(Dt [dysphoria trigger], for all those who get dysphoric over periods, I'd skip this chap. ask me for a recap and I'll post it if you do.)

Over the three days I've been stuck in this god awful place, I'd actually managed to forget I was born with a vagina and tits.

Unfortunately, if you were paying attention, it's been a month since my arrival in this universe.

And if you know basic biology, you know what I'm referring to.

That's right, the universe's biggest fuck you when evolving us,

The menstrual cycle.

Since I started mine, I'd been on blockers for the pain I get. Trust me, it gets worse. Advil can't save me much either.

How did none of the other members find this out you say? It goes as follows: I wake up at 2 in the morning cramped half to death, feeling like I'm going to vomit. I quietly thank the universe for giving me a female in this organization, whom I can steal shit from.

Of course, nobody's in the bathroom. Nobody should be, considering how late it is.

I know for a fact Konan has something of some kind, and I know there's Advil here, which is always good, (I think it's Itachi's? I don't know... the pain tolerance here is ridiculous, even that of a guy with the equivalent of lung cancer...)

Jesus, where does one find things here? There's one bathroom, ten people, one of whom is literally a wooden puppet, and another who's a plant, eight million toothbrushes, and... nail polish?

I'm not even questioning how they manage to wear nail polish and fight at the same time. Must be chakra or something...

I'm kneeling on the carpet, looking through the assortment of things in the bottom bit of our sink. May I say, some things here are...peculiar.

Wood polisher, some sort of eyedrop, bath salts (no, not the Florida kind, the kind you put in a foot bath).

I chuckle at the bath salts. Does P know we could just get Kisame a pool? Maybe that'd improve the overall happiness of the place.

I can half hear a rock breaking off down the hallway, which in this house, means someone's up.

Being in my pained, not thinking state, I disregard it.

It feels like this cabinet is fucking infinite. I haven't managed to find anything of use to me, and all that I have found is the random things the guys leave around.

Goddamit, why did I have to be born a girl?

I'm still rummaging and rummaging more when I hear footsteps. Dammit. At least the door is closed...

But the light is on, and you can see the light through the doorway...

"Hey, what are you doing rummaging this late?"

Of all the people that could have walked in on me, I'm glad it's her.

I'm half blushing, half too anxious to speak.

"Sit down for a sec. Is there anything you need to get off your chest?"

Mama Konan is back.

She gives me a look of honest worry, "I think I have a few clues as to what's going on..."

I sigh, this can't be good.

"You're Suna's rumor kid, aren't you?"

Now, I didn't expect the answer I got. What 'rumor kid?'

The look on my face shows her exactly how I feel. "The kid who wasn't physically male, but was mentally male?"

She hit the nail on the head, didn't she...

I give a wimp nod in response, "I didn't know I was famous over there..."

She chuckles a bit. "You confirmed my suspicion when you started getting a bit moody yesterday. Reminds me of myself, really. Pein always said I was angry on my cycle."

She puts her hand in the cabinet, and a puff of smoke comes out.

"Don't ask why I needed a seal on here, but the boys are rather rowdy, and my stuff isn't very protected by a closet alone..."

"I won't, I knew kids like that back home..."

God, home. Sounds far away, doesn't it?

"I swear, I mother the half of them..."

Home. Carlie. That sounds like something she'd say.

"And now I'm your mom, Kai. And I'm glad you're my son now."

I can almost see Carlie's face and hear Carlie's voice when she says that.

"I know I'm not your mom, Cay. And I never will be. But it's my job to treat you like a son when she won't."

"I'm glad you're my son now. You always will be."

"Kai?" Konan glances at me, "Are you alright? You were tearing up..."

I shake it off. "Just memories of someone I lost."

She leans her shoulder down. "It's ok, I'm not made of paper, you can cry on me."

I'm nothing more than a few sobs at this point. Nostalgia hits hard, especially when you miss someone.

I'm not sure what's going on (tears blur your vision substantially), but I'm pretty sure she's wrapping her wings around me.

Paper is warmer than you'd expect.

"It's ok... I've lost people in my time too. I grew up in war. I almost died from it. But scars make you who you are, and trust me, they're beautiful, no matter what you've been through."

I'm half choking on my tears, on a bathroom floor, in the Akatsuki base, at 2:30 am. I must be nuts.

"I'm not even sure if your plan will bring peace..." I say.

"I'm not sure either. Truth be told, the reason I'm here is to follow Na-Pein. He's the last thing I've got left, and I'll be damned if I don't try and keep it."

"Then why don't we just convince Pein otherwise? You're following him because you care about him, I'm following him because of orders. If we find enough people, we might just be able to convince him, before anyone else gets hurt."

"I'm amused by your optimism, but he's not the type you can convince." She gives me an empathetic smile.

"I fell from the sky and got myself ripped to shreds in hyperspace. I think I can convince ginger or two."

"Hyperspace?" She chuckles.

"True story, trust me."

"How about we both get some well-deserved rest, and talk about this tomorrow? If memory serves, a certain someone's meeting with Itachi tomorrow."

"I'm not looking forward to it..."

She embraces me. "Well, Just know you can talk to me after, assuming you don't tell anyone we had this chat... I've got a reputation to uphold."

"You've got my word."

The two of us part ways, me now knowing where to find *ahem* products.

Guess they were right when they said she was an angel. She's a lot nicer than the vibe she likes to put off. The same goes for a lot of folks here. Although Itachi scares the shit out of me, and Pein's chakra alone crushes me when he raises it...

If I had a guitar as I did back home, I know exactly what I'd be playing. Simple Man, by Shinedown. That song encompasses the last few minutes I've had.

Tomorrow marks day four in this rocky hell they call a base. Tomorrow also starts yet another day of training with another guy I wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley in New York.

I can't tell if I'm supposed to be sad or happy that it's day four already.

Day four also starts my new plan. Operation change Pein's mind.

Remember that whole "I won't fuck the plot up" Tangent I went on? Yeah, that plan is no longer with us. The new and improved one lies solely on the premise of talk-no-jutsuing the crap out of villains, and maybe making sure obimadatobi doesn't join the happy mess that is the Akatsuki.

You could say I've got my work cut out for me, or you could say my work has itself out to get me.

Either one works.