Chapter 12.

To have Hermione in his house had been very strange at first. He had never had many visitors and, since the beginning of his house arrest only Aurors and Ministry officials had vacated his door. Spinner's End wasn't a nice place and his house had always been old and creepy, but since her arrival everything had changed. She was his personal ray of sunshine, every day brighter than before.

The first time she had come to his house, it had been for a light lunch before going to work. Her eyes had shined while looking at his floor to ceiling bookshelves, and her tiny fingers had traced each and every spine with such a reverence he had found himself smiling fondly at her. That afternoon, when she had kissed him goodbye, he had wished so much that she could stay with him some more.

They usually went out on Thursdays, but Hermione found herself spending more and more time with him at his house. One night, when she had fallen asleep with her curls on his shoulder, he had picked her up and laid her gently on his bed. One thing was to hug and kiss and another to sleep together in the same bed, so he had not stayed with her, deciding instead to curl on his couch. Half an hour later, a kiss on his lips and a gentle hand on his cheek had woken him up and he had found Hermione kneeling next to him. She had asked him to lay beside her and, after placing his hand in hers, he had followed her into his bedroom. He couldn't remember a sensation more beautiful than that. Her hair tickled his nose and chin and her hot breath ghosted over his chest, but he had been happy to lay there with her. That night nightmares had stayed away from him, perhaps for the first time in years.

The next time she had stayed late after dinner, he had very awkwardly invited her to stay the night, and the bright smile that she had gifted him with had warmed his insides making him smile as well. In bed, she had snuggled up against him with her arm flung protectively on his abdomen and her head on his chest. She had kissed him so fiercely that night that he had feared he would lose himself in her. However, they hadn't yet been intimate, and it was surprising since they had passed so much of their time giving the other pleasure through a screen.

Two weeks later, like nearly every night, they had gone to bed together. Peace had settled in his limbs and mind like it happened every time she was with him and he was happy. His life had finally taken a turn for the better, after forty-five years. Well, better than never., he thought to himself trailing his fingers along her arm. He looked at her when she felt her shiver against him and clutch at the fabric of his T-shirt. He dipped his head to brush her mouth with his and he moaned when her teeth gently nibbled at his lower lip. Severus felt her tiny fingers slip under his undershirt, caressing his scarred flesh and making him shudder at the contact of her cool hands on his hot body. He wanted her, to feel her body tightly joined with hers, and yet he was scared, like a young boy at the first experience. And perhaps, it really was. This was something new, something he had longed for all his life and never had, and it scared him. The first time he had woken up in the morning with her draped across his body, he had stayed for so long motionless looking at her… at themselves together. If he still had had the ability to do it, he would have cried at the sheer beauty of what he had before his eyes.

"Are you afraid, Severus?" she asked in a whispered, her mouth brushing his while talking.

"Of what?" he replied sounding defensive but, as usual, she had understood him perfectly. He always wondered how it was possible that Hermione knew him so well and grasped his needs before himself.

"I don't know..." she mumbled, looking at him with troubled eyes. "Of me, of showing yourself to me... I... What I feel for you is nothing I have ever experienced. Why can't you trust me?"

"I have never trusted anyone but myself, Hermione."

All his life, he had been alone. The only exception had been when he had been friends with Lily, but it had lasted very briefly. Even then however, he had never been able to fully express himself. He had cared for her deeply, even loved her when he was a teenager, but had always tried to be different, to be better. Not for him, but for her. And yet, he hadn't been able to keep her with him. The rest of his life had been a total lie. He had worn his mask for so long that he had become part of himself so much that at some point he had forgotten who he really was. The human part of him had been buried so deep that bringing it back had been hard. However, he trusted Hermione. He just didn't want to make a fool of himself in front of her. He was a man, quite older than her, and he had already showed so much weakness to her while she… she was a lioness.

"I know, but I'm not going to hurt you." She assured him, her voice pleading. Hermione put a gentle hand on his cheeks and traced the outline of his lips, before fastening her eyes to his. "Why should I? I... I love you, you know."

I love you, you know. I love you, you know. I love you, you know., his head kept saying and he had to swallow down the lump in his throat. She had said she loved him, her hand still caressing his flesh which had become even hotter, and he was speechless. How could she love him? He was a Death Eater, a murderer, a monster. She still loved him.

"You... You..."

"I love you." She repeated and her soft gaze never left his eyes.

"Are you sure?" he breathed, incredulous. How could she love me? She could have everyone, anyone more worthy then myself, but she has chosen me. Hermione loved him. And it was stupid to feel so astonished in the face of her emotions and feelings because the truth was that she had showed her feelings to him so many times those weeks.

"I am, and I want to be with you."

"Hermione..."

"I have imperfections as well... Scars and burns, and I'm not exactly beautiful. You can trust me to appreciate you, cherish you and love you... All of you."

This was the time to be truthful with her, to tell her of his fears, to trust her. He knew he could do it, but still it was somewhat embarrassing to reveal certain things.

"I know I can trust you, Hermione but... I haven't been intimate with a woman in many years. I don't know what's going to happen if..."

"Do you think I would care if you were to come quickly?" she interrupted him and kissed his mouth. "I wouldn't. I would kiss you all the same and love you all the same. I would wait for you and then make love to you again at our own pace."

"I have never made love..." he confessed in a whisper; his eyes downcast. "To shag someone is one thing, to make love... I have no clue on how you make love."

"I'll show it to you if you want."

Their lips connected in a first slow, then more heated kiss. Tongues caressed gently, hot breaths mingling together and hands wandering freely. She exposed his torso, running her fingers gently on his pale flesh and outlining every scar he possessed with her fingertips before slowly kissing them. Severus was trembling under her ministrations and fighting the urge to close his eyes. He didn't want to, he wished to see her and the heated gaze that possessed her eyes. Her touch on his body was like a feather kissing his flesh and he longed to see her naked again, only for him.

Hermione trailed kisses over his chest before going back to his mouth. He clutched at her, enveloping her in his arms and kissing her breath away. His hands hooked under her nightshirt and he removed it in a swift motion, leaving her bare to his hungry stare. I have never seen someone more beautiful., he thought, and it was true. He had already seen her naked, in all her glory, but having her there so near to him was totally different.

"You are beautiful…" he murmured, gently caressing her breasts and teasing her nipples. Her small breasts fit perfectly in his palms and when his lips closed around one of her nipples, she shivered and moaned at the sensation. He kept sucking on them and kneading her flesh in a continuous massage.

"Are you going to let me melt into your arms?" she breathed, her voice shaky with need.

He laughed at that and kissed her again in the mouth, still touching her bare flesh and making their chests adhere to each other. The sensation of their nipples connecting was breath-taking and he hold her even closer to himself. She returned his hug and then looked at him with a wicked smile before putting her hands on his shoulders and pushing him down. She straddled his lap and crushed her lips to his moving her tongue alongside his in a heated kiss. Wet kisses were trailed along his torso until she reached the waistband of his pyjama trousers where she stopped. Their eyes locked and he looked intently at her face; his breath was ragged, and his heart was beating so fast he wished it could just slow down a little bit. Sexuality had always been a problem to him and finding himself there with Hermione in that moment made him nervous. However, he wanted it very much. He wanted her very much.

"I have wished to do this for so long, my bastard…" she whispered punctuating the name she had chosen for him when they were still Leo and Alba, before lowering his trousers and pants and revealing his erection which sprang free.

He was hard and already leaking pre-cum, waiting for her hands and mouth to relieve him of his needs. He hadn't been with a woman in a long time, as he had lately even stopped asking for the help of prostitutes, and the mere sight of Hermione naked before his eyes made him twitch. He closed his eyes when her fingers grasped him and gently moved down his shaft, and he shuddered deeply and moaned at the sensations when her wicked tongue caressed his engorged head. He had dreamt of her giving him a blowjob, but nothing had prepared him to this. Her curly head was bobbing up and down, engulfing his member and laving it with her tongue.

Severus then opened his eyes and watched her intently, impressing the memory of her to his mind. He had never liked her, but then something had happened apparently, and he had had to change his mind because she was such a beautiful and amazing creature he had lost himself in her. Meeting her in his favourite library had been his blessing, he was aware of that. Watching her, he inhaled deeply trying, but failing, to control his breath. He felt his blood boil, his head spin, and his orgasm rise.

"Hermione, stop!" he exclaimed suddenly, gripping her arms and trying to yank her from him. He didn't want to come so soon and not like there, he wanted to be with her and make love to her before emptying himself. "I'm coming! I'm coming, Hermione! Stop!"

His pleas, however, didn't stop her. She looked at him and immediately resumed her ministrations, doubling her efforts. She never left his face, enjoying the feeling of his twitching cock inside her mouth and the look of pure bliss mixed with sheer horror and peaceful abandon overtake him. Still clutching at her arms, he gave a couple of thrusts in her mouth before coming between her lips, overwhelmed by the sensations. She swallowed his come before cleaning his shaft with long laps of her tongue and kissing her way back to him. His breathing was ragged and everything was blurred but, when she laid upon his body cradling his head and placing small kisses on his flushed cheek, his tired arms encircled her body keeping her tightly pressed against him.

"I love you." She murmured against his ear, the action sending shivers up his spine, and kissed his cheek again. "And I want you… all of you, Severus."

He loved her as well, he knew he did, but saying it out loud was too difficult. He had been ridiculed for it the first and only time he had uttered those three words, and the pain of that moment still stung. He looked at her for a long moment, his thoughts swivelling rapidly, before closing his eyes and clearing his thoughts. When he opened them again, he touched her lips and cheek tenderly with his fingertips.

"Look at me, my cheeky little thing." He told her and, as soon as their eyes locked together, he plunged in her mind. He never trespassed the forefront, not wanting to intrude among her thoughts and memories but only wishing to whisper something inside her consciousness. "I love you too, Hermione. And I want you, all of you." His mind spoke, caressing her thoughts in a feather-light touch.

A while later, when he slowly sunk into her femininity for the first time, he nearly cried in pleasure and pain. And love. What she had given him was nothing he had ever experienced. Only the thought of the happiness he was experiencing, and of all the suffering he had had to endure to arrive to her, made him want to cry.

He was loved, and he was happy – oh so happy. All thanks to her, his cheeky little thing.