images floating across the landscape, he knew that they weren't right. A memory of a child would be immediately followed by a memory as an adult, then teenager. There was no particular order. The dialogue didn't match the lips. Memories that belonged together were broken apart, a piece here and another piece there.
Scattered and fragmented.
Inoichi had never seen anything like this. If anything, this would be the textbook definition of a broken mind. Amnesia would have been a better alternative than this. To still remember, but unable to make sense of any of it.
He was impressed that Izumi was still coherent enough to speak to them.
Inoichi went to work. He began sorting the memories in a logical order, placing them roughly where he believed to have taken place in her life based on how old the people were in her memories. Yet as he tried to sort them, the memories gradually gravitated towards moving out of order. Inoichi was forced to use some chakra to loosely string them all together, but that came at the expense of draining his chakra more rapidly than he anticipated.
He sped up his pace, but there were so many things that he had to do in order to somewhat fix her memories that required an immense amount of chakra. Add on the fact that Inoichi would need to finish it in one try; otherwise, the memories would scatter once he left her mind again.
The chakra string broke as Inoichi reached his limit. He helplessly watched the memories float across the plane, undoing all of his progress as it split off in no particular order. Once again, it became a mismatched sight of random images that didn't quite fit together.
Two years worth of memories gone, just like that. How was Inoichi going to have enough chakra to piece together eighteen year's worth?
Shaking his head in defeat, Inoichi performed a final jutsu to cast a netting around the general area. At the very least, it could prevent the memories from floating to other parts of the brain and becoming even more problematic. With that done, Inoichi exited her mind.
His eyes snapped open. His arm was shaking as he removed his hand from Izumi's head. Sweat dripped down along the side of his face; his bangs were matted against his forehead. His chest heaved up and down as he fought to fill his air with lungs.
That took more of a toll on his body than he anticipated.
Obito caught Izumi as her body fell to the side. Grasping her shoulders, he gently maneuvered her back onto the hospital bed.
Numbly, Inoichi stood up. The legs of his chair scraped against the tiled floor, leaving a visible scratch. A buzzing noise filled his ears as he mechanically walked out of the room, barely registering his own actions. He stood right outside of the hospital room, leaning his head and shoulder against the wall.
He was jolted out of his reverie when he heard the door click shut. Obito came to stand right in front of him, a questioning look in his eyes.
"It's complicated." And it really was. Aside from being able to put it into words, Inoichi's mind could barely comprehend what was going on.
"Can her memories be restored?" That was the easier of the two questions, but unfortunately, Inoichi had nothing but bad news for him. He hated to have to deliver the news, especially knowing that there hadn't been good news with the blind Uchiha, but what other choice did he have?
"She didn't lose her memories," Inoichi told him. "Forgetting is just a coping mechanism. Her memories are out of place and I suspect that she shoved them into a corner of her mind. If she tried to make sense of it all, she would go insane."
"So...her memories are all there? Just out of place? Can't you put it back in place?"
Inoichi exhaled. "If only it were that simple. I can put the memories back where it belongs, but the problem is that her memories are all out of order. None of the dialogue matches the images and each event is broken up into so many different fragments that it's hard to place it back in order without knowing what they were talking about. I tried to roughly sort them by the general timeframe, but I didn't have enough chakra to finish it."
"Can you do it in multiple sessions?"
"No. Once I stop, all of my work undoes itself, so I would need to have an immense amount of chakra to be able to complete it in one try. Even if I do manage to accomplish that, it would be up to her to reorganize the rest because the memories are hers. Only she knows how it's supposed to go."
"And there lies the problem," Obito concluded. "Her memories are confusing her, but she is the only one who can put them in the right place."
Inoichi nodded. "Yes. Perhaps people who she is close with can help her by telling her stories about past memories, but that's not the issue. At this point, she'll need my help to sort her memories."
"Is there anyone else in your clan that has a larger chakra reserve?"
Inoichi shook his head sadly. "Not to the extent that is necessary to repair her mind. The amount of chakra needed is about five normal chakra reserves."
"Then can multiple people work on it at one time? Like five of your clan members work together?"
"Possibly, but the mind is a very delicate area of the human. Too many people working on the mind at the same time might lead to even greater percussions if we're not careful. The risk is too high."
"There's no other way?"
"I would suggest leaving it as it is. At this point, it'll be better if Izumi treats it like she has amnesia. All of the memories are locked in a corner of her mind, so as long as she doesn't try to dig there, then she'll be fine. Make new memories and leave the old ones untouched."
"Amnesia," Obito echoed.
A sympathetic smile stretched across his face as Inoichi left Obito to mull over his words.
It was oddly strange that three of them were in a room meant for one. Itachi and Shisui sat on his bed, while Kakashi perched on the edge of his desk, one foot dangling in the air while the other was planted on the ground to keep his balance.
Since the day that Itachi was rescued, he had been oddly quiet. Itachi always was a man of few words, but the atmosphere felt different. It felt like...maybe Itachi had given up. On the contrary, Shisui couldn't sit still. Before Kakashi forced him to take a seat, he had paced back and forth across the room and now his foot tapped incessantly against the floorboard. The constant tapping grated on his nerves and Kakashi almost berated Shisui for it, when a small voice in the back of his head jumped in to remind him that he was no stranger to anxiety.
So Kakashi allowed Shisui to continue, since it was his way of releasing pent up energy.
In a rare moment of weakness, Shisui broke. He abruptly stood up.
"I can't just sit around and do nothing."
Itachi's hand grasped the air until he found Shisui's arm. Fingers curling around his arm, Itachi tugged on Shisui's arm. He sat back down.
"Then tell me, what do you want to do?" Kakashi challenged.
"I-" Shisui gave up on finishing his sentence, emitting a loud sigh instead. "Izumi won't be able to get her memories back. Itachi is blind. None of the changes we want to make actually happened. I feel so useless."
"So what are you going to do?" Kakashi repeated.
It was Itachi who answered. "Finish what we started."
Shisui's head turned so fast to look at Itachi that Kakashi heard an audible crack. Kakashi inwardly chuckled; it was as he expected of Itachi.
"What do you mean?"
Itachi turned his head to face in the general direction of where Shisui's voice was coming from. "That day we promised to dismantle the system from inside and out. I intend to keep to that promise."
"But how? We could barely fight back against them at full capacity and now that Izumi can't fight with us, and you're blind, and they partnered with Oto-"
"Do you remember the first time you showed me your Mangekyo Sharingan?" Itachi questioned, cutting Shisui off from his rant. Shisui nodded, forgetting that Itachi couldn't see him, but Itachi must have sensed his affirmation because he plowed on. "We were just kids back then, but we resolved to restore peace. It took us a decade, but we did it. Never once did we think about giving up."
"That was different," Shisui countered. "You had the power to make the change as the clan heir. Now they completely ousted you and the only way we can fight back is to enact a coup, but there's not enough people willing to fight with us."
"Are you sure about that? The Uchihas brought in Oto shinobis. Rather than strengthening relations with their existing allied clans, they brought in an outsider, which will alienate them. The Aburames and Inuzukas didn't stand with us because they didn't want any trouble, but when push comes to shove, they'll fight. The Hyugas are a prideful clan; they won't stand to be treated as inferior. You know as well as I do that not all of the Uchihas believe in Madara's ideology. Orochimaru is quite fickle; once the situation turns unfavorable, he will be the first to run."
"That's assuming that everything you said is true."
Itachi cocked his head to the side. "You forget that our comrades are still in Uchiha territory. Contact them and find out the current situation. We'll need to plan for our final move."
"You intend a hostile takeover?" Kakashi interjected.
Itachi nodded. "We need to take back the village for the sake of the future generation. We cannot continue as we always have. Your village has already found peace; we wish to achieve the same."
"Alright. Let me know if I can assist with anything."
Shisui shot Kakashi an affronted look. "How can you agree so easily? You think Itachi is in any condition to fight?"
Kakashi shrugged. "He's blind, not bedridden. He can train to rely on his other senses. And besides, even without Itachi, there's still you, isn't there? There's still Toshiro. There's still Obito and all of the rest of your comrades. You're a team for a reason."
"Besides," Kakashi added quietly. "My sensei once told me that your dreams will only remain dreams unless you strive for them. If you failed once, then pick yourself up and try again. Isn't that what we've been doing all these years when we work to achieve peace? Are you sure that you won't regret it if you give up now?"
"Of course I'll regret it, but-" Shisui glanced over at Itachi. "I just wish things were different. Itachi will be a better leader than I ever will be."
Itachi smiled. "Give yourself some credit. Your eyes are infinitely more powerful than mine, so it is better that I am the one who has lost his eyesight."
"Maybe we can find a way to heal your eyes," Shisui tried again, but Itachi immediately shot down that idea.
"No. I've already accepted my fate, Shisui. Please respect my decision."
Shisui's shoulders sagged. After a few seconds of silence stretched between them, he finally nodded, but it wasn't to Itachi. It was more like a nod for himself, that he finally accepted Itachi's decision. That small moment of vulnerability was quickly gone. Shisui cleared his throat, a small smile forming on his face.
"So what's next?"
You can't run away forever.
Kurenai's words echoed in her head. Every time she hesitated, her mind would automatically conjure an image of Kurenai's hardened expression as she convinced her to not skip her hospital shift again. Her voice kept her going, pushed her to put one foot in front of the other on her daily route to the hospital.
Normally it would have been a relaxing ten minute walk, yet today, it was agonizing. Kurenai's words propelled her forward, while her mind fought back. Each time a flash of red and white flickered to the forefront of her mind, it took every fiber of her being for Rin to not turn back.
Avoiding them would have been much easier, but Kurenai had a point. Rin couldn't simply put her life on hold because of them. By doing so, she was essentially allowing them to control her life again. Then what difference would it make if she was under their genjutsu or not?
Yet when she recalled Shisui on his knees, begging her to treat Itachi's eyes a few days ago, her resolve crumbled. What if he was still there, waiting for her?
Her steps halted. She stopped in the middle of a busy street, yet the bustling noise was nothing more than a dull buzz in her ears as all sorts of thoughts assaulted her mind. Everything ranging from the memories of when she was under Daisuke's command, to the look of desperation in Shisui's eyes, to the damned red and white fan symbol that represented everything that she resented, to how Obito could act like nothing was wrong when he knew all along, to all the times that Itachi could look her straight in the eye and ask her for medical updates. All of these memories linked together, forming a complicated web of lies. Regardless of how much she tried, Rin couldn't escape.
The memories still haunted her even as Rin finally gathered her bearings to realize that she was in the middle of a busy street. She sidestepped just in time to avoid being rammed in the shoulder by a running pedestrian.
Her feet continued to carry her towards the hospital. Somewhere along the way, Rin found the courage to strengthen her resolve once more. Without a single moment of hesitation, Rin walked the last half of the route to the hospital without stopping. It was only when she spotted the front entrance of the hospital did she let out an audible sigh of relief.
Shisui wasn't there. There wasn't a single Uchiha in sight.
Pouring rain. Shisui on his knees. The red and white Uchiha symbol glaringly obvious on his backside, staring back at her. His hoarse voice pleading for her to help Itachi. The courage, the fear that propelled her to turn her back on him and run.
Self doubt clouded her mind, but it was gone as quickly as it came.
You can't run away forever.
Rin couldn't. No matter how far she ran, the memories would always come back to haunt her, regardless of whether or not she ran into an Uchiha. Perhaps, the only way to get over her past was to have the courage to confront her fear.
What else could they do to her? They had taken over a decade of her life.
With that thought in mind, Rin entered the double doors of the hospital before she could change her mind.
The strong smell of antiseptic immediately assaulted her nose upon her entrance. While others might have scrunched their nose at the smell, Rin relished in it. This was familiar territory. This was her territory. Being here made her feel ten times more confident than she would be elsewhere.
Her routine kicked in. On her way to the common lounge, Rin greeted everyone that she recognized. She could tell some had inquiries at the tip of their tongues, most likely to question her week long disappearance, but Rin continued to stroll down the hallway, denying them the opportunity to ask.
Rin made it to the common lounge without incident. Placing her personal belongings into her locker, Rin grabbed her medical coat, donning it over her clothes before wrapping her stethoscope around her neck. Slamming the locker door shut, Rin turned around just in time to see one of her colleagues step into the room. Giving her a weary nod, he headed towards his locker, ready to get off, while Rin headed to start her rounds.
Completing her rounds had occupied so much of her attention that her thoughts didn't even stray to the Uchihas for the first four hours of her shift. In fact, Rin wouldn't have been reminded of it at all if not for Emi. Emi caught Rin in the hallway as she moved between wards, sidling up next to her. Leaning her head towards her and raising her clipboard as a shield of privacy, Emi delivered the news in a low voice.
"Last room at the end of the hall belongs to Izumi Uchiha."
Rin froze. During her nine years, Rin had only met Izumi Uchiha in passing, barely had even made eye contact. She had nothing against her, just if there was one here, then there was bound to be others.
Itachi? Obito? Shisui? Rin had a difficult time picking who she would rather run into.
"And Itachi?" Rin ventured to ask, when she finally found her voice again.
"Discharged a few days ago," Emi informed her. Air filled her lungs and Rin felt like she could finally breathe again.
At least Itachi wasn't here.
Emi stared at her intently, gauging her reaction. Out of everyone, Emi was the closest person to knowing how Rin felt about the Uchihas. She wasn't aware of her past, just the knowledge of Rin once being the Uchiha's most prized medic to switching sides after the war spoke volumes. Emi's mind probably already pieced together her own conclusions.
Emi, an accomplished medic herself, - Rin had to remind herself that Emi wasn't her subordinate anymore like she was when they both worked for the Uchihas - placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. She lightly patted Rin on her shoulder a few times.
"I can check up on Izumi Uchiha in your place if you want."
"But won't they recognize you?"
Emi scoffed. "I'm not as high profiled as Kakashi san was. Besides, consider it as a return of favor for all the trouble I caused you in the past."
That comment had successfully elicited a hint of a smile from Rin as she recalled Emi always loitering around in the hallways, gossiping. Always messed up one thing or another so Rin was left cleaning up her mess.
Who knew that it had been all an act?
Emi flashed her a mock salute before she bounded off towards the end of the hallway, no doubt to head into Izumi's room. Rin went back to her rounds, heading into the next patient's room.
As Rin exited that patient's room, she spotted a flash of silver out of the corner of her eye. Whipping her head around, she spotted the back of Kakashi's head as he headed down the hall. Clutching the clipboard tightly to her chest, Rin took off after him, completely ignoring the rule that there was no running in the hospital.
Kakashi must have sensed her presence, but when he did, he seemed to speed up his pace rather than slow down. Rin had to flat out sprint to eliminate the distance between them. Her hand latched onto his upper arm, halting his movements. At first, it didn't seem like Kakashi wanted to even acknowledge Rin's presence, but after a few moments, his head slowly turned towards her.
He dipped his head as a way of greeting. "Hi Rin." His eyes were anywhere but on her.
Rin frowned. "Why are you avoiding me?"
"I'm not." If Rin hadn't known better, she would have believed him. It was jarring how well Kakashi could lie; he kept a straight face and his voice didn't waver in the slightest.
"You are," Rin insisted. "You were running away from me. Did I do something wrong?"
"No...I'm just busy."
"Busy," Rin repeated, incredulously. Maybe Kakashi wasn't as good as a liar like she originally thought. "I thought we were past cryptic bullshit."
"We are," Kakashi affirmed. "I wasn't avoiding you; I was giving you some space. I know you needed some time to sort out your thoughts."
He knew? Rin never told him...so it was Obito?
"It's because the Uchihas are here."
Kakashi nodded. "You know that I'm working with the Uchihas."
"So you think I should help them?" Her tone was borderline encroaching on aggressive and Kakashi must have sensed her hostility since he took a step back. He held out his hands in a surrender motion.
"I don't know everything that happened between you and the Uchihas and even if I did, it's not my place to judge your decisions. You're a rational person; if you choose not to help them, then you must have your reasonings just like I have my reasons for helping them."
Her anger deflated. "Sorry, I didn't mean to accuse you of anything. Are you here to visit…" Rin choked up. She couldn't even say her name.
"Actually, I'm here-" Kakashi never finished his train of thought as his eyes gravitated towards something over Rin's head. She stared at Kakashi for a few moments, waiting to see if he was going to finish his sentence, when she heard his voice. It was painfully familiar. If it had been a year ago, Rin would be overjoyed at hearing his voice because that meant he was back from the outposts. But now…
The sound of his voice sent chills down her spine.
"Oi Kakashi, did you hear-" Obito faltered when his eyes landed on the woman in front of him. His eyes widened, flickering back and forth between the woman's backside and Kakashi, trying to seek confirmation from him that his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. When Kakashi nodded, Obito felt like he couldn't breathe.
"Rin."
She didn't even turn to look at him. Her mind whirled with all sorts of thoughts at how she was supposed to respond to his sudden presence, but Rin found that she couldn't. Rin thought she had already forgiven him, knowing that she would have done the same thing if she had been in his position, yet that forgiveness couldn't quite translate into reality. How was she supposed to interact with him now?
So she chose not to respond at all.
"I'm sorry," Obito rushed out, fearing that Rin wouldn't even want to finish listening to what he had to say. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. I don't expect you to forgive me." The logical part of him knew that it was highly unlikely for her to forgive him, but deep down inside, Obito still yearned for her forgiveness. The selfish part of him hoped that they could return to how they were before, but everything had changed.
Rin's standoffish attitude told him everything that he needed to know. Obito forced a fake smile on his face, convincing himself that he needed to show Kakashi that he was okay with Rin's indifference, but it was mostly for his benefit. He needed to convince himself that he was okay with it.
"I understand," Rin said slowly. "I just…I just don't really know how to face you anymore."
And that felt like a slap to the face. Obito could handle anger, resentment. But this? This, Obito couldn't handle. It only made him feel ten times guiltier.
Rin cleared her throat. "It's not really your fault. You, your clan, I understand. But I don't really think that we can go back to the way we were. Let's just forget about the last nine years. It'll be better...for both of us."
It wouldn't. The last nine years meant a lot to him; he simply didn't want to forget it all, but he knew that his protests wouldn't change a thing. A hint of finality had been present in Rin's words, yet the slightest bit of hesitance still gave Obito hope until he saw her gaze on Kakashi, seeking his reassurance.
For the first time since he met Kakashi, Obito felt jealous. Why did their friendship remain intact, while his fell apart? If only he hadn't been there, at the wrong place at the wrong time. If only he hadn't been born into the Uchiha clan...if only…
There was nothing he could say to justify his actions, so Obito kept his mouth shut. He didn't say a single word even when he heard Rin muttering a small farewell to Kakashi. He didn't move a single muscle when he saw Rin walking away. Although it pained him to do so, Obito didn't go after her, didn't call her name.
Rin wouldn't have looked back anyways.
Kakashi moved to stand next to Obito, offering his presence as a form of comfort. Neither of them uttered a single word. Eventually Obito found the strength to turn away. Perhaps it was for the best. By cutting off all ties with her, it was guaranteed that Rin wouldn't be dragged into Uchiha affairs again.
The hardest part would be forgetting the nine years. But for her sake...Obito would learn how to stay away.
Even if it pained him to do so.
A/N: Hi again!
In case you forgot, Emi was also one of the Senju's spy that worked alongside Rin at the hospital in the first book. I also spent way too long trying to figure out how Rin should react to Obito. If you recall, I didn't address it at the end of book 1 because I couldn't make up my mind. Well here we are, I had to include it in this one.
Do you think her reaction [to Obito] is fair, given that she was able to forgive Kakashi? Curious to hear your thoughts. :)
Thanks for reading! Until next time.
-MM