A/N: Re posting due to FFN publishing issues

Disclaimer: I own nothing

The Witch Slayer

Epilogue: The Quibbler Show

Undisclosed Location - 1 month later

Luna Lovegood: Welcome Hermione and Draco! Thank you for agreeing to be my first ever guests on the quibbler show!

Hermione: Thank you for having us! I admit I'm a bit nervous.

Luna: Oh don't be – the world is dying to understand what happened a month ago at Hogwarts.

Hermione: Of course. And might I say – it's very impressive how you have adapted the concept of muggle television to the wizarding world.

Luna: Thank you! I have to admit, at first I was worried a wizarding video camera would interfere with the natural mating cycles of nargles but they seem to be adapting just fine.

Hermione: …glad to hear it.

Luna: So, as you know, we've asked our readers to provide questions, so let's just get on with it! From Professor McGonagall: What the *bleep* happened at the final battle?

Hermione (mumbling): Did she actually say bleep?

Draco: It's quite simple really, after Harry Potter killed Voldemort, the first evil, who had just lost its foothold on the Sunnydale hellmouth, was able to possess Voldemort. Luckily, or unluckily depending on your point of view, there is also a hellmouth in the forbidden forest, so Hermione and Buffy were able apparate through the wards. Then, Hermione, with the help of the other new witches who happen to also be slayers, used their Patronuses – Patroni? – anyways, they evicted the first evil from our Earth.

Luna: Yes, that does seem quite simple. But just in case some of our viewers didn't quite…follow. Perhaps you can start by telling us who Buffy is.

Draco: Buffy is my sister.

Luna: But…you don't have a sister

Draco (with an eye roll): Yes, I do. Buffy is a squib. We made the wizarding world believe she was had died since we did not want Voldemort 1.0 to kill her/us.

Luna: Well, after Voldemort 1.0 as you call him – great name by the way – vanished in 1981, why didn't you all bring her 'back' so to speak?

Draco: She was a potential Vampire Slayer. We didn't trust the greater wizarding population.

Luna: So I think the question most of our audience wants to know is – why does Buffy have an American accent?

Draco: My parents raised her in America.

Luna: That does seem to be a fairly logical answer.

Draco: Indeed

Luna: So, Hermione, tell me, where do you fit in to all of this?

Hermione: Oh well, a little over 3 years ago I was chosen as a Vampire Slayer

Luna: And how did you and Draco become – involved? We all saw that juicy kiss right before Draco was arrested.

Hermione (blushing): Ah, hmm, well. Let's see. Draco figured out I was a slayer and helped to train me and connected me with his sister and her watcher. And overtime we just…connected.

Luna: Fascinating. Perhaps this is a good time to ask – since I'm sure out viewers are quite confused, what is a vampire slayer, and why there are so many now?

Hermione (looking much more comfortable now): Thank you for asking Luna! A vampire slayer a girl imbued with the strength and skill to fight the vampires, demons and the forces of darkness. Witches and wizards used to believe she was intrinsically wrong but this was simply a medieval misconception that was never corrected. At one point, there could only be one, but then Buffy was revived from death using a muggle procedure called "CPR". Her death however had already activated a second slayer, thus there were two slayers. In their fight against the first evil, Buffy and her friend Willow activated all slayers.

Luna: Thank you for the robust explanation. I have to say, as one of the new slayers, it is quite invigorating.

Hermione: …yes?

Luna: So the next question is from Neville Longbottom - it is for Draco. Neville asks: If you have been fighting for good this whole time why are you such a dick?

Draco (rolling his eyes): My goal was to always ensure Buffy's safety. That meant ensuring no one doubted the persona that was expected of me. So I acted as the quintessential bully and really, did anyone think for a second I could have been a good guy?

Luna: On behalf of the students at Hogwarts you bullied, you really did quite well.

Draco: Thank you

Hermione: I don't think that was meant to be a compliment

Draco: I'll take it as one anyways

Luna: This question comes from Ginny Weasley and is again for Draco: If you and your parents aren't evil then why did you put Voldemort's evil diary into my school things leading to the Chamber of Secrets being opened?

Draco (rolling his eyes…again): We didn't. My father placed a very dark journal in a basket of the Weasleys books at Flourish and Blotts obviously assuming that one of the Weasleys would be able to identify it as a dark object and deal with it.

Luna: Very interesting. Our next question comes from Severus Snape: What the *bleep* was the deal with you killing Dumbledore?

Draco: I was ordered by Voldemort to kill Dumbledore in my 6th year. I wasn't planning to actually do it though. However, the night in question, he was dying. We had a conversation, that Potter has already confirmed the authenticity of, and Dumbledore agreed that he would prefer to go peacefully in that moment.

Luna: Sounds quite emotional. I can only imagine the Wrackspurts you must have dealt with at the time.

Draco: …of course.

Luna: On a related question, from Harry Potter: What did you whisper to Dumbledore right before he died?

Draco (whispering to Hermione): Why are all your friends using this interview to ask me questions?

Hermione (whispering back to Draco): Cause you're an ass.

Draco (after shrugging in agreement): I told him "Ariana forgives you."

Luna: … what does that mean?

Draco: None of Potter's business?

Luna: Right… so moving along. I'm running out of time but most of our readers want to know what's next for the two of you.

Hermione: What a great question! Thank you for asking. I am excited to be the formal liaison between the New Watcher's Council and the International Wizarding Federation. We're really hoping to leverage all types of magic to allow slayers to live the longest, fullest lives possible.

Draco: I've been asked to teach a new course at Hogwarts on Wiccan magic.

Luna: Well thank you for those answers. But I believe our readers were wondering what's going to happen to the 2 of you as a couple.

Draco: …

Hermione: …

Draco: Er – we don't know.

Hermione: Yes. I mean, it will be nice for our lives to be out in the open but – we're 18. And we both have important roles ahead, who knows what will come.

Luna: Well, there you have it! Straight from the Crumple-Horned Snorkacks mouth as they say. We'll be back next week where I'll interview myself on what it's like to be a witch slayer.

Draco: You mean a witch who happens to also be a slayer

Hermione (to Draco): That's never going to catch

A/N: And that's all! I hope you all enjoyed this adventure - next up, I'm leaving crossovers for a while and have a few HP only Dramione stories lined up. I'll be posting on Ao3 (pen name: canttouchthis) and at this point am not sure if i'll cross post to FFN. Until next time...