Chapter 11

SPOV

I woke from the throes of a nightmare, sweat all over me, shaking and totally disorientated. That is until I felt arms holding onto me tightly.

"Babe, you're okay, you're safe. I've got you"

I started to calm at hearing Ranger's voice but as before the actual nightmare was gone. I couldn't remember what it had been about, only that it made feel terrified.

"I'm sorry Ranger"

"Why?"

"I hate that you have to pull me out of that, I hate that I can't remember"

"Babe, it's okay. We'll work it out"

I wasn't so sure about that, I mean yes, I wanted the nightmares to stop but I wasn't sure that I wanted to know what was frightening me so much. Maybe it was time I made an effort to resolve it myself, that's what my Dad had suggested. He'd said that I was too good at pushing those things that I didn't like out of my mind. That they didn't disappear, that they were still there lurking in the background and the only way to confront the fear was to face it, head on.

I'd agreed with him, especially when he related the times in the past that I'd done it. I knew how worried he'd been that summer when I was just 15, at how I'd behaved, and it took a long time and a lot of heartache to admit to myself just what had happened in the Tasty Pastry. Of course, Morelli had left to join the Navy so there was nothing that could be done about it. Though I did make sure that I had some revenge when I hit him with Big Blue. I had admitted it to myself but not to anyone else. Was what had happened as bad as that had been? I didn't know, though sexual assault hadn't been something that Bobby had told me about. That had me worried and I had to know.

"Was I raped?"

Just came out of my mouth making me feel shocked at how I had asked that question.

"No Babe. Why ask?"

I suppose now was the time to face my demons, as long as Ranger didn't feel sorry for me, that wasn't the emotion I wanted to see from him.

"I was raped when I was younger, and it really messed me up. Something like this is doing, so I just thought I'd check"

"How did you cope to get over it?"

"My Dad, he helped me to, I suppose remember and showed me how to cope and live with it"

"Then I'll be here to help you remember now"

I actually felt okay with what he'd asked and said. He hadn't asked personal questions, which was a good thing because I wouldn't have answered but it made me realize that maybe I wasn't on my own for this.

"Can I do some work?"

"Of course you can. What were you thinking?"

"Maybe look at what you found when you were looking for me"

"There isn't much. I'd just got back, and it was Hector who found the lead"

"I need to thank Hector then, that's twice that he's come to my rescue"

I was thinking back to when Hector had turned up outside of that motel and helped me with Guillope. Maybe I hadn't needed the help, but it was nice to know that he'd been looking out for me.

"When did he help before?"

"With a skip. He said he was worried because it was the third night in a row that I'd been in the same place"

"Three nights, I'd have been worried as well"

"Yeah well, you know me. I fell asleep the first night. Then the second night. There were too many people there"

I felt Ranger's hands on either side of my face and as he turned my head to look at him.

"What people Babe?"

My eyes went down to his chest but then I found myself looking at his eyes. I couldn't lie to him, and why would I want to. I'd not done anything wrong.

"Lula took a man there and then Joe turned up with Terry. I just couldn't face trying to get Guillope"

"So you went the next night"

"Yeah. Hector turned up and helped me"

I was sure that Hector had a soft spot for me, though I had no idea why. I was thinking back to that night when Ranger asked me the strangest question.

"Did you use your camera?"

I'm sure I frowned as he asked that wondering why he was asking.

"Yeah, mainly for Guillope but when Joe turned up, I got some good shots"

That had me thinking about those nights, sitting on my own in my car, trying so hard to carry out the surveillance right, to show that I could do my job. As I pictured the motel and the images that I had captured that's when an image flashed across my mind. A man with dark brown eyes that looked cold, his head wrapped in a cloth, red and white. The questions he was firing at me, questions about why I was watching that motel. Then the pain as he hit and punched me.

My eyes were open and though I knew I was shaking I was looking into another pair of dark brown eyes. I knew these eyes, I trusted these eyes and oh god, I loved these eyes.

"Babe, what did you remember?"

"There was a man with brown eyes, his head and face were covered up. He kept asking me why I was watching that motel"

"Was it him who hurt you?"

"Him and another man"

Was my whispered answer to the question. Yes, after I'd been tied up it was him and Tasha who'd been constantly asking the questions.

"He didn't believe me"

The hands moved from my face and wrapped around me, holding me tightly to him. It made me feel wanted and loved but with that thought came the realization that that wasn't what was being offered. Ranger was only comforting me like he had done so many times before. I stiffened slightly and with my hands on his chest moved away.

"Bathroom"

Seemed like the perfect excuse to retreat. I didn't look at him as I scooted away and got up from the bed walking quickly into the sanctuary of the bathroom. I was berating myself for being so stupid for letting my emotions and hopes take over.

Once showered I was pleased that Ranger wasn't in the bedroom. I found some underwear, jeans and T-shirt and quickly got dressed. As I walked through to the kitchen, I felt more composed and was determined that my stay here at Rangeman had to come to an end. Ranger was at the counter and as I approached, he handed me a mug of coffee, just as I liked it. It was now or never as I stood there in front of him not daring to look up into his face.

"As soon as I'm better I'll be out of your way"

"Why would you want to do that?"

"I don't want to be a burden or get in the way"

"Babe, you're not a burden and you don't get in the way"

I felt the tears starting to form in my eyes. Shit this was so hard to do.

"Babe I want you here"

"No, you have your life to get on with"

"Babe look at me"

I didn't want to do that, but I felt as he tilted my chin up so had no choice. Hell, I hadn't even noticed that he'd put his mug down and was stood in front of me.

"I want you here, Babe. I always have done. I've never asked you to leave. You've made that decision yourself. Stay, please"

I was so undecided as he said that, and it did have me thinking. I suppose he was right with what he'd said. I usually came here when I was in danger and as soon as the danger had passed it was me who decided to pack up and go back to my apartment. I suppose at the time I was still thinking that I was in love with two men and maybe it was me who was the indecisive one. I only left here though because I didn't think that Ranger would want me to stay. What was it he said? He'd provide the condoms but no rings? That his life didn't lend itself to a relationship. What the hell was he asking of me?

"Babe?"

I nodded my head as if to answer him but knew that I had to be more mindful of my heart. Sex wasn't going to be happening because of my ribs so maybe being here wouldn't be so bad.

"Okay, only if you want me to"

I felt myself being held, one of his hands in my hair and the other around my waist. It felt so natural and I started to relax against him.

"I'm sure"

Was what I heard as he kissed the top of my head.

I was actually feeling nervous about going down to the fifth floor. I'd spoken with Bobby and Lester, but Tank hadn't been around, which I was grateful for. I knew no one would say anything derogatory to me whilst Ranger was with me, but that didn't mean that they didn't think the same about me as Tank did. As the elevator doors opened, I stayed very close to Ranger but let out a scream when I felt arms around my waist. I was turned and had Cal give me a gentle hug before he passed me onto Ram, Miguel, Binkie and Lester. I was smiling as each of them welcomed me home and suddenly those doubts that I'd had seemed silly now.

Lester continued to hold me around my waist as he guided me toward the door of what I knew was a conference room. I saw the look Ranger gave Lester, not sure what it meant, but Lester's arm suddenly released me as we walked inside. I was looking at all of the papers on the wall, amazed at what had been done to find me. I walked closer with Ranger behind me and that's when I saw a face that I recognized.

"Babe?"

"Shane, Shane Cooper"

"He was the FTA that you were looking for and couldn't be found"

I remembered him sitting next to me, his hand moving my hair from my face and him saying "Seems we were both in the wrong place at the wrong time"

"He was there, with me. They'd beat him up as well. He said he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and that he'd tried to get away by being arrested but that didn't work out"

"We can't find him Babe"

I was struggling to remember something but all that it made me do was start to panic. My hands were shaking, and my breathing was so fast those little black dots were dancing in front of my eyes. I felt myself being sat down and then someone pushing my head down to my knees.

"Deep breath in Babe, good, now out"

As I started to get control of my breathing, I felt the panic subside. Lifting my head, I could see Ranger squatted down in front of me.

"I feel scared Ranger"

"Then let's work together and show them that you're strong Babe, don't let them win"

"Does that mean I shouldn't be scared?"

"No, being scared shows that at the moment you don't know what you're up against, once we track them down and put them out of operation then the fear will start to go away"

"So channel my fear into helping to find them?"

"Yes"

"Okay, but how do I do that?"

"We look at the people and the evidence and follow the threads"

He made it sound so easy to do but I suppose that's how I found my skips or solved any problems. As the door opened, I turned to see Tank stood there looking at me. I had no idea what to do, whether to leave the room so that Tank could talk to Ranger.

"Ranger can I have a moment alone with Steph?"

I wasn't sure I was ready for this, would Tank be the one who berated me for getting myself into trouble, for not being aware of my surroundings. I was pretty sure that Tasha had set me up, but I had no idea why. Would Tank say that it was my own fault for trusting her?

I watched as Ranger walked out of the door, though noticed that he left it open slightly. The idea that maybe he was outside gave me the courage to face Tank. Staying sat down, Tank came and sat down next to me which meant we were sat side by side facing the table. My hands were on my knees holding them tightly together and I was looking at the jug of water in the center of the table.

"I'm sorry Steph. I was way too hard on you"

I turned and looked at Tank wondering if I'd heard right.

"I jumped on you because I was mad that you got trapped, mad that we didn't know what you were up to"

"You were mad at me?"

"No. I was mad at myself and I took it out on you. That file, hell it was a joke. There was little information and showed lousy police work. In your position I would have done the same thing"

"So you're saying I wasn't badly planned or incompetent?"

"I shouldn't have said that Steph. You work on your own because that's all the choice you have. Lula, well she aint much help. I didn't know how to reach out to you afterwards, you never seemed to be around, but Connie said you were doing okay"

"I felt, I suppose ashamed with what you'd said and with Joe and my Mum saying the same I thought it best that I didn't embarrass you again"

I felt him reach around me and hold me gently. For a big guy he almost surrounded me.

"I didn't know that you'd gone missing Steph. Hell, everything seemed normal"

That had me frowning again and slightly annoyed.

"So why did you have a guy suddenly turn up to be with me?"

"A Rangeman?"

"Yes"

"I didn't tell anyone to do that. Who was he?"

"He was called Luke"

I felt as Tank stiffened, as he looked at me. Shit what the hell was that about?

"We don't have anyone called Luke who works for us. Was he in uniform?"

"Yes"

"Steph, this is all my fault. If we'd been talking it wouldn't have happened"

There was no way that what had happened was Tank's fault and I couldn't let him think that.

"No Tank, it wasn't your fault. It was the men and woman who took me"

"Are we okay Steph?"

I tightened my grip on Tank and whispered "Yes" to him. We were okay and I didn't feel anxious now with what he thought of me.

I wasn't aware that someone had walked into the room until I felt Tank release me from his hold. I watched as Lester walked up to the table with some paper in his hands.

"Ranger wants a meeting to go over what we have so far. Are you staying Beautiful?"

I nodded my head, pleased that he felt I should be included. I watched as more men came in and then stood up when I saw Hector. I walked up to him and with my hands on his shoulders kissed his cheek, just below the tattooed tear drops.

"Thank you, Hector, for finding me and saving my life"

"De nada. I will always have your back. Here, wear this for me"

He took my arm and fastened a watch around my wrist. To be honest I wasn't annoyed at him for doing that. I knew there was a tracker inside and a panic button and in a strange way it made me feel better knowing that Hector would be looking out for me.

Hector turned me around and led me to a chair next to Ranger, then after saying something quietly to him took a seat further down the table. I looked around the room at the men sitting here, pleased that I knew these men well and feeling better for being here. I wasn't aware of what happened but suddenly everyone went quiet, all looking to Ranger.

"I'd like to thank all of you for the work you did in finding Steph. Hector, Mi amigo te debo"

I watched as Hector nodded his head to Ranger, but I wasn't sure what Ranger had said to him.

"We need to go back a few days to before Steph disappeared. It seems from what Steph remembers that her abductors were interested in why she was outside a motel for three consecutive nights. Maybe someone was there, and they thought Steph was watching them, or might recognize them. Cal, you and Miguel find out who was there for those three nights. Santos, I know you've tried to find Shane Cooper, talk to someone at the station and see if they have any more information"

"Les, talk to Eddie, I spoke with him and he was going to find out what he could for me"

"Thanks Babe. Okay let's look at what we have. Ram"

"I checked Steph's car like you asked, but it had been wiped clean, even the inside was empty"

Now that surprised me because I was sure there'd have been some doughnut boxes in the back and certainly some tastycakes on the front seat.

"There was a dent in the front passenger door that looked new"

"Babe?"

I could remember that, but the memory was a bit hazy.

"I think I was turning out onto the street and someone hit me. I felt awful and a damn cop arrived and breathalyzed me. That's when Tasha appeared and took me back into my apartment"

"Can you remember where you were going?"

"Val called, she said the baby was ill and Albert needed help to get the girls ready for school"

I felt Ranger place his hand on my thigh and gently squeeze, I hadn't become panicked, but I was suddenly aware that I was bouncing my heel on the floor. The feel of his touch calmed me as I looked up and over to Ram.

"I'll do some work on that Steph and look for any paint transfer"

"Ranger, Steph said that a man in a Rangeman uniform turned up at her place and stayed with her for the day. It wasn't one of ours"

"Babe, what did he look like?"

"Tall, blonde hair, longish. Maybe grey eyes. I didn't notice any tattoos, but he had a scar on his jaw"

"Hal, see if you can pick him up from the bail bond cameras"

"He was driving a black Nissan SUV"

I added trying to think if I remembered anything else. Ranger talking again had me tuning into what he was saying because now he was starting to talk about Tasha and that was making me feel nervous.

"I spoke with Dillon and he confirmed that a woman had basically taken over the apartment next door to Steph"

"Hal, you and Junior go through the statements from the folk who live in the apartment block and then spread further to any local shops"

"She was there"

"Where Babe"

"Where they took me, she was there"

I felt myself shaking and my breathing soar, but it was the images that I was looking at, images in my head of Tasha, but not as I remembered her from my apartment. She wasn't wearing makeup and had a black scarf over her head and around her neck. I flinched as though she were here now, slapping me across my face. I'd been so stupid for not seeing through her and realizing that she was conning me.

"Babe, come on Babe. Deep breathing. Breathe with me Babe"

I felt my hand being taken and the rise and fall of Ranger's chest through my hand. I concentrated on that movement until my breathing fell into sync with that movement. Opening my eyes, Ranger was in front of me, my hand being held by his on his chest. He smiled at me, I think knowing that my panicking was calming down. I looked around surprised that we were on our own but then turned to look behind me as I heard Bobby.

"Steph, you doing okay now?"

I nodded my head at him but as he came and sat in the chair beside me could sense that he was worried.

"Ellery asked to drop in tomorrow to see you"

"Ellery, why would he want to do that?"

"I took you to him when we found you, so he likes to see how his patients are doing"

I didn't have a response for that, I had never even thought that I'd been taken to a hospital. I'd just assumed that Bobby had treated me here at Rangeman.

"Babe, why don't you go upstairs and rest. You've had a hard morning already and I'm sure Ella mentioned something about her cooking with you"

Here it was, the first sign that Ranger was getting fed up with dealing with my panic attacks. I wasn't too sure what I'd do now, unless I could get my Dad to work with me. He'd been so patient with me all those years ago so maybe he'd help me again. I silently got up from the chair and walked from the conference room, feeling myself being watched. I wasn't sure that I wanted to sleep, sleep brought on nightmares and that scared the shit out of me.

Once upstairs I wondered around the apartment, looking for things that might occupy me rather than going into the bedroom. In the end I sat curled up on the couch and started to watch a rerun of Sex in the City. I'd seen it before but at least I knew there wouldn't be any violent scenes.