XXVI.

BLACK HOLE SUN

What a shit boring afternoon it has been. Nothing different has changed for her indifferent views towards life. Aside from Loan who earlier tried to hold a meaningful conversation, nothing seems to matter to Lupa at all. Her father was out on an errand along with aunt Lynn, wouldn't be back until later tonight. It was just her, Loan, and the whole house to themselves. The silence was welcoming, yet at the same time very threatening. It would get too quite for the young girl's comfort. As the television sounded off with whatever show, commercial or movie it was broadcasting she couldn't help but to carefully and anxiously look behind her.

This habits had been a growing concern for her. Like, she knows there's nobody here, but regardless that eerie feeling always finds it's way crawling up her spine, destroying any sense of safety and throwing her out on a loop of paranoia. It would get worse at night. After every nightmare, she would fail to fall asleep again. Terrified that those three men were somehow hiding in her room or roaming the house: searching for the one that got away. She couldn't count the number of times in which she would just freeze like a statue and stare at her closet's door most especially when it had a small creak opening; fearing that the one with blade was in there staring back at her with those sinister dead eyes of his.

Not until sunrise engulfed her room with the safety of the light or her father entered her room did she allow herself to collapse in extreme exhaustion. Every night it never ended, darkness now her greatest enemy.

Checking the clock it was no where near nightfall. It was safe then wasn't it? To venture outside the house for the time being?

She had not much else to do, television a dull pastime at the moment. She can just hangout with Loan, but the older girl would find a way to make things awkward real quick. No, Lupa has always been a go getter who believed in taking initiative. Well...used to believe that, nowadays she doesn't know what she is anymore.

"Damn it."

She wanted to go out, but again, her fears now dictated her life. Last time she went out was to accompany her father to the grocery store, she couldn't handle the public. To exposed, to vulnerable and many hidden spots for them to strike.

"Fuck. I'm turning into Loan." She realized.

Slapping herself on both sides of her cheeks, she got up from her spot and walked aimlessly around the living room, "Fucking hell, get a grip you stupid bitch! Just...fuck I don't know, happy thoughts?"

The day was still young. She had time to do whatever else she could do for the day. Staying at home and slowly dying of boredom was not one of those options. Getting up from the couch she pulled the curtains just enough to see the area of the neighborhood. Not much activity, then again it's summer, most kids are either exploring the world or locked up in their rooms gaming all day. She glanced back up the stairs. Maybe she should tell Loan were she was heading off to, but again, older girl might freak out and not let her leave the house. Hard to choose for she doesn't want to get anyone in trouble and not agitate herself if they start arguing.

Grabbing her journal she went up the front door and left the house and out into the outside world.

The park was not as packed as she had initially thought. Most of the kids were by the skating area with a few others lazing about under the shades of the trees. She sat down on one of the many picnic tables scattered about. It amazed her to realize just how serene everything was around her. Expecting a headache for some reason, she only felt relieved to be in an open area. Being home, she only ever felt the suffocation around her. That house carried a heavy burden on her.

Lucky for her nobody approached her. Nobody looked at her. Just like her mother, Lupa easily blended well in the background of these many city park dwellers.

As they all entertained themselves with various fun activities she stood behind them all, a silent spectator to all their laughter, excitement and happiness. Not just looking at them with a heavy heart, but also documenting all that was occuring on her journal too. Lupa never wanted to admit it to anybody or allow anyone in the family to find out, but she was an excellent draftsman. Pen or pencil, her drawings were of a high skilled level. Apparently she was more like her dad than she had ever cared to recognize.

Currently drawing the the open soccer field, she started to shade it to add more life to her representation.

"Looks alright." Lupa spoke to herself.

She continued on drawing anything that would catch her eye: The kids, the trees, the statues and dogs. Anything that she felt like it, she penciled it down on paper. It wouldn't come out as perfect since this is a writing journal instead of an actual sketchbook. Regardless the pencil never left the paper and the graphite scrapped along leaving behind the marks of a gifted artist. She wasn't going into full detail, simply shading most of the drawings whole. However way she chose to do it her art style was her art style.

"None of this is working." She said in frustration.

Flipping to a new fresh page, Lupa closed her eyes and attempted to envision that which could grant her some inspiration. Using the background noise of the the park all she could create in her mind was a pleasant imagery of them all together. All of them, one big family again. Having found her inspiration, she immediately got down to work. With much care and dedication she traced the shapes and added the many layers of features to her current project in hands.

So deep into it she ignored all around her. Just this paper the pencil and herself all alone as sole companions in this empty world.

They say a picture can speak a thousand words, she would agree with them, whomever they is. As she placed down her tool and felt the pulsing veins on her fingers twitch after pressing hard into the material she managed to move back and gaze at her proud artwork. A well drawn portrait of the three of them, together only in memory now. Lemy and Lyra side by side with herself right down center point. All three of them smiling. Smiles that carried no scars, pain or hatred, all smiles that are non-existent anymore. The more she stared the more painful her fond smile became. That relationship was no more for her, they were both dead in different ways: One physical and the other emotional.

Lyra still lived, but inside she was surely dead, just like Lupa herself.

If only she had not asked him, if only she had chosen to do something else instead. She pushed aside those troubling thoughts and focused again on the beautiful drawing she had just finished. Their personalities all captured perfectly, Lemy and his dumb oblivious smile, Lyra and her mature and deeply caring smile and finally Lupa with her dull, yet content position in life, surrounded by the people that deeply care about her and she too appreciates back. Such a tragic still image that is no longer a reality for the young white haired girl.

"Everything...hurts." Lupa closed her eyes and held her pain in.

"Fuck..." She continued on, "Fuck it all."

She missed him badly. Hated that he was gone, hated that she had a part in his demise, absolutely hated that she destroyed her sister's only true happiness. The more she saw her own self drawing the more she felt disgusted with herself. She didn't deserve this, she didn't deserve to live. Didn't deserve to still be alive while he rots in a casket six feet underground while Lyra self destructs and lashes out at the innocent ones, no, she's not innocent never was and still isn't.

Wiping away any potential tears Lupa sniffed and cleared her throat from breaking out.

As she reached out for her journal someone else's hand snatched it up first. Immediately acting up, Lupa faced up against the individual who dared lay hands on her personal artifact. Some random kid she's never seen or met before, somewhere around a few years older than her most definitely upper middle school at best. Some stupid moron looking for an easy picking it seemed and Lupa most definitely as most cases in the past fit the typical description of a bully's victim.

"Hey there." He held up the journal while being smug towards her.

"Fuck you give it back." Lupa glared back.

She held her ground and didn't move a single inch. Still as a statue she continued to glare at him, doing everything in her power to demonstrate intimidation and anger, but unfortunately she was dealing with a moron. He remained unfazed, to him she was just a short girl. A short antisocial loner that clearly had no friends to defend her and thus he made her an easy target to harass.

"Shit that's a mouth you got there and here I thought you wanted some serious company being all alone here." He carried on.

For fucks sake, not only is he annoying her he is hoping to get lucky too. Lupa resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him as she was too focused on her death glare.

"Give it back and fuck off." She repeated her statement.

She didn't want to waste anymore more time with this idiot. Her day was ruined and she was going straight back home, but she needed her journal back first. That book contained not just that wholesome drawing, but all her inner thoughts, all her personal demons that she refuses to let out just yet. Taking a big leap she launched her arms forward, an attempt to reclaim back her journal from the idiot before her. The kid anticipated this and dodged her attack flawlessly. With his free hand he grabbed her head and pushed her down to the ground with ease. Lupa sat up with both arms propped up to keep her steady. Being toyed like this was really pissing her off now, she was now out to hurt him.

"Yeesh, wonder what weird and humiliating shit you have written here?" He spread open the book and flipped through the pages.

"Give it back!" Lupa launched herself again, enraged that this simpleton was reading her private thoughts.

She swung wildly at him. He managed to dodge the first, but got scrapped by the second strike of the now furious girl he had provoked. Lupa kept throwing punches at him, not caring of the scene she was causing or if she would hurt her own hands, she just wanted to hurt him and retrieve her journal. All the words she'd written down, all the thoughts that have been haunting her day and night were all there and she couldn't bear the idea of it all been taken away from her. He was taken from her already, she didn't want to lose this as well.

"Woah! Calm the fuck down!" He shouted as Lupa continued to pummel him with her fists.

She wasn't that strong to begin with, never having exercised or properly worked out in her life. She wasn't as strong as aunt Lynn or taller than anyone else, stealth and sneak attacks were her only tactics against much larger opponents. But right now her emotions had gained control of her body and her she was out of her element weakly assaulting a much bigger individual than her.

Giving him an opening he backhanded her across the face with such strength it send the gothic girl down to the ground again. It stung she wasn't going to lie to herself, that was a good hit on his part. The tears were already oozing out, both from the pain and the emotional conflict she was feeling at the moment. Lupa was ready to snap and just murder this kid in cold blood. Her inner hatred that she'd been storing since that dreadful night was ready to burst out. The raw unapologetic hatred she had for those three, for that night, for herself above everything else was just about to unleash itself. Luckily for him a helping hand made its presence known and saved him from being murdered.

'WHACK'

"Ouch, what the fuck?" He yelled out in pain as someone struck him with a foreign object from behind.

"Leave her alone you fucking jerk!"

Some random girl just appeared out of nowhere and was currently bashing Lupa's opponent with a skateboard at full strength. This unknown person was a young girl just like Lupa. Short dirty blonde hair with a tint of blue at the tip, blue piercings on her left eyebrow and one mean face as she crushed this guy's back with her solid strikes from her skateboard. This new girl went to town on him, if Lupa wasn't too emotionally unstable at the moment she would openly admire her and give her all the glory. After a few more hits with the skateboard the kid dropped the journal and ran off in fear and pain from the blonde bruiser.

"That'll teach him." She huffed as she placed down her skateboard.

Eyeing the journal she picked it up from the ground and saw Lupa getting back up to her feet.

"I guess this is yours." She extended her hand to her, offering back the loud girl's book back.

Lupa reached for it and quickly covered it with both hands, her pale fingers feeling every inch of leather too scared to let go of it once more. The other girl stood about and offered her a smile, proud of helping a fellow kid in distress. Lupa said nothing back for she was too focused on her own problems.

"Hey it's all cool now, what's your name?" She asked Lupa.

Lupa stared at her with no words escaping her mouth. She had no idea what to do or say, but one thing was certain, she wanted to leave this place as quickly as possible. With fright in her eyes she didn't respond back and immediately took her leave from the area, running away from the good samaritan.

"Hey wait!" The blonde skater shouted from behind her, but Lupa didn't bother to stop. She kept on running, out of the park across the street and all the way back home.

Over at some other part of town Lincoln and Lynn drove down main street. It was getting dark, but at least they had completed their errands for the day. Lincoln needed to purchase some much needed equipment and despite being the man of the relationship he wasn't ashamed to ask for Lynn's help with the physical strength of carrying said equipment to Luan's house. After having helped install the new air conditioner and toss out the old one, Luan had offered them both an exclusive reward for their kind help and said reward included the three of them in a bed together. The sex is always great, but he wasn't going to lie, threesomes are pure heaven; every man's dream. Even as they left, it wasn't mostly for pleasure, but it was a strange form of physical therapy for them all. A way to, as Lynn quoted it, "Fuck the pain away." They all needed it and Lincoln loved them all for understanding the misery he was going through.

Lynn felt it and so did Luan. After all they're all family, sure they never were the best at it at times and have had their difference in the past, but right now they were all united as one.

"Hey you hungry?" Lincoln asked Lynn.

"Eh... maybe a little." Lynn replied.

"Let's get the kids something on the way." Lincoln smiled at her, "How about some pizza for the girls, what you say?"

Lynn stopped fixing her hair and looked back at him, "Pizza? Sure Loan will love that. Lupa... I mean its pizza right?"

"She'll eat don't worry." Lincoln reassured her, always having Lupa's well-being in his thoughts.

Driving up to the local pizza parlor Lynn got off the car to order the meal as Lincoln waited in the car. Listening to the radio, Linc skimmed across the many stations searching for the right song that could hit his inner sweet spot. Not much to hear at the moment all this new music just wasn't the same as the classics of twenty years ago. Looking past the window into the building, Lynn was currently hold up in a line with three customers ahead of her. Tapping on the steering wheel he looked around with boredom, not much to do at the moment. Soon enough he pulled out his cellphone and instinctively went to his contact list. Finding the person he was looking for he gave in a long breath before dialing.

"Yeah?"

Thank god she picked up his call, Lincoln quickly spoke up, "Lyra? Please don't hang up?"

"I won't."

He felt relieved with her response. He really wants to speak to her, just hearing her voice was enough satisfaction for him, but having her back home would be the real achievement. It's felt like ages since they last saw each other and not knowing her whereabouts was both alarming and disappointing for him as a parent. He didn't want to fail her too.

"I haven't seen you at all. Panther said you moved out on your own? Where you at?" He worried.

He had known that she had shacked up with her friend, but afterwards when he called the house for Lyra was avoiding his calls did he learn that his daughter had left the place some days ago. He didn't like that one bit. He had always trusted Lyra to take care of herself, she was highly responsible for her age and fully capable of living on her own. That was the past however, now he feared for her mental well-being, he needed to know, needed to be alert of her at all times. He was failing as a father yet again.

"I'm safe dad." She replied back, her answers short and simple.

Lincoln wasn't too sure about it, but he chose to trust her words otherwise.

"...We all miss you. Please come back." He pleaded to his daughter.

And it was a hundred percent true. Everyone was constantly asking about her, nobody had forgotten her at all. Always worried for her his sisters didn't like the idea of Lyra taking off on her own and gave Lincoln so much shit for allowing that to happen at all. He humbly agreed with them, he should have tried harder for her. Lupa was safe and sound at least physically, thus why he felt like absolute shit at letting his other daughter take off like that. He was still failing as a father it seems.

"I'm sorry...I just... can't go back." Lyra's voice was heavy, "I don't trust myself."

Inside the pizza parlor Lynn had finally gotten her turn with the cash register and ordered two hot and ready extra large pizzas. After adding the bread sticks and 2 liter coke she payed with her credit card and walked out the place and back to Lincoln in the car. He was on the phone or was as he hanged up and now looked miserable. Reaching the driver's door he opened it for her. Getting in and placing the goods in the backseat she looked at him with curiosity.

"Was that her?" She asked him.

"Yes." He nodded.

"How is she? Where is she?" Lynn asked, worried for her niece's well-being.

Lincoln leaned back on his seat and ran his hand over his white hair, "She won't say. I'm worried about her. I...I just want her back."

Lynn placed a hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eyes.

"She'll be back. I hate that she just took off like that, but as much as I want to bust down the door and drag her from the hair back home it will only make things worse. Just keep trying Linc." Lynn reassured him.

"I...have a bad feeling Lynn." Lincoln spoke up, "I said something that maybe I shouldn't have, but...I couldn't lie to her. I just...it needed to be said, she needed to know. Know that she's not alone, but..."

Lincoln rubbed his forehead and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked deeply conflicted and lost.

"What happened?" Lynn asked again, "What did you tell her exactly?"

Lincoln closed his eyes and waited a few seconds to compose himself. With Lynn patiently waiting he answered her question with a hard stare, full of resolve and focus, one that he couldn't deny as his heart was set in stone.

"The truth."

Back home Lupa was once again in her room. Locked away from the outside world and safe within her four sturdy walls. Sitting on the floor with her back against the bed she wrote on her journal adding much that her mind wanted to throw out. Finishing her latest sketch she looked over her words and silently read them again.

June 26th

#05

Went out on my own today. For some odd reason I genuinely thought I could just brush of my fears, my paranoia and act like a normal human for once.

Not exactly what I had planned at all.

Everything was fine and dandy. Until some dickhead came over and ruined the day for me. Asshole dared take my journal away and taunt me about it.

I wanted nothing more than to gouge his stupid eyes out and kick him until all ribs were broken and he suffered internal bleeding. I guess, not only am I afraid. I'm so angry with myself. In a way now thinking more clearly, I guess that I just wanted to let it all out and he was available as my would-be punching bag.

Lucky him and unfortunate for me some random stranger came to my rescue. Some skater chick by her looks also not to mention she had a skateboard in hand. Gave that idiot quite the beating. I was so impressed, but to much of a emotional mess to express it anyhow.

I should have thanked her. Instead I ran away like the coward that I am.

I still feel pissed about it all, but like I said its mostly all aimed at myself. I hate myself so much for what happened. How I wish that Lyra would talk to me again. I just want to tell her how sorry I am for leading Lemy to his death. I just want her to know that I'm so sorry for hurting her.

Glancing over to the side page she analyzed her latest sketch drawing. A full drawing of the skater who helped her out. Only drawn from the waist up, she drew what she could remember the most from that blonde ass kicker. Underneath the sketch Lupa wrote down, Helpful Badass.

Lighting up a cigarette, Lupa closed her eyes and enjoyed the silent peace she had at the moment. However long that may last at least. After taking a second drag she had enough and aimed the bud against the wooden bed frame to extinguish it out. She stopped at the last second and froze in place.

Moving her hand back she looked at the cigarette with a dejected look. Raising up her other hand she slowly aimed the cigarette towards it.

Lupa winced as the hot tobacco burned against her pale skin. Smothering it out completely she left behind a small scorch mark now decorating the skin where her index and thumb connected. A small scar that she felt she well deserved.

Still sitting on the floor and looking deep into the void of her own mind she failed to hear the voice of her father announcing his return and summoning them all downstairs for dinner.

Dinner was alright. Pizza had always been a favored commodity in the Loud house. Everyone mostly ate in silence a few words every then and now, but everyone remained quiet for the most part. Lincoln asked Lupa about her day and she deflected the answer with the lie of being in her room all day. Apparently Loan had not taken notice her quick stroll in the park. Lupa preferred it that way, not wanting to go into details about anything that may upset her.

Already reaching 9pm Lupa had not much to do other than to brood in her room or watch television with zero interest. Loan was back on her room, Lincoln was in the kitchen working on some paperwork of sorts. Lynn was watching television for a change usually around this time she would go out for a quick jog to burn off the calories.

Lupa sat down and watched some game show that barley picked her interest.

"How are things?" Lupa heard her aunt.

"Alright." She responded, always quick and simple.

Lynn eyed her carefully. A small hint of frustration on the older woman, "Okay. I do hope so."

Lupa kept on watching the TV's screen. The game host laughing his ass off over a very corny and stupid joke one of the contestants had said. How fake they all were. Fake just like her. All this time pretending to be tough and savvy, but in reality just a naive scared little girl.

"You know this one time, last year I believe Lemy had asked me to help him out with getting in shape." Lynn suddenly spoke up.

Lupa raised an eyebrow to her, but remained quiet.

"The little squirt was tired of looking like a wimp or probably just wanted to have the bodily looks to impress the girls. Regardless I agreed and girl did he sweat like a pig that day." Lynn recollected. A small smile on her as she continued, "After the beginning warm up he was huffing and puffing so hard I feared he might throw up both his lungs out. He did throw up later on, but that's always natural for first timers. Lyra took him to bed and nursed him for the rest of the day. She was always an angel to that boy."

Lupa remained quiet. Not speaking as the silence came back between the two.

"They deserved each other." Lupa somberly said.

"And I took that away from her." She added.

"Lupa..." Lynn reached out her hand for her niece, but the younger girl hopped off the couch and walked upstairs. Lynn could only look at her with sympathy and nothing else as Lupa disappeared into the second floor.

Lynn sighed. A frown on the woman as she bowed her head and looked down at the floor in-between her socked feet. If only she was better with words as she was great with sports. How she wished that Lucy would stop fucking around down in New Orleans or wherever she currently resided in hunting for ghosts and be here for her damn daughter.

Lynn shook her head in disagreement about her sister serving as an emotional crutch for Lucy would most likely only go on about the wonders of the afterlife and how cool death is. Nothing but stupid nonsense that her younger sister would preach out. And here she thought that the whole emo, supernatural schtick was just a preteen phase. Lynn had her own daughter to look after, but right now Lupa needed them all, she needed all the love and support her family could muster. She was worried for them, Lupa and Lyra both.

Sometime later in the night Lupa came downstairs to grab a drink from the fridge. She hadn't slept yet and probably wouldn't until the sunrise as it has been for many nights. Reaching the stairs she heard a voice coming from the living room. It was midnight, aunt Lynn was already asleep so it was either Loan or her father. As she reached the bottom she saw her father, back towards her on the phone.

"Are you sure its her?" Lincoln's voice was deeply agitated.

Lupa kept on going down the steps, but for some odd reason whatever her father was saying was now worming its way into her chest.

"Oh my god! When did-Is she okay?" Lincoln demanded to whomever he was speaking to, he was clearly shaken.

Lupa looked on, her chest tightening up and her heartbeat accelerating. What was going on?

"Okay thank you. I'll be there right now!" He hanged up the call and turned around, nothing but pure fear in his eyes.

"Dad?"

Lincoln took notice of Lupa's presence and his reaction was even more severe as his face twisted in pain and he failed to produce a single word to her.

"D-Dad, what's going on?" Lupa asked, now concerned.

Instead of responding, Lincoln collapsed down to his knees, his right arm clinging on to the couch as his entire body became numb and limp. Lupa was now fearful at sight of him, so broken and weak. He started to cry and it shocked her. Lupa was witnessing her father cry in front of her for the first time in her life and she had no idea what was the cause of it all. Such an unbearable scene she now began to feel the same emotions as him. Throat swelling up and small tears forming around the corners of her eyes, she looked at him in despair.

"Dad?" She begged.

Black hole sun

Won't you come

And wash away the rain?

Black hole sun

Won't you come

Won't you come

Won't you come

I'm sorry for the extended wait for the last couple of chapters. I'm taking a more slower approach now.

Alsomy health hasn't been at its best as of late. Maybe that will change once Spring arrives.