"I need another quilt, John. It's starting to get cold."
That was the understatement of the year, as it was almost the second week of November, and Erin was just finishing up the collar on Bruce's sweater before she moved on to a cardigan for Tabitha. Again, she knew exactly which pattern she'd use, and what yarn she'd pull out from her stash, since John had brought more into her room without her even asking for it. She tried to ignore the fact that she had been in his prison for nearly six months, but as it came closer and closer to Christmas, she started to feel a little more defeated. "I'll see what I can do. I'll be gone for a while again, would you like me to provide you with anything in particular this time?"
"An electric kettle and some tea bags would be nice. It's cold in the mornings now. And if you're going to be gone, instant oatmeal would be nice. I need healthy options, John. Not just fast ones."
"Again, I'll see what I can do." Before she could say anything more, he had closed the food door, and Erin let out a disconsolate sigh. She hated the fact that she was becoming so dependent on these short connections with John, since that meant he was breaking her spirit down more and more. Blinking back a quick flood of tears, Erin grabbed her lunch and sat at the table, picking at the food. It was delicious, but did nothing to satiate the hunger that she felt deep in her soul. Rather than flip through pictures as she ate, Erin doodled on a spare sheet of paper, needing something mindless to take her thoughts off what she was feeling.
Finding herself full before the food was finished, Erin got up from the table and washed her hands before coming back to the bed and picking up the sweater once more, knowing that she was so close to the end. When she finally bound off the last round, Erin felt a sense of accomplishment as she shook out the sweater, seeing that it looked practically perfect. She just hoped that Bruce would be able to know that she was the one who made it, since there was no way that she could sew in a patch like she would have had this been a normal situation. Folding the garment carefully, Erin brought it over to her dresser and set it next to his picture, smiling at her son before heading back to the bed and casting on the next project. Her hands hurt a little too much to truly start on the next project, so she put everything back before grabbing her laptop and starting to watch the next episode of Darkest Minds. She didn't know why she was finding herself so engrossed in a television program that got so much wrong about her line of work, but there was something extremely compelling about seeing an all female team of profilers take down unsubs while looking perfectly coiffed and in heels. Even she had known enough to wear flats when out in the field.
It was easy to burn through two episodes, and just as the second was ending, John returned with her supper. "Are you not feeling well?" he asked as he set the supper tray on the shelf, and Erin shrugged a little as she got to her feet and went over to the door. "Erin?"
"I think it's just a spot of ennui. In time, I'll be fine. It would be better if I could talk to my children. But I know that you won't let that happen, since I have to suffer. But haven't I suffered enough? Don't I deserve some sort of relief, if only for a moment before you kill me?" She didn't know why she had lost her control over her words, but they just seemed to tumble out before she could call them back.
"Well, you could always hope for a Christmas miracle. Just leave both trays on the shelf when you're finished. I'm almost a little disappointed in the fact that it's only taken me six months to get beneath your skin like this. I always assumed that you'd hold out a little longer."
Before she could protest that he hadn't broken her, that she was just having a low moment, the door closed and she was alone once more. Letting out a disconsolate sigh, Erin picked up the tray and trudged over to the table. She wasn't hungry, but she forced herself to choke down as much of the meal as she could, knowing that she had to keep up her strength. A sad smile curved her lips upwards when she saw that John had placed three of her favorite chocolate bars on the evening tray, and she placed them in her nightstand drawer before bringing the trays to the door and then tripping into the bathroom, deciding to just wear last night's pyjamas instead of grabbing out fresh.
After changing, Erin made her way over to the bed and collapsed on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling as she tried to find her centre once more. She should be joyous over the fact that she had completed Bruce's sweater in such a short amount of time, especially given the complexity of the pattern, but she still felt flat. The rational side of her mind knew that that was a result of being cooped up for so long with only John as her means of contact. Letting out a few deep sighs, Erin turned onto her side and woke up the laptop, deciding that she needed something different to take her mind off where her heart was leading her. Scrolling through the media, Erin frowned a little to see a file labelled Tabitha, and she hurriedly clicked on it to open the file.
What she saw broke her heart in the best way, and she stifled a sob as she realized that at some point, John had recorded Tabitha's latest equestrian competition, and it was bittersweet to see her baby girl ride so elegantly. Reaching out, she brushed her fingertips against her daughter's face and let out a sigh before finishing the movie. It was clear that her daughter had done quite well, and she wasn't surprised when it appeared that she took first place, the large ribbon looking so stunning on her mare's bridle. "Oh, darling girl, I cannot wait until I am free of this lace and can come watch you win in person. This makes two competitions that I've missed, and God only knows how many more it will be, but I promise you that I will find a way to see you in person once more, and I won't give up until I make that happen." Closing the video player, she went to YouTube and began to listen to a Bach playlist as she tried to read more in her book, knowing that her sleep schedule would be completely thrown off if she went to sleep that early. Thankfully, it was an interesting book, though she knew that Karen would tease her about reading esoteric history books when she could be reading something a lot lighter that would take her mind off her situation. That wasn't what she was in the mood for, however, and she found her attention able to focus in on the minutiae better than if she was reading something frothy. There was a time for everything, after all, and now was the time for The Hollow Crown.