When Hughes offered to Roy drop him off at the Hawkeye Estate, regardless that it would add almost thirty minutes to his carriage ride home, he gratefully accepted. The young Lieutenant-Colonel bid Master Hawkeye, Lord Bradley and both generals goodnight before following Hughes and Havoc outside.
"That turned out to be more enjoyable than I expected," Havoc said once inside Hughes' carriage.
"Of course you'd think that," Roy said with a smirk. "We saw you were entertaining Riza's friends."
"What can I say? Ladies love me."
"Keep telling yourself that and maybe you'll manage to settle down before you're forty."
"I wouldn't be so bold if I were you, Roy," Hughes interjected. "With the way you pine after Miss Hawkeye, you'll still be single long after Havoc finally meets a girl who will keep him."
"I don't pine after Riza," Roy said defensively.
"Yes and you weren't relieved when I offered to take you home so the two of you didn't have to sit in silence with her father."
Roy pursed his lips. Hughes was right. That was exactly why he accepted the ride home without hesitation. After Riza had all but propositioned him in the middle of the dance floor, he didn't know if he would be able to survive the carriage ride back to Hawkeye Manor.
He momentarily debated discussing Riza's request with Havoc and Hughes before strongly rejecting the idea. Every fiber of Roy's being insisted he ignore her offer, casting it aside as though the words had never left her lips. She would understand his intentions once and for all if he never showed up. He needed to protect her, all of her- her virtue, her reputation and her future. Riza's path had been determined and who was Roy to soil it.
He wanted to listen to reason. It made sense. It brought him solace. She was too pure and too good for this world and she certainly didn't deserve to be the mistress of a soldier. He needed to ignore her request, but only for her sake, for he was already lost.
He made up his mind. He had to ignore the desperate plea that had escaped her lips. It would break her heart, but in due time she would thank him for the enormous restraint he had shown.
Hughes and Havoc must have sensed how deep in thought Roy was, as they didn't address him again until the carriage pulled up to the Hawkeye manor almost fifteen minutes later.
"Have a goodnight, Roy," Hughes said with a small, sympathetic smile. "Try not to think about her too much."
Roy shrugged off his comment and exited the carriage. The manor was quiet. Riza and Master Hawkeye had yet to return from the party, allowing Roy to slip into his quarters in peace.
He quickly changed out of his uniform and into his sleepwear before pulling back the covers of his bed and sliding in. Somewhere in the distant halls of the manor, footprints sounded and murmurs echoed. Riza and her father must be home.
He banished the thought of Riza undressing upstairs out of his mind as he laid down, determined to go to sleep.
/-/-/
The ornate clock on the wall signaled it almost one in the morning. Riza frowned as she lay in her bed, her book half-forgotten in her lap. She had been home for almost an hour and knew Roy had arrived before her. If he was going to visit her, he would have come by now.
She finally abandoned her book, tossing it aside, and lay down with her hands behind her head. Her body had had time to process the alcohol in her system and embarrassment was beginning to race through her. She had put herself out there, propositioning her father's apprentice, only for him to shoot her down. Had she really interpreted everything wrong? No. She rationed. Surely the searing heat behind their kisses was more than just a man experienced in the art of pleasing women. He must feel similarly about her. She would accept no other explanation.
She stood up, wrapping her robe over her nightwear, and moved to tend to the fire one last time before admitting defeat and going to bed. Once she was satisfied with the steady flame dedicated to heating her room, she extinguished the last of her candles and crawled back under the covers.
Riza had barely laid down when her heart jumped out her chest at a familiar rapping sound echoing from the far corner of her quarters.
She leapt out of bed, ignoring her pounding heart, and headed towards the window. She struggled to unlock it, her hands trembling with either excitement or shear panic- though she was uncertain which. As soon as the distinct click of the latch sounded, the window swung open, bringing with it a bitter gust of wind.
"Damn it's cold outside."
Roy climbed through the window and latched it shut with uncanny efficiency. Within moments he was fully standing in Riza's room, silently looking at her, waiting for her to speak.
"Hi," was all Riza could manage.
"I'm still not so sure this was a good idea," Roy replied honestly. He was dressed in only his sleepwear, slippers adorning his feet.
"Then why are you here?" Riza winced at her words. The last thing she wanted was for Roy to realize his mistake and leave like last time.
"I tried to go straight to sleep. I should be exhausted but… here I am," Roy said sheepishly.
"Here you are."
"Your father will kill me if he learns I keep sneaking into his daughter's room late at night. I doubt I could talk my way out of it occurring twice."
"I can't imagine his reaction would be too pleasant if I admitted I was the one who asked you to come."
A thick tension emerged from Riza's words as the reminder of her request filled the air. He was here at her insistence. Her insistence to ignore the carefully crafted rules of society and to follow their heart's deepest, most problematic desires.
"Yes about that." Roy struggled to get out his words and shifted his weight from side to side. "Why did you?"
"Does it matter?'
"Yes." Roy's answer was abrupt and to the point, catching Riza off guard. "It does. It matters a lot. I deeply care about you Riza, regardless if anything were to happen between us or not. It's important I know why you're making such rash decisions."
"I…" Riza paused as an involuntary shiver raced down her spine that had nothing to do with their conversation. "Do you mind if we step away from the window? The draft's chilling and my nightwear is only so warm."
Roy nodded and moved to sit on the bench at the end of Riza's bed, beckoning for her to join him. She followed willingly, taking her seat by his side. She wrung her hands together as she tried to think of the best words to say.
"I can't help but feel like my mother would be disappointed in me for being so..." -she hesitated, searching for the correct word- "...cooperative with my engagement."
"Ah." It was all Roy could muster.
"I know I will marry Bradley. Of that much I am certain. I'm not my mother. I'm bound to my duty and my duty is to honor my father and marry the suitor of his choice." Riza took a deep breath, her gaze frozen on her hands. A long, pregnant silence passed as Riza mustered enough courage to continue. "But I don't want to live with regrets. I've realized I can't."
"What would these regrets of yours be?" Roy was certain he knew her answer, but he wanted to hear it from her. There was no room for misinterpretation or assumption, not when directly dealing with matters of the heart.
"I don't want to look back thirty years from now and question if this-" she motioned between the two of them- "could have been more."
"Riza." Her name fell from Roy's lips with such tenderness her heart almost swelled and burst. "Riza… if we pursue this, it will only end with one, or both, of us getting hurt."
"I understand," she said with certainty. She had thought about it long and hard and knew that somewhere down this path lay heartbreak. Even with this realization, she was willing to take the chance.
"I care far too much for you to be the man you're caught cheating on your husband with."
"You won't be. You'll be back to active duty in March and I'll be moving to Central as Bradley's wife. It's a finite time frame and I do know what that will lead too. I know this is setting me up for heartbreak."
"It's not just you, Riza. You're asking a lot from me too. You're asking for me to just let you go willingly, knowing that there can be nothing more between us again."
"It's selfish, isn't it?" Her cheeks blush red. "It's so selfish."
"A little," Roy said. He debated reaching out and grabbing her worried hands. He wanted to massage the tension out of her fists as he kissed away the worry lines forming on either end of her large, amber eyes. Instead, he stood up and turned, his back facing her. "You deserve better than some midnight affair with an expiration date."
"No. I deserve to be loved, Roy. Bradley will never love me. For all his pining, I doubt he loved my mother either. I'm quite certain you're the only man in my life who has ever taken the time to get to know me for me. You're the only one I want."
Roy is still standing facing away from Riza as her final confession fell from her lips. He's still, but she can hear his labored breathing. Slowly, Riza stood up and moved toward him, putting a tender hand on his shoulder. He turned to look at her and his eyes were wide with a swirl of emotions, a visible tremble in his jaw.
"Forgive me for what I'm about to do," Riza said quietly.
Riza mustered every ounce of courage she possessed and grabbed the collar of Roy's sleep shirt, crashing her lips onto his. Clearly startled, he stood immobile for a second, processing the daringly bold display of affection, before throwing all caution to the wind and kissing her back. One hand wrapped itself around the back of her neck, pulling her close and enabling his fingers to wrap themselves through the loose strands of her hair. The other hand grabbed the loose fabric of her nightgown that billowed freely around her waist.
Riza moaned as Roy deepened the kiss and she opened her mouth, granting his tongue access. His kiss was exactly how she remembered and it triggered a burning, overpowering need deep inside her. She removed her hands from his shirt, throwing them around his neck and began to cling to him as though he was the single most precious thing in her world.
Except he was.
Roy sucked on her bottom lip before abandoning her mouth, moving along her jawline and down to her neck. Riza leaned back, granting him better access, sighing as he worked her skin with his teeth, always careful to flit from spot to spot to avoid leaving any marks.
"Riza," he whispered to her collarbone as he caressed it with his tongue.
Roy moved to pin her against the wall, both hands firmly on either side of her head. He recaptured her lips eagerly.
Riza broke the kiss and leaned her forehead forward into Roy's own. Panting wildly, she sighed. "Lord Bradley doesn't want to get to know me. How am I supposed to love him? How will he ever love me?"
"You deserve better than to be some military officer's lover," Roy said, wanting to give her one last opportunity to change her mind.
"No," she said as she puts her hand on his chin, moving his face to make eye contact with her. "You're everything I deserve."
He took her words as her final answer. Roy kissed her again, hands now moving up and down her nightgown clad body, treasuring every inch of her. Riza moaned into his mouth as she dared her hands to run up and down his muscular torso. Seeming to get the message, Roy began to move away from the wall and towards the bed, never breaking his kiss for longer than it took to take a hungry breath.
The back of Riza's legs bumped into her mattress and she broke away from Roy in surprise. Unlike last time, when he had practically thrown her flush against the mattress to devour every inch of exposed skin, Roy paused to allow Riza to sit down on the bed herself. He moved to sit down next to her, running his teeth down her collarbone, savoring the small mews escaping her mouth.
Riza then laid down on the bed, beckoning Roy to join her. He climbed over her, running his hands up and down her body, frowning at the cotton nightgown she still wore. He reached down, running his fingers across her thighs, tickling her softly. When he traced the edge of her nightgown, he wrapped his fingers in the fabric before making eye contact with Riza once again.
He stared at her for a minute, silently asking for her permission to go further. She bit her bottom lip, flushed red from their frantic kissing, and nodded.
Roy leaned down and kissed the top of her ear. "Tell me to stop at any time and I will, okay?"
"Okay," Riza sighed, raising her hips off the bed to assist as he slowly pulled her nightgown up and off her body, leaving her bare chested and only in her underwear.
Roy took a moment to allow his eyes to roam her newly exposed body before lowering his head to kiss her bare breast. Riza gasped at the sensation, fisting his hair between her fingers as her back arched in response to his affection. He responded by eagerly nipping her skin and taking her other breast in his hand.
"Roy-" Riza whined, begging him for more. Her skin was on fire, burning, thirsting for his immediate touch. She needed more of him. She needed all of him. "Roy, please."
He looked up at her, keeping eye contact as he continued to suck on her breast. His gaze was mischievous, playful and filled with lust. He broke her kiss, throwing off his own sleep shirt to expose his torso, before moving his lips to her smooth stomach.
Riza giggled as his tongue raced down her skin, stopping at the waistband of her underwear. His lips fluttered along her hip bones as one of his hands began to move up her thigh. Riza bit her lip to conceal a squeak as he gently traced a finger over her throbbing center over the cotton fabric that remained his only barrier. His hands danced once, twice, three times before they returned to her waistband. Another moan encouraged his hands to dip under the barrier.
Roy moved back up to recapture Riza's mouth as his hands graced her center. She let out muffled words that his mouth eagerly swallowed as she began to wither under his gentle touch.
"Is this okay?" Roy asked as he worked a gentle rhythm with his fingers.
"Yes," Riza said as moved to kiss his chest, sucking on his muscular body. "Absolutely yes. Oh please don't stop. Please-"
Her orgasm hit her all at once and completely and her body gently shook as she rode out the sensation. Roy peppered her breasts, collarbone, and neck with light, airy kisses as Riza let out a low moan. When it was over, she lay there heaving, her eyes glowing with the euphoria brought by her release.
"Good?" Roy asked with a smirk.
"Very good," Riza said, nodding her head, her mind too frazzled to put together a full sentence.
"We can stop here if you'd like," Roy said as he ran the back of his hand lovingly down her cheek and captured her chin. He bent to place a chaste kiss on her lips.
"No," Riza said simply. She began to tug at the waistband of his shorts. "Please, Roy. This is what I want."
Roy gave in and pulled down the rest of his shorts. Riza's eyes grew wide as she caught sight of his length, her breath audibly hitching. Hesitantly, she reached out to touch him, eliciting a moan unlike any she had previously heard from Roy. The sound gave her confidence and she moved to repeat the motion as Roy stripped her of her underwear.
"This might hurt," Roy said as he began to position himself over her.
"Go slow?" Riza asked.
He gave her a reassuring kiss as he slowly began to guide himself in. Riza winced before taking a series of deep breaths. Roy continued to push forward before pausing to intertwine his fingers with Riza's. Her breathing began to even out and she shifted her hips experimentally. Once adjusted, she gave him permission with a breathy sigh.
In her wildest fantasies, Riza imagined Roy's touch as a hot, searing fire, eager to consume her mind, body and soul. Now, he was gently kissing every expansion of skin with a deep, tender caress. He treasured her, worshiped her, and was determined to show her just how much she meant to him. It marveled her how clearly she understood his feelings for her based on his actions alone. This, she was almost certain, wasn't pure lust. This was something more.
The pain began to dull, allowing pleasure to burst into the forefront of her mind. With the utmost caution, she experimentally moved her hips to meet Roy's and they both shuddered at the additional sensation.
As he grew more confident with her adjustment to him, Roy's thrust became more urgent and Riza found herself biting down on his chest to muffle the screams that collected at the back of her throat. He moved with intention and she melted at his touch.
"Roy," Riza moaned, her head thrown back against the mattress.
"Come for me," Roy demanded. "Come for me Riza."
He could feel her orgasm before it hit her and watched as she unraveled underneath him. He fed her sensations, his movements growing more and more erratic. Riza's orgasm shuttered to a halt and Roy, with the largest moan, pulled out before spilling her thigh.
They lay there for a moment, out of breath and hazy with lust, before Roy stood up, instructing Riza not to move. He grabbed a handkerchief from her dresser and cleaned up his mess, kissing her softly.
"I'll be taking this with me," he said, scrunching the handkerchief up in a ball. "It will be less suspicious in my room."
Riza only nodded, her head still swimming with an array of emotions.
"You okay?" Roy asked, clearly worried that she had not spoken.
"Yes. And I have no regrets either, if that's what you're thinking," Riza said, reading his mind. "I just, my mind is processing a lot right now."
"I used to think about this," Roy said, guilt thick in his voice. "One day, you just came home from boarding school a woman and it took everything in my power to not notice. I clearly failed." He moved back to join Riza in bed, wrapping an arm around her and throwing a blanket over their naked bodies.
"I wish you could stay the night right next to me," she said with a sigh. "But I suppose that would give Marian an awful scare in the morning."
"I can lay here a while," Roy said lovingly as he stroked his hands through Riza's hair.
"Will you come back tomorrow night?"
"Tomorrow? Miss Hawkeye, you're just insatiable, aren't you?" He teased.
"Please?"
"Yes," Roy said after a pause. "Yes I will."
She sighed and nestled into the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. He continued to work his hands through her hair, holding her close. This may have been one of the most reckless decisions of Roy's life, but in that moment, holding her close, listening to the crackle of the fire, he would have risked everything for Riza Hawkeye.
A/N: Hope that wasn't as cringy to you as it was to me when I wrote it! I hope everyone has a very happy holiday and I will be back with CH 11 next week.