My dear little broccolis💚💚💚

💚 So, yes, Christian was just being a manly man of the time, pretending he is strong and all ...

💚 And more and more of you finally understand why he keeps postponing the baby convo.

💚 And now the new question is about Ana's health ... interesting

💚 If you want pictures of the story, just check out my Facebook group, Mina's Broccolis, and you will find pictures as the story unveils. And a few sneak-peeks here and there as well.

💚 From Duty To Love💚

Chapter 14: Tales From Lesbos (3,1K)

Anastasia's PoV

The next day, shortly before lunch, Christian has flowers delivered to me that I have never seen before. They have very soft and delicate purple petals and a delicate fragrance that makes me put them in my room straight away. I will be honest, I have been missing having my room smell of flowers over the past two weeks. But that doesn't mean that I am going to welcome Christian back in my bed. He can't keep alluding the issue of our children forever.

However, I am willing to give him the time he has asked for and work on us being spiritually intimate before bringing up this matter again. Though I don't know how much more I can give him? I already love him, and he is already sweet to me, and this is already more than most couples ever have.

I shake my head to come back to the present moment and tell Mrs Jones to serve some coffee in my study as Leila should be here quite soon. I am still rather confused about yesterday night and really mortified to have assumed the wrong things. I will have to find a way to tell Kate Friday night that I was wrong and that Christian and I are talking through things. Elliott has moved his weekly mundane dinner to Friday so it would not coincide with the theatre representation of Thursday.

When Leila arrives, we go to my study, and I can't stop thinking over and over about what Christian said to me. I really hope she doesn't want to be more than my friend because … that would be improper on so many levels.

She smiles at me and sits on the sofa next to me, and before I can say anything, she starts,

"I really feel terrible, Ana. I had no idea Christian didn't tell you about our appointments, or even about our common life. I guess it is my fault, I shouldn't have assumed that you were just shy talking about your intimate life. I thought you wanted to keep our friendship separate to the one I have with Christian."

Well, in Leila's defence, I don't like talking about my intimate life. It's just … private. And Christian is the one who was against having her coming over. I'm not really sure why, but I can guess that he didn't like the idea of the two of us being alone when he thought she liked me.

I look at Leila, and take a deep breath, before finding my courage and telling her, "You know … yesterday … well, Christian said that … you …"

She laughs, leaning to take her cup of coffee and looking back at me.

"I like women, yes. I'm pretty sure Christian didn't tell you everything because no matter how much of an idiot he is, he is still a gentleman, and I don't think he is comfortable sharing my … secrets with other people.

But as I kept repeating him, you're his wife and more than that, you're my friend. So … would you like to hear my life story?"

I nod, looking at her with big rounded eyes and she smiles, leaning forward so she can rest her elbows on her knees, just like Christian did yesterday night. Leila can be such a man sometimes.

‼️TRIGGER WARNING‼️

Leila's story is not something particularly pleasant. If you have (are) dealt with self-doubt and struggle concerning your sexuality. I just want you to be aware that this part will deal with the issues of self-hate, doubt and stigma. There is also the mention of rape and attempt of suicide. So anyone who would not be comfortable reading any of those, skip until the trigger has ended.

"So … did Christian tell you we grew up together? that's probably why I would never lay with him, even if I liked men. I'd say that he's like a brother, but since I have an odd relationship with my half-brother, I don't want to disrespect Christian like that.

I was always at the Greys growing up, and Grace was so sweet to me. Carrick, well you know, he's Carrick. But he had Dr Cassidy write a recommendation for me when I wanted to go to medical school, and I will always be grateful to him for that.

When I became a woman, Grace was the one to tell me that I was not going to die, that it was normal to bleed, that it meant that I was healthy and fit to have children. And so she was the first one to talk to me about the difference between men and boys.

I think that's when she had a few doubts. I don't know … I have never been attracted by men or boys. I can recognise when one is good looking, but … they never awoke anything in me. Girls though … I would often look at them the same way Christian did.

And it scared me. I thought I was not normal. I mean, women aren't supposed to look at other women and have those sort of thoughts as a result. I … it wasn't a great period of time for me. I had no one to talk to because I was ashamed, and I didn't dare ask the Reverend because … I was scared he would tell me I was going to go to Hell.

So I forced myself to be courted by this young man, Charles. He stole a few kisses, but I was still hoping that it had been his sister. And I have to admit that I have tried to kill myself then. It was obvious that I was a mistake, as my father had always told me.

It's about that time, after the doctors said my life from the fall, that Grace made Christian and me read the works of Sappho. She's a Greek poetess who … made me realise that I was not a monster for liking women.

Christian did not flinch away from me as if he was going to turn to salt. I think it even got us closer because he knew my secret. He's the one who convinced me to talk to the Reverend because I was still scared for my soul. And …"

Her voice slightly wavers, and I see her blink, her eyes still lost in space. I can tell she wants to cry, and so I do the only thing that comes to my mind, I wrap my arms around her to comfort her. She takes a deep breath, smiling as she stays in my arms and she continues with her tale,

"I went to see the Reverend. Reverend Lincoln has always been so kind to us, be he has always been kind to children in general. I confessed to him about my impure feelings and desires, and he had nothing but soothing words.

After having travelled, I know that I am lucky that my minister was Reverend Lincoln and not another. I might have tried again to kill myself if it hadn't been for him. He admonished my suicide attempt and self-deprecation. God is love. That's all he had to say.

He said, it's not for me, or him or anyone else to judge. It's God. And God made love the purest thing there is. If I find love with another woman, a pure and genuine love, it is not for any of us to judge. And .. you have no idea how much his words have touched me, Ana. More than Grace's gesture with her book, more than Christian's support, more than anything. It made me feel like I was not damned to go to Hell. It made me feel that maybe life on Earth had been made difficult for me so I could get a chance to go to Heaven.

And …" She clears her throat, shaking her head, but I still see the tears she is trying not to shed, so I hold her closer to me.

"Ana … if you ever have a sin to confess," She looks at me and then laughs as if it is something improbable. "If you ever feel the need to talk to the Reverend, never do it in the Church. Elena always lurks around there to gather gossip, even in the sanctity of a confessional.

Two days after the Reverend gave me back my will to live and enjoy life, this young man, Brian tried to ... fix me. He was sent by Elena to make me understand that a woman should only be with a man and that the only reason why I was confused was because … I hadn't had a man between my legs."

‼️TRIGGER WARNING‼️

END

I can't help but gasp, bringing my hands to my lips. I have been silent during her speech, but … I was not expecting that. How can a woman wish something so awful for another woman? Once again, Leila clears her throat, before sitting up straight, giving me the bravest smile I have ever seen.

"I'll spare you the details. But if I can ask something of you, don't tell the Reverend about his wife's involvement. I am not trying to protect that vile woman but … the Reverend would never recover this treachery from her. He has given us many sermons on this kind of violations. He has actually shamed a few husbands about the true nature of consent in a marriage. As I said before, Reverend Lincoln is a sweetheart, and we are lucky to have him.

Elena will never talk about my sexuality because she knows I know she sent Brian. Actually, you're the only person who knows about Elena. And I'm just telling you because … you're my friend. I know you'll respect my wishes," She tells me with a smile.

I have no idea what to do or say, so I just weakly smile back, before recalling that she has another friend, "What about Christian? Didn't you tell him?"

"About Elena? No. About Brian … I didn't say anything at first. I stopped going to school, to Church, to his house. And he got upset. Every day he would push me to talk to him, and when he did, he said nothing and just left. The next day, the Reverend came to visit, because Christian had told him and … that's when I learned that Christian had beaten Brian bloody.

He never talked about it again. He never told anyone why he beat Brian, and Brian knew better than to complain. He stayed a whole month in bed, and a few months later, he convinced his parents to send him to a distant relative. Christian would beat him up every time he saw him.

Some people suspect what happened because they connected the dots, but no one knows for sure. And I like it better this way. I know that folks don't like many things about me, but they never really questioned my marital status, and I know it's because of what think I am traumatised.

But anyway, this is my life story. And I digressed. I just wanted to show you that I would never lay with your husband. Even I liked men, even if Christian hadn't been my closest friend, even if my life had been normal, I would never do that to you, Ana. You're my friend, I would never betray you like that."

I look at her, tears in my eyes for all the hurdles in her life and she smiles, pressing my hand in hers.

"Don't fret. It's hard to talk about it, but I have learned to let it to the past. And it's the first time I ever tell someone this since everything happened. Now, let's talk about cheerful things and let's talk about the idiocy of that husband of yours."

I laugh with her before shaking my head and defending my husband, "No, I shouldn't have assumed."

Once again, she frowns, not happy with my words as she points out, "You wouldn't have to assume if he had told you from the start. That man is really an imbecile, sometimes."

"Leila!"

"Really. I knew he was up to something when he kept avoiding for the three of us to spend time together. You would think that a husband would do his best to make sure his wife knows she has nothing to fear from the person rubbing his idiotic back every week.

But I guess I should have made sure myself that you knew. I only understood you didn't know when you mentioned my husband. I am so sorry, Ana. I knew Christian was an idiot and I should have explained about our weekly visits."

I look down, pondering if I would have minded if I had known from the start that it was Leila visiting him every week to help him feel better, and I remember something,

"Why hasn't Christian gone to Dr Cassidy for his insomnia and migraines?"

I mean, now that I know Leila's whole story, and that she would never lay with Christian, I guess I don't mind. But had I not known that, I think I would have been more comfortable with Dr Cassidy massaging Christian.

"He did, and Dr Cassidy gave him morphine at first. The problem with morphine is … one can quickly become dependant on it. And when Christian started relying on morphine more and more, he decided to stop. He's quite anti-morphine now. He makes Dr Cassidy limit his use on people.

And Dr Cassidy is … rather traditional. In life and medicine. Massages are only seen as a mean for pleasure by many men in our society. No one actually knows Christian is having those massages."

"Oh? But … I thought doctors were always reading about other doctors."

"They are. But Dr Cassidy thinks that foreign practices should not be implemented in our lives. Which is ridiculous because the syringe was invented by an Arab man. But anyway. To be honest, Dr Cassidy is a very good doctor, just … traditional."

I nod and Leila gets up so she can look at the canvas I am working on. It's a simple representation of the garden from the Grey homestead, or what I remember of it. She appreciatively nods before she tells me, "If you mind me massaging your husband, Ana, I will stop. I don't want to lose your friendship."

"No, of course not," I assure her. I don't want her to stop and make Christian suffer through even more headaches and sleepless nights. She smiles, stretching her hands over her head and she lightly says,

"Of course, the logical thing to do would be for me to teach you so you could massage your dear husband whenever you two want."

I blush and look down, and she sits back next to me, "He'll never tell you, but I'm sure he'd rather have your hands on him than mine. Especially since your hands can lead to … pleasant time."

I blush even more and clear my throat whilst she looks at me with a teasing smile. "I keep telling him to talk to you, but he is a thick-witted man. Men are supposed to know, not ask. I don't understand why he is so stubborn when all the women in his life are so cultured. Though … Carrick is pretty stubborn as well."

"I'm not cultured, Leila. I just learned a new word yesterday night."

She laughs. "Being cultured and being literate is not always the same thing. You know things I know nothing about. First of all, you know how to beat Christian at chess, and I adore you for that, he was always too smug about chess.

Second, you know how to bake. You know if a fruit is ripe or not just by touching it. You can recognise cloths just by looking at them. You know if it's going to rain by looking at the clouds. It's a different kind of culture, but it still leads to you being cultured."

I never thought about things this way. But she is right. I don't need to read Christian's whole library to know things other people don't.

"Now, about the massages. I can teach you. Show you which muscles to press, and how much pressure to put on them."

This makes me pale and slightly move away from Leila. I do remember very clearly her saying that massages work best without clothes, and I saw Christian yesterday only wearing his shirt to come to pick me up. And …

"Leila … you are a dear friend to me but I … you are just my friend. And I am married."

She laughs. "Ana. You are my friend too. Very beautiful and very attractive friend, but my friend. And even if you weren't, I wouldn't do that to Christian, no matter what he thinks."

"But … but … he said that …" I take a deep breath and scowl at her, "Leila, it's not proper to be a mistress. To a man, or a woman."

She laughs again. "Marie and John knew exactly what was going on. And we enjoyed our time together. It's a shame they moved town. I lost a friend in John and a lover in Mary."

"Together?"

"Yes. John liked to watch. And sometimes, he would take Mary whilst … Well, we enjoyed our time."

I gape at her, shocked. I did not need to know that. She chuckles, closing my mouth for me as informs me, "The Reverend was not impressed either. We were very discreet, but I was happy with them."

I frown, not sure if I condone this or not. On one hand, I can understand that this is probably the only sort of love that Leila will ever have, on the other hand … marriage is only for two people. I'm glad Christian and I think the same way about this.

"But what I meant about teaching was, next time I come, you should be in that office too. I will guide you. And before you start with all your proper talk, this is a doctor's order!"

I blush, but still find in myself to tease, "Oh, so I'm your patient now, Dr Williams?"

"Yes. Every Tuesday night you are. So you better not be late."

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

💚Your thoughts and opinions are always welcomed💚

💚 So, there you have it. It clearly isn't a threesome story. I hope you didn't think it was because I'm French haha XD

💚 And yes, it was miscommunication between the three of them. Miscommunication was the hype back then. You only talked about certain things, and feelings were not one of them.

💚 And Leila said she would teach Ana how to massage Christian ... Do you think he will approve? Do you think Ana will enjoy that?

💚 And what do you think of Leila?

💚And something new, the artists mentioned💚

* purple hydrangeas are given to someone to tell them that you are grateful, appreciative and understanding.

💚Well, let me know what you thought of this chapter. What was your favourite part? What do you think will happen next?

💚 E L James owns the names of the characters from the Fifty Shades franchise. Everything else is mine.

Love, Mina💚💚💚