Second Choice

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: From a fan prompt (Castle goes to the Hamptons alone, while there he and Alexis meet divorced Jordan Shaw and her daughter. A few dinners together lead to a hookup. What happens next? COMPLETELY AU, Some Scenes and events used to enhance the story,

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.

Also, we take MANY liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events from other Canon episodes to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.

Chapter 12

Castle's Loft

4 Hours Later

/_/

Rick heard the front door open, and keys jingle as they hit the counter from his seat in his office. He hadn't realized so much time had elapsed, but he was in the zone and knocking out the chapters for Extinguished Heat, the series finale for Nikki Heat.

He couldn't wait to be done with that period of his life, even though it would mean closing the door on the only woman he thought that possibly could have been the one. Since Kyra left, he had never felt that deeply about anyone, not even Jordan, Gina, or Meredith, but for some reason, Beckett was his kryptonite. He knew it was stupid, he was stupid for even allowing himself to have feelings so deep, but no matter how hard he tried to break the spell, he failed every time.

This was the only strategy that worked, total abstinence, and separation from her. The past 8 months had given him a new meaning to his life, a purpose where he could serve the public, in a different role and not be caught up in her hot and cold attitudes towards him. He had just about cleared the bar and then she had to show up out of nowhere today and upset his progress.

Jordan walked through the door, took one look at him as his fingers raced across the keyboard, and knew something was bothering him. She waited until he looked up and then stepped into his space, sitting on his lap, and giving him a deep kiss.

"You want to talk about it now or later?" she asked, as he looked up surprised,

"Eh, I, how did you know? I mean I was trying so hard not to let on that anything was wrong, which there isn't I mean between you and me, I"

"Slow down, Rick. There's only one person in this world that could get you to act like this, so where did you see Kate, and what happened? Remember, we're both free to see other people so no guilt, agreed?

"I mean I know you still have feelings for her, a woman knows when the man she shares a bed with isn't completely hers. That's not what either of us signed up for, so why don't you take a deep breath and tell me what happened, OK?"

Rick hung his head, Jordan lifted it and kissed him sweetly, "It's OK Rick, remember what we agreed on?"

"Well, I wasn't going to bring this up, but you know you sometimes you talk in your sleep, don't you?" Rick asked as Jordan blushed, "I know you still love Tom, and before you start, he put a finger across her lips, it's OK, I understand. Just as long as you don't call out his name when we're making love, you can't control your dreams, and you had almost two decades with him.

"I know there were plenty of good times, you wouldn't have stayed that long Jordy if not. You're a strong woman, and won't be any man's doormat, so I understand I really do. He hurt you, he humiliated you, and worse, he took away the self-confidence that you have now regained, you really are a beautiful and sexy woman and can hang with anyone.

"I'm honored to be seen with you on my arm, I think eat your heart out as the guys ogle and stare at you, especially those hot legs of yours" he smiled, she playfully smacked him, then brought him in for a deep kiss.

"Rick, do you really think I have hot legs?" she asked in between kisses.

"Yes, I do. Remember the first time at the Hamptons, and you kidded me about Sir Richard, I hadn't even made it to your waist when he started saluting. You have a great body, all of it, but I love your legs, they turn me on." He smiled through kisses,

"So, I see," she had let her hand drop to his waist and acknowledged that indeed Sir Richard had moved from parade rest to a full salute. "We'll have to take care of this, where are the girls?" she murmured into his mouth,

"Out for the evening, Mother is gone, but remember, the bedroom is soundproof, this room is not," as he rose and carried her to the bedroom, locking the door behind him. He undressed her sensuously, applying small kisses to every part of her body. She indeed had transformed into a woman who knew exactly what, where, and when she wanted something.

She took charge this time, and it was Rick who was left panting as she performed her art upon him. Finally, after an extremely passionate session where both had reached their heights at the same time, they lay together her head upon his chest, his arm around her, gently caressing her breast. She gently reached up and held the hand caressing her in her hand,

"Rick, we have to talk, and if you keep doing that, I won't be able to, or even if I can speak I sure as hell won't remember anything you said. This is important, I mean it's the first time we are really discussing not only Kate but Tom as well. I want you to know, I'm sorry, I wish I didn't call his name out in dreams, but"

"Jordan, please no apologies needed, you had almost 20 years with the man, how could anyone expect you to flush every memory down the drain, even if you wanted to. I'm sure there was a hell of a lot more good ones than bad ones. He screwed up, he hurt you terribly, then instead of owning up to his mistake he tried to make it out as if it were your fault. That's not right, no matter what, I'm sorry.

"It didn't bother me when I heard his name, usually it happens after something happens with Mandy. I think it's hurting you to have to pull her away from her Dad, even him acting like an ass, it bothers you, and you feel responsible.

"Mandy knows the score, and so do I, but Jordan, if you love him like you tell me about Kate, you have to at least listen. I know you've thrown away three letters from him, all unopened, I'm sorry but they fell out when I was dumping the trash." He said quietly, as Jordan's tears started to fall,

"God damn you, Rick, you weren't supposed to know about those, I knew you would push me to at least consider my own advice to you. I'm happy, really happy, here, especially here in your arms, but I know it's temporary, and so do you.

"I know that we have something special, yes, a love, but not the type of love I felt for Tom, nor you for Kate. The sex is the best I have ever had in my life, bar none, but Rick, what do we do when we're 80. We can't be rocking the camper then; I mean a relationship needs to be built upon more than just a fantastic sex life.

"Alexis and I talked, and she told me how you explained what we have to her, I cried when she said the words you used, they were so sensitive. She's a smart young lady, and she knows, first loves, run deep. I promised you to never think of him when we made love, and I have kept that promise.

"I'm still angry at him, still so fucking hurt that I think somedays my heart will break, then I think of you. You do everything in your power to make me happy, consider my feelings, try to protect me, even when you didn't even have a gun yet. Rick, that's a special love that I hope someday Mandy finds, and I hope she won't be clouded with a heavy load of memories she has to live through each day.

"I feel guilty, guilty that my life is going so well, and knowing that no matter what I do, what I could ever do, I will never be Kate. I'll never be able to take away the hurt she caused you no more than you will be able to absolve the hurt that came from Tom.

"You're not cheating on me, is that what you're feeling now? Are you afraid you will hurt me by simply talking to her? God, no Rick. Please remember when we started it was only friends, we added the benefit clause later, and I am so very happy that we did.

"I want you to talk to her, but first, please tell me what happened today, and don't leave anything out, don't try to protect me on this, please." She held his hand tighter and didn't move her head from his chest. She always felt the safest here, and somehow, Rick seemed to open to her when they laid together just talking their troubles away.

Rick cleared his voice, "Jordan, I would never hurt you, not in a million years, so please know that this is hard for me. I'm talking to you because, I think, no I know you're right. This is a temporary situation, and neither of us will leave unless we know the other is going to be better than we are together, not just physically, but as people.

"I know you still love Tom; you can't kill the love that deep and I think if the truth were told he is miserable in Cleveland, in fact I know he is. I'm sorry but when you threw out the last letter, I had some friends just do some peripheral checks on him. He's not the same man Jordan, he's volunteering three days in a clinic in a bad part of town, he's lecturing at a college, and lives in a one-bedroom apartment alone.

"He hasn't dated, nor has he hinted at anything about wanting to, according to his boss, who is a friend of mine. His office has pictures of you, a collage of Mandy with him through the years, and a book sitting on his bookshelf in full view, "How to Earn Forgiveness" it's a book most addicts use as they go through their one-step program.

"Before we talk about Kate, make me a promise, please" He felt her stir uncomfortably, "I know, I know, he hurt you, and you don't want to feel like that ever again, but we parole criminals who have committed heinous crimes, would you at least write him a letter and tell him how you feel?

"A letter will let you lay it out there, without your emotions taking over, but if you feel like I know you do, and you can find forgiveness, well it might be the start. Not a complete kiss and makeup, but over time, you can start out as friends and then work your way back to each other.

"Does he deserve another chance Jordan? To at least be a friend to start, and resume being a Dad? Mandy is missing him, she will never say anything, but she is, and I know he's missing you both. Just think about it, OK?" she gripped his hand and nodded, her tears still falling.

"I can't believe you checked on Tom, I mean, you know what happens to us, if"

"Well, what kind of friend would I be, if I put a physical desire ahead of not only your happiness but that of your daughter as well. Guys are stupid, we do stupid stuff, some more than others but most are truly sorry after they realize what they have lost. Don't get me wrong, if Tom were acting like a pig, not trying to atone for his wrongdoing, no way in hell would I be telling you this, I'm sorry" he said,

"Why be sorry, it just proves that you care, more about me and Mandy than your own personal pleasures, that's special Rick, Thank You" this time the kiss went to his lips, "Now you still have to tell me about your meeting with Kate,"

"OK, well I had gone to Black Pawn and decided to get my steps in by walking back home. I took the path through the park, and well, being totally honest, I passed a crime scene that I had worked with Kate early on and it hit me harder than I thought it would. I sat down on one of the swings, just to think things over, before heading home.

"I felt someone enter the swing three down from me, looking the opposite direction, and I really was in a zone, so I didn't pay too much attention. I must have sat for at least ten minutes, then I caught a scent, her shampoo, the cherry smell, so I stole a quick glance. Sure, enough it was Beckett, staring at me, not saying a word, just staring waiting for me to come around, I think.

"I finally asked her what she was doing in the park in the middle of the day, I didn't see any patrolmen or crime scene tape. She replied that she had just come from breaking up with her Doctor boyfriend, Josh, I guess he butt-dialed her phone as he began some extracurricular activities with a nurse.

"She asked me if I was doing OK, I think she even mentioned you, but I wasn't paying much attention to her, to be honest. She asked if I was still on medical leave, and that she was sorry for me getting hurt and for her being a lousy partner. Then she got my attention when she wanted to know why I didn't say anything about my mild heart attack and stint last year, she seemed upset, I don't know if that was because she wasn't informed or that it happened, could be either."

"Rick, stop that, you don't mean that, and you know it, she cares about you, you and I both know that. It's just that something prevents her from committing to anyone past a casual or sexual relationship. As a profiler, I think she's avoiding hurt, you know like the girls back in school that were so insecure, that they would break up with the boy just to keep from getting dumped?" Jordan asked,

"Marcy Kevlar, yep, know the type well, she broke my heart in 9th grade, and from the last, I heard kept the same MO throughout high school. She was so afraid of me breaking up with her, hell we were kids, she must have asked me if I loved her four times an hour.

"Anyway, I told Beckett that we weren't partners, we never had been since she had made sure of that. I didn't have to go into details, but her eyes told me she relived the hell Demming, Esposito, and she put me through the last few weeks I spent at the precinct."

"You weren't rude to her where you Rick, I mean, I've never seen you rude to anyone and God knows there are several instances where I know it was warranted," Jordan asked as she kissed his cheek,

"I don't think I was rude; it wasn't my intention to be, but I didn't want to open up and let her back in. God, she put me through hell and back and I just couldn't do that, not now, not with"

"Rick, I'm here, not going away just because you and Kate decide to talk. I'll know when it's time, or if it's time I should say. Look, I'm not pushing you into her arms, I just want you to do what you always told me and the girls, follow your heart, do that for you as well, please Rick?" she tightened the hold on his hand to ensure him, she was there, she would be there for him for as long as he needed her.

He kissed the top of her head, an act she loved, just to show her, he understood. The little things he did, God, how could things get more complicated, her and Tom, he, and Kate? It was almost like the universe, damn it, now he's got me saying it, she thought to herself, well the universe is against them all.

"Well, she did get upset when I called her Detective, it's a defense mechanism, just like when she used to tell me that it was a cop thing and I wouldn't understand, it didn't mean that at all. All it really meant was I don't want to allow you that close to me, I won't let you hurt me again in my case.

"She did say she didn't want to fight, she wanted to apologize for being a bitch, her word not mine, and well she was crying some. That was hard to see, so I just asked if she was sorry that she had done those things or sorry her boy toys didn't work out? Either way, it was OK, no apology needed, we were good. Then I told her I had another appointment and left her sitting in the swing." Rick said as he gripped her hand.

"I'm sorry you're hurting Rick, and please, remember I'm the profiler here. I know you are upset, but you talked to her, you accepted her apology, the only issue I have with her is the timing. Did she say those things because she had just dumped her boyfriend, or were they sincere, only she knows for sure? I mean you know her well enough to gauge the sincerity, what do you think?" She said once again kissing his cheek softly,

"Well, Beckett had never said I'm sorry before, not to me, not to anyone that I could remember, so I'm like you, was it sincere, or am I back in line for the next chapter in her love life. She's always brushed that part off as if well, it was assumed, and she went on to the next agenda item." Rick said sadly,

"Ooh, now that's interesting, typically a person who refuses to apologize usually has a sense, real or imagined, of a great deal of fear. A reluctance to apologize or admit wrongdoing is the paralyzing thought of losing someone or something because of it.

"This fear haunts people who require constant reassurance or constantly having to be the best. The reassurance comes with the praise they receive when they perform well. I'm not saying Kate has this, but a lot of it fits," Jordan said softly,

"Now that you put your clinical spin on it, you're right Jordan, and it ties back to that dump you first attitude you talked about and reminded me of how I got my heart broken so long ago," Rick said pouting kiddingly with her,

"Well, we have some plans to make, BUT I don't want to hear her or the other man's name again, not here in our special place. I just want you to hold me, I feel safe no matter what is happening in the outside world." She turned into him, and he had already begun to massage her breast, it was on once again. There would be plenty of time to deal with ex-partners soon, right now, they were living in the moment.

TBC

A/N To guest reviewers who remark about the difference between what you saw on TV and what I write, AU, Alternate Universe, my world, my creation so please stop telling me how old Rick was, or that didn't happen in the series, I know, that's why I am writing it my way. It takes anywhere from 4-6 hours to write, edit, and post a chapter you consume in less than 15 minutes, so be patient. Plot points can't just appear, as Dr. MB did in the series with no back story, it doesn't make sense, and it needs to flow. Always open to constructive criticism, not to comparison from the TV Transcript to the story. Thanks, Tm