A/N: Hello Hello :) I hope everyone had a great break. We currently have another lockdown in the UK, so in times when one can't see their friends, I'm lucky that I can catch up on my reading and find time to write. Thanks to everyone who has liked and reviewed the story so far. I'm glad that you're enjoying it. Here's another chapter for you.

Clary POV

I'm in front of Jace's room. Soon after Jon left I made my way here. This can't wait. I can't risk him seeking out Alec and telling him what he witnessed. Maximum damage control alright. I finally gather my courage and knock on his door quietly. It's late, but I'm sure he's not asleep, not after all that excitement. Jace opens the door almost instantly, he's looking a little disheveled. He looks so very different from his daytime groomed version. I motion for him to let me in and he does.

"Clary, I'm so glad you're ok. I kept wanting to go and check on you, but I promised you I would wait, so I did." He pulls me into a tight hug.

"Jace, I'm here," I shuffle out of his embrace. "Look, I thought it best to talk to you now." He pulls me towards his bed and we sit down, facing each other. I take in my surroundings and once again it surprises me how neat and organised his room is. It almost looks clinical. I'm tidy to an extent, but Jon is just super messy. You wouldn't think so, the way his mind works and how he has this methodical approach to everything. You'd assume Jon's room would be a reflection of his inner workings, but it's the complete opposite, it's an unorganised mess. He always reads a million books simultaneously, so they're everywhere, on the floor, by his bed, on the windowsill, stacked in various corners of his room, just everywhere. His bed is never made and his clothes are often dumped everywhere, forming little heaps. I love it though. I love how unorganised it is. I love how his room gives me a glimpse into that hidden side of him. The boy, who's lost his innocence too young, the boy who deep down is sensitive and creative and loving. The opposite of clinical.

I pull my thoughts out of my reverie and look at Jace who's been studying me quietly. "You know how Jon grew up with Valentine, right? Everyone knows it. He moved in with us when he was eight. Mum and Luke found him in the remains of a burning house. It's a miracle he's alive to be honest." I sigh and look at Jace who urges me to go on. I tread carefully. Remember, a little truth mixed in with some white lies. "Jonathan had a terrible childhood, Jace. Valentine, he...he used to punish him. Lock him in a wooden box for days on end. He'd whip him frequently for misbehaving, but afterwards he wouldn't heal the wounds. Jonathan's back is covered in scars, Jace. He also used to experiment on him with various poisons and magical concoctions and one of those injections manifested like a curse of sorts. We don't really know the full effect it has on him, what it really does... and he's never caused anyone any harm, you know. It happens very rarely, but on occasion he starts hallucinating. Most often, it's when he's had a dream about his childhood with Valentine. When he hallucinates, he doesn't know where he is. And I don't know why, but only the taste of blood will pull him out of it. It's like some odd chemical side effect. No one knows about this. You know how the Clave treat things they fear. They would start experimenting on him. They'd put him through rigorous testing to see whether he's fit to be a shadowhunter."

I look up and sigh deeply. I hate lying, but this I don't mind. To protect my brother from the Clave, I would do anything, anything to protect him, so I continue with the final blow.

"Jace, he's been through so much already and you've seen him fight. He's probably the strongest shadowhunter in his generation and he's good Jace. He's got a good heart. Even though he's been dealt this shitty childhood, he's come away from it loving and caring and he'd do anything for me and I for him. Don't get me wrong, he has his moments and you've seen how overprotective he can be in regards to me. That's why he snapped at you after I was injured. But these are small incidents and the good has to outweigh the bad, right? No one is perfect. So please, please promise me to not tell a soul about this? He deserves to be happy, Jace. I can't have him go through more shit."

I break down crying. I'm not faking this part. I've told him as much of the truth as possible and it's always the best way, it's something Jon taught me when we were children. Jace pulls me into a hug and I cry into his chest. I've never cried this much in such a short period of time. Actually, I've never cried this much in my life. "Clary, don't be upset. I get it ok. I promise I won't say anything. You have my word!"

I look up at him then. "You won't?"

"I promise, I won't." He starts wiping away my tears then and looks at me affectionately. I suddenly remember his rejection and start pulling away from him. "Clary, stay. About earlier. You misunderstood! I have this thing ok. I've slept with a lot of girls. A lot of girls I haven't cared about. And I like you Clary, alright? I like you enough to want more than just one night of passion. God I want you! You don't know how much. But I...I thought I was being respectful, acting like the honourable guy or whatever. I didn't mean to upset you. But you ran away before I could tell you that. I waited by your door, but then Jon carried you back and you were asleep. I left, but I couldn't sleep. I kept deliberating whether to wake you or not and that's how I ended up storming in your room and intercepting Jonathan."

I look at him stunned, "So you want me?" I smile at him disbelievingly.

"God. Yes Clary. Absolutely and utterly and completely."

"Stop overusing adverbs, Jace." I laugh and we crash together, kissing. His mouth is on mine. I can feel his tongue seeking entrance and I let him in. Our tongues are entwined in a fight, his hands are gliding over my body, pulling up my top. I help him and strip off, and he takes his top off. We continue removing our clothes, piece by piece until we're naked and he's on top of me. He stills then and looks at me with his golden eyes.

"Are you sure, Clary?"

"Never been surer Jace. But" I stumble over my words then, "It's my first time, Jace."

He smiles at me and leans down to kiss my nose. "I'll be gentle," he whispers. I can feel him seeking entrance. For a second I want to stop it. Am I ready? Do I really want Jace to be my first? I don't love him. Isn't this supposed to be instigated by love? But I've already committed myself...and I need him to be on my side, don't I? For Jon, I tell myself. He slowly pushes into me, it hurts. With one quick thrust he pushes through the barrier of my virginity and makes me a woman. It takes one push to kill my virginity for good. It literally takes one second. I'm a woman. This thought fills me with relief. I didn't realise how much being a virgin has felt like a burden until now. Always waiting for the right guy. Never meeting the right guy. Years filled with daydreams of romantic notions and never-ending love aspirations. Always a dark shadow following me but never catching me. In the end it only takes one girl and one boy, who are attracted to one another. Love. I wonder if I'll ever get to feel it. For now, I'm free. I feel ecstatic. Jace is through now. I take in a sharp breath. That really hurt.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes!"

"Tell me when the pain passes, ok?"

"Ok," I tell him. I still and the pain slowly disappears. "It's gone," I whisper. Jace kisses me then slowly and carefully starts moving inside of me. He moans into my mouth and I'm still too stunned about the sensation of him inside me to feel any pleasure.

He continues moving in and out of me and starts getting breathier. "By the angel, Clary you feel amazing. You're so tight. You feel so good. You're so beautiful."

I don't know what to say back. Should I lie and tell him that he feels amazing, too? I quickly realise that I'm not into this as much as he is. He starts to move faster and faster and suddenly he starts to groan and eventually he collapses against me. He's quiet for a while, then pulls himself out of me. I can feel something sticky coming out of me. I look at Jace who looks serene right now. "You're amazing," he says and kisses me again.

I can only fake a smile back at him. "Bathroom?" He points me to the corner of the room and I disappear behind the door.

I've just lost my virginity. I look at my reflection in the mirror and feel like breaking down crying again. I don't look any different. I don't look any more grown up or womanly. I'm the same old innocent Clary. Now I can add sex to my list of things I suck at. A vision of the alleyway passes through my mind, of Jon devouring that beautiful girl in the alleyway.

I start to vigorously wipe myself clean until all of the sticky stuff and the blood is gone from in between my legs. Suddenly it hits me, I'm not on any contraception. Fuck fuck fuck. How could I be so fucking stupid? I'm about to break down, but I see a stele on the side of the sink and a vision of a rune flashes through my mind. It's a rune I've never used before. I don't even question the how or the why, all I know is that I'm 100% sure that it's a contraceptive rune. I apply it to my abdomen. I wash my face with cold water and make my way back to Jace. I dread it already.

Jace is on his back, he looks very satisfied and relaxed, much like a vision of a lion. I start to gather my clothes and get dressed. "You're not leaving are you?"

I look up at Jace and realise that he's disappointed about my early escape. But I don't want to stay here. I'm glad I've lost my virginity, but the sex was pretty anticlimactic. I didn't enjoy it as much as I hoped. I wonder what all the rave is. What if he wants to go again? I can't leave though, I need him on my side. "Of course, I'm staying Jace," I smile at him, "Which side is mine?"

He points me to the window side and I slip under the covers. He rolls over and spoons me. This is hell. "Goodnight Clary."

"Night," I mumble back.

Three minutes later Jace is asleep, snoring. I am seriously contemplating sneaking out, but I can't. I wonder what Jon is up to. I never feel this uncomfortable sharing a bed with my brother. I like Jace, but perhaps we aren't compatible after all? If the sex is any indication. I thought we had chemistry and I wanted this. I don't know anymore. Perhaps, after the night I had, making decisions like 'yeah let's lose the virginity card,' was a bad move.

XXX

"Morning, gorgeous." I open my eyes to Jace's half naked form. His upper body looks insane, it's like a chiseled piece of stone. He sees me staring at him and grins in return. "Clary, waking up next to you is the best gift ever."

I smile and say nothing. He leans towards me to kiss me. I try to avoid him, but he's on me trapping me. "Jace, don't we need to get ready for training?"

"We can be late sexy." He starts to kiss his way down my neck, down my chest. His hand is rubbing my breasts and he continues moving down my body towards my centre. I stiffen at that. I really can't do this right now. "Shh, close your eyes and relax," he tells me. I do as he says. His hand moves underneath my underwear and he starts to rub it against my sex and slowly I start getting aroused by his ministration. This actually feels pretty good. I finally let myself relax and enjoy the moment.

JON POV

I'm preoccupied. Izzy is chewing my ear off. I nod here and there, but really, I haven't got a clue what she's been talking about. Clary. I went to her room and she wasn't there. Her bed wasn't slept in. Her scent was too weak. She's not been in her room for hours.

I want to raise an alarm. Announce her missing, but even I know how idiotic that would make me look. Where is she? Knots are forming in my stomach. I'm starting to freak out. Maybe...maybe she's left me? Perhaps I did more than she said I did last night and …and she sees the monster I am and has left. The blood. Me drinking her blood. Oh Raziel, she's run away. I'm about to leave to look for her, but suddenly I hear her steps. Then her heartbeat. Then her voice. I'm so in tune with the sounds she brings into this world, I would recognise her anywhere.

My knots are loosening. I can breathe again. She enters the training room with Jace by her side. They look at ease with each other. That's a relief, he must have bought whatever lie Clary dished out. I taught her well. She sees me then and smiles at me. It's the most beautiful smile. I want to run over and take her in my arms. To tell her how much I love her. To thank her for saving me last night. No one has ever done that for me. No one has ever given me a part of them so freely. She's my angel. I'm even more connected to her now. If that's even possible. She's part of me. I smile back at her as she walks my way. Suddenly a gust of wind blows her scent my way. It hits me powerfully.

The world around me is burning up in lava. I see the next ten seconds play out in front of my eyes. I have an immense urge to attack my sister, to cause her pain. I'm so close from snapping. Her scent. Her scent is all wrong.

"Hey Jon, you're ok?" She hesitates to come any closer. She sees it in my eyes. She's scared of me. I can't even contemplate that.

I kill the distance and grab her by the arm, she shrieks out quietly to hide the pain I'm causing her. My hand is wrapped around her arm like steel, I dig my nails in and squeeze her harder. Her scent is all wrong. "What did he do to you?" I snarl at her. I look up and see that the others are looking our way. Jace is walking over.

"Hey guys, is everything ok?"

I see him moving closer to Clary and putting an arm around her. I then sense his scent and fury overtakes me. Their smells are all mixed up, entangled. Two people can only smell as strongly as the other if there's been physical, intimate contact. I want to kill him. I want to hurt Clary for whoring herself out to him. How could she?

I look at her, but she won't even look my way. I smell blood. I've wounded her. "Clary, can I talk to you quickly?" I drag her behind me. I have to confront her. I need to hear what she has to say about this. About Jace. His name is causing my insides to twist. I hope it was only a kiss. I can live with a kiss I keep telling myself

"Stop it Jon, you're hurting me."

I ignore her. I'm still so angry. Everything passes me in a blur. Clary is stumbling behind me. My Clary who smells all wrong. This thought cuts me like a knife over and over again.

"You smell like that imbecile Clary, he's all over you." I lean in and take another waft of her aroma.

We're outside of the institute, I've pushed her around the corner, away from nosy eyes. "Did he force himself on you?" I demand.

"No, of course he didn't. Wait, you can smell him on me?

"Yes, I can bloody smell him all over you and it's fucking disgusting Clary. He's polluted your scent!" I scream.

"Wait, that's not fair Jonathan. Stop being ridiculous. Just because you have super senses, it doesn't give you the right to be rude about this. You have sex all the time, don't you? So why can't I?"

I stare at her dumbfounded. It's like my brain is suddenly filled with gravel and it can't process the words. She just uttered 'Sex'. Sex with Jace. Images of her and Jace embracing each other start assaulting me. I want to throw up. I want to kill that motherfucker. How dare he touch something that isn't his? But she isn't mine either. 'She can be ours', the demon within me tries to persuade me. I can fix this. If I wasn't the weakling I am, too afraid to take what's mine, this would never have happened.

I lose it. I grab her shoulders and push her against the wall. She shouts out in pain, but I'm too far gone, I want to hurt her, bruise her, make her bleed even more. I've never felt this rage towards her. I've felt rage, but never at my Clary. Ever. I still can't contemplate the fact that she let Jace stick his dick inside her. She's sullied herself. My demon rages inside of me. She's mine. How dare he? How dare she?!

I'm sane enough not to hurt her too much physically, but there's other ways to inflict pain. And I want her to scream out in pain. I lean in real close, "Look at me," I say slowly. She looks up at me then and I can see the pain in her eyes. There it is. A voice at the back of my mind wants me to stop, but I can't. I really want her to hurt the way she's fucking hurt me. "You're a little hussy." I squeeze her throat, "Did you enjoy getting fucked by him?" She looks at me incredulously, but I'm far from done.

"Fuck you Jonathan." She tries to fight me off, but my grip holds.

"That's right. You like a fuck sister, don't you? Sweet innocent Clary, not so sweet and innocent after all." I swallow the hatred and add, "You're a disgusting slut for whoring yourself out to him the way you did, Clarissa. You'd probably let me too, wouldn't you?" I push my dick against her to reiterate the point and squeeze her throat harder.

"Screw you!" Clary gurgles at me angrily, all pain has disappeared from her green eyes now.

This makes me even madder. I want her to hurt. "You're so stupid Clarissa. To him you're just another good fuck. He's probably added you as another tally to his wall of conquests. I bet you gave it to him really easy, too? Didn't you? You filthy whoring little slut. Answer me!" I roar. She just looks at me, unmoving. I want a reaction out of her. I snarl at her and push her against the wall once more. "Knowing how easy you gave it to him, it makes me sick. You make me sick. I can't even look at you right now." Then I make myself let go of her before I break my resolve and end up stripping her down and sticking it to her right here, right now. The demon wants her, he wants to make her his. He also wants Jace dead. I make myself turn around and leave.

She pulls me back. "Have you finished, brother?" I shake my head and she aims to punch me, but I block it in time. So she tries another punch and I block that one, too. "Apologise!" She screams at me.

"Never!" I growl back.

I've got both her arms pinned and she can't move. "You can't win sister, not against me. Never."

"Fuck you Jonathan. How dare you say those things to me! Take them back or I'll never forgive you. You hear me?"

I pin her arms above her head and move towards her and whisper, "So we finally see each other for who we really are? The little whore sees the monster? Finally? Are you finally ready to give up on me?"

She looks at me horrified and carefully utters, "Take it back Jonathan."

"Never." I whisper and I lean in so close to her that our noses brush against each other. I can feel Clary's breath against my lips. Clary stills and looks at me unmoving. We stare each other down. She's angry and hurt, but she's not backing down. There's fire behind those blazing emerald eyes. Her lips are so close, I can literally taste her breath and I can feel myself growing hard. My dick is grazing against the fabric of my jeans and I shudder. I want her so much, still. Even now when she's been with another, smells of another. I want to get rid of that stench. I want her to smell of only me. I want my dick to be ingrained inside of her. I want her to feel me, no one else.

But she doesn't want me. She never will. Even in a world where she wasn't my sister, she would still choose him. She wants a perfect boy like Jace. How can we be meant for each other? The universe wouldn't make siblings out of two perfectly matched shadowhunters. Something's gone astonishingly wrong in this bloody galaxy.

I can't make my wanting stop though. Something deep inside of me cannot live with the face of reality. Something deep inside of me is so delusional that all sense has drained through the grid. I really need to taste her. She's so close. If I just moved through the small space separating us, I could taste her. I could lick her, stick my tongue into her mouth. I could explore the way she kisses and find out her favourite way of being kissed. I could make her forget all boys and men alike and have her think of only me for all eternity. Only Clary's on my mind. Nothing else matters. She's going to let me kiss her. There's no other way. She'll see that we're made for each other. Her demon to my angel. I look at her, leaning in closer and closer, waiting for her to tell me to stop. But she doesn't.

Suddenly I hear Jace calling Clary's name from afar. This instantly shakes me out of the moment. I pull back, detaching myself from her and leave. She let's me.

A/N: That was emotional. So Clary and Jace did the deed and brother and sister had their first 'real' fight. oh and we saw a manipulative side to Clary. Let's see where the story goes from here. Have a great weekend!