DAY 22 – The Challenge
Chapter 26 - Friendship
The little boy Aki was a delight to Nalla, his pure infant spirit and clear emotional web so wonderful to be around. It was not a standard part of her life to spend time with young babes, though there were a number of them here in the Facility, but she thoroughly enjoyed any opportunity to sit with them. The webs of such young infants were absent of any of the conflicting complexities of life, the emotional traumas, worried thoughts, and lingering fears that were common in all webs over a certain age. But babes lived purely in the present moment, with only their current needs and feelings present, and it was an innocence and purity that felt like a tonic against the harsh emotions which surrounded Nalla every day.
Though, as innocent and contented as Aki normally was, of late his teeth had been giving him great pains and were distressing him. A perpetuating cycle of pain, inflammation and tiredness had set in, and even Massa and the Healers were unable to improve it much for him. All they could do was attempt to soothe what they could and wait for nature to take its course and let the teeth erupt. Aki could not understand that there was a future in which his discomfort would end, and Massa's own emotional stress at his son's pain only made Aki more distressed. So, over these last few days while she had been staying in the Facility off rotation, Massa had appeared at her door several times with a screaming red-faced Aki who had become beyond consolation. Nalla was only too happy to help, as she was today, sat in the strangely quiet canteen, with Aki in her arms and Massa sat across from her as he tried not to fall asleep.
Nalla smiled across at Massa, who was barely succeeding in keeping his eyes open, and then back down to Aki. The little boy's eyes were drifting closed as he rested within her arms and energetic web. Most babes were naturally empathic in their first year of life, being instinctively attuned to the emotions of their parents and caregivers, so it was easy enough for Nalla to soothe young babes. She just sat holding them and let her web fill with her own comforting memories of her mother. Drawing on the deep remembered infant sensations of comfort, warmth, and love from when she had been held in Mother's arms as a babe, she let her emotions fill her being, glowing into her web and around Aki, and the babe was absorbing it in with blissful peacefulness. It was not difficult for Nalla to hold those feelings in her being, for they were a source of comfort to her to this day, to feel Mother's love for her, and, through her, Grandmother's love that filled Mother's memories and web, providing generations of love pouring down through to Nalla and now to Aki. Sharing such remembered love and peace with Aki was an honour and was clearly helping him.
And perhaps Massa as well. She glanced up from Aki's little closed eyes, to consider the sleepy Massa. His own web sung with relief and tiredness, but the calm was easing him as well. Not for the first time did she consider that perhaps Massa might be slightly empathic himself, having held onto the skill since a babe. He certainly was the most emotionally vibrant of all the Elite, willingly feeling what he felt as opposed to the Elite training of strict emotional control. This emotional openness was perhaps due to his deep long love for his lost Mera, or just how he naturally was, but he had a beautiful soul. A soul that still lingered with grief to this day, and Nalla suspected it would never go. He and Mera had had a beautiful powerful love for one another, and its absence still cut at Massa on a daily basis. Yet, he very wisely had not denied such feelings. He had asked for her help a few times as to how he should deal with the pain and sadness, and she had advised as best she could, but it had been Aki who had helped the most. The young babe and Massa had both needed each other and the bond was already strong between them.
Massa's eyes drifted shut and then snapped open again and he looked round. She chuckled at him before looking back down at Aki, who was now fast asleep.
"You're amazing," Massa whispered.
Nalla absorbed his gratitude as she reinforced her web with the echoes of Massa's love for his son, allowing Aki to feel that as well. "You can go and catch up on some sleep," she suggested again. "I do not mind keeping him with me."
"No, I'll wait for Halling," Massa replied as he rubbed both hands over his face.
Nalla considered the empty tray of food in front of Massa. Halling was late for their shared meal, which was most likely due to Oneakka. Frustration and conflicting anger were not all that unusual for Oneakka while he was recovering from injury, but there was a new aspect to it within to his web during this recovery which spoke of some profound changes within the powerful warrior. At first Nalla had suspected it was purely due to his brief death immediately following his violent injury, which her people knew could often result in powerful changes for people, but it had become clear to her that Seeal was also in part responsible. Where previously Oneakka had been able to assert his strength of character upon others and his situation, even to his own detriment, Seeal now appeared very willing and able to argue with him and assert her own dominance in turn. It was a situation that Oneakka was in no way pleased about and it only added further furore to the storm cloud of his web.
Nalla let her senses expand across the combined multitude of webs across the Facility and was instantly able to find Oneakka's distant brooding. She suspected it was the reason for Halling's delay and she suspected-
A sudden rushing emotional web registered loudly across Nalla's senses, deeply familiar yet vibrating with conflicting anxiety. She looked up and round from Aki to see Halling stood in the entrance to the canteen across the room. His web held deep tremors of shocked confusion, guilt, and worry as he watched her from across the canteen.
Ah, it appeared that her long held secret had been discovered.
Nalla turned to Massa. "Could you hold Aki for a moment, I shall be back quickly," she instructed as she handed the sleeping babe over to his father. It would not do Aki any good to be close to Halling's web with its current conflicted raw feelings. Massa took Aki with worried caution, his eyes fixed on his son's face to ensure he didn't wake up during the transfer. Nalla held in her seat for a moment longer to keep the feelings of Mother's love around Aki a little longer, but it was clear that the boy remained fast asleep, and Massa's emotions eased instantly.
The two settled, Nalla rose from her chair and headed across the canteen towards Halling. His eyes followed her, worried and anxious, his concern for her vibrant and appreciated. It was not as if she hadn't anticipated this day before, and in fact had practiced what she would say for many years, yet the subtle dancing embarrassment in her own web was a little disconcerting now the actual moment was upon her.
She made sure to smile as she reached Halling though, letting him see that she was not cross with his discovery. "Everything is well, Halling. You have caused me no harm," she assured him. Though it was not a lie, at the same time it was not entirely true. However, none of that was his fault and his distress for her vibrated strongly in his web.
A flash of relief curled around through his web at her assurances though, but embarrassment danced with it. "I truly never knew," he explained unnecessarily.
"I know that, Halling," she smiled. "And there was no requirement that you should."
He frowned, concerned but somewhat confused as well. She had become reasonably skilled at maintaining her walls against the vibrant and loud webs of others, not allowing them to wash over her too much. However, with close friends, she was not always so capable at remaining unaffected. Especially so with Halling.
"If I had known..." He started only to frown, confusion growing around him like a dark cloud. He was not sure what he would have done.
"I am grateful for our friendship, Halling, and have always been," she assured him. "We have fought great battles beside one another and supported each other through great moments of loss and sadness. That is the mark of true friendship. There was no harm caused in any of this."
More sensations of relief swirling within his web, chasing away the darker clouds. "I consider you a strong and powerful warrior and friend," he replied, his honesty clear to her, though some discomfort and caution were still lingering through him.
She smiled at his compliment, accepting it for how he intended it. "And I you. I would like for our friendship to continue unhindered by this revelation," she told him.
He nodded swiftly, his smile finally more natural. "I do as well."
It was what she wanted to hear and what he needed to hear and agree, but it still found that little point of weakness in her defences. He in no way intended the hurt this caused her, yet it was no less true.
"Good," she told him and forced herself to smile. She had long ago known her feelings were not returned, yet now the day had arrived in which that truth was set...she just wished she didn't have to sense Halling's true feelings so clearly.
An awkward discomfort swirled around him in the silence that fell between them. "I am assuming that it was Oneakka who told you?" She asked to continue the conversation and to confirm her suspicions.
"It was because of his medication and he deeply regrets breaking his promise to you," Halling insisted in defence of their mutual friend.
"I have no doubt of that," she assured him. "It was a long time ago, Halling, and I did not withhold it to cause you harm. I will visit Oneakka later today to assure him that I forgive his telling you."
Halling's eyes glanced aside and back. "You could visit him once Seeal's shift has finished, I am sure he would appreciate the visit."
There he was again always watching out for Oneakka. Oneakka was far from a man who needed protecting, but it was what they all did for each other and, she knew, why Oneakka had kept his promise for so long: to protect her feelings. Perhaps the secret had not needed to be held so long, but it had helped her through her younger years to know that Halling was unaware of her yearnings. She knew far more than most that attractions were not always shared, after all she had not returned Oneakka's interest in her, though that interest had always been a simple physical attraction and had, of late, now entirely vanished. It was a normal part of life after all, love arose and passed, some people loved and lost deeply, others never loved another, and some were unaware of another's love. It was all normal and part of the ever flowing sea of emotions around her. She felt no blame towards Halling, just an old cherished love that would never be returned.
"I will visit Oneakka at that time as you suggest then and share Late Meal with him so that he knows I have no ill will towards him," she decided. "And perhaps assist with whatever is distressing him so much today," she glanced off past Halling's shoulder towards Oneakka's distant storm cloud of angry feelings.
"I am not sure there is enough power anywhere in the galaxy for such a feat," Halling joked.
Yet, she sensed in him a new blossom of amusement and excitement to share something. But first he had to eat, the hunger swelling around in his web.
"Come," she reached out and gripped his long forearm, "you need to eat, you are very hungry, and clearly have quite a story to tell us."
He grinned at that and acquiesced instantly to her pull on his arm to walk with her towards Massa. Yet, she felt a frisson of sudden curious interest within him at her touch and she dropped her hand from him, knowing that such curiosity would no doubt linger in him for awhile until he adjusted to the new normal between them.
"You're really late, Halling," Massa smiled at Halling as they reached the table and she was pleased to see that Aki remained comfortably asleep. "What chaos did Oneakka cause today then?" Massa asked with curiosity and humour dancing through his web with great anticipation.
"Something very surprising," Halling replied, his web vibrating hotly with eagerness now to share what had happened, and she felt it soothe the edges of his lingering embarrassment and concern.
Except she realised that Halling had sat down without gathering himself any food, so eager he was to share his tale. "Halling," she asked him before he could start, "do you want your usual Athosian spice sandwich?"
Halling glanced down at his own bare space of table, realising himself that he had nothing to eat. "Yes," he moved to get up.
"No, stay, I wanted more kita juice anyway," she reassured him as she stood up again. "Besides you clearly have a quite a significant story to share regarding Oneakka," she smiled as she set her hand on his shoulder, only to feel his slight shock at the touch, so she removed her hand and quickly headed away from the table towards the food selection.
She kept her pace relaxed and normal, but she had to work to keep it measured and calm as she worked to gain some speedy distance from the situation. Once across the room and at the arrangement of food set along one side of the canteen, she took a moment to pause and take a calming breath. No one else was at the food selection and no attendants were required for the midday meal self-service, so she had this small space to herself.
She closed her eyes and leaned her weight onto the edge of the table, allowing herself this moment. Except, she was never truly alone; around the canteen, several Recruits sat alone, their webs vibrating loudly with anxiousness and tiredness, and in the kitchen behind the food, she could feel a rumbling disagreement between two of the kitchen staff. Outside the walls of the canteen, fellow Elite and staff were focused on duties or personal matters, and Recruits were in classes and in the gyms, all forming a loud cacophony of sensations of interweaving emotions. When younger, she had found it overwhelming, but now she was usually used to the background noise. Yet, when her own feelings shifted dramatically, as they were doing now, when she let herself linger on feelings of self-indulgent regret and heartache, she struggled to keep the background noise at bay.
Realising her control was slipping with increasing speed, the webs all vibrating too loudly into a shouting rush, she reached for a tray for Halling and forced herself to focus back on those memories of Mother's soothing presence that she had shared to calm Aki. To remember the soft warmth of Mother's skin, echoed only months ago by Mother's most recent embrace, her cheek against Nalla's. Sinking into her web, Nalla reached out towards Mother and their people on Pelydr. Though the distance was light-years between them, she could still sense the combined powerful web of her people, and she reached towards them, desperately calling for support and sustenance.
And it was given.
She felt the surge of giving cross to her immediately, providing strength and understanding, and, through it, the reminder of her unique destiny as an Elite warrior. She drew it in deeply to her soul, letting it fill her with strength in place of the empty sad place inside her that remained unloved by one she would choose. Instead, she let herself feel her people's love for her. Within a breath, the loud rushing invasion of the webs of the Facility subsided and she was once again at the height of her control and strength.
She let out a sigh of relief and sent her gratitude and love back to the web of Pelydr.
And in response, now sounding out separately, she felt Mother's web reach out, sending her love and wisdom and, through her, all the combined strength of their ancient mothers behind her.
00000
He hurt.
Every part of him screamed in hot pain, over-strained, over-heated, and weak.
He'd barely made it a metre across his own quarters on his own before he had needed to be helped back to his bed. Like an old man.
And he'd lost the challenge and had to agree to the whole damn medication plan.
And she'd won.
He shouldn't have risen to her baiting trap.
Now he was stuck with the whole med plan, she'd won, and he hurt.
Though, the latest dose of meds he'd just taken would probably help, but it would take a bit of time until they kicked in. Until then, he had to sit here with her as she victoriously set about moving his things again, having wheeled the Healing Bay table up to him like he couldn't do it himself.
He glanced at the table as her hand came into view and deposited a large handful of the small pieces of Sheppard's game directly in front of him.
"Sheppard said we first need to find the corner pieces and any with a straight edge, so we can form the frame of the picture and work inwards from there," she instructed, which he already knew because Sheppard had told him first. He wasn't sure when Sheppard had given her the same explanation. Probably during the big social canteen gathering when Sheppard had been here and he'd been stuck in the Healing Bay by himself.
Her hand appeared again and another handful of pieces were added to his pile.
He wasn't going to fall for this latest baiting move; trying to get him to do what she wanted and pretend he hadn't just lost in humiliating failure.
He fixed his eyes back on the window to the left. It wasn't the most interesting of views, just bare moon rock a mere few feet beyond the reinforced and multiple layers of glass. Still, it was better than falling for her latest tactic.
She should just go, leave him alone like she'd threatened yesterday.
He waited for her next comment, no doubt some sickly attempt to make him feel better and allow her to bask in her win.
Except she wasn't saying anything, the room quiet. Well, except for the small little noises of her hand moving through the rest of the little puzzle pieces. He faintly looked round out of the very corner of his eyes to see what she was doing. She had the lower part of the box that was Sheppard's gift on her lap, her head bowed over it, her hands raking through the tiny irregularly shaped pieces. She picked out several pieces and started lifting her head, so he quickly looked away again.
But he heard her put them on the table.
He waited a beat and then glanced down at the table with just his eyes, keeping his head turned towards the window. She'd built up an annoyingly good amount of puzzle pieces with a straight edge already. He glanced at his untouched pile, but looked away again.
He wasn't going to let her get her way anymore.
"First corner piece," she announced victoriously from the right, but he kept his eyes on the glass as he heard her place the piece on the table.
The room went quiet again with just her hands in the box echoing against his right ear.
After a pause, he realised that the medication had started to kick in, that the hard edges of the pain had dulled and he let himself take a slightly deeper breath into his belly. His wound didn't pull and a rush of relief flooded up through him. He'd worried that he'd torn something inside with the one metre walk, but the meds were dealing with what was probably just muscle strain and fatigue, and his irritated scars.
Stupid medications were helping, and now he had no way to alter the med plan. Unless he broke his word, but it felt wrong just considering that. Plus, he'd already broken his word today, blurting out Nalla's secret that he'd kept for decades. Stupid mistake of his weakling state.
"Another corner," Seeal stated, still trying to lure him to play Sheppard's game. A game for sick people apparently. Besides, he wasn't going to forget her storming out yesterday. She'd probably want an apology, but he certainly wasn't going to do that now.
He focused back on the moon rock outside.
Which was getting pretty boring actually.
He frowned at the barren rock that was a little too reminiscent of his latest bizarre dream last night. He'd been back on that weird dark sandy version of Ugun again, though this time he had been plotting out space to build a cabin. Which was stupid, not simply because you couldn't build on sand like that, but also because he'd already built a cabin on Ugun for himself long ago. He had no idea why his subconscious dream state wanted to do it again on such unstable shifting ground.
She'd been there again too, in her raven bird form, sitting on a fence he'd built. Which, now he thought about it, was odd because he'd built the fence before the cabin, and it wasn't like he would need to define his plot of land; the whole of the Ugun planet belonged to him. Who was he keeping out with the fence?
He heard her drop what sounded like a good handful of more puzzle pieces on the table. He glanced round, worrying that she'd found the remaining corners, but they were all side edge pieces. He looked back to the window, pleased with that much at least.
She could finish the whole thing anyway, he didn't care.
Though, technically Sheppard gave it to him not her, so he could play his game if he wanted to.
He glanced at his untouched pile of games pieces, wondering if the remaining corners might be in it. He ran his eyes over the pieces all jumbled together and spotted a piece with a clear straight edge in the pile.
He reached out and shifted one finger into the edge of the pile, drawing out that one edged piece and shifted it a fraction away from the rest.
There looked like another edge piece as well though, so he pushed that to join the first piece. Another was just visible too, so he fished around to draw that one out. After this one, he'd stop, just-
This latest piece had two edges – a corner.
He picked it up and victoriously dropped it on top of the two corners she'd found, but he said nothing as he returned his attention to his pile of pieces.
She said nothing either though, so he faintly glanced round at her again out of the very edge of his eyes, but she was focused on the box of pieces on her lap. A frown down at the box showed that she had far more pieces than she'd put in his pile, so the chances that the final corner piece was in there was pretty high. He returned his attention to his pile and started properly working through the tiny pieces, using her technique of separating some, judging them and those that had no edges went into a new pile.
No last corner piece yet though.
He glanced at her hand as it appeared on the edge of his focus, but they were just more edge pieces she was adding to her annoyingly large pile. She hadn't found the final corner at least.
The meds were properly filling his system now and he could feel the annoying faint dullness to his senses, so he focused intently on the sorting of the puzzle pieces.
He was running out of pieces in his pile and no corner yet.
Worried now, he flattened out the small remaining part of the pile, spreading them out so he could see...yes, the final corner! He grabbed it up and, again, dropped it onto the other three corners.
He wasn't completely useless after all. Except she'd given him the pile of pieces in the first place.
He ignored that thought and gathered up his pile that had no edges in them and set them in the middle of the table. She'd put the top of the game's box that held the completed picture on the side of his bed, so he reached under the table and retrieved it, lifting it up so he could start organising the pile of edges into the picture's outline, taking the lead on that bit. He judged each corner piece first, spacing them out a good distance, and then started sorting different coloured pieces out and slowly forming the sides.
Occasionally her hand appeared and added some new edge pieces, now in smaller batches and less frequently. They had most of the edges now he estimated. She reached in and removed the pile of non-edge pieces he had sorted and he heard her drop them into the box with the rest.
The chimes to his door rang out abruptly, which would be his midday meal, no doubt delayed by Halling when he'd fallen asleep through the usually delivery time. It was a common enough routine though, and Seeal got up and headed towards the door without comment. Oneakka lowered his eyes back to the game.
He heard the door swish open.
"Good day to you," a canteen assistant announced to Seeal.
"To you too," Seeal replied with surprising cheerfulness, probably intended to make a point.
"Honoured Elite's meal," the assistant explained unnecessarily. It wasn't like this was a rarity right now. He had to have all his meals brought to him and set in front of him. He glanced up from under his brow as Seeal said some pleasantry goodbye to the assistant and the door slid shut. She was heading towards him with a covered tray of food.
He set the game box's lid aside, focusing on that she set his tray down on the table in front of him on top of the puzzle pieces.
He resisted the urge to thank her, pressing his lips together as he lifted the warm lid off the main meal to reveal the soft easily edible food he was always given lately. His repaired bowel could handle normal food now, but some things caused some discomfort, scratchy foods as he thought of them, so Meiyo had adjusted his meal plan. Even his food was chosen for him right now.
He peered down into the bowl of today's delivery. It was one of the soft bean and vegetable stews again. The large flat and mashable soft beans were standard for convalescence and for babies. Aki probably ate this all the time.
Still, it smelt good and he was abruptly aware of how hungry he was. He'd also been given several pieces of sweetgrain bread, which he dunked into the stew, softening it up and absorbing the flavours. He had, at least, started to enjoy food again, and he was starting to crave more with his increased workouts. He judged that there was faintly more to his portion today than over the last few days.
But soon enough, he was at the bottom of the bowl and realised he was scraping out the faintest last smears of the thick yummy stew juice. He set he bowl down and reached for the covered small sweet dish to follow it. It was a soft pudding with stewed sweet fruit on the top. He devoured it in only a few bites. He set about scraping out the last crumbs from the small pot, and finally reached for the small sealed bottle of kita juice to finish. He downed it in a few gulps. And the meal was unfortunately over.
He was still thirsty though, so he reluctantly turned to the side table by his left elbow and reached for the jug of nutritional tonic. He lifted the jug, though the weight of it caused a sharp complaint from his forearm, but he forced himself to pick up the jug and pour out a full glass of the drink. Maybe tomorrow he'd be a little more cautious with his arm exercises, give his forearms time to recover. He drank down half the glass of tonic and looked round to see that Seeal had removed his empty food tray, revealing the game again.
He wiped his mouth, suddenly aware that he had been gobbling down his food like he was starving.
She had added some more edge pieces onto the table, a small little island in the now empty space within the frame he'd almost completed of the picture. He reached in and decided on where these new pieces should go, pressing the irregularly shaped edges together. Sometimes pieces he thought should fit, didn't. He frowned at one piece, unsure why it didn't seem to fit in the logical single space on one edge, so he picked up the box lid to consult the picture. Ah, it was because there was a small splash of that same colour on the other side of the picture, so he so he placed the piece within the large gap on the correct side.
He sat back a little further against his pillows, his stomach warm and full, the medication fuzziness adding to the tiredness washing over him. He had had enough of the game now really, his brain drained of blood being diverted to his stomach and probably to deal with all the overworked muscles.
He'd pushed himself too far today, but part of that was her fault, for baiting him into that challenge. He glanced at her out the corner of his eyes again. She was moving pieces around in the box with renewed focus, seeming unaware of him now. Which was annoying. She was supposed to say something to apologise or make him feel better about his failure.
He frowned at his soft edged annoyance. Or was it his fault for insulting her yesterday? How had the whole thing started again? She'd been messing with his things, yes, that was why he was cross with her still.
Renewed with that, he sat up a little straighter and considered the table and the mostly complete frame of the picture.
She reached in with one hand and set a small collection of pieces right in the middle of the empty space on the table and withdrew her hand. He leant forward to sort them, only to find that they were already connected together and showed a part of the picture with two drawn characters fighting over a bucket of water. He remembered her having laughed at that bit of the front picture before, but had she found that part of the picture on purpose now?
He frowned round at her and, this time, she was looking at him.
"Seemed appropriate," she shrugged and returned her attention to the box of pieces. "What colours are the missing edge pieces?" She asked as she dug loudly through the box.
He glared at her turned profile and her obvious attempt to start conversation, but looked at the table, assessing the answer to her question without thinking.
It would be childish not to answer.
"Red and green," he reluctantly told her. It felt like it had been awhile since he'd last said anything. He glanced at the timekeeping display to his left. It had been just over an hour of silence between them! Where had that time gone?
At least it had been enough time to make his point.
Though he wasn't entirely sure what that point was now...
"I'll keep looking then," Seeal replied. "We could maybe pick out all the pieces with faces on them next."
"You need to stop telling me what to do," he remembered his point and told her in a rush.
"I said 'could', not 'you must'," she replied instantly, her argumentative tone back.
He looked round at her, pleased that tone was back now and not that sickly sweet luring tone trying to bait him into things. "And stop moving my things," he remembered the other part of his point.
"You can play the game by yourself then," she responded and set the box of game pieces on the table with a flourish.
It felt like another challenge.
"Because you're far too used to everything being on your own terms," she added.
He glared at that statement. "These are my quarters and my things," he argued the obvious. "And being impaled by a Hive ship is not on my terms."
"I thought it wasn't a whole Hive ship?" She asked sarcastically.
"I'm an Elite warrior," he emphasised. "You can't order me around."
"I just set you a challenge and the terms. You didn't have to accept them. Don't make it my fault because you lost and you know I'm right that you need the meds as they are written."
He glared at her direct bold eye contact. She didn't look cross anymore, in fact she looked annoyingly confidently calm. Like he should be, but instead there was just the rushing angry irritation that was nearly always itching at him all the time while he was stuck in bed, incapable of anything.
"I can make my own decisions," he told her firmly.
"You did. You decided to accept the terms. It's not my fault you didn't make it to the shower and back."
He gritted his teeth at her annoying logic, but it was the smug calmness that really grated. "You pushed me into it."
"I pushed you?!" She scoffed. "When does anyone push you into anything?"
"I don't get my own way about everything, otherwise I'd choose better friends."
She laughed. He frowned at the bizarre wide grin and chuckle.
"Well, you're stuck with me, Halling, and Massa as your friends who care about you enough to argue with you when you're being an idiot."
He glared at her weirdness – she was smiling while insulting him, but also saying something nice. She was a really annoying woman sometimes.
"I am not being an idiot," he told her. "I can choose what meds I take."
"And you did, when you wrote that medication plan."
"I can change my mind if I want to, and I always change the med plans when I'm injured."
"Then why haven't you changed the plan to make it shorter?" She challenged.
"Trust me, I will after this, so next time you don't get to order me around."
"Okay," she replied as if it this was all amusing. "But for now, you promised to keep your word and see through the whole rest of the plan that you wrote."
Oh, she was feeling far too pleased with herself.
He held her eyes with his, letting her see all his annoyance and anger with her.
"Unless you're going to break your word again?" She asked, one eyebrow raised. It wasn't a question, it was another challenge. This time testing his honour.
"I keep my word," he stressed. "I'm not some ex-criminal running a space-station full of the worst in the galaxy."
She smiled again. Why did she keep doing that? That was supposed to have been a devastating insult.
"I think you're confusing me with Creass. I never ran that place, I just worked in it and led security," she replied, all calm.
"Please, he just sat at the top of it, you were the one who kept the place functioning," he told her, but instantly rejected what had turned into a compliment. Only he realised he had an opportunity to get in what he knew would be an effective insult. "As if you were his wife." He threw the grenade of an insult at her happily.
Her smile disappeared now and she narrowed her eyes at him.
Excellent, finally he'd gotten some upper hand again.
"I don't like that word," she said so that each word was full of threat.
So he did what she had done, and smiled at her victoriously. "Well, let's look at the evidence shall we?" He told her. "See if we can prove it even if you disagree."
She pursed her lips, annoyed that he was using her methods against her now.
"You protected him, oversaw every department in that station, looked after everything for him, and probably spent those ten years ordering him about so you always got your own way," he theorised.
She pulled a face. "No one alive could order Creass about. The man never listened to reason and made his own stupid decisions without listening to my advice. Which is why I'm so experienced at dealing with difficult, unthinking males."
He screwed up his nose at that nasty insult. "Don't compare me to Creass."
"You're nothing like Creass, believe me," she replied with conviction. Was that an insult or a compliment?
Wait, was he now supposed to argue that he was like Creass? How had she turned the argument like that?
"You're really annoying," he told her plainly.
"You're the same," she responded hotly now. "You write your own medication plan for when you're injured and then you argue against it, the plan that you wrote? What kind of madness is that? Do you have to fight everyone, even yourself?"
"No," he stressed. "I know what's best for me."
"I think I've already successfully proven that you're not capable of being certain right now that you know what's best."
"All that proved was that I can't walk to the shower and back right now, but I will," he assured her.
"I'm not having this argument with you again, I've already won it," she stated smugly as she sat back in her chair.
"Annoying female!" He growled at her and looked away.
"Yes, I am," she responded with an obvious smile in her voice.
He glared at the moon rock outside the window again. Why was she so frustrating?
"You're just annoyed because you lost and you normally win at everything you do," she added.
"I don't win everything and get my way all the time," he glared back round at her. "You think I wanted to live my life fighting monsters and being impaled? Watching families torn apart and entire planets destroyed? You think I wanted this face?" He pointed at his facial scars.
Her eyebrows shot up her forehead and he realised he had put far too much feeling into that. He had revealed far too much.
He looked away quickly, grabbing control again of the simmering emotions threatening to overwhelm him. Stupid meds making him all emotional again.
Stupidly blurting out things again.
He blinked rapidly, angry that he'd let that all escape, that she'd seen it.
Damn his weaknesses.
"I didn't want to be born the smallest weakest Glisi," Seeal said. "I didn't want to spend most of my earliest years climbing trees by myself because the snow sat taller than me, that I spent most of my time sitting with the ravens for company. I didn't want to find my father's body lying in the snow, his eyes open and staring at me."
He blinked round at her, caught not just by the comment but by the tight vulnerable edge to her voice.
"His blood shocking red against the snow," she had glanced down. "I didn't ask to have to live on streets barefoot and hungry. I saw a lot of horrible things through those years. Little kids starving and dying of diseases we had no name or cure for, girls being molested, kids murdering each other for scraps of bread, Wraith killing the littlest who couldn't run fast enough. But, I knew there were stories of Elite warriors. On every planet, in every town we moved between, the kids told the stories. Most were rumours and exaggerated whispered half-heard stories really, but knowing that there were fighters like you out there, fighting the Wraith, it helped. Knowing that there was hope." She looked up at him. "That's no small thing."
He looked away, staring past the table with Sheppard's gift. He'd been on plenty of planets outside the Alliance and he'd seen the poor, the homeless, the orphans. The sick and the hopeless.
"Of course, I'd never really considered the sacrifices the Elite make," she continued. "Well, except the ultimate one: your lives. I used to think you were all crazy, throwing away the one thing I had: my life. Now though, living here, seeing all those young Recruits..."
He glanced round at her pause.
"Are they any different? They have plenty of food, but the pressure is obvious. They're terrified half of them and the other half look..." she frowned as she sought the word.
"Resolute," he suggested a word he'd used to describe himself and others.
She nodded. "Because they all know that Elite usually don't live long."
He nodded.
"It's a big sacrifice, giving your life. I don't mean just at the end, I mean," she paused again, but he was already nodding along with her. "Giving up another life you could have had."
She'd attempted to ask a similar question before now, but he'd never really allowed this discussion with anyone before, not really. Among Elite it was almost sacrilegious to show any sign of doubt or question the Elite way.
"Of course, you wouldn't have had that life," she added. "Because if you'd stayed on your world, you would have died on your planet with everybody else." Her tone had been careful, almost gentle. He sensed in her words a question that Halling had skirted around many times, as had the Mind Healers he'd been forced to talk with on numerous occasions.
He'd always avoided the subtle question that people kept asking him but not asking him. Before the recent hallucination of his family, he'd never really allowed himself to think it either. Except, it felt somehow unavoidable now, as if some shell around the truth had been cracked open by the hallucination, and now living on without his family felt like a heavy weight that pulled at his heart like it had never done before. It made no sense why now, but it was no less real.
"Some days I think it may have been better," he admitted quietly, his eyes on the table.
"I don't," she replied instantly, which wasn't an unexpected response, being the instant objection people had to such an admission. "I can't tell you how grateful I am that you turned up that day on Belsa, as terrifying as you initially were hunting me down through the rain."
He looked round at her, surprised at the admission so freely given.
"You showed me that an honourable life actually existed," she continued with her eyes moving away with faint signs of embarrassment of her own. "And you dragged me back to the Glisi world to face my past," she rolled her eyes with her more usual, and comfortable, sarcastic amused tone, "and then let me go free."
"You did kill a Wraith Queen and save Halling and me," he pointed out. "The Elite would always have let you go for what you did."
"I don't think the others wanted me on that Glisi mission, certainly not Kari," Seeal added, her voice softening on the lost Elite's name.
Oneakka nodded at the truth of that and feeling a renewed burst of grief at the loss of another of his friends and colleagues. So many had been lost. "People always have to face their past," he explained why he had taken her on the mission to the Glisi world, but it was also a reminder for himself now.
"Some people never do," she said.
He glanced away across his room, his eyes lifting up to the tapestry of his lineage name, the tapestry made for him by his people when he had left Ugun for his training. "But they should. Elite should always release the past and move forward," he whispered a military poem well quoted among the Facility's hallways.
His people had thought him a powerful warrior reborn, and a part of him had wondered if perhaps it was true, but that if it was, then he had failed them. He hadn't been able to protect them from their ultimate fate, but if he had been there that day, as Seeal had said, he wouldn't have been able to do anything except die alongside them. Instead, he was the sole survivor, the last of the Ugun race. Perhaps that was the fate he was supposed to fulfil? Not that he believed in fate.
Memories of the hallucination drifted to him, of Father's hand on his shoulder absolving him of blame. Perhaps he should listen to his father's advice and let it go. Set down the shame, guilt, and anger at being the last of his people.
It hadn't been his fault, though, ultimately, it had perhaps been the actions of the Alliance Military and Elite that had caused that day. A battle close by that had led that Hive and Queen to seek a new planet to claim and use as a base from which to attack back. But, that didn't mean it was the Alliance's fault.
The fault lay with that Wraith Queen and her Hive. But none of them had survived either. It was just him who had walked away from the burned remains of his world.
And into a life which, though hard and draining and painful at times, was worthy. He had never stopped believing that.
So perhaps it was time to finally let go of that past, let of go the anger, the shame of surviving, and the hope that some sign would magically appear to prove to him that it had been Father's wise words in his soul.
But instead, it had been his own mind speaking to him, telling him to set down the burden he had been carrying and move forward with his life. What that would mean in terms of the practicalities of his life, he had no idea, but maybe it simply meant no longer holding onto the old hurt and pain. Accepting that letting it go wasn't accepting his people's fate as anything but horrific. He would carry his people with him always, literally in his genetic material within every cell of his body. Perhaps that should be his testimony to them, rather than the raw anger and long held pain.
It felt oddly worrying to decide that though, like it would make him more vulnerable somehow. Which was a state he hated the most, and which had probably started all the arguments with Seeal in the first place.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you yesterday," he apologised against the lingering shame. It was time to move on from that too. "I get angry when I feel...vulnerable." He felt strangely warm for the confession.
He looked round at her, facing the feelings.
"That's okay," she shrugged but her eyes had dropped a little. "Just don't call me that word again," she added, her eyes meeting his again with her normal strength and will.
"I think we have different views of what that word means," he considered.
"A domesticated weakling?" She asked with definite grumpiness behind the superficial sarcasm.
He was surprised at her interpretation. "That's definitely not my experience."
"Experience as in having a wife?" She asked with a confused frown.
"No, from the many wives I've met over the years, both civilian and military. You know that at least half of the Facility's non-Elite staff and Healing Bay staff are married? Many of them have spouses living here with them."
She glanced aside with a frown. "They do?"
"Yes," he confirmed for her. "And 'domesticated' or 'weakling' are words I'd never relate to you," he added with feeling.
"Good," she said with a firm nod and her shoulders seemed to widen. "I'm glad we cleared that up."
"And I obviously do trust you," he added his one last due apology. "I didn't mean that when I said it."
"I know," she replied but she had a slightly unusual expression. "You were trying everything to win the argument."
"Exactly."
Good, it seemed that all was repaired then.
"And there's nothing wrong with your face," she added. "Everyone has scars; you're just brave enough to show yours."
He was more than a little shocked at that, and a little flattered. "Was that a compliment?"
"Well, you've had a difficult couple of days, losing repeatedly to me."
He narrowed his eyes at her. "You just won one argument, that's all," but this was playful banter now, the bitter resentment from before strangely vanished.
"Oh, it won't be the last," she assured him. "Because that's what friends do, isn't it?" The playfulness disappeared as she held his gaze. "We look out for each other and tell each other when we're being stupid?"
"You have some strange definitions of words," he smiled at her.
"And what about the word 'promise'? Are you going to keep your promise this time and actually stick to your med plan? Because you promised Meiyo you'd stick to it when you moved back in here," she asked.
He got from her tone that she was still honestly worried that he wasn't going to keep his word. "I never actually used the word 'promise'," he admitted. "I just agreed that I needed the medication."
"Oh I see," she narrowed her eyes at him, but he could tell she was relieved. "Technicalities are how you got out of it ethically."
She was going to argue technicalities and ethics? "How was it you managed to stay out of a Rosenthal prison again? A technicality about not being a criminal just guarding them on Dreamstation?"
"Hey, you don't blame the prison guards for what the prisoners do," she pointed at him.
"True," he conceded. "Though you did technically hack into the Sythus' computer..."
"That was to prove a point and it paid off," she argued.
This was much better. Equal footing again and bantering back and forth.
"And you were the one who wrenched Toshka's computer core out of his office wall and carried it off," she continued.
"That was confiscating," he repeated his long held argument.
"With no legal document in sight," she retaliated.
"It paid off in the end," he used her own excuse.
"Yes, with my help."
He had to smile, a deeply relieved sense of relaxation passing through him. He hadn't realised how tense he'd been these past days, well, perhaps for a lot of days now, but this frank conversation with her had really helped. His strange new friend, well, was she 'new' still? She'd been in his life for months now, so she wasn't really new anymore.
"Well that's what friends do for each other," he repeated her previous point and he watched a smile cross her pretty face.
"Yes we do," she agreed.
He saw nothing more than a seeming relieved warm smile crinkling around her eyes. She had no problem with this friendship, regardless of what Massa and now Halling had to say about it, there was no problem here between them. The line was clear and she seemed happy enough with it, as he was. Yes, she was pretty and she had a nice warm smile when she looked at him, but they were friends. It worked for them.
And he was grateful for it and her.
"And thank you for your part in taking care of me," he added.
"Wow, these are strong meds," she teased. "Maybe you're right and you need less."
He understood it was just a joke, one born maybe from slight embarrassment on her part. "Are you letting me out of the deal?" He checked.
"No, you're sticking to the whole med plan," she quickly pushed. "You gave your word."
He made a show of looking fed up, but he'd accepted that he'd see the damn med plan through now.
"Considering that your heart stopped just a few weeks ago, the fact that you made it five steps-"
"Six steps," he corrected her.
"Six steps today," she corrected with an amused smile, "was pretty impressive. According to Halling, Massa, and Meiyo, you heal crazy fast-"
"Was that another compliment?"
"I'm making a point, don't interrupt," she glared, but there was a smile behind it. "But you always mess with your medication plan, so aren't you the least bit curious how fast you'll heal if you stick with the med plan?"
He hadn't actually considered that. "You're just saying that to make me feel better about sticking with it."
"It's a serious question," she stressed. "If you heal up fast when you are too stupid to take the meds that could help you, what would your recovery be like if you were sensible this time?"
"There were a lot of insults in that sentence," he pointed out, "but clearly we're going to find out what happens when I stick to the plan."
"Good," she smiled and then made an exaggerated sigh. "I don't know how you survived before I came along."
He shook his head at his whisperer. "With far less trouble."
She chuckled at that. "Boring you mean."
"Hardly," he replied, but, actually, she certainly had made his life more interesting since she'd turned up. "How was last night at Myrtle's?" He asked, remembering other forms of trouble.
"It was good, a great band played and it was nice seeing everyone again. Ru was even there."
Oneakka frowned at that. "I thought he was on assignment studying the Skerti drive."
"He's back on the Sythus for a few days, something to do with the engine," she replied as she stretched her legs out in front of her and slouched a little in her chair to relax at a more reclined angle.
"There's something wrong with the engine?" He checked. He was almost certain Halling would have said something about that.
"No, something about tuning it," she shook her head. "I wasn't really listening, to be honest."
He felt a strange little burst of satisfaction to hear that she hadn't been all that interested in the Lead Engineer's conversation. "And Myrtle?" He asked.
"Your favourite club owner was not there," she replied with a smile.
"That's a shame," Oneakka pretended.
She chuckled again. Had she smiled and laughed this much during their previous conversations?
"He did leave instructions for us all to have free entry and free drinks for the night for that troublemaker I pointed out to security the last time I was there," she added.
"Really?" Oneakka asked suspiciously.
"Oh and Madesh got chatted up by this Military Commander who, I don't know what she said or what he saw in her eyes, but he went completely bright red," she reported grinning. "And he didn't return to his normal colour until we reached the Portal hours later. He kept glancing over at her across the dancefloor and she beckoned him over a few times, but he didn't go. Said he was sticking with us for the evening, but I think he was tempted."
"I'll see if I can find out what happened from him," Oneakka considered, storing that away for the next time Madesh visited.
He glanced back to Sheppard's game. It had been interesting and he decided it would be a nice thing for him and Seeal to do during her shifts with him, but he didn't feel like doing it anymore. He reached round to the left side table, past the jug of remaining tonic and picked up the large pad she had left him yesterday. "Did you see any of the Olympics that Sheppard sent me?"
"No," she sat up in her chair.
"You didn't watch any?" He asked surprised.
"No, I just transferred it all to that pad and gave it to you," she pulled her chair further forward, setting her chair like Massa had done last night when they'd watched the sports together. "It's good then?"
"Massa and I watched hours of it yesterday. We just started on a new running competition if you want to watch it too?" He triggered up the latest recording.
"Definitely," she agreed leaning in as the screen lit up with the bright blue sky of Earth. "Wow," she gasped as the arena gradually filled the screen.
"As far as Massa and I can work out, these different images relate to a different regions, called 'countries', on Earth."
"Sheppard and the Atlantis Healer Carson said something about them at the Skerti briefing," she supplied eagerly, "apparently they have set land borders around them and you have to have a special document to travel across them into other countries, kind of like the Genii surface cities."
"Apparently every four solar yearly cycles on Earth, they have the Olympics in a different country each time and they all travel there for the competition," he explained what he and Massa had learnt yesterday. "The highest award is made out of gold and then second place one is silver and a bronze award is third place. At the end of each competition, they hang the awards around the competitors' necks and then play a song from the winner's country."
Seeal nodded as she listened, her eyes wide as she looked between him and the screen.
He set the pad on the table, angling it so they could both see it easily, and leaned back against his pillows, the faint discomfort in his muscles returning a little.
"Are you going to get upset if I plump up the pillows for you?" Seeal asked carefully.
"You can help me plump them up," he explained.
"Okay," she agreed as she reached in and started retrieving pillows, plumping them up on her lap while watching the first race start on the screen.
The pillows all back behind him, Raven having admittedly done most of the work, he relaxed back.
She stretched out her legs in front of her and rested against one arm of her chair, settling in to watch the sports with him. He glanced at her awkward angle on the chair. "Do you want a pillow?" He offered.
"You do have a million of them," she said as she nodded.
"I have the wedge and four pillows," he corrected her as he leaned forward to give her space to take one.
"Now you have three," she smiled as she scrunched up the pillow behind one shoulder to help support her relaxed slouch.
And so he sat with his whisperer, the day's struggles resolved, and sports from an alien world in a distant galaxy to watch together. This was, indeed, an unexpected friendship, formed from shared strife and an undercurrent of attraction, but one that he realised he valued even more today.
Massa and Halling might have their ideas of what this relationship should be, but Oneakka was happy like this and she appeared to be as well. Good friends with much in common and a brutal honesty and that, though challenging, he greatly valued.
Besides, if her theory panned out and keeping to the med plan would speed up his recovery, since he'd gotten halfway to the bathroom door today, he was determined to make sure he got all the way there by himself by the end of the week.
After all, it was time to let go of the past and see what the future held.
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TBC