A/N: A special thanks to everyone who has added this story to their favorites! As always a big shout out to my beta MrsFelton1988.
Chapter 12
Theo walked back into the room, his face flooded with relief. He looked at Hermione and Ron intently.
"He's alright. Awake, alert and functioning as usual. He's going to have to take it easy and rest here for a while. I'm going to write to Mrs. Malfoy to let her know that he's staying with us. Hermione are you able to move around? I'd like to remove the wards so that the others can head out."
She got out of the bed and saw that her wand was on the nightstand. She grabbed it, ready to alleviate the protective wards. Ron gave her shoulders a tight squeeze.
"You okay?" he asked gravely
She nodded.
"What do I do?" she inquired and followed Theo out of the room towards the front door. She passed the room where everyone was huddled around Malfoy and she felt nauseous with guilt. Malfoy had gauze wrapped around his head and his face was tinged grey. His body looked like it was being propped up artificially with a magic holding his chest together. Harry and he appeared to be in a tense discussion.
After Theo showed her how to take the blood-wards down, she slowly trailed up the stairs exhausted. The spell to take it down involved more blood loss and extensive enchantments. Theo followed behind her, stress and tension emitting from him like waves. She hovered outside the room where everyone was gathered and could hear whispered arguing. Ron appeared to have joined Harry.
"Mistress – You is able to enter the room now. Mister Draco is ready." Vippy said in a high-pitched anxious voice beside her. Hermione was startled at the sight of the elf. She turned around and realized that Theo was no longer behind her.
"Where'd Theo go?" she asked confused.
"Master is resting. Mister Draco is seeing you now." Vippy hobbled on the heels of his feet, tears brimming his eyes.
"Oh ok." Hermione responded as she approached the doorway, burdened with guilt at the thought of speaking with Malfoy.
She entered the room and was surprised to see him sitting up alone by a desk, reading an old book with a scowl on his face; his wand illuminating the room with a soft white light. Hermione looked outside the large windows as the dark sky twinkled with stars. She was perplexed at the change.
"Where did everyone go?" she asked in a soft voice.
Malfoy looked up sharply and snapped the book shut. He waved his wand and a plush armchair appeared by him. He nodded his head towards it.
Hermione's mind reeled. He looked much better, his skin was still pale, but it had less of a grey tinge and more of pink hues. The wound in his head was non-existent and his chest appeared to be completely healed. In fact, he looked healthy.
"Sit." He commanded icily. She glared automatically at the sound of his cool tone, refusing to move from where she stood. Draco let out a sigh.
"Please." He added in a softer intonation.
She walked over, sat on the chair, and looked at his hard-metallic eyes. She shifted uncomfortably and stared down at her hands, filled with trepidation, unease, guilt, and remorse unable to meet his gaze any longer.
"Malfoy, I – I wanted to apologize. I almost killed you and I – ", her voice quavered as tears began to bubble up around her eyes. "I don't think I can ever say anything to express how…sorry I am for hurting you. "
Tears were now streaming down her face uncontrollably.
He cleared his throat and she glanced up at him.
"Granger – it was the curse." He paused staring out of the window. "It appears that it's tied very closely to your emotions. Anger unleashes homicidal tendencies." Hermione had never heard him speak to her like this. He usually drawled, snapped viciously, or sneered. Instead, everything about him seemed cold, unyielding, and indifferent. "We think that it might be a good idea to show you the basics of mental compartmentalization. In addition to protecting memories from invasion, a side-effect of Occulumancy provides a semblance of control of emotion. Theo was hoping that Potter could work with you considering your close relationship and the fact that he also had lessons from Snape. However, it appears that his skills aren't adequate." He pursed his lips into a thin line. "I've agreed to train you over the next several weeks to help you regulate. Weasley is working on setting up the logistics for your resignation at the ministry. I will be staying here so that we can train daily until you –"
"Wait- What?!" she interrupted him angrily. The room began to tremble, like there was an earthquake, walls shaking around them.
"Granger. Please relax." His voice was calm and soft but she saw his icy façade fall away. His eyes no longer hard steel but soft molten silver. She noticed that there was a slight semblance of panic about him and that forced her to take a deep breath in. The room stopped moving.
She observed as his shoulders dropped in relief and his emotionless mask reappeared.
"My job is important to me. No one has the right to force me to quit." She said taking another breathe in.
Malfoy raised a single eyebrow, his face impassive. "No one is forcing you one way or the other. It is your choice if you want to go back. Do you find it prudent to return?" He reached out to adjust a marble paper weight on the desk that had fallen over when the room trembled. "Is that a risk you feel comfortable with considering…?" He lightly touched his head, almost an absent-minded gesture, where his skull had been cracked open. She recognized the action for what it was, intentional, a gentle reminder.
A wave of pure contrition flooded over Hermione. "No. No, it's not. This is just a lot. My whole life has been turned upside down." She said disconsolately
He nodded, opened the drawer, and pulled out a thin book. He handed it over to her as Hermione read over the title - Mind Management: Theoretical Guide to Occlumency and Legilimency.
"We should have sessions twice a day, once in the morning as close to when you wake and once in the evening right before you plan to sleep. During the day, you will practice mental management yourself and become familiar with the theoretical concepts." He tapped the book. "The information here is in excess of what we'll be working on. Our focus will be on emotional regulation and not memory protection, so you can choose to skip through chapters 4 to 10 and concentrate on the first three. We'll start tonight, just an exercise to familiarize you with the experience." He said in a mellow detached tone. He turned to face her. "Eye contact is often essential in Legilimency. Usually when occluding, shutting down feelings and memories are critical so that alternative thoughts are brought to the forefront to deceive and manipulate. We are only going to work on your ability to control your emotional response. Tonight, I will not be breaking into your mind to read through your memories, just entering to gauge and help you clear your mind. Have you ever been under the Imperius Curse?" he asked
She nodded. "Fourth year. In Professor Moody's…umm…well I suppose that was really Barty Crouch Jr…but yes..in class. I wasn't ever able to resist though. Harry could and I tried but-". Hermione could feel herself rambling and was glad when Malfoy interrupted. He leaned forward, stared deeply, his eyes once again a soft grey and she felt like he was looking at her soul. Her cheeks flushed pink. They had never been this close, and she could smell a clean woodsy aroma from him that reminded her of warm vanilla, pinecones and Christmas.
"Similar powers and mind-set are needed. Now, take a moment and empty your mind from any thoughts or emotions. Alright, brace yourself. Legilimens!"
Hermione gasped. She could feel his presence slip in her mind. As he entered, she knew that he could feel her rush of nerves as she looked as him, sensing her nostalgia as his scent wafted over her and she immediately felt embarrassed and panicked. She hadn't fully processed her own thoughts, but she absolutely did not want him to know anything in her mind.
"Stop! Stop!" she yelled.
"OW! Damn it - Granger!" Hermione looked up at Malfoy and he was rubbing his neck. There was an angry welt from a stinging jinx.
"There's no need to hex me! Use your mind and clear your thoughts!" he snapped at her frustratedly
"I'm sorry! I didn't know what to expect! I panicked!" she grumbled back
"Clearly." He sneered. "Alright. Let's try again. Clear your thoughts. Legilimens."
Before Hermione had a chance to recuperate, he slipped back in her mind and she felt unnerved. She tried hard not to feel but her emotions were bubbling to the surface, frustration, embarrassment, panic all pooling to the forefront of her mind.
"You are not doing it Granger….Come on…focus…remove it all."
She felt annoyed and tried as hard as she could to clear her mind. It was impossible, like someone telling you not to think of a pink elephant and that's all that appeared. A flurry of irritation at her own failure began to build up. She felt Malfoy slip out her mind and he came into focus in the room
"You're not even trying!" he shouted at her exasperatedly.
"I am!" she screamed back
"You are?! That's you trying! I felt like I was ambushed by a tsunami of emotions." He snarled
"I can't help it! I can't clear my mind with you in it!" she shrieked at him
"I'm not even doing anything! How are you supposed to control your mind while someone is deliberately trying to antagonize you when you can't even control it now?!" he yelled
"I KNOW!" she snapped at him
A low chuckle echoed in the room and they both turned towards the noise.
"So. I see that the training is going well." Blaise drawled.
Malfoy let out a frustrated sigh. "Alright. I think we are done for the evening. Read the book and come find me in the morning. See you tomorrow."
Hermione snatched the slim book from the desk and stormed out of the room. She was about to march towards her own room and overcome with frustration, she pressed her head against the wall and slumped to the floor right outside Malfoy's door. She didn't intend to eavesdrop but couldn't help overhearing the conversation between the two of them.
"You found something that will help?" she heard Blaise's deep voice ask filled with anxiousness
"I did. Here look at this. He should be back to normal as soon as it is carved. If it happens again, we can continue using them." Malfoy replied
"Is there a cost? What do we give up in return?" Blaise asked inquisitively
"Nothing. From what I understand, it's actually old light magic. Other than the initial pain, we can repeat it without incurring any undesired repercussions. They'll have to stay for life though I think – not even sure if glamour spells can hide it." Malfoy confirmed
"That's really good news though. I'll work on it tonight." Blaise said with a sigh of relief
"I'll let Potter, Weasley and the girls know. I need to write them anyway to – hold on. "
Hermione heard Malfoy's footsteps walk closer towards the door.
"Muffliato" she heard his soft low voice cast the charm.
The door clicked and was shut close.