References to miscarriage

Running away was rather appealing right now, the need to just grab the suitcase from on top of the cupboard and shove all her clothes in and goes overseas to see Suzie in LA or even just go on an adventure with just herself. She was tossing and turning all night and she was genuinely exhausted even though she felt genuinely on edge and alert considering her secret could be blown out the water so she needed to be with it mentally even if her body wasn't with it. Watching as he got ready she couldnt do it anymore, she couldnt keep this secret it was too much for her and she didn't know what else to do and it was genuinely stressing her out, causing her a headache because of everything which her mind was full off and it was no doubt deceit.

"Peter?" she questions glancing to him, he bites his lip and frowns "I didnt tell you the truth"

"What?" he frowns sitting on the edge of the bed, he takes her hand and she squeezes it gently "Is this about what happened at the hotel?"

"Yeah" she gulps biting her lip and avoiding his gaze "I slept with someone"

"You...you slept with someone?" he states trying to believe it himself, but with what happened the other day it seemed as if "Why did you lie?"

"Because...because it's someone you know" she whispers, Peter removes his hand from hers and avoids her gaze, his mind whirring over who it could be

"Who?"

"Please dont do anything stupid" she pleads, he glances at her before standing up to pace the room "Please Peter, for me"

"Who"

"Peter you have to promise me-"

"Who!" he shouts resting his hands on the back of his head as he looks at her pleading for her to tell him, she bites her lip and sighs trying to control her tears

"Adam" she whispers, his eyes widen before he laughs slightly "Why are you laughing?"

"I dont believe you, are you deluded or something?" he questions laughing slightly she shakes her head grabbing her phone and showing him text messages between her and Adam "Is this some sort of prank?"

"No!" she shouts, he just raises his eyebrows in disbelief

"So you slept with Adam, my nephew, you slept with Adam, your friend's husband, you slept with you nephew..." he trails off shutting his eyes trying not to let the anger bubble beneath the surface "You're sick"

"I know!" she cries "I've felt guilty ever since he wants more and I dont want it I know that-"

"He wants more?" Peter questions incredulously, practically spitting his words out "More as in, more of you? More sex, we all know you're great in the bedroom, luring my relatives into bed, first Daniel, now Adam? Who's next eh? My dad, maybe you'll mix it up a bit and go for Tracy!"

"You're hardly whiter than white" she mutters, he just scoffs "Oh come off it I get you want to sit on the moral high ground but..."

"But what?"

"But...you said all those hurtful things to me, pushed me away when you were drinking, you didnt want my help when all I wanted to do was feel loved, feel as if you cared about me and didnt view me as mentally unstable, as a wreck and then...I went and did a stupid thing, I know that...what I'm trying to say is that I still love you, I dont love Adam" she responds sadly, he just chuckles before punching the wall and grabbing his jacket "Peter where are you going?"

"I'm going to kill him" he snaps she gasps and runs after him

"Dont do this Peter, dont do it ok, dont od anything Peter, please if you still love me, please"

"You have no right to say anything Carla!" he shouts leaving the room and heading down the stairs and out of the back door of the pub

"Peter please" she whimpers but it was too late, he was gone, at least it was what she deserved she thought...

Laying down on the softness of the silky bed sheets in the bedroom she once shared with Peter, she turned on her side and breathed in his scent, the scent from his pillow mixed with the scent of his skin and aftershave all in one and she wished she wasn't a stupid homewrecking bitch. Rolling over she grabbed the ultrasound photo which was propped up on her bedside table and examined it; her late son. Wishes and regrets filled her body and filled her to the brim and as if she was on autopilot she picked up her laptop and began booking flights to Ireland, she remembered when Michelle said that if she needed her she would be there and that was an offer which Carla wanted to take her up on right now as she hated herself. Michelle was worried immediately about Carla and her state of mind when she rang but she promised she would explain everything when she got there leaving Michelle in utter confusion and worry for her friend. Carla spent the rest of the evening chucking stuff into her suitcases and soon enough she hauled down a cab which then took her to the airport. Michelle picked her up from Dublin airport yet Carla still refused to say anything until they were indoors.

"Whats happened then? One minute you and Peter are getting married then the next you're here alone and some to think about it you dont look very pregnant either-"

"I lost the baby" she states looking at the ultrasound picture, Michelle sighs slightly bringing Carla in for a hug "It was a boy"

"Oh, Carla" she whispers kissing her on the top of the head "I'm so sorry babe, really I wouldn't have been so sarcastic if-"

"Dont that's not why I'm here" she states wiping her eyes "I did something so stupid, we both did at first but what I did tops it all"

"Ok...well try me" Michelle rubes her shoulder affectionately "What happened then?"

"Before the scan, Peter got jumped on by some thugs and got beaten up, he then drank as a result and because he missed the scan it were eating him up"

"So he drank more?"

"Yeah, then I offered for us to go to this hotel to get away from Johnny and Jenny just to give us some time to talk about stuff but then he declined I had this spare room so I suggested on helping Sarah and Adam out-"

"I've warned you about playing cupid" Michelle retorts "Remember how it ended with Toyah?"

"Yes, I do know" Carla moans rolling her eyes still gripping onto the ultrasound picture "Anyway I went back to Peter to try and get through to him, he was drunk and it said all of these things to me about when he found me after the factory roof, he called me mentally unhinged and they were just awful things-"

"I'll flamin' well kill him"

"Listen to me" Carla sighs exasperatedly "I knew it was the drink talking, I was so stressed out by it anyway I went back to the hotel because...I didnt want to be around him when he was like that then I see Adam at the bar and we talk about things and then he noticed how upset I was so he then...followed me to my room so we could talk in private-"

"Please dont tell me you didnt-"

"Listen" she groans rubbing her forehead "I go to the toilet and then I look down and the amount of blood that was there, I knew that I lost it, Adam looked after me turns out Peter was in hospital then when we were both home I told him and he was broken 'Chelle, he felt so guilty sometimes I wish I kept it to myself but I knew it was the right thing to do"

"Ok" Michelle nods slowly "What happened from the blessing then?"

"We went and we had our vows, we talked and then we had sex..."

"Who knew" Michelle smirks, Carla just chuckles slightly "Then what?"

"We come home then he starts drinking again, he kept pushing and pushing he then tried to take advantage, granted he wasn't in the right frame of mind but he kissed me and shoved me up against the wall I then told him to stop but he kept going until I physically pushed him off me, I saw the hurt in his eyes then he left"

"I think you two need a clean break from each other" Michelle squeezes her hand, Carla nods sadly "Is there more?"

"I go and take this business meeting trying to distract myself from what happened anyway my client cancels and guess who shows up Adam Barlow then we talk, drink, then we have sex in a hotel"

"Wow" Michelle's eyes widen "Do you love him?"

"No way! I hate Adam so much now, so much because I love Peter so much, I love him and I want to be with him, I told him today because I couldnt go through with the lies, I couldnt do it and he ran off this morning and at that point, I knew I couldnt...I couldnt be around that place knowing I caused him to drink even if it pains me entirely I couldnt"

"I know, come here" Michelle whispers holding her head against her chest "Everything will fall into place, I promise you, Carla"

"Can I stay?" she whispers looking up at Michelle who nods kissing her forehead "I dont have anywhere else to go"

"You can always stay sweetheart, always" Michelle mumbles into her chest "I'll set up the spare room for you, dont worry about anything, how about we just order in tonight eh?"

"Yeah that sounds good" Carla smiles reassuringly "I'm surprised you're not having a go at me for...sleeping with Adam"

"You love Peter, I know that, even though Adam is pretty fit-"

"Michelle" Carla scolds rolling her eyes

"Sorry" she grins cheekily "But I know you love Peter, Peter knows you love him and he probably knows that he partly drove you to it not that its an excuse mind but...I know you love him, everyone can see that you love him"

"I do" she responds glancing down to the ring sitting on her hand "I really do"

"Just have a break from each other yeah? Let this mess sort itself out yeah?"

"Yeah, that seems good to me" Carla flashes her a smile "I dont suppose you mind if I get my head down for a bit do you?"

"No knock yourself out, you can use my room" Michelle smiles as Carla nods standing up and leaving the room causing Michelle to sigh in response, she just wished that things were simple and straightforward...