Day 5

Maverick Collins 17, District 2 Male

Something doesn't feel right

I look out my hands shaking, as I just growl, it's getting harder to control, the urge, the anger, the blood lust, it was never this bad the first time, the only time it got to the point I was on the end to the rift that will float me to never ending suffering and pain was the day of my death

I just smash my hand on the concrete feeling pain shoot up my knuckle, pain that makes me human, and I need to feel human to make sure I don't hurt Caelyn, but I already did, I just look at her next to me completely gone to the world, not that she chose to

All I know is that there will be a very big argument between Payton and Everett right now, I know the first games I was sent sleeping liquid to make sure she fell asleep, so she wouldn't get tried tired time he gave it for a different reason, I panicked and put it in her drink bottle but then I hated myself afterwards and almost sliced my finger off

I just suck the blood almost liking the taste he said I can't keep doing this, being on the brink of insanity that I need to set Caelyn free, kill her when she least expects it but I can't do that to her, I love her too much, and I don't understand love but I have never felt what I felt for someone like I do with Caelyn yet I also have never wanted to murder someone so bad as I have with her

I just close my eyes pressing my hand on my palm, I have to kill someone it's the only way she has tried to comfort me, tried to keep my mind off it but it's growing stronger and she doesn't understand I just growl again, as I just look at her, if she dies by my hands I want her to be awake to feel every part of it

I just scream crying out, no why did I think, why did think I

"Maverick"

I just hugs my legs, as she gets up looking out me "I wanted to torture you, I wanted to kill you, I drugged you so I can kill you in your sleep but I couldn't because I want you to feel pain" I Yell

She just pauses for a moment, and I see hurt in her eyes "No Caelyn, no I didn't mean that, I didn't mean that" I cry she just carefully wraps her arms around me as I just shake again

"Drug me hey, Everett and Payton may be having a little fist fight at the moment" she says

I just chuckle "I put it in your water" I say

"Not the first time I have been drugged" she says

"You don't hate me" I say

She shakes her head, as she looks at my hand flinching a little bit "You maybe want to heal that" she says

"I like the sight I can see my bones and I like the feeling of dry blood on me" I say

"It does trigger you though" she says

I just growl at her and she steps back and I just sob again, some actions some thoughts I can't even control at the moment, I just rest my head in her chest breathing for a moment as she just rubs my hair, but I can feel the race if her heart beat, she is nervous and I can't blame her because I have nothing but a cruel monster

She should run and hide, get away from me because she doesn't deserve to suffer the same pain she did in her first games but I know if she keeps staying with me, keeps trusting me, it will get her hurt, and I with be able to control it because that's what I do, kill and main

I'm nothing but a sick dog, she just puts something in my hands as I look at her and she steps back as I fully stand, she is a lot smaller then me and I know that I can over power people easily sometimes I didn't mean to, I know what triggered my actual massacre

Everything about my massacre has come back like it was yesterday "You okay" Caelyn says softly

"I remember it Caelyn, everything I did to my family, it just came back to me" I choke

I was playing with my little brother, he had this huge train set that dad use to make, we would play with it every day, there was one train he really liked, like this little green one, was possessive of it too, it was the first time he actually let me play with it, I was about 10, or even 8 I don't really remember, but I know he was only 4, I was playing with it and the wheels broke off

That's when he started screaming, screaming at me, hitting me, scratching me, that I felt this anger and rage, I just lost it next second, I was on top of his body, his lips blue, his skin pale white as I jammed the train inside his throat and as I had my weight on his chest he must of suffocated, that's when my sister ran in and started screaming, I grabbed her tried to tell her to calm down but she kept calling me a monster and it got to me to the point I smashed her face into the wall so much I could barely recognise it

Then all I can remember was using the knife I had in my pocket and stabbing my family to death over and again

I feel tears flood my eyes "How many memories are coming back" she says softly

"All of them, my family, the mayors daughter who I suffocated to death with my own hands, the peacekeepers son who I buried alive, a few street boys who I cut apart, I don't even remember how I felt it's coming back to me all of it" I say

And deep down I don't feel any remorse I almost feel like they are better being dead "Sometimes your mind blocks out traumatic experiences, it comes back with more trauma and stress" she says

"Is that why you went to the sibling hood, you wanted to forget" I say

She nods "I try and block it out pretend some things my brother did to me wasn't real, pretend that his suicide was" she says

I look at her "You killed him" I say

I guess we have the bond of killing our family "I can admit that now one of our codes was that it was taboo to confess to the crime we did, to even think about it when we just pretend it never happened but I trust you, I care for you, I don't want to keep things from you" she says

"He deserved it though they didn't" I say

"We all make mistakes and some cost life, are you okay now we should get moving, especially after Cillian and Mia dying" she says

"They wouldn't want you dead yet, they wouldn't want a whole boy arena" I say

"The boys club hey" she says

I just smirk "I know but it's better to move I'm a little cautious that's all" she says

"Being underground with me I get it, it's okay" I say, I mean it hurts but I understand, I'm barely staying stable now and deep down I want to tell her to run to get the hell away from me because the leash that is holding me back from tearing her apart is about to break

And the fact I can remember everything I did is making me want to cry, to scream to crawl in a hole, to die, but I don't want to either, but I love Caelyn I still want to vomit by saying that word, but we both can't deny our feelings, but Payton is right if you love someone you set them free

So a cute baby bird to for ever be free and happy

Yet the feeling of her running, leaving me, I know it will make her my number one enemy, that's why I killed my family they turned on, that's why I pretty much left this boy to starve and die of dehydration because I locked him in my closest because he didn't want to be my friend anymore and it's cruel and I'm sick and twisted and I should hate myself

But all I wanted was to feel human and Caelyn does even though I have about 20 different mood swings I tell her I want to murder her, I control myself just in time

"It's not that, just memories of our first games, I don't want to relive it I barley know who I am anymore" she says

"Your the lost girl, sounds like a call movie title" I chuckle, she actually smiles she does actually seems like she has grown 4 years maturity wise even though physically she hadn't changed

"It does too" she says, I just joke around and it helps her when she is feeling scared and nervous but when I'm in one of my states she literally has to calm me although I don't mind her technique of getting me to hold my breath but I know we can't be too romantic on here, it will get us both in trouble

I wish instead of being a weirdo back home I actually tried to talk to her instead of asking her if I cut my hand off would she be able to attach a hook to it, probably wasn't the best introduction, yet she didn't stay around the training centre, went in and out

I did notice she even wielded her own sword after the bloodbath, looks the same as a Capitol one, I wish I had a talent like that, I do have art, I do enjoy it like before I painted a photo with blonde in the concrete, the rain pours down heavily, as we look around and she pulls me behind her with her as I just try to slap her thinking she was hurting me as she winces a little when it pokes her eye

"Someone is in there" she says quietly

"Did I hurt you" I whimper

"Its okay" she says just wiping her eye

That's when I do see the door open "it's okay little fella all I will do is go back and grab it stay in here you will be safe"

Camden and Rayden, I look at Caelyn who makes no look to move but all I want to do is murder one I don't care which one whether it's Rayden or Camden I just want blood flowing through my fingers

"Why won't Xander send you another it's not safe going out on your own" Rayden says

Because monsters lurk in the dark ready bring you too never ending suffering

"He probably isn't allowed too, it will be fine if I get killed I get killed but if you see anyone scream or run just fight back, but I don't hear anyone" he says

My grip shakes around my knife as Caelyn looks at me and we watch Camden walk off

"Let's just go" she says softly

I look at her just shoving her out of the way "Get in my way and I will kill you too" I growl, she just flinches a little shocked

I can't control it though even as I watch Camden run off, I just open the door as Rayden looks at me wide eyed and I quickly throw my self at him, shoving my hand in his mouth before he can scream

"Don't scream, please don't scream" I say

He just looks at me for a moment as I move my hand "I don't want to die yet" he says softly throwing me off him as he runs out of the door, he bolts past Caelyn who just stands there as I just sneer at her grabbing another knife from my vest as it lodges into his spine

"Maverick" Caelyn says

"Get the fuck out of my way" I say just throwing her into the mud and I don't even feel guilt, as I walk over to Rayden

"CAMDEN" he says I just flinch as he tried to move but he can't a knife to the spine is like acid to the souls won't be recovered

"Don't scream" I yell just grabbing him by the hood and throwing him to the side, as I throw myself on him as he tries to fight back, but I just grab a stone next to me growling as I smash it into his face, closing my eyes as the blood splatters but I keep doing it over and over again as a cannon booms and I just jump off his body, staring at it for a moment

"Rayden" I look over to see Camden who just screams lunging at me with his hammer as I panic almost forgetting whether I killed him, I just put my hands up as Camden gets ready to swing his hammer down, I deserved it I'm a monster but when he is about to he gets thrown off me as Caelyn just pulls her sword out

"Run Camden" She says softly, I just suck my thumb tasting the blood as I put my hands in my pocket more teeth

He just steps forward "He killed him are you just going to keep standing by him knowing his nothing but fucked up in the head" Camden says

I just growl lunging at him but I scream feeling a knife enter the back of my leg as I look at Caelyn betrayal feeling me

"Run or the next knife goes through your skull" she says

He just takes off running as I just throw myself at Caelyn "YOU COWARD" I scream just swinging my knife at her face as she panics

"You hurt me too let him go, you chose him over me" I scream, she just grips the knife trying to hold it away from her face

"I did it for you, look at the body Maverick you didn't want to hurt him, he would of used your state against you and kill you" she says

I just look at her then the body as I just fall of her choking "I have teeth in my pocket" I say she just wraps her arms around me but I feel her shaking

And we both know, we both know I'm almost on the edge of the cliff and it will be the story of who will crack first

"I'm sorry for hurting you" she says

"YOU THREW A KNIFE AT ME" I say just pushing my weight forward landing on top of her again as my hands go for her mouth but she just holds my hands and I just whimper when I see the fear in her eyes as I just get off her again

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" I say, she just helps me up but I see it in her eyes she wants to leave and I won't let her, if she wants I run I will kill her to make sure no one else can have her

Camden Jenkins 18, District 9 Male

What the actual fuck am I doing right now?

And why the fuck are tears flooding from my eyes

I just scream, Rayden is dead and I ran away like a fucking coward, I just panicked, for once in my life instead of acting like the big bad wolf, I acted like a scared little girl, I knew it wasn't safe yet me being me was like nah we will be fine why would any one target Rayden I didn't care about me I can take them

But this is what predators do target the more vulnerable

I just turn around, anger filling inside me, they wouldn't of made it far and when I see them I'm going to make Maverick suffer, why should he keep his allie when I loose mine, yet in a sense if it wasn't for Caelyn I would be dead

But if it wasn't for Caelyn I would of killed Maverick, fuck my head is all over the place right now, I want to scream, to cry and I don't fucking cry I am the angry street boys for a reason but Xander was right in here loosing a allie is like loosing a limb especially with Rayden he made me seem normal, he was innocent, he brought the best in me I run back to where I was

"I'm sorry" I say his body is there and I can barely recognise him, he died painfully, I heard his screaming but it was too late, I was arrogant I thought that nothing would happen to us, yet I deep down knew how wouldn't of been able to handle himself yet I left him alone anyways, left him to die alone

"MAVERICK, CAELYN COME THE FUCK BACK I WANT TO TALK" I yell but nothing just me standing out in the pouring rain, as I hear the hovercraft in the distance, then I remember one thing he said to me, about coming back that it tortured him and how he didn't want it to happen again

Deep down his right, I have thought about it, if they brought us back the first time what stops them from doing it again and again, I just kneel by his body, flinching a little bit "I promised I would protect you, now I'm going to make sure you don't have to suffer again" I say softly, as I pull his token form his pocket

Cute teddy, I just step back pulling a match from my pocket "Take this you fuck wits and I don't give a fuck if you kill me" I say with the state I'm in right now I really don't l so what I want all I know is I need to avenge Rayden, I also feel this emotion I really never had in my life, loss

I never really lost someone I cared for because the only person I cared for was Xander but I knew he was safe before I died and his safe now, but Rayden I really did care for him maybe more then I thought my cold heart could handle

I just light the match throwing it on his body as I just turn around as the rain doesn't stop the flames, at least now they can't bring him back because I know he doesn't want to live anymore, maybe it's better he died first, saves him the pain he had to suffer from being alone, yet he doesn't make his death right, it was brutal and Callous, yes Maverick might be sick in the head but I'm fucked in the head and I don't hurt people like that

It's cold blooded murder, now I'm going to murder his girl, if I can find them or I can be rational and turn away, find someone else

And do what, I'm alone, in a arena that is left with trained fighters, maniacs and street boys, I'm not use to being alone, I'm use to having someone by me and even if Rayden would of be useless in a fight, he wasn't useless in the other class he was company, he kept me sane, now I'm worried about how I would handle it, I don't want to roll over and die but I don't want to go ballistic either yet I keep running but I don't see footprints anywhere clearly they are quick runners or they found another way around me

Maybe they are hiding but I don't hear anyone and at the moment I'm just in a trial of blood, I look around I don't even see footprints my hands shake but I keep running, I don't know where they are but I'm going to find them, kill Caelyn even though I don't really want too and make Maverick suffer sometimes that's worse then killing the person make them living know they are the reason someone they cared fir died, happened in street life all the time

That's why Xander was bullied more they wanted to get to me and me being the typical selfish idiot I am didn't see what was happening, I make it to another village area, as I see a bit if mud in the concrete like someone has been here, I pull out my sledgehammer maybe this isn't a good idea running in blind, running into a duo but clearly there is tension there I saw ur Maverick is loosing it and soon even he won't care about Caelyn or he may bit ever know what reality is

Insanity does that to a man and I need to do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen to me, I keep running scream as I fall over something maybe I am already insane or I don't know how to handle this loosing someone, feeling like I was beaten, feeling lonely, I was never ever lonely and it's not a great feeling, now I really wished I did let Xander tell me how it felt to be alone, loose a allie, he only said the basics before I cut him off not wanting to hear it because deep down I wanted to hide from the truth

I feel a parachute land next to me as I open it "Really man I already have a fucking knife giving me a fucking heavy machine gun so I can blow them start" I yell but I realise it's fir the note

'I know you might be feeling a lot of emotions right now, but you have to keep calm, letting the anger and hurt control you will kill you, you might think making Maverick suffer by killing Caelyn is the right way to go but it isn't, revenge will either kill you or make you loose your self, just do the smart thing and try to hide and maybe don't be so noisy since you are around another group which isn't the twos-X'

Fuck head is right, everything he said was righty I judged it Xander for what he did but he let the pressure, the hurt, the anger get to him, I prided myself for my mental stability even though I'm angry and hate every from the sun to the dirt, I know I have a stable head on my shoulders well I did that's why I turn around, if I have the chance to get revenge I will but I can't let it consume me at the moment, I need to try and heal these mental wounds before I loose it

I mean I took his token and I'm not the most sentimental guy but if I live, I will make sure someone he had has it, or I keep it, I just didn't want it to be burnt like how I burnt him, no I had too, what if they keep bringing us back and back what if they bring us back a hundred years later, they own us now the second your name is called your officially the property of the Capitol I guess we all were living in the shit hole districts

I hope my body gets burnt but I doubt it, Xander said the second you die, the Capitol let the bodies be buried but they ensure they can't be harmed, he also said the Capitol took them to the Hopi stall a year or so after he won si they planned this, and his going the way they want

Rayden was predicted 12th he came 12th fuck life is Luca actually wins but they wouldn't want that would that, assssin freak head to win

I keep walking my hands shaking as I try to picture his body out of mine, smashed to pieces by a rock all he wanted was a peaceful death like last time and because of me l let him be a sitting duck for a maniac because I was so stupid, I hate myself

I always have its hard to love yourself in this cruel world especially when you haven't had a family to raise you, to buy you gifts and say how great you are maybe that's why I hated rich kids, why I hated Xander but seeing how he turned out clealry being rich doesn't mean the world is there for you things can happen, can change it's the circle of life I guess

And I hate circles the most annoying fucking thing to draw, because apparently we had to for grain school, the memories of throwing papal plans around and writing 'fuck you' on the wall, I keep walking I don't know where to do or what to do, do I hide, do I try to find someone to kill but I may be the only one apart from Luca alone, and the duos that are left I have no hope, maybe laying low until more die is the best bet

I sort of wish I tried harder with Cohen then at least I would of had him, at least Rayden wouldn't have died in the first place because he wouldn't of been alone, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking but I know it was stupid, I guess stupid is my middle name

Not that I can actually spell stupid probably, the lights get a little dimmer and I yell in shock when someone crashes into me bringing us both to ground, I swing my fist but stop just in time when I see Maxen staring at me wide eyed leaning a little closer as I just freeze for a moment

"Oh wait I know you, your one of the cool dude, yeah wait a second didn't you have a allie" he says

I don't dog the boys that's the only reason why I'm not attacking or running right now but I do make sure I can quickly grab my weapon because I don't really know what this kid thinks half the time can't blame him morphling does that to ya, not that I would know "He died" I flinch

"You okay" he says

I just nod even though I'm a little worried "Cohen, Cohen I found your friend" Maxen says jumping

"He has been a little sad lately too having girl problems " Maxen says

I don't I know is sad is the feeling to describe my mood "What girl problems" Cohen says as I stand

"You know oh yeah I shouldn't bring that up anyways His one of the cool dudes right so no Killy Killy I don't know what to do know fuck hey mate you have morphling" Maxen says to me

"I wish" I say he smiles at me

"I like him, well you can join or not, I don't mind fuck I'm cold I'm going back to bed" He says skipping off back to the closest building, well that was odd

"I'm going to make sure he doesn't do something stupid but you are welcome join" Axel says as he walks off

"Girl issues eh?" I say raising an eyebrow

"I killed the girl from ten doesn't really feel right" he says

"It wouldn't, I mean Xander did say you were one of the softies, just don't hate yourself for it" I say

We should be fighting, that's what they probably won't, but I feel this bond with Cohen even though I barely know him, and I can't do that to Xander because like me he got way to attached with his allie

And that bond always stays

"At least haven't lost any one were you there" he says

"Made it too late, walked to a ballistic boy covered in blood, my allies face pretty much smashed and a District 2 girl who was clearly rattled more then I thought" I say

"District two boys and craziness, seems to be contagious" He says

I chuckle "Tell me about, but I mean, it hurts and I blame myself but what can I" I say

"It's hard isn't we both died first I didn't have a kill bit I guess history barely ever repeats it's self, did you want revenge" he asks

"I almost did, it Xander convinced me not too, it destroyed him the first time" I say

Could destroy me too we aren't too different from one another I mean he did cop a lot of physical and mental abuse, he hasn't even told me the rest of it so he was always mentally damaged me I was lucky I didn't really suffer much, life wasn't ways but I had it easier then some "Watching their games they probably are the worse duo to mess with, he loves to much" he says

"But love us Blind there is obvious tension but dumbass wants to be a pain in my butt so I should listen to him" I says

"Maybe wait until they split" he says

He has a point cause clearly there would be a fight, Caelyn isn't dumb, no one really is if you lasted years in a illegal youth group "That's an idea, are you happy with them' I say

"Yeah, I mean I'm scared when one dies how I will feel but it distracts like they said your more then welcome to join, I really doubt all four of us would outlast Luca and stuff anyways" he says

I am tempted, means I won't be alone, I will have company, yet means if they die in go through the same pain again and I'm not sure if it's worth it, I know it isn't, it's better to be alone plus being in a group of four, it isn't safe

"I want to but I don't think I can deal with the pain again" I say

"I understand, you can always try to find us if you want to join" he says beginning to walk away

"Cohen" I say he looks behind me

"Actually it's okay" I say I'm too scared to ask, I literally said no to joining him and his allies yet I was going to ask him, I know I shouldn't it's not worth it

Day 5

12th: Rayden Sanders, District 5 Male- Killed By Maverick Collins, District 2 Male