Natiley
October would be the last time I would have a smile on my face, for a long time.
November changed Draco and me.
We both dove into deep depressions, but he fell harder than me.
Draco's eating habits were almost nonexistent, he hardly slept as the night terrors grew more violent to the point where I refused to let him sleep on his own. We ended up making the Room of Requirement our sleeping quarters, since we were working on fixing the Vanishing Cabinet late at night anyways.
Once we started to sleep next to each other, he would not have them as often, but when he did it was extremely hard to watch. He would wake up screaming out in gibberish and soaked in cold sweats. I would try to calm him down, but he would fight me off like I was the enemy, till I would make him open his eyes to see me. He would eventually calm down and hug me tightly as I rocked him side to side, till he dozed back off.
It was the most heart wrenching thing to watch. It was breaking me and there was nothing I could do but just be there for him.
Sadly, Draco would not tell me what they were about. He said he would not remember anything when he would wake up. So, I just assumed he was having nightmares about killing the headmaster.
With everything he was battling I could tell he was going to have difficulty following through with this ill-fated task.
I was suffering mentally as well, but I could still eat at least a meal a day and did not look as bad as him. Even though most of my energy was focused on his wellbeing at this point.
My studies were starting to be affected by our situation though. We would be up so late at night with the cabinet and his occasional nightmares. So, it made it incredibly hard for me to focus and study for anything. He started to only show up for classes every other day but he urged me to go and keep up that everything was fine. Even though on the inside I was a mess, head to toe.
Watching him deteriorate these past few months, showed that he was being torn on what to do and that this kind of task was not for someone who was so young.
Along with our research of mending the cabinet, I finally figured out what Draco's mother gave us; it was a cursed necklace. I knew we needed to find a way to get it too Dumbledore as soon as possible, for Draco's sake.
With all this going on, it was not helping that Professor Snape was literally mentally abusing us. As well with him forcing us to physically abuse and torment each other at the same time.
He was forcing us to duel one another repeatedly for long periods, while constantly drilling us on Unforgivable Curses, defensive spells and shielding spells. He said he was tasked for grooming us, to make us prefect for the Dark Lord as his youngest Death Eaters.
Professor Snape said once my name was officially changed to 'Malfoy', the Dark Lords wedding gift to us was the Dark Mark.
This made me so sick to my stomach. I was not ready to fully commit to becoming a Death Eater, but I had no choice.
I had to be a part of this a hundred precent and I started to give up on protesting on what was being asked of me and especially what I wanted. What I wanted did not matter anymore, because my 'choice' on anything had basically been taken from me. What I wanted was a joke, it was what the Dark Lord wanted now.
I did this to myself.
I will suffer with my consequences of this life.
It has come down that I needed to be there for Draco, I was all he truly had right now.
We only had each other.
As we really did not have friends anymore, because we forcefully decided to push them away. We both knew we could not be close to anyone anymore. Once this task is completed people would find out and I did not want my friends anymore to hurt then they would be.
Cho and Cedric stopped trying to hang out with me and the golden trio became so suspicious of our behavior. Hermione did not have study sessions with me anymore, I missed her and the girl time we had so much.
Cho would say a few words with me, I could tell she was hurting every time I went up to our dorms for clothes. She would stay silent and watch me, I would say 'Hi' or 'Bye' and she would nod at me. I told her I missed her one day and she stared at me in shock. I could feel my heart breaking as she flashed a fake smile my way. I could tell she had viewed me so differently as of late and that is what I wanted, even though I was hurting on the inside.
Cedric would try to talk to me, but whenever Draco was by my side he would bail. He then would dodge me, and I started to miss him severely. He had been a part of my entire life and now, we barely said a few words a week. I tried to approach him once and forced a hug on him. He pushed me away, I could tell he did not want me that close to him as he looked at me with a disheveled look. This is what had to happen, my friends needed to be away and safe from what was to come.
It hurt me so much that I just wanted my life back. The old me had faded away slowly; it was time to embrace my new life.
I gave up on trying to write weekly letters to my parents, as they all got sent back.
So, I started to write my aunt because she was kind enough to reply. She would ask if I am okay and how school was. I did not tell her much but that everything was...good. I lied. She never asked about Draco or my marriage to him, that seemed almost nonexistent to her. I did not care, till she brought up that she had not heard from my parents in weeks.
It was nearing the end of November and she said that she had not heard anything. She said she would check on them and let me know what she found out. It has been a week and no letter yet. I found it rather suspicious as sometimes she did go against my mother's wishes. I just hope that means she did talk to my parents, meaning my mom flipped out and told her she is banned from writing me.
I finally accepted my new life and what is it was.
My friends neglected me.
My family disowned me.
It was just Draco and me.
We would both be Death Eaters soon.
'You will perform the three Unforgivable Curses on these creatures so you get a better understanding what may be asked of you. I do not care if you do not want too, the Dark Lord demanded it be done.'
Professor Snap said as we stared at the caged rats in front of us. My stomach was dropping to my feet at the thought of using any of these curses on live creatures.
Draco looked numb at the situation, he knew we did not have a choice and was willing to accept it. I grew a little envious, I wish I could just be numb to everything too.
'Natiley, I want you to perform the Imperius curse on the first rat. Do not worry, the rats were rocks before this. I transfigured them; they are not real.'
He trailed off pointing to the first rat out of three that sat in one of the cages on the table. I walked up a little closer to it, pointed my wand and took a deep breath as I fought to utter the words.
'Imperio.'
A cloud of multiple colors shot out of my wand and circled the rats' head. He sniffed it in, instantly sitting up and staring at me with wide eyes.
'Good, now command it.'
Professor Snape walked up to me and crossed his arms. I nodded with a sigh, pointing my wand, and saying the first thought in my mind.
'Run in circles.'
The rat practically jumped and began to quickly run in a circle at my command. I waited a moment, keeping my arm up and staring up at Professor Snape. He watched the rat run in a circle and finally nodded to me.
'Stop.'
The rat stopped, sat down, and looked up at me with lingering beady eyes.
'Do you know why that curse is one of the three Unforgivable Curses?' He said looking only at me even though we have gone over this many times already, almost ignoring Draco's gaze.
'Because you can make anything, or anyone literally do whatever you ask of it. It's dangerous because you could control someone to murder another under the curse.' I said as I lowered my head at the first few words.
He nodded at me and spoke again. 'Now preform the Cruciatus curse on the second rat.' I picked my head up instantly wanting to retaliate.
Before I could even say a word, he held his hand up.
'That is an order. You are in this rather you like it or not. You need to know what these curses do and look like. The Cruciatus curse is used by death eaters the most. Do it. Now.'
I looked away from him, pointed my wand at the second rat and said it without hesitation.
'Curcio.'
The rat started to squeal uncontrollably as it withered and squirmed every direction. I tried to hold my tears back as I bit my tongue drawing blood. I was telling myself it was fake but the sounds that left its mouth sounded so real. I looked away trying to pretend it was not happening, but Professor Snape grabbed my head and forced me to watch. I wanted to cry, but I tried so hard to hold back my tears continuing to chew on my tongue.
'Don't you dare cry. I am conditioning you to this, so you are not seen as weak. You need to understand what you will have to witness and endure! Wait till you must watch this done on a human being. '
He spat at me, holding my head with a shake at each word and pushing me close to the rat's cage so the squeals grew louder. I could feel the sweat roll off me as I was trying so hard to just breath.
It went on for so long, I lost track of time. Till Professor Snape finally spoke over the rat's squeals.
'End it. '
He hissed at me and finally letting go of my head. I almost whispered the words I never thought I would ever say in my life.
'Avada Kedavar'
The room lit up green and finally fell silent, all I could hear was my own sniffles. The little rodent laid dead in the cage and then slowly turned back into a smooth black pebble.
I collapsed to my knees, putting my face into my hands and just breathed. After a moment, I finally looked up to see Draco was staring at his feet and ignored my eyes.
They both left me in my spot as Snape forced Draco to go through the same thing. He did it so effortlessly and no hesitation, it was so sad to watch that he was truly numb to what we were going through.
After Draco killed the rat, it was time for the physical harm to begin.
'Get up. It's time for dueling, position.'
Judging by our faces, you could see that neither of us wanted too. We had both been so exhausted and beat up from doing this over the past few weeks. Our bodies screamed at us every day as the bruises got worse and more of them formed.
'Expelliarmus!' Draco yelled out with his wand pointing at me, his eyes showed no sympathy.
I whipped my wand up. 'Protege!' The defensive spell shot up with my whipping movement and blocked Draco's spell. It evaporated, as I saw him waving his wand again.
'Immobulus!' Draco yelled out almost with an angry tone, as I tried to jump out the way.
'Finite Incantatum!' I screamed out quickly as we watched our spells collide with a crash, shocking us both.
We both raised our wands again once more to each other, but Professor Snape got our attention with him coming toward us. We lowered our wands looking from him to each other, both panting.
'I see your both getting much quicker, good. Now I want you to continue but no shielding spells. I can tell Ms. Fleet really favors them. I do not care if either of you bleed, no shielding spells. Go.'
Draco looked to me with his mouth agape; he had sweat dripping from his brow.
Neither of us protested, assuming our positions to duel again. This scared me to death, because if he hits me with certain spells, he could really hurt me and vice versa.
We sat in front of the fireplace as he wiped away the blood from my eyebrow with a wet cloth. Draco used Flipendo on me and caused me to fly backwards and hit my head, while we were forced to duel. I was almost getting use to being in pain all the time.
'Thank you. ' I spoke softly, as I watched him wring out another wet washcloth.
He looked up to me with an emotionless look, gave a slight nod as he continued. This was almost becoming how we communicated nowadays.
'I wanted to let you know that I figured out a way to get the necklace to Dumbledore.' At the end of my sentence, he pushed a little too had into my gash as I let out a soft cry.
He stopped and threw the washcloth in the basin, looking into the fire and whispering.
'How? '
'In a few days, there is a Hogsmeade trip. I figured we would go to get out of here for a bit and breathe. While out at like the Three Broomsticks or somewhere, we could curse an unsuspected person to take the necklace straight to Dumbledore.'
'Okay, lets try this and see if it works. '
I have not heard a full sentence from him in so long, it was music to my ears. I saw a small curve at the corner of his mouth, he then leaned over and kissed me softly. The softest I have ever gotten from him and the first kiss I have received since Halloween.
I was hoping this meant, I gave him some hope that we could get through this mess without it getting so ugly.
Before we knew it, the days blurred together and we both were walking arm and arm together through the snow to Hogsmeade. We were both clinging to the word 'Hope' with desperation as we were almost begging for a miracle to work.