A Prompting- Jay Halstead Style

by taylorandmacster10

Sent in by YOU the reader, this is a collection of one-shot, stand alone prompts surrounding our beloved character on Chicago PD, Jay Halstead. Comment or DM me and I will bring your ideas to life. Let's have some fun!

26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26- A Passing of the Life Breathers

Your request is my command, we're adding a follow up to the previous chapter! A little side note, this will be a fairly decent time jump from where we left things, just a little over a month after the bomb to be exact. It'll have a sprinkling of everything so buckle up.

A lot of you guys: "Can you do a follow up to this? Would love to see how Jay recovers."

Perhaps you should grab a blanket, snacks, maybe a couple meals. This one is a big one. Take that as a warning. And away we go!

"You ready to get that tube out?" Jay did his best impression of a nod, closing his eyes in dread as the bed was lowered to a flat position. Things had drastically changed since that life changing, earth shattering day. The surgeries had stopped since the back surgery and femur alignment, the largest, most daunting one still ahead of Jay and everyone. Jay slept for a week post-op, waking up in dire pain and great distaste for the tube in his neck. He struggled with staying awake without alarms going off and drama ensuing but gradually, very slowly things improved. By week three he was sitting up in bed and talking briefly when the vent was plugged. Week five his cast came off and he successfully walked from the bed to a chair and sat in it for a full half hour. It was at that point Will began the transplant conversation but with all that Jay was still on, he really only semi-grasped it. He understood that his lungs were suffering from a big trauma, thus the thing sticking out of his neck. But he hadn't been told that he was down one lung that was functioning at sixty percent. Yes, after weeks of assistance and dozens of rounds of steroids and other meds, that was the best his one surviving lung could manage. After Jay's discharge in a few days, he'd be homebound and on oxygen till they got the call.

"Local anesthetic is going in," Marcel announced as he injected the medication around the trache's location. The burning was unpleasant to say the least, Jay squirming and squeezing his hand tighter as the burn spread across his sore neck.

"It's okay, it'll go away in a second," Will coaxed, looking to Hailey who was on Jay's left.

"You're doing great," she praised. Jay rolled his eyes, mentally responding to them that literally nothing had happened yet.

"You do want the sedative, right?" Jay grunted a yes, tracking Marcel's hand to the tray where it picked up the syringe and then plunged the vial of relief into his IV.

"You're going to feel very high and relaxed and floating. If you feel the need to fall asleep then do that." As he was speaking Jay was definitely floating into lands unknown. Voices that were once crystal clear were swimming above an ocean of water. He knew that people were there and that they were talking and doing things, but he couldn't see or hear them. The once frightening atmosphere was swapped for pure euphoria and this time, Jay greeted it with welcoming arms. He didn't flinch when the tube holder around his neck was removed, but the tug on the tube had him quickly checking back in with reality. In a blink he was right back in that room, creeping in at the worst possible moment.

"Almost done…almost there…just relax Jay." He let out another sound, one that was definitely out of pain and a tinge of fear. Hailey used a free hand and ran fingers up and down Jay's forearm.

"Go back to whatever place you were in," she encouraged, realizing how odd that sounded. Jay closed his eyes, groaning as the tube literally popped out of it's place, tears dripping out as he opened in sync with the gauze pad being firmly pressed into the hole. Both Will and Hailey looked away at that point. They'd all grown accustomed to the trache and vent and all that came with it, but to see the gaping red hole was a whole other thing. They could never bring themselves to see the point where insides met the outside world.

"Are you giving him more anesthetic?"

"Yeah, and relaxant." Will and Hailey looked on as Jay gazed left to right with pain riddled, bleary eyes. He was at his whit's end, wanting someone to take him out of this.

"This will take you out for a little bit. When you wake up it'll be all done." Jay nodded, not realizing he was breathing deeply through his mouth for the first time in six weeks. Will and Hailey promised to be there when he woke up, jokingly waving as Jay fluttered and fought sleep before going completely limp. From there things sped up, the trache tube tossed in a toxic waste bag and everything being lined up for suturing. It was such a non-eventful moment when really it should've been. That tube was Jay's life line that day, and everyday between now and then. It was his companion, his thing that kept people fighting for him, yet here they were at the end of their companionship with both unable to bid farewell. It was a silly way to think of things, but a eerily perfect visual of what was still to come, and hopefully arrive soon. Will half hoped the phone call would arrive while Jay was still in the hospital, making this one giant stay. But as the weeks rolled on and Jay kept improving, he saw the writing on the wall.

"And now we tell him," Hailey spoke to Will, who was totally freaked out that Hailey somehow knew he was thinking of the exact same thing.

"And now we tell him."

"Is there an easy way to go about this," Will inquired to Marcel, wincing at the suturing needle going in and out of Jay's neck.

"Not really. Just feel it out. But make sure he understands why you had to make that call and why he needs it."

"You realize all you have to say that it will get him back to work and he'll ask to get it tomorrow."

"Yeah," Will chuckled.

"That'll be my leadoff." It was a quiet remainder to the procedure. Marcel was focused on keeping incisions perfect for scaring, Will was preparing his speech, Hailey was dreaming of something that will remain unspoken while Jay drifted away in sleepyville. It was beautiful scene, a calmed and controlled moment, a nice quiet before the storm.

…

Waking up he just knew that things had changed. There was the visual aspect of that sensation, the lack of doctors and nurses and instruments that made him nervous and in pain. The room was much calmer, down to two people in the room, and that was a welcomed change from the last time he was up. The sounds of the monitors above him were still there, but the tone was much improved from earlier. He wasn't nervous anymore and didn't feel the sharps breaths of the vent pumping in and out of his chest. What replaced was a steady stream of airflow right under his nose, but the fact he could see down to his chest was amazing. His once burning, sore throat was totally numb, Jay thought he swallowed but couldn't feel any of the act. He couldn't even tell if he had bit his tongue or cheek, everything was numbed from his lips down through his throat. But that wasn't what had him expecting something bad to drop on him.

The air was so thick with suspense and secrecy you could slice it with a steak knife. The room's lighting was dimmed so he couldn't make out facial expressions, but he figured out people had been talking about him. Hailey was sitting on a chair reading a book, her free hand twisting a piece of hair the way she did when she was uneasy. Breathing would be normal and then she'd sharply inhale and exhale, a dead giveaway that she knew something others didn't. Will was worse then her, his left knee dancing because his left foot was moving up and down over and over again. He was texting someone, his hands flying the way they did when he was freaking out, which happened enough around Jay for him to figure that out. But the thing that sealed the deal was whispering. They'd been doing it for weeks, sometimes in the room while he was sleeping, but most of the time it was just outside the room or in a hallway. Jay never let them get on that he knew they were sneaking around, but Jay was aware something else was going on. There was some big diagnosis or work related decision that had been made that they were hiding. So waking up this time, finally having the ability to speak, he knew it was time to approach them head on.

"Can you guys just spit out whatever it is you've been hiding?" Was it blunt and going against every interrogation rule in the book? Yes. But Jay couldn't take it any longer. Will just about dropped his phone in stunned silence, Hailey glancing up away from her phone and looking to Will.

"You have to do it," she encouraged, moving away from the chair now and finding a space at the end of the bed. If Jay could he would tackle his brother right at this very moment, there was nothing he hated more then ambushes.

"What the fuck have you all been hiding? This is a little upsetting that you think I couldn't handle something. We're all adults here, let's try to act like it." Pardon his French, but it was totally necessary.

"Alright, fine. Remember when we said you have breathing problems from the accident?"

"It was an explosion, Will. Again, let's not dance around things. So what, I just have to wear this for awhile?" Jay pointed to the tube under his nose as he asked the question.

"Oh, if only it was just that." Any front or defensive wall Jay had up immediately fell, only just beginning to sense how hard this next shoe was going to drop.

"Put your hand on the right side of your chest." Jay reluctantly did as was told, at first finding the command stupid before being unpleasantly surprised.

"What happened?"

"It's not there anymore. You had ribs break back into the lung, making up damaged beyond repair. You were really close to being lost so I had to make the call for them to let it go."

"Okay? But obviously you can live with one lung since I'm still here…right?!" Will groaned, tilting his head back in hatred for this whole thing. He looked up at Jay and slowly nodded as he began.

"Normally, yes. But the left lung is functioning well below what it should be because it too got damaged so…basically you're on the list for a double lung transplant."

"Basically?"

"You are." The room was silent for awhile after that, one end of the bed holding their breath while the other sat motionless, breathless, stunned. No wonder they kept this from him. It was bad enough having to hear this once, the thought of having to hear it over and over again would've been too much. That's when Jay's mind went to Will, having to make that call without even having the opportunity or ability to ask him or even discuss it. He had to make the decision on the fly, staring at a dead looking brother and choose to hang on, even if it meant further life shifting procedures in the hopeful future. He didn't envy his brother, was rather empathetic and grateful he had a brother with the understanding of it all. In an instant he went from furious to sad to flat out scared.

"How long," Jay quietly spoke to no one.

"Like how long have you been on the list? How long do you have?"

"Both."

"You were put on the list four days after the explosion so…six weeks now?! And without the lung transplant you have another six months to a year? And that's taking high doses of steroids and basically never leaving the house."

"So we're just waiting for a phone call?"

"At this point, yeah. Pretty much. Paper work was signed weeks ago and they've been tracking breathing and blood work. Now when we leave tomorrow that'll all be different, but we'll figure it out."

"Okay, I don't even know to start processing this." Will didn't bother asking if Jay wanted a hug or was up for it, just got up from his spot on the bed and gave him one. They were quiet for awhile, just feeling whatever they were feeling and bouncing it off to the other. Will whispered something to Jay that Hailey couldn't hear, but it was something that made him chuckle. It was then that sniffing and apologies were coming from the brotherly hug, but Hailey wasn't sure who was what noise. A buzzing phone is what finally got them apart, Will's jumping at the sound enough to make Jay smirk.

"Has he been like this the whole time?"

"He's the one that's going to get the call….so basically yes."

"It's just Marcel, he wants to talk about discharge for tomorrow so I've got to go. You okay by yourself for a bit?"

"I'll stay with him," Hailey cut in.

"Don't you have a work thing or something?"

"Pushed it to later. It's fine. Go!" Hailey waited till Will was out of sight to inch closer to Jay. There was so much she wanted to say, the mad wild make out that would lead to earth shattering sex she wanted to do behind a locked door and closed curtains. Let's remember she's been staring at a comatose, fragile partner for weeks and that was after nearly watching him bleed out on a sidewalk. Her mind's been going crazy and kinky for quite awhile by now. But despite the loud urge and prime opportunity, her conscious told her now wasn't the time. He just received arguably the biggest news of his life without a lot of time to even grasp what all that meant for his future. Plus, let's not forget they hadn't even confessed those feelings to each other. Oh, the hints were dropped, the passing word and thought-provoking, heavily coded conversation had been had, but right now he didn't need a horny partner but a friend, a listening ear to help navigate him through things. So swallowing her deepest, most profound and satisfying ideas, she leaned in to speak.

"What did Will say to you?"

"Oh, nothing really." And there was his wall shooting right back up.

"How are you doing with all this? I get that you just found out but…initial reaction?"

"How's Will been handling all of it? I can't imagine it's been easy and knowing him he feels very guilty; which is stupid." And there was the essence of Jay Halstead, even when his life was about to change forever, he chose to think of others before himself.

"It's been hard on him. He wanted to tell you so many times but I kept telling him to wait. In those first weeks you were really out of it and not all there. Then after that he was very scared, afraid you'd get furious. So I told him wait till after you get the trache out to say anything. But yeah, I'd say he's very nervous."

"He's nervous and he's not even the one having to go through the surgery and recovery and all that stuff. I think that paints a good picture of how I feel." Hailey jokingly gasped, clutching her chest as she responded.

"Are you…admitting you have the capability to be scared?" Jay laughed, the act making him heavily cough. Hailey handed him a cup of ice chips before reminding him to breathe deep. Jay nodded as he did what was instructed, the cough fit dying down after a moment or two.

"Sorry."

"It's fine. And yes, I am capable of such emotion." Hailey brushed a hand on his, a quick reflex that he looked down at but didn't move away from.

"You'll get through it and one day it'll just be a thing you look back at."

"I don't think it's quite like that. You eventually look back at an appendectomy or wisdom teeth removal as a thing. This is a little more then that." Hailey nodded, looking down at her swinging feet for a moment.

"You want some time alone?"

"Yeah." Hailey didn't hang around long after that, gathering her belongings as Jay rolled to his side and drifted into deep thinking. It was crazy to him that they were now waiting for someone to die so he could live. People sometimes like to leave that reality out of things, focus on living instead of those who had to sacrifice. It was understandable, but Jay couldn't wrap his head around that. That in order for him to live, someone else had to exit the earth. It was an unfair tradeoff, a terrible deal for the donor, but there wasn't another way around things. He couldn't come to terms with it, couldn't justify asking someone to do that for him. It was a difficult afternoon and evening for him, very little sleeping and talking happened that final night in the hospital. He needed to get away, get out of this cramped room and think somewhere quiet and still. In all the chaos and calamity and moving pieces he needed to find a reason for it all, a truth for why his life was worth sparing its' likely outcome.

…

"Can we stop by the VA on the way home?" Will just about fell back out of his seat at that request from Jay, staring at him dumbfounded with his jaw just about on the floor of the car. Jay just continued to stare back at him, oxygen pump at his feet with the cannula tube snaking up to under his nose. In true Jay Halstead fashion, he despised his little sidekick; asking Will just how often he had to wear it about a thousand times between the hospital room and the car.

"You just got out of the hospital for the first time in seven weeks and you want to go there?!" Jay nodded, looking away from Will now and straight out the windshield. Will wasn't ever going to confront his brother about it, but he saw the fear in his person, noted the emotional state of his being. He was nervous for what was to come, and one could understand why. On top of the logistical aspect of undergoing any kind of transplant, there was the loss part in all of it. His brother put others before himself, always. It was part of his DNA, the very core of Jay Halstead. He didn't expect him to react any other way to any situation. So to be put in a position where asking someone else to leave was the only way to lengthen your own stay was going to be rather tough for Jay to accept. So if going back to the epicenter of why he was where he was right now helped, then Will knew he had no other choice.

"You're sure you're up for it?" Jay nodded, still not looking at Will.

"I wouldn't ask if I wasn't."

"Okay. Let's get out of here." The engine roared to life, Will selecting drive and before long the brothers rolled off into the city. It was a quiet, solemn drive to the VA. About a half hour trip from Med, the majority of the drive was along Lake Shore Drive, chosen by Will as an effort to avoid rush hour traffic in the heart of things. It was a miserable day, a steady drizzle throughout the day had descended into heavy fog and a thick layer of dampness on everything. With it being the very beginning of the fall season, trees still clung to their branches, but those early hints of autumn were sprouting out. The atmosphere was alerting people that change was afoot. You could just tell by looking out at the world. The temperature may not have been that brisk chill and jackets and hats weren't adorned yet, but there was something different to the world. Jay found it mildly odd that he and the city and country were both in a metamorphosis of sorts. The world was shedding aged, tired, sweaty leaves, air, and rain to eventually bring forth new. While definitely unplanned, Jay at some point soon was going to be ridding himself of the thing that was now harming, no, slowly killing him a single frail breath at a time. There was beauty in this shedding of the old, but also sadness and farewells that were never pleasant. But just as endless summers hoped for newness to return soon, Jay found himself trying his best to look at the positive in things. Whether he liked it or was prepared, this change had to happen in order for him to continue. He didn't want to die, but he also couldn't swallow that death was going to play a role in things.

"We're here," Will just about whispered upon pulling up to the fenced off parking lot. Jay snapped himself out of his comparing and constructing of seasonal changes and organ transplants, a small gasp expelling out of him as he checked back in with his surroundings.

"Jay, wait," Will called as Jay fiddled with the seatbelt and door handle simultaneously. Jay chose to ignore listening to Will, getting yanked by the oxygen tube before picking up the bottle and walking to the fence with it. Will sighed, putting the car in park before catching up with his bro.

The weird part was that he had no memory of being here. He'd heard about this place for weeks and saw the images of the building on the news, but standing on this side of the fence, looking on at the silent, tomb-like structure in front of him, Jay had zero recollection of why he was there that day. Jay could quickly recall what he wore, driving into work, the stupid conversation he had with Will on the way in. The talk with Hailey in the van, watching and listening to Kevin get out of a complex situation and the meet up afterwards, but he could not figure out or recall a single fact of standing in front of that VA building. It was as if his mind chose to yank that memory out of his mind, selected for him to no longer recall the final time he breathed breath with his original, in-tact and healthy lungs.

Standing at the fence now was like something out of a movie. The thick fog from the ride over had rolled its' curtains back, thanks in part to the little wind aspect of the city. Jay felt to be looking out at a war zone, the silence and wind whipped burned trees and creaking, damaged structures painting this eerie, silent tone for things. The word 'tomb' that came to mind earlier was a sadly perfect way to describe the place. During his time in the hospital Intelligence would often visit him after a funeral. It felt to be a daily thing: everyone going into work in the morning before attending a funeral in the afternoon before all gathered with Jay in the evening. Fifty people died that day, almost half of them members of the police force. It was eventually figured out that Jay indeed was the only surviving person within ten feet of the bomb's impact point. The person he was speaking to was flung deeper into the blast zone, passing away ten inches from where Jay rode out the bomb's fury. Ten inches, that was how close life and death were that day.

"I'm going in," Jay announced before stepping under the hastily constructed fence.

"Jay."

"Will, are you coming or not?" There was no force on earth that was going to stop Jay. Will nodded, picking up the oxygen pack before pointing for Jay to take the lead. The two of them pretty much walked arm in arm, one looking left while the other gazed right. The wind never seemed to let down, like the ghosts were blowing their afterlife to forever remind people of what happened. The fires, screams, structural collapses, sirens and pure fear from that day were completely gone, leaving behind a shell of things, ashes and silence. The property was now in the hands of the city and its' lawyers, people who knew how to sort out the legal ramifications and what happened with the memorial of sorts. Jay waved and ducked his way through the rubble and fallen trees, reminding Will to watch himself. Who was the one that had just left a hospital again. Prior visits to the VA guided Jay to what was the front of the building, looking at it now made for serious straining of the memories. Vaguely Jay could make out what it once looked like in all its' glory, eventually unable to look past its' shambles now.

"Breathing okay?" Jay nodded, inching closer to the steps and ramps near where the front door used to be.

"I think the blast was started there. See how things are going away from that spot?" Will just nodded, rather clueless on what Jay was talking about.

"So if we back out ten feet that would put me…here," Jay paced things out roughly, turning back in the direction of the car. At this viewpoint he still got nothing. Any chance of jogging the memory for something was internally laughed at. The memories were never going to arrive. So instead Jay closed his eyes, doing his best to breathe with his diminished abilities. In the hospital he somewhat felt the struggle for air. But now having been outside and walked a couple hundred yards, he was finished, weak almost to the point of asking for help. It was somewhat fitting that this finally resting place of his old, healthy self was where he came to terms with how much he wanted to breathe deeply once again. Life and death were colliding once more, but in a good way this time; if that even made sense.

"What is that over there," Will pointed out. Jay opened his eyes, looking over at Will who adamantly gestured towards the ground. It was a pile of stone and leaves seeming to be domed on top of a rectangular looking object. Jay leaned down, brushing the dome away before gasping in shock.

"No way." Lifting the notebook Jay thumbed through what was left of the pages. Time and the elements had done a number to it, but it was half a phone number written on a corner of the paper that sealed his suspicion.

"It's my notebook from that day. How in the world did that survive?"

"Divine intervention. Can we get out of here? I'd like to not be arrested for trespassing."

"You do recall what I do for a living?"

"Well…"

"Okay, fine. After we get through this transplant." Will was floored, surprised to hear Jay finally admit that and be normally talking about it. It was Jay's way of signing off on things. His announcement that he was ready for it. Will pestered again a few minutes later and Jay nodded he was good to go, still going through pages of notes leading up to that day. Only when he got to the car did he put this time capsule down, getting a final shot of the place before climbing into the car.

"He's not winning after doing all this."

"I know. I figured this was why you wanted to come here." Jay rolled his eyes and shrugged.

"I'm still not thrilled with what we're waiting for."

"I know. But think of it this way, they have already made the choice to gift the world life even when they are no longer here. Their final act on earth is giving you a fulfilling life. Isn't that kind of rude to not accept that?" Jay so much as half nodded before going back to his reading. The silent ride resumed for most of the way home. The fog returned and the dark and dreary mood to the world fell back upon them. The two of them merely noted the grossness to the day, which was a bit of a miss on their part. Because looking back on that day, one could conclude it was the world bidding farewell to one of its' own. But first, it's time to get Jay home.

…

"Alright, welcome to the abode. Bedroom? Couch?"

"Couch," Jay selected, just barely shuffling his way across the doorway before coming to a rest on a nearby wall. Any energy that had been stored up from the weeks in the hospital were completely expelled on the adventure around the VA. On the way home Jay dozed in and out of quick slumbers, each time jolting awake when the cannula under his nose got caught on something or tugged. He'd been wearing the thing since he got off the trache, but being out in the work with the ball and chain was really wearing thin on him. Jay would annoyingly groan or quietly curse the thing as he readjusted, Will only glancing his way before choosing to ignore him. There wasn't anything he could do to fix things, plus if he were in that situation he too would be over it all.

"Do you need help getting there?" Jay nodded, accepting Will's extended helping arm and the two of them walked deeper into the apartment arm in arm. Will put their dinner down on the counter, steak and potatoes as requested by Jay, and in a few more strides gingerly assisted Jay in collapsing onto the couch.

"Sit up a little," Will spoke with pillows in hand. Jay forced a few breaths out before obeying the instructions, sighing and wincing as he leaned forward.

"There's nothing coming out," he announced.

"I know. Sorry."

"Is this what it's going to be like till the transplant?"

"Pretty much. Actually it'll probably get worse if the waiting goes on for another month or so. It also didn't help that we walked all over the place. Remember when I said house bound?"

"Yeah, yeah." Will threw Jay a blanket before dashing into the kitchen. Cold steak was in their future if he didn't hurry up and dish things out.

"We need to get more steroids and meds in you soon but first you really need to eat. What do you want to drink?"

"Water is fine." That being enough to encourage a cough attack. Will hurried up in the water filling task, racing it to Jay and coaxing him through the spell. Once things died down Will forewent feeding Jay first, dosing medication out and handing it all to Jay before going back and forth to get food.

"I'm fine, Will. I'm well enough to cut my own food. Please go sit down." Will jokingly, yet dramatically dropped the fork and knife down, handing it all off to Jay before sitting in a recliner closest to the couch. The two chewed and swallowed in silence, the only sound in the whole place being the clanking of utensils against glass dishes.

"Does it feel weird being home?" Jay nodded.

"I'm waiting for someone to come in and steal more vials of blood." That Will chuckled at.

"I feel like I shouldn't be eating."

"What?!"

"Well whenever that phone call comes, don't you need to have an empty stomach?" Will shook his head.

"Not exactly. It's not like what you see on TV, where people are raced in and then whisked away to the OR. There's a bit of a waiting game before all that happens."

"Still, this feels like the Bat Cave and you're waiting for the red phone to buzz you up."

"Yeah, a little bit," Will chuckled.

"It's weird." "Welcome to my life the last few weeks."

"Has there been anything?" "There was one time that they called. It was three weeks I think after the back surgery? Anyway, they called and said they potentially had a match but you had a bad day of pain and the fever so you didn't qualify, plus there was a better match closer to the location of the lungs so it went to them instead. Other then that there's been nothing." "Wait, so even after they've found lungs and you get to the hospital there's still a chance they won't go to you." Will nodded, getting up to collect Jay's and his plates before bringing them into the kitchen.

"They initially call you to say there's a preliminary match based on blood type and stuff. Then that's when they call people on the list to start checking you out to see if you're able to withstand the surgery and so forth. After that you wait for tissue samples and organ size to find the perfect match. Once that's figured out then you get assigned or not."

"Sounds terrifying." "It'll happen, Jay. Don't worry." "So…work."

"Oh Lord. You've not even been home for an hour and you're already asking about it?"

"Hey! I'm just wanting to know if I still have a job."

"What?! Of course you do. You just can't work right now for many reasons. One of them being you're still recovering from being blown up."

"So when this transplant does happen, I get to go back up to Intelligence?" Will silently laughed, hard. Hailey was spot on.

"I mean, it hasn't been discussed but I don't see why they wouldn't let you go back up there."

"Okay."

"Jay, it'll all work out. Now you need sleep. You were told to do that how many times during discharge and you haven't yet."

"Ugh! Fine." Will was a tad shocked how easily accepting Jay was of that. Usually he'd remark that he wasn't tired or had been sleeping in the hospital. So for him to almost be willing to nap was telling of how bad off he was and how depleted everything was. Will hadn't been totally believing Jay's need for a transplant for awhile now, but seeing his brother in this state was really driving the truth home.

"Bedroom or couch."

"Let's stay out here for right now. Maybe later we can move to the room." Will agreed, offering to tuck Jay in but instead got an eye roll and Jay moving flatter onto the couch. Will went to grab and blanket and pillow for himself before turning the heat on in the place. Fall was definitely on its' way. The temperature seeming to be dropping as quickly as the sun was outside.

"What'll help you fall asleep," Will asked as he pushed an ottoman up to his chair?

"Just turn anything on."

"Okay. Close your eyes. Wake me up if you need anything." Will fell back onto his makeshift bed, concluding it was the most comfortable thing he'd slept on in weeks. He could hear Jay trying to make himself tired as he scrolled through the channels. Feet were twitching against the leather couch as body movement noises creaked and squeaked all over. Eventually things died down as Will put on some random show that had a laugh roll every twenty seconds. Will couldn't understand what was going on, let alone what was so funny. He finally caved into sleep when he heard Jay was well ahead of him. Before completely checking out Will decided to switch out Jay's oxygen pump, providing him enough assistance to sleep for awhile. He adjusted the flow to an increased but safe amount and returned to his bed. Neither planned on doing it, but both slept the rest of the day away. Through the remainder of the primetime television, straight into night time local news, all the way into late night talkshows and infomercials, both Halsteads snored and dreamed the night away. Will tossed and turned and conformed his body into weird shapes while Jay unconsciously twitched the cannula under his nose with his upper lip. Midnight went by, the earliest of the early hours clicked off, and then the moment arrived.

"I'm a survivor!…I'm not gonna give up!…I'm not gunna stop!" Yes, you're totally allowed to laugh at Will's ringtone choice. He knew it had to be something he'd never pick yet a tune that went along with things. Insert Survivor by Destiny's Child. The sheer shrill and volume of the tone had Will up and falling onto the floor. His adrenaline was already in overdrive as he reached for the phone shining its' beacon into the room. He didn't bother looking at the caller ID, failed to note the time of day they were calling, he knew what was going down as soon as he hit the bright green button.

"This is Will," he tried his best to normally answer, everything in him was about lift off and fly.

"Good morning, Will! This is Juliana with the transplant team. We have lungs."

…

"Jay!…Jay! Wake up, man." With one free hand Will was profusely smacking Jay's shoulder, crawling on his knees before falling onto the floor and doing the task. He was fully aware he was borderline abusing Jay's shoulder, but what was happening on the other side of the phone warranted the task. In all honesty Will didn't care if he hurt Jay, it was the least painful thing he'd endure today.

"Can you repeat that again?"

"We have a preliminary match for lungs and the transplant team is on their way to the hospital. By the time they land we should have the tissue sample and lung size to make things official."

"So when do you need us on our way."

"Right now. We need to get Jay going on pre-op and then start the first rounds of anti-rejection medication."

"Where do we go to check in? Jay!" Will grunted on the other end, finally getting a slight whine and moan from his brother.

"What the hell, Will."

"Get up. We're leaving for the hospital. The transplant team just called and they have lungs." Jay fully opened his eyes, looking around the room before finding Will on the floor, staring at him oddly as he sat up all the way.

"Can you stop with the joke. I'll just go move to the bedroom if you want me to."

"Jay, I'm not kidding. I'm waiting for them to tell me where we go to check-in."

"Will, seriously this isn't funny."

"Jay, this is happening." The two of them looked at each other, one doing his best to be confident and genuine while other was both tired and scared shitless. Neither was expecting things to move so soon. He'd literally just gotten home after the last lengthy round of a hospital stay. Both were anticipating this to happen in a few weeks, months even, but life had other plans. A moment ago both were sound asleep, in a blink of an eye they were staring down one of the most life changing moments a person could ever experience. Was that a tear trying to creep out of Jay's eye?

"Will?" Will looked away from Jay, sitting himself back up on the floor as he replied.

"Yup, I'm here." "Okay. Just come in to the main entrance and I'll be there waiting for you guys. We're going to take him up to one of the step down rooms and that's where we'll go over things and get him started on stuff."

"Is that where he'll be after surgery?"

"No, he'll leave from that room to the OR and then after surgery he'll be in the ICU for a few days."

"Alright, we're getting going and we'll be there in like forty minutes."

"Sounds good! Chopper with the transplant team just took off for the airport so we'll see you when you get here. Have a safe drive." "Yup, thanks." Will hung up before she responded, finding strength in his legs and rapidly going through the check down of things. First things first was to not panic, there was no way on Earth Jay wasn't freaking out right now so it was up to him to maintain poise. Poise in the noise, it was an old motto one of his med school instructors taught him during his ER rotation. Above all else, one was to maintain poise in the middle of the noise. It was the only way out. So before anything else, Will took a breath, and another one, before looking around to what was needed in order to get both of them out the door. He saw bags, shoes, cellphones and their chargers along with car keys. There was his route.

"Alright, so I don't have time to do laundry but I don't think anything I wore was that bad. What about you, do you need anything cleaned? I can have someone run over to your place later on or I can do wash while you're in surgery." "Will, can we like take a moment to process this? What's going on?"

"Jay, we can talk in the car. It is…quarter to six in the morning and we need to get out of here before rush hour traffic in order to get to the hospital in forty minutes."

"But what happened to days and weeks and months of waiting? This is really going to happen today."

"Yeah, it sounds like this is really happening today. I know it's surprising how quick it all is, but we've got to get you there. Let's not bother changing since you'll already do that there. I'm going to grab shoes and can you put them on while I go get a toothbrush?" A very stunned Jay nodded, slowly shaking his head as he sat further up. Both were quite surprised how calm Will was in all of this, the odds to Jay being the stable one and Will being the emotional one was quite high. In all honesty even Will was surprised with himself. In a very calm manner he grabbed the items he mentioned, tossing shoes to Jay before preparing two toothbrushes. Both brothers brushed quickly, in unison spitting toothpaste and spit into the kitchen sink before combing hair with fingers and venturing towards the door. There was this unspoken recognition that they didn't even unpack, didn't even move their bags from close to the door and they were headed right back. It all felt so strange and wrong, but it all for the best.

"Next time we see this building…"

"Yeah, I know." What Jay didn't tell Will was that he was on the verge of a panic attack. He dreamed up a grand farewell, a time to say goodbye and a moment or two to process and comprehend the details of a lung transplant. He wanted time to properly research what was going to go into this and needed that time of truly struggling to really want this change in his life. But yet, here they were racing out of the apartment's parking deck on their way to this very foreign game plan. There wasn't a surgery time or an OR booked and Jay hadn't even met the surgeon who would be performing this life saving procedure. Let's not forget it was only a couple days ago he learned that he even needed the surgery. It was so much to understand, so much to blindly trust and sign off on that it only seemed fitting he was in this state of panic and anxiety. His ever evil mind wandered to his mother and the makeup of life forming in the womb. He wasn't sure the exact moment it happened, but figure lungs formed early on in the development of things. His lungs were one of his longest and most trust worthy companions, there for him when most of the time he didn't even realize it. Every cry, scream, run, stair climb and night's sleep, his lungs literally breathed life in, expelled toxins out. Even at his sickest, they kept churning right along, telling him to hang on because they had it. And now they were about to bid farewell, one of them having already left. To Jay in this very abnormal moment, he felt the last connection to his mother was sitting in his left chest cavity, and by removing it felt to be a betrayal to her. He couldn't part ways with that, couldn't just waltz into something so wrong. This complicated surgery came with accepting something that wasn't his, that for the rest of time his body would try to reject. For the remainder of time he'd be on pills to help combat, but the knowledge of things that weren't his inside of him scared the crap out of him.

"Pull the car over." Will snapped his head away from the drive, oddly looking at Jay who had a hand over his mouth and whole body shaking.

"What?"

"Just do it," Jay yelled, closing his eyes now. Will sighed, pulling to a curb and watched as Jay immediately got out. He could hear the sound of dry heaves, watching Jay keep his back to the car door as he leaned over as if to throw up. It went on for several seconds, the sound getting worse but Will could never tell if things came up. Fortunately the sidewalks weren't totally clogged up, a passing jogger here and there the only movement on the still streets.

"Well?" Jay ceased his dry heaving spells, still bent over with oxygen cannula under his nose, shaking his head as he groaned.

"Nothing came up." "Well that's good," Will joked.

"Can you tell me what's going on?" Jay first shook his head, pausing to spit on the pavement before caving in.

"I just need a minute to, you know, process things."

"You do realize you'll have time for that when we get there." That one got Jay standing upright again, massaging his temples as the panic attack still raced inside.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Unlike what you see on television, there's a pretty big waiting period before you go into surgery. They haven't even landed yet. Probably just took off."

"Where are they going?" "Transplant coordinator didn't say. But we will find out when we get there." Will was taking pity on his bro, looking at his pale face and oxygen lacking skin and eyes, wishing there was some magic word that would make Jay grasp how incredible today was going to be. But it wouldn't be Jay to look at the human side of things, focus solely on who else was being effected by this. He got that Jay was freaking out, and that was understandable. But oh how awesome and exciting things were about to be. He was getting healed, fully recovered to his old way of life in a way. That was perhaps the most amazing aspect of this whole thing.

"Jay, I'm going to be right there with you all the way to surgery and then right on the other side. I know Hailey and everyone else will be there to help as well. You'll get through this, alright? I know it's a lot, I totally get it. But you are going to get through this and it's all going to be fine. Okay?" Eventually Jay nodded, looking down at the ground as he did his best to deeply breathe.

"It'll be nice to not feel out of breath all the time." "That's the spirit! Now please, get in the car." This was the moment, the step of acceptance Jay knew he had to take. It wasn't anything to memorialize or capture, but it was his step of letting go and letting fate take over. He half hated it, but more so was ready. Grabbing the handle and pulling, Jay returned to his seat before closing the door.

"Let's go," he spoke, Will wasting no time to pull back into a lane. He had a deadline to make and was currently five minutes behind schedule.

As promised, Juliana was waiting next to the curb when they pulled up. She was a super fit, overly bubbly person, both brothers could tell just from the way she waved at them as they came to a stop. Her small frame and perky face gave off that she was a young, vibrant person who got what people were feeling. A quick wave and bright smile were those initial gestures of reassurance.

"I'm sorry we're a few minutes late," Will apologized when Jay's door was opened.

"Oh my goodness that's quite alright. You guys are running the show right now so no worries at all." There was the second time of calming and care, letting them know there was no rush and that everything was under control.

"How was the drive in? Any traffic?"

"Looks like we just got out in front. Had to make a quick stop but still somehow missed most of it."

"That's great. Just got word that the transplant team is almost touching down. Everything is running smoothly so far. Jay, are you alright to follow me while Will parks?" Jay swiveled back to Will who gave him that look of everything being fine.

"I'll be a few minutes behind." It was totally normal to want to almost leech onto one's caregiver. In moments where you didn't know things or weren't fully comfortable, it was quite natural to heavily lean on someone else. Will knew to expect it, Juliana had seen it in every patient she ever handled.

"Come on, let's get you warmed up inside. She helped Jay out of the car, asking if he needed a wheelchair and he said he was fine, following behind her as Will raced off to find a parking spot.

"We're you able to sleep last night?"

"Yeah, we went to bed around ten maybe?" "That's good! When did you last eat?"

"Like an hour before that."

"Perfect." She lead Jay through the main entrance before the two of them got on the elevator, riding it to the third floor. Getting off revealed a normal looking hospital floor, the hallways painted white and doors were light wood. Unlike the ICU, the rooms here were more enclosed, glass walls swapped out for drywall. As they walked down the hall Jay didn't bother looking in rooms. Having been a resident of the place not that long ago he knew the hatred of people staring. While these patients weren't as serious as he was, the dislike was still the same. Instead he looked down towards the ground, reminding himself to take things a step at a time. All was going to be fine as long as he went a single step at a time.

"Here we are," Juliana's perky voice called as they arrived at room 398. She ushered for Jay to enter first, the second layer of the transplant team putting on the finishing touches as he came in.

"Good morning!" A blonde haired, green eyed woman in her side twenties waved to Jay, who nervously nodded as he sat down on the chair adjacent to the bed. He noted the hospital gown and socks folded on the bed, internally swallowing deep. He wasn't ready for that, was not ready to be a hospital patient again. But alas, there wasn't another option.

"Let's get a quick temperature check and oxygen reading," the nurse called as Juliana scrolled through the iPad in her hand. While waving the thermometer across Jay's forehead he read the inscription on her scrubs, the once nurse now had the name 'Kristin.'

"97.6, perfect. Oxygen sitting at 87."

"Okay." Juliana nodded her head as she typed.

"So far things are looking good."

"Does Will know where we are?"

"Yup. Texted him the room number and he said he's on the elevator. How are the nerves?" Jay smirked at her acknowledgement of that element to things. He didn't realize how obvious he was.

"Getting better but definitely still there."

"That's totally normal. I'd be more nervous if you weren't. Don't worry, literally everyone has them at some point on this side of things. I've seen the toughest guys cry on someone's shoulder. It's a big thing but we'll get you all relaxed and ready for things." This was the first time Jay felt alright about things, took the intensity and severity down a notch. No one was downplaying things, but doing their best they wanted things to run like any other planned surgery. Whether it was tonsillitis or this, all had every reason to be uneasy and that was okay.

"Where are the lungs coming from?"

"Detroit. So not too far away. Which will make waiting around today not too terribly long."

"When do we know a surgery time?"

"Once we get the go-ahead from the team in Detroit that everything is good to proceed." Will knocked on the door just then, sticking his head in as Juliana and Kristin told him things were clear.

"How are we looking?"

"Perfect so far. I'm going to go call the team and see what's up. Usually we have sample results by now. Jay, why don't you change and then I'll come back with the hospital bands and get you officially checked in. We kind of forget about that." Juliana laughed it off, stepping out of the room with Kristin in tow.

"Do you need help changing," Will asked?

"No, I'll be fine. Did you tell the team yet?" "Oh, shoot. I'll go call them now. Still doing okay?"

"Yeah, go. I've got it." Will scrolled through his phone for the number as he nodded, Jay not removing the first item until he was sure he was alone. Looking down at the gown sent chills all over. He hated this, despised having to look like he was in a hospital. But it was all to help. A step at a time. A breath at a time. He had to keep going.

…

By the time they arrived everything was in placed. The surgery was going to happen that day, Jay being brought back to the OR at 7pm with things getting underway not much longer after that. Throughout the day it felt as if the world didn't want them to see Jay off. In the morning they were just about to head out, when a large case landed on their desks. Whenever there was a lull in things, something broke open and came through, preventing them from leaving. While most days they would have appreciated things going so smoothly, today they felt as if odds were against them. Will would check-in during the day but beyond that they never heard from Jay. Not that they expected him to, after all he had much bigger things to worry about. Will encouraged them to arrive before the second dose of anti-rejection meds were administered, stating that once that happened it would be quite awhile before they'd be allowed to see him. Trudy texted Voight around five thirty the coded message that everyone still needed to take a 'lengthy dinner break.' They didn't need to be reminded twice about that. She understood what was going on, realized there was life happening outside the district's walls.

By the time they got to Med Jay was meeting with the transplant surgeon to go over every aspect of surgery. Voight informed Will of when they arrived and in no time he was waiting at the elevator for them. Guest badges were handed out and Will told them to expect Jay to appear medicated and super calm. It was common for transplant patients to receive a mild relaxant right before surgery, all in an effort to keep blood pressure and heart rate low. Hailey made it to standing outside the hospital room's door before excusing herself to the restroom. She didn't want to cry in front of Jay, the tears just about to fall right then. Promising to be back in a few, Hailey jogged down to the bathroom before letting it all out, snot and blubber exiting her as she slid onto the floor in a bathroom stall. She was proud, nervous, excited, feeling it all for Jay. Hailey couldn't believe they were here yet terrified for him to undergo this massive and difficult surgery so soon after the accident.

Will texted her several minutes later, saying Jay was asking where she was. She responded with the message of being in the bathroom followed by a crying emoji. Will texted back saying he'd already cried that day and Jay was going to be taken back in ten minutes. Brushing her bright red face and cheeks off, Hailey marched back down the hall. Ten minutes before the love of her life underwent the biggest moment of his life. Try to not feel anxious and emotional over that.

"Hey guys," she bravely called while opening the door. She walked in to a bit of a reversal, Will lying on his side on the bed while Jay was sitting back a bit in the chair. He was in prime hospital patient appearance now, the full attire on with an IV line, pulse oximeter on his finger, blood pressure cuff on his arm and cannula under his nose. She noted the calm nature to him, the gradual glance up at her while legs were crisscrossed at the ankle.

"Hey," he coolly replied back, putting the phone down and extending arms for her to hug. Will sat up in bed and smiled back at her.

"Why are you not in bed," she asked Jay as they hugged?

"Because it's going to be awhile before I can sit up in a chair again." She snorted while rolling her eyes, forever lost on the weirdness that was Jay's mind.

"So…you ready?"

"Oh my word, this waiting all day long has just about taken everything out of me. Very ready to get things going."

"When did you guys get here?"

"Wasn't it like quarter to seven?" Jay looked to Will who nodded.

"And have you eaten or slept at all? That's twelve hours." "Will ate while I slept for a little bit. I haven't had anything since last night."

"Yikes. So, what do you want after surgery?"

"Well…"

"He's not going to be able to eat for awhile. It'll likely be a couple days afterwards."

"Okay, so whenever you can eat what do you want?" A knock at the door prevented Jay from answering, Kristin and a nurse Jay hadn't met yet came in with the moment they'd waited a long time for.

"It's time to head back!" Will was the first one up, grabbing the blanket behind him and placing it around Jay's shoulders, soon helping Jay stand. Kristin grabbed the IV stand while Hailey stepped back and followed behind. Will got Jay in the waiting gurney before hugging him, the two of them saying something before letting go.

"See you on the other side. Don't forget you'll still have the breathing tube in when you wake up."

"Thanks for the reminder," Jay joked. Hailey fully jumped in on a goodbye hug, silence happening for a moment before Jay spoke up.

"Meatloaf and mashed potatoes with gravy."

"Okay." And then she couldn't wait a moment longer. She looked at him, he looked back, the two of them did that talking with their eyes trick before connecting at the mouth. It was a small peck on the lips before collapsing into a full blown, long and memorable kiss. No one saw it coming, Will's eyes wide open and bugging out of their skull as he watched. Hailey broke off first saying, 'remember that while you're in there' before stepping away and letting the medical team go. Jay waved a quick farewell before they disappeared around the corner, leaving behind a gushing and blushing Hailey and floored Will. Hailey's hugging of Jay's pillow all that time ago had Will truly wondering about things now.

"We are not discussing any of that," Hailey said.

"I…I….yeah…" Hailey just started laughing, cupping her mouth so as not to awaken anyone on the floor.

"I just have to say," Will commented when they loaded onto the elevator.

"It's about time." Oh what a waiting game this was going to be.

Meanwhile Jay was going through it. The kiss lasted until they arrived to the OR and all nerves broke open. Every element of the surgery and early recovery were flying through his head as he got transferred from gurney to OR table, that setting off the next round of thoughts. He could feel the seconds clicking off in his head as he squinted against the bright lights, prayed to not cry or say something stupid as people moved around him. He felt the hospital gown get pulled down to his waist, wincing at the exposed nature of things. But who was he kidding, once he was totally out everything was going to be on display for this group of strangers. Instead of dwelling on that uneasy thought, he counted down the final breaths with his lung. Each inhale he thought of some time that he really pushed them, the exhale being on what he'd do once he got out of the hospital. Inhale, exhale, memory on memory took hold of his mind as the incision line was marked with a Sharpie.

"Do you want to be put out first and then we insert everything or do you want to be awake?"

"I want to be out," Jay nervously and quietly replied. There wasn't anything standing between him and the other side now. No barrier or delay with going to pop up. This was it.

"Countdown from ten," was spoken into his ear and Jay nodded.

"Ten…nine…" And that was the last time Jay would be awake for the rest of the day.

…

The surgery took just over eight hours. Jay was brought into the OR at 7pm on the dot, first cut was at 7:34pm and later on they'd all learn that surgeons stepped aside and the post-op process began at precisely 4am. Double lung transplants typically take between six to ten hours to complete, so going into the waiting game Will was anticipating it being a long night ahead for all. Early on it was just Hailey and Will kicking it in the OR waiting room. Jay was already under the grasp of general anesthesia when they arrived at the quiet yet rather uncomfortable room, Hailey claiming a couch while Will took to shoving chairs together to make something like a bed. It was always odd to Will that there was such random seating in this room. Nothing was uniform, the one couch and five chairs and two benches proof of that. A lamp was in one corner and a bookshelf with random books in the other; even the TV on the wall was too small and weirdly weighted on one long wall. He understood this room was where a lot of people spent the majority of the time in a dazed, fearful, praying state, too busy and preoccupied with life crisis to worry about decor, but this was one of those odd times he knew what to expect from start to finish. Therefore, he had more then enough time to judge things.

The first hour was both Will and Hailey bouncing off changes they'd make in here to each other, the jokes and suggestions getting more interesting and hilarious the deeper the laughs went. It felt so odd, almost inappropriate to laugh in this space. Almost like giggling in a library, their pure joy was almost sure to be followed by glares and fingers pressed to lips. But since they were in the space well after normal hours, no one told them otherwise; allowing the comedy hour to roll merrily along. In all honesty each one was overly grateful for the other. They'd done the whole Jay story time before, using this time to distract the other from what was happening just down a hallway in an extra bright, very sterile room. As soon as one would die down, the other would think up some random game or gag to fill their time. It got down to word sneak, each other thinking of a silly or stupid word and fitting it into a sentence while the other guessed, they were getting desperate. Hailey's growling stomach gurgled around 9pm, Will taking that as his cue to venture out on a snack adventure. Hailey promised to time him as he held onto the door handle, Hailey's hand flying down while hitting the green button on her phone. She laughed as he left, day dreamed to Jay when the silence vacated his seat. Her mind told her Jay was off in a fairy tale world, the two of them arm in arm as they walked along the shoreline. Hailey's head was resting on Jay's arm while he held her on the small of her lower back. They were happy, healthy, being those two connection that just got each other. They didn't have a care in the world, but were completely and utterly in love.

"Hailey, I made it!" Will tossed the snacks on the table, smiling wide until he saw her.

"Hailey," that time she blinked back into reality, realizing where they were what they were waiting out. Blame it on adrenaline or exhaustion or lack of food or a mixture of all three, but Hailey looked up at Will before crumbling into a ball of tears and shaking.

"Hey hey, it's okay. He's going to be fine," Will encouraged as he collected her in his arms, the two of them a single ball of human. She hugged him tight while he rubbed her back, trying to not cry right back on her. It was a lot to swallow with grace and calmness, each other proud of the partner in crime for making it as long as they did.

"I got an update. They've got the left lung in and are now working on the right." Hailey yanked herself away from Will, stunned joy on her teary face.

"That's awesome! That's so good. How's Jay doing?"

"They said he's doing great so far. Things are going smoothly but it's going to be awhile longer." Hailey nodded, the uneasiness was definitely still present, but knowing Jay was alright and almost halfway done was encouraging to say the least. Hailey looked to the table of snacks, grabbing pretzels, Coke, and M&Ms before lounging back on the couch. Will scooped up the rest of the items and went back to his spot.

"You know I'm going to ask." Hailey shook her head while swallowing a gulp of Coke.

"Oh come on. We're adults here. You can't do that and expect me, the brother, to not ask." "Exactly, we're adults so why pry."

"Seriously?! In this moment of needing a distraction you're not going to give me one." Hailey sprouted a wry smile, winking as she dumped a handful of M&Ms into her mouth.

"What's the point of me telling you when you can just ask him later on." "Oh sure, that'll go over well. Hey Jay! Congrats on making it through a double lung transplant. So what's going on with you and your partner." Hailey giggled, relishing in having Will in a tizzy.

"I'm dying here and we have so many more hours of staring at each other to go. Give me something." Hailey put the top on her Coke and sat up a hair higher, pulling her hair into a messy bun before caving to Will's plea.

"I will tell you on one condition."

"Name it."

"You tell me why he has such a huge phobia of needles." "That's it?!"

"He won't tell me! I've asked so many time so many different ways and each time he shuts me down. I can't even get a general reason." Will chuckled, rolling his eyes before sighing. Whatever the story was, Hailey knew she'd struck gold.

"Deal."

"Okay!…Oh Lord, he's going to kill me that I told you."

"He won't find out. Tell, now."

"It was two days before the explosion. We had just been through a tough case, abuse related ones always rub me wrong and Jay doesn't exactly get through them unscathed either. Anyway, we met up at Molly's, did our usual drink and talk routine. Well I was so upset that night and he really didn't want me to be alone so he took me to his place. We started talking again before we realized both of us were tired and had an early morning so he picked me up, because I was rather wasted to the point of not being able to stand upright. It was dark, we were totally alone and one thing led to another and…yeah."

"You did the dirty." Hailey's mouth dropped to the floor she was so shocked by Will's brash response.

"Will Halstead!" She threw a pillow at him, Will ducking to just miss it.

"Hey!"

"That pillow looks better over there anyway." Will laughed way too hard at that remark.

"But to reply to your other comment, no we didn't. We got close, very close. But Jay stopped, said he wasn't there just yet. We spent the night in the same bed, maybe lacking clothes, but never got to that."

"Yeah, sure."

"I'm done talking to you. You're horrible. And if I find out you told anyone, and I mean anyone, I will kill you. I swore to him I would never say anything and yet, here I am telling you of all people."

"I will never be able to look at him the same again. But yes, it'll stay between us."

"It better." "Well, now knowing that, the legend of the shot phobia really doesn't measure up. So one fall, right before Halloween, our mother took us to this clinic to get flu shots. It was this shitty, hole in the wall place in a weird area of town we never went to, but money was tight that year so we had no other choice. We sat in line all afternoon before being called back to this room that appeared to be a glorified closet. This nurse was so quick and frazzled she picked Jay up, put him on this countertop, without a countdown or warning just stuck him in the arm, breaking the needle along the way. He screamed like a girl, almost going crosseyed as he cried for the needle to be pulled out. Of course he was not sitting still so in the process of the needle being pulled out an artery got scraped, which induced a lot of bleeding. It wasn't anything life threatening, but to Jay he thought he was going to bleed out. He cried the rest of the time there and kept his arm glued to his side the rest of the week. He skipped Halloween because of the 'trauma' he'd already been through and swore anymore would ruin Halloween for him the rest of his life. And that's it." "That's it?!" Will nodded.

"Told you it wasn't going to measure up."

"Jerk, he had me thinking it was this super awful experience in his life." "Well, in his defense he did think of it as a very awful experience." Hailey sighed, realizing she told Will basically about her sex life and all she got in return was a B+ story of Jay's childhood. She felt robbed.

"I'm going to smack him when he gets out." "No you won't." Hailey nodded.

"Yeah, I know. But I want to." Her phone buzzed, looking down at the screen to watch it switch over from 11:59pm to 12:00am.

"Good morning, Will."

"Oh man, it is! I'm ready for a power nap. Once he gets out I know I won't be sleeping till he wakes up."

"Any idea when that might be?" Will shrugged.

"No idea, it'll entirely be up to him and how he comes out of this. Lung transplants, or any transplant really, is perhaps the hardest surgery to get through. I think brain surgery might be the only thing more life altering then this. He's going to be wiped out for quite awhile."

"I miss him," Hailey yawned, rolling onto her side while waiting for Will to respond.

"Yeah, I do too. But we're getting close to the homestretch. Just a couple more hours."

"Good. Let's use this time to get some shut eye." Will got up to grab a blanket for Hailey and himself, handing it to her before trying to get comfy in his weird concoction of a bed.

"See you in a couple hours," he called to her, but got frequent mouth breathing instead. Goodnight, good morning, hang in there Jay.

…

He awoke to Marcel nudging him repeatedly. The surgeon's presence was reason enough to bolt upright. He knew Marcel was in the OR with Jay, assisting with the transplant. His reason was that he wanted to see the case to completion and Will was thrilled to have someone he knew and trusted with Jay. He wasn't totally familiar with the transplant surgeon, that not really being his area of expertise, so finding out Marcel was in the room made things that much more manageable. Will looked over to Hailey who was already awake, wide eyed and excited that things appeared to be over.

"He's out of surgery and on his way to the ICU." Will wanted to hug Marcel he was so relieved, but instead looked down at his phone to read the time.

"What happened that it took so long?"

"The right lung. We got it in only to have it not inflate. We had to pulled everything apart before realizing one of the bronchial stems was damaged from the blast. Using some of the stem from the donor and grafting a few veins from his leg, we got everything flowing and inflating again. He's doing really well, already has oxygen readings in the low 90s which is great right after surgery."

"How long is he going to be intubated?"

"At least twenty-four hours post-op. With the slight complication we want him to have the assistance a little longer then normal, just as a precaution. But for the first couple of days he's fully in control of things. If he wants to wake up in a couple hours then he can, but if he doesn't we're not going to worry. He's been to hell and back and right now it's all about resting and letting his body guide us. But he's really doing well so far."

"How many chest tubes does he have?"

"Four, two on each side. Those will be in for a few days. He's also got all the catheters and major IVs in. He did blow one of the IVs in his wrist during surgery so they had to switch to the other side. He's also got the NG tube going down his nose to remove air and keep things empty. He does look like a mess right now with everything on him, but he's still under there. He's going to be pretty out of it the first couple of days he's awake but he'll come around." "When can we see him," Hailey chimed in? She was tired of hearing about Jay, wanting more then anything to get eyes on him and feel him against her skin.

"They're going to text me when he's settled in. Now I do have to say they'll let you see him for a little bit, but after that it'll be just Will and the transplant team. His immune system is shot right now. Once he gets a few rounds of antibiotics in him you can visit however many times you'd like. But until then we have to be super careful." It wasn't exactly the answer Hailey wanted, but she was going to get her few minutes with him soon. Awake or not, human looking or alien-like, he was resting in a hospital bed in this hospital on the other side of this crazy adventure. Her moments with him tonight, this morning would be precious and cherished for a lifetime.

"And speak of the devil, he's ready for you guys. Ready to see him?" Will and Hailey leapt to their feet almost at the exact same time. Was water wet? Did Santa go down a chimney? Was Jay Halstead a pain in the butt that everyone loved? Of course they were ready to reunite with their guy.

…

They had to keep in mind just how early in the morning it really was. While they were off at the comedy club and confessional, the rest of the world had wrapped up their day and was sleeping, anticipating the start of this new day. So any talking and jovial banter had to cease the moment they got off the elevator and began their long, snaking trip from the elevator car to whichever room Jay was resting in.

The makeup of the floor was an interesting one, someone probably designed it in some time saving way, but to those who actually walked, ran, and rolled their way around, none of it made sense. Once getting off the elevator there were a series of doors, each needing an access key card and for all to stand still as the doors creaked and crawled their way open. Will was dumbfounded by this, given that the people on the other side of said doors needed speedy assistance, imagining horrible things as help helplessly watched them suffer while doors did their own thing. Anyway, once past those you entered the loving coined 'maze.' It was not shaped like a pentagon, hexagon, or any other agon known to man but rather, just hallways and off shoots that had ever changing number of rooms. But the one good part is that it all fed to the nurse's station, so once you find that, you're golden. Lucky for Will and Hailey, they had a tour guide for this early morning adventure, making sure to keep their heads down and eyes somber, not showing the least little bit of happiness. Once you were in an ICU room you could be as delightful as ever, but walking these hallways and corridors you had to be silent out of respect. There was no telling what was happening in these rooms, each person's story and hospital stint as unique as they were. So both of Jay's waiting party was mindful of that, not glancing around or snickering as they made their way to their person. The only hint of life that came out of them was a wave to the nurse who looked up and responded in kind, the entire group going to get very familiar with each other before Jay got moved to another room in the hospital.

"Just hold up one second, I need to check something really quick," Marcel whispered when they arrived to the glass box that was Jay's new home. On the outside looking in, he very much did look like he'd been to hell and back, very much the exact opposite from when they last saw him. There was a choir, yes a choir of IV stands and monitors behind and flanking each side of the bed, sings their tunes of life existing on the other end of their wires and tubes. There was the NG tube, the pulmonary artery catheter sticking out of his neck, central line poking out from the draped hospital gown, the breathing tube still in place and taped to the side of his mouth, allowing him a little more freedom to move his head when he woke up. They saw the blown IV in one hand and the functioning one in the other, not to mention the dozens of monitoring dots on him and blood pressure cuff on his right arm. Just Google a photo of a double lung transplant patient post-op, that's exactly what Jay looked like. But neither Will nor Hailey cared in the least, because all they saw was someone who did it. Will joked to himself that there should've been a banner, illuminated and in bold that read, 'I did it' above his bed. Because while he looked very much drained and finished and over it all, the truth was that he had done it, he made it through the waiting and marathon surgery and was on the other side recovering. That in and of itself wasn't something to shrug off or overlook, that's a lot done to a single body over a long period of time. It was no wonder he looked so exhausted and would be out of normalcy for a few days. He'd just climbed the medical Mount Everest.

"Everything okay," Will asked as Marcel slipped through the door. The surgeon nodded with the door handle tucked in his hand, looking at both of them before talking.

"Absolute silence once you get in there. He's depleted, nerves are fried, and he needs to rest. This is a crucial part right now in how things will go early on. He's in total control right now and he wants rest and quiet. Will, there's a cot in there for you. It's not the most comfortable thing ever but at least you can fit in the room. Hailey, ten minutes and then a nurse will come and walk you out. After that you can see him once he's been boosted with meds." Both of them nodded, looking to the other for support as Marcel opened the door and ushered them in. This was it, the moment things went full circle.

He smelled like an OR, the betadine poking out on the top of his chest and shoulders creating this sticky coating to him. Fresh plastic, latex free gloves, pure clear oxygen wafted in and out of the senses. The smell of rubbing alcohol and sterile surfaces coming off of him once they were right next to him. Hailey took the left side of the bed while Will busied himself with setting up his bed. He wanted to give Hailey time alone with him, knowing her visitation was going to be much shorter then his. As Will placed a pillow at one end, Hailey took a seat in a swivel stool in the corner, rolling along till she made it to her side of him. Grasping a hand in hers was a little surprising, noting how cold and lifeless it felt against her warmth and liveliness. She looked up to Will and snapped a finger, making a cold charade gesture.

"They had to lower his body temp for surgery, thus the reason for all the blankets. He'll warm up in a little bit," Will whispered, Hailey nodding as she looked back at him. With him totally out and no one allowed to speak, Hailey just stared, absorbed all that was in front of her. She was beyond proud, overly relieved to be on this side of things. Gone was the fear and tears, in place peace and satisfaction. As bad as he looked, no one cared or was terrified he'd be bad off or never recover, because they were too consumed with how much better he appeared and that surgery was finally behind them. So Hailey just sat, internally cheering Jay on as she listened to the whiny inhale of the ventilator, appreciating the click and exhale before it began all over again. Air, life was back in that chest cavity. What a miracle that was laying in front of them.

Sharon Goodwin's wave at the door is what brought things to a close. Hailey didn't want to go, which no one blamed her for, but they knew they had to abide by the rules. Will got up to walk Hailey out, turning away as she placed a kiss on Jay's forehead before releasing all touch on him. She gave Will that look and he threw his hands in the air, swearing he didn't see anything and that he wasn't going to say anything. Hailey reluctantly walked down the hall, already counting down the milliseconds till they could be reunited once again.

"Will, I have the donor's mother on the line. She wants to speak to you," Sharon whispered once Will was outside. She handed him her cell phone, both surprised and a little nervous that this moment was here. Family of the donor never reached out, and certainly not this early in the game of things. They were grieving the loss of someone they loved, not even in the frame of mind to speak to strangers. Will was scared, worried what would come out the other end. But he knew he had to take the call, it was the least he could do considering what they extended to his family on this day. With a very nervous and shaking hand Will nodded, accepting the outstretched phone and unmuting the call, sliding down to a sitting position on the floor as he replied.

"This is Will," doing his best to not let the woman on the other end detect his nervous nature.

"Hi Will, this is Cynthia Barnard, the mother of your family member's lung donor. I know this is not what you're supposed to do, especially this soon after a death, but my daughter is longer here with me. She is all over the Midwest, her loving soul and spirit saving people who truly needed it. So I'd like to know how she's doing, you know?" The was no right or wrong way to grieve, everyone did it exactly how they felt it was the best way to work through things. Any thoughts of fighting or yelling went out the window as the woman spoke. Will transitioned from fear to trying his best not to cry. He'd been in that situation before, those early hours where you don't believe someone is gone, but they are. You have no choice to move on, get swept into the chaos of packing up a life suddenly gone. His heart broke for this woman, wishing there was a way to transfer hugs over the phone. So instead of crying into the mic, Will turned back to get a glance of Jay, noting that he was still very much out.

"Her lungs are doing incredible right now. We're so grateful and thankful for the opportunity to carry part of her on, but at the same time I'm so sorry Ms. Barnard for your loss. Having been in your shoes twice, I know that phrase will be told to you so many times over the next few days, but I'm truly sorry."

"Thank you, Will. How is your family member doing?"

"It's my older brother. He was in an explosion several weeks ago, damage to his lungs and chest forced us into this transplant situation."

"Was that the explosion in the news? The one at the VA in Chicago?"

"Yes. He was the only surviving person within ten feet of the blast. It's been a trying few weeks but he's hanging in there. I wish transplants didn't have to work this way. I wish there was some way you could receive lungs without exchanges having to happen this way. You want the surgery but you don't want it to go this way. It's…it's really hard to accept."

"I understand, but I'm thankful my daughter was able to help your brother. She's been a helper since a young girl, always the first to pitch in to every project and cause. We are going to miss her everyday, but we all knew she wouldn't have wanted us to say no to organ donation. In her honor we knew we had to approve it."

"Well, on behalf of my brother we're both extremely grateful." And then a thought struck Will, one that was borderline awful and out of line, but something told Will this woman would be on board, perhaps ask for it at some point."

"Ms. Barnard, please forgive me if this is out of line. You can so no and that is totally fine.."

"-Yes, I'd love to hear them," she cut in, solidifying that Will's worry was totally on him. Will stood up, telling Sharon to wait a moment as he slipped into the room. He took a moment to absorb the moment, readjust himself to Jay before speaking.

"I need to tell you that you'll hear the ventilator inhaling and exhaling. It's normal right after surgery, but it's her breathing nonetheless."

"Okay." Will placed the call on speaker, placing the phone close to Jay's chest and staying there for a moment. At first there was nothing but the sound of the ventilator, but soon the hard shakes of deep sobbing broke out. You could hear the woman struggling, trying to stay composed while on the phone with a stranger. But to almost hear a family member in another realm was both tough and a massive relief. Tough because they were gone, but relief to get that audible confirmation that there is life after death. The more she cried the more Will was pushed to do so, both of them crying on the phone at some point.

"Thank you, Will," she cracked over the call, being the cue she was ready to move on. Will cleared his throat while returning the phone to his ear, slipping out before he spoke.

"If there is anything you need, please don't hesitate to reach out." "I will. Thank you, Will. And I wish your brother a speedy recovery." Will nodded, too emotional to say anything. He made it as far as handing off the phone to Sharon before losing it, once again falling apart on her shoulder. It was a bit of a full circle moment, having done this same act way back at the beginning of it all. Now here they all were on the other side, with nothing left to do but recover and return to life. It was a massive load off the shoulders, it was a new weight as questions of rejection loomed over for the immediate future. But whatever the case, they were on the greener grass of the right side.

"He's going to make it and be fine," Sharon spoke later on, feeling Will's head nod on her shoulder. He stepped away, looking at her with puffy eyes and a sad/happy face. She smirked confidently at him, an unspoken reassurance that this was the good part of the story now. Reminding Will morning rounds would start in a couple hours, the two of them went their ways, one to head home while the other found rescue in a cot. Will rolled onto his side to watch Jay, taking great pride and celebration in watching the tired, sore chest push itself up and down. To those not in the circle of everything Jay looked scary, dying almost. But tonight Will couldn't have cared less. Jay was here and breathing and recovering from major surgery, nothing was going to let him down.

"Wake up when you're ready, Jay. I'll be right here." Will opened an e-book and read. Correction, thumbed through two pages before the sedative nature of the ventilator knocked him out. A beautiful picture of family, brotherly love, healing echoed out of the room as the two brothers peacefully dozed.

Twelve Hours Later

A blink. That was what they all were waiting for. During the late morning and early afternoon Jay would flutter his eyelids, occasionally open his eyes a hair. But when it came time for a blink he'd pass out. Will hated the waiting game, but knew this was the way things had to be done. As Marcel said, everything was up to Jay right now. They all did their part and now it was his turn, allowing everything to work and his body the chance to readjust. So when Will looked over at his bro right before dinner time, he saw the eyes open but didn't freak out, expecting the same reaction they'd gotten all day. But when the eyelids blinked and Jay was still looking around, Will stopped whatever he was doing, at the side of the bed as Jay twitched fingers and adjusted his lower jaw.

"Hey bud, don't forget you still have the tube in." Even with almost a full day between him and surgery, Jay was still very much out of it, exhausted to the extreme. The smallest of whimpers broke out as he sort of turned his head down like he was trying to nod. He blinked for a long time, motioning a single finger for Will. The eyes followed Will as he grabbed a hand, the two of them just staring. It was Jay and wasn't, so much running through him that was very much not himself. You see he was trying, but medication and surgery were kicking his butt at that moment.

"Do remember where you are?" The hand in Will's jolted a reply, gently squeezing once to confirm he did.

"Okay, good! Do you remember the surgery?" Right then Jay let out a long, single groan, closing his eyes as the heart monitors ticked up just a little. He gripped Will's hand the hardest yet, not letting go as the seconds clicked off.

"Okay, okay, is it a pain spike?" Jay nodded, or did his best to nod. This was probably not the first one Jay experienced, but was definitely the first when he was awake. Will reached over to the pain pump, clicking it a couple times before returning to his seat. Jay still wasn't opening his eyes, but didn't loosen his grip on Will.

"That'll kick in in a couple minutes," Will coaxed, placing a hand over Jay's, praying to take the pain away ASAP. Eventually Jay returned to looking at Will, the overly happy face a calming sight to his tired being.

"So, surgery." Jay squeezed Will's hand once. How could he forget it? It had only been talked about since he'd been discharged and was the entire reason he was in the amount of pain he was experiencing.

"Everything went great. You're getting close to twenty-four hours post-op. The right lung gave them a little bit of a problem, thus the reason the breathing tube is still in. But it'll get taken out soon. Are you happy it's all done?" Jay nodded, a single motion as his body began to droop, the exhaustion telling him visitation needed to be wrapped up.

"Just rest, man. You really need it right now. Love you, Jay." And that was the end of Jay being awake, not even able to muster up the energy to respond in kind. The rest of day Jay rested, stirring a couple times, brief moments when pain was bad before drifting back to sleep. The night was a long one, the pain never quite under control resulting in Jay being fussy and uncomfortable. It was expected, given the fact he had screws and plates in his back and they had to crack the sternum for the lung transplant, but in the moment Will was a tad nervous Jay was having such a bad time early on. But as the sun rose things improved, Jay's lung capacity and function finally reaching the moment of independence. The breathing tube removal was scheduled for the afternoon of day two, Will making sure to have Hailey on FaceTime for the dramatic moment. He told her to standby for the surprise, her bright face lighting up the screen as things got set up.

"Hey Jay," she excitedly greeted on the call, Jay waving as the prep pad was placed under his chin. The waving was new for the day, Jay finally having the energy to do the simple task. Marcel and a nurse were closest to Jay, each taking a side and getting things lined up for the removal. Will occupied the right end of the bed, phone turned towards Jay.

"Just setting up," Marcel explained as the syringe for the balloon was put on the bed, suction tested, and gloved hands dangling close to the sensitive chest. Marcel watched the oxygen monitors for a couple moments, encouraged by the steadiness and levels. A final check, the last listen of the lungs, and he nodded for things to get going.

"You ready?" Jay gave a weak thumbs up, which delighted everyone.

"Okay, deflating the balloon," Marcel spoke, Jay wincing as he felt the spoken thing shift in his throat.

"Open a little. This is to get the initial spit out."

"Good job," Will encouraged as they listened to the suction move around inside Jay's mouth. Then it was the moment.

"On the count of three cough as hard as you can. There might be a little blood on the tube but that's totally fine. Just from the surgery. One…two…three, cough." It was more of a gag then a cough, but oddly enough Will and Hailey held their breath as Jay expelled the tube out. It was such an odd sensation and painful, vomiting experience, but before they all knew it Jay was free of the thing.

"Good job, it's out. Open the mouth again." Jay coughed again, a deep, rattling one as he allowed the coughed up mucus to be removed.

"Ow," Jay whispered.

"I know, sorry. Oxygen mask stays on for awhile before we switched to the cannula for about a day. After that you'll be free of oxygen assistance." Jay nodded, rolling his eyes the mask was placed on his face. He hated the thing, didn't like the oxygen forcefully going down his nostrils, but the ability to speak was welcomed. Marcel congratulated Jay a final time for a job well done, leaving the room as Jay closed his eyes. Once he knew things were clear he reached up and took the mask off, Will quick to reach over and put it back on.

"It's gotta stay." "I need a quick break."

"Jay, just listen to them" Hailey spoke on the phone, that being what got Jay to finally calm down. He let out a small grunt as Will put things back in place.

"Doing okay?" Jay nodded.

"Really hurts."

"I know, we'll get you more stuff in a second. How's the breathing?"

"Better. Really good."

"Awesome. Can you believe it's all done?" Jay shook his head as he yawned, that being Hailey's cue it was time to go.

"I'll come see you guys later on tonight. You want me to bring dinner?" "Yeah, but he might be on the feeding tube for another day."

"I don't mind," Jay spoke, his voice about to drift off to sleep.

"Okay, sounds like a plan. I'll see you guys later." Will looked over to Jay as he hung up, smirking at his brother's sudden ability to fall asleep on the fly. For years he could go days without even a nap, now thanks to all that had happened he'd become a pro at hospital sleeping. Will sat down in the chair next to the bed, in the second book of the series he'd picked up. He flew through two chapters before Jay twitched in bed. Without moving he spoke a single line, it being the few words spoken the entire day.

"Will, can you get in contact with the donor's family and tell them I said thank you?" Will leaned forward, suddenly fighting back tears.

"They already know, Jay." There he was, the Jay Halstead of old coming back to life. Sure he took an out however many weeks ago. But here, in this ICU room with zero energy to his name, the SOB was amongst them once again. It was in that moment Will knew everything was going to be okay.

Behold, the end! Bravo, bravo to those that read the whole thing! I loved writing this one. Okay, let's get those prompts in! We need some juicy, deep ones. Let's go nuts with these. I'm up for a good challenge. Thanks so much for reading!