Three Weeks Later
"Mommy, look what I can do!"
Cinder bit back her first, reflexive sense of hurt - and the scathing reply that would have come with it. "I can't, Maggy - remember? I wish I could."
"Oh...that's ok, mommy - you can still feel it!"
The wind swirled around Cinder, warm and gentle as any summer's breeze, in Emerald's living room; Cinder's destroyed home wasn't finished being rebuilt just yet - and it wouldn't be, for another few weeks yet to come (even with the charity donations Flora had twisted Cinder's sole remaining arm into accepting, from Maiden admirers and the Atlas government itself).
Cinder tilted her head back, a smile coming to her lips. "That's wonderful, sweetie. The little birthday girl's really getting the hang of it."
"Yep! I'm actually three now, and I can do it whenever I want now!" Little hands smacking against her knees, a light weight settling onto her lap. Maggy was pressing herself to Cinder. "See I'll do it again - wait no, now! Mmm...now! Darnit. Not working again."
"Well, actually three or not, it takes a lot of practice - a lot of hard work. Even Flora is going to have to work on hers. It takes a long time to get it right."
"I guess." A huff. "I know you can't see, mommy - it's my fault - so I'll tell you where everything is! Every day!"
"Maggy! What did I tell you?"
"That it's not my fault - but it still is," the girl added swiftly, mutinous to the last.
"No, it's not," Cinder retorted instantly.
"Yes it is."
"No-" Cinder caught herself. Drew breath. "I'm not doing this with you - or do you really want me to punish you on your birthday?"
"Fine!" The girl swiftly changed topics. "Still going to tell you where stuff is. Like there's the table, there's the books, there's the remote..."
"Maggy - careful of the bump! And, that's not exactly helpful. You need to actually say where something is," Cinder told her, exasperated.
"Oh...shelf is left, table is forward - the 'mote is on table!"
"That's...better," Cinder shook her head, reaching her arm down to hold Maggy to herself. "But let's just cuddle, okay? I need cuddles..."
"I love cuddles! I'll give you all the cuddles."
"Maybe not all of them - you should save some for Flora when she gets back from work with Emerald." With Cinder being unable to do any useful work now, Flora had decided to step up and get herself a job at the same shopping center as Emerald. Though, that wasn't to say that staying at home parenting Maggy all the time now, as well as helping Emerald keep things clean in her apartment, wasn't useful work (at least, that was what everyone kept telling her).
"And for my new sister! She hasn't had any at all! Since she's stuck in there..." A light little jab of a finger. Then another.
"She isn't stuck - she's just- growing," Cinder muttered. "She's not done growing yet. And because she isn't, you need to be careful right now - don't poke at me again! Look, Imryll is very- she could get hurt really easily in here right now."
No more pokes came. "Oops - sorry!" Even worse was Maggy's sudden shifting around that came next.
"It's all right." Still, for good measure, Cinder brought her Aura up; Imryll had gone through so much trouble, and so long of waiting (torturous centuries), just to get back here - including the death of her original, main self - that it would be a real shame if she didn't make it because of a negligent toddler jumping around on mommy's lap. The good thing about magical reincarnation rituals, Cinder supposed, was that she was, inexplicably, already starting a good few months into the pregnancy; the hospital had put her at around five months already. It wouldn't take long for this to be over with.
"So you're really not going to keep her? Imryll?" Blake's voice, after some soft footsteps wandering in. A presence beside Cinder.
Cinder shook her head. "Once she finally gets here, I still plan on giving her to someone that can actually give her all the love and attention she deserves - which isn't me. I have a hard enough time with the two I have."
"So who is Imryll going to, then?" Blake asked casually.
"Neo."
"R-really?"
"Yes; I've been having some talks with her lately, and she's realized that since she's been so involved with my kids...she wants to have one of her own again. So why not give her the one I'm not interested in keeping?"
"That's wonderful. I'm sure Neo's over the moon about it."
"She definitely is. I might have to put a blade to her neck to get her to give me my personal space back."
"She knows who Imryll is."
"Yes."
"She isn't going to smother her the first night, is she?"
"Do you think she would?"
"I'm not sure. Even after being in her head, feeling her soul as if it were my own...seeing her memories of life, as if her life was mine..." Blake trailed off, sighing. "It really was a one of a kind experience, and a rather amazing one at that, being that way. If my mind hadn't been changed in the process...I'd want to experience it all again in a heartbeat. I think a part of me still does, regardless. Stupid, irrational, insane, I know...but it does. Being able to connect with someone else like that - with so many other people...They always say that phrase about a mile in someone else's shoes, but you can never really know what anyone else is going through. You can't be in their head, their heart. But I was, and I felt...and I'll never get to feel that again. Any of it."
"I'm sorry." Cinder stroked her stomach, bowing her head. Would Imryll miss it all too? Would she try to get it back, later on? Try to steal a Relic and open a doorway to all those people too? Unleash chaos and hell on the world again? Or would she be content with this normal, good life she'd done so much just to try and get back again?
"Without the plague in her, Neopolitan can't talk anymore, and she's had to get back on her meds - just like you lost your arm and eye again after Imryll separated her soul from yours for the rebirthing," Blake said, quiet. "Personal feelings or not, I'm not sure, either way, if it might be a risk to give Imryll to her."
"As long as she's on her medication, there's no risk at all," Cinder replied. "I'm sure she'll do wonderfully."
"Oh, I hope so," Blake said quickly. "I'm sure you're right on that."
As was her entire modus operandi, Cinder didn't feel half as confident as she sounded outwardly.
But, as was also her usual, there was no way she was letting anyone else know that.
"So, how was school?" Cinder asked, as soon as that door opened, and those light footsteps came hurrying in.
A long breath sucked in, then let go again. A lot of panting, before finally, an answer: "It was good!"
"Good; give me details - like why you were running," Cinder replied.
Bae was all to eager to oblige Cinder.
Cinder sat with her, listening - sometimes asking a question - until the girl had finally wound herself down about school plays, a "funny" incident involving a boy who had tripped over his own feet, and her actually getting top grades on her homework for a change. And then, she asked one more, after Bae had quieted.
"Is there anything you want to do with me later?"
Shifting, and a long silence. "Well, I...uh..."
"Come on: tell me. I told you I was going to try and do better about making time for you - and I have nothing but time now," Cinder reminded. "As long as it's nothing too physically taxing."
"Well there is the annual festival soon..."
"Yes, and we're still going to do that, all as a family," Cinder assured, patient. She patted her stomach. "This isn't going to stop that, trust me."
"Oh, good!" A pause. "I- Flora said not to talk about your old home."
"Y-yes, she did - and so did I," Cinder said slowly. She took a calming breath, not wanting to snap like she had the last and only time the topic had been brought up by the girl, since everything had come to an end with the Order some weeks ago now. "But, you clearly still want to know more about it," she added, tense despite her best efforts.
"I...I just want to know more about you. You...that whole day before, you were acting like- I've never seen you that way before. It was kind of- freaky. Like you weren't even you. But not like, you know, when that Imryll girl took control over you."
"I know what you're trying to say," Cinder spoke, measured in every word. She clenched her fist in her lap. "Listen, I...there's a lot that I don't want to tell you. A lot that I- honestly don't think I can. Flora would probably strangle me if I did - it's not nice, it's not pretty, it's not...happy. But, besides that, I mean that I still haven't even told Flora half the shit- things...that have happened to me in my life. I definitely couldn't tell you."
"I sort of figured out already that it wasn't a happy house for you, mom," Bae said bluntly. "I was there the whole time, remember? I saw you. I saw how you acted about it. Being there."
"And I wish you never had," Cinder said harshly. "I wish none of you ever had. Not you, not Flora, not- anyone." She sighed, let her hand uncurl. "But you did...so, I suppose I... Let me think. I need to figure out what's even safe to tell you."
"Because Flora would get on your butt about it."
"She'd get on my butt for no other reason except that she likes it," Cinder said silkily.
"Hey, woah, mom - gross!"
Cinder smirked and lifted her head high - and just so to one side. "That'll teach you to try and get into my personal business."
"Wait, so you aren't going to tell me?!"
Cinder heaved a sigh. "Ugh, I was kidding - yes, I'm still going to tell you. Just...shush, would you? This is very hard for me to even begin to talk about. With anyone - even your mom."
"Ok," Bae said seriously.
"I-" Cinder began, only to stop again. She breathed. Tried again. "I suppose I can tell you that when I was your age...that was the first time I ever ran away from home. That...very not happy home for me."
"Ok. What else?" Bae asked quietly.
"I...well, you've seen a bit of my own mother by now. I went from her house, when I was actually Maggy's age, to the- that place. The Nuveri family. My...my dad- he took me away from my mother's, and we ended up...there. He married Lady Nuveri, and I was...taken into the family with him. I had three stepsisters. But from the start we never- got along. They didn't like me. Neither did Lady Nuveri. I lived there until I was sixteen."
"And they...they- hurt you there?"
"Y-yes. But it didn't- actually start happening until I was six - after my d-dad had died."
"So they...hit you and stuff?"
Cinder laughed. "Is that the worst thing you can think of?" The worst thing any normal kid could think of?
"W-well- name-calling? Insults?"
"They did some of that, too," Cinder admitted easily. "That, hitting, and making me work all the time. Keep the house clean, clean up all their messes - keep every picture frame perfectly tilted, every knick-knack on the shelves arranged how they were meant to be. Not a one out of place. All of that, and...those things I can't tell you about."
"What things?"
"I just said-" Cinder began viciously, before catching herself. A breath. "I...I told you."
"I'm sorry."
"Just- just- you don't really want to hear it. Once you do, it's not going to leave you. It hasn't left me. And I...don't want to leave that with you. Stuck in your head, like it is in mine."
"I just-"
"No!" Cinder snarled. "Listen: this is enough, I'm finished, and if you even dare try one more time-"
"O-ok, I won't, I'm sorry!"
"No...I'm sorry." Cinder said instantly, her throat tight. She bowed her head to let her tears run down her face. Dammit, Imryll, you're not making this any easier for me! At least that nice pamphlet had told her what to expect with this whole pregnancy business. She could at least account for it in life. "It's just- you can know me...but you shouldn't know all of me. I don't even want to know those parts of me anymore. U-understand?"
"Yes! I'm really sorry, mom, I didn't mean to make you start crying-"
"I'm not crying because of you," Cinder snorted - hiccupped. "Like you could do anything to..." She quickly rose to her feet, seized onto Bae's hand. "Come on, we're going out f-for- ice cream and the park! That's what we'll do."
"What- really?!"
"So y-you don't want to?"
"No, I do!"
"Then come on." Cinder gave Bae's hand a tug, leading her to the door. "I might even show you a p-part of me I haven't before, too."
"Show me what?"
"My Semblance!"
"Mom..." came the anxious voice, as mother and daughter walked the streets of Mantle quite aimlessly.
"What?"
"I think someone's following us."
Cinder stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk. "Are you sure?"
"Y-yeah...I've seen the same woman too many times now. I saw her across the street when we first left the house, and I saw her at the park, and then I noticed her again when we were at the café - she was sitting outside. And just now I saw her again; she's behind us by a whole block, but she's still there."
"Okay." Cinder drew in a sharp breath. "Here's what we'll do: we're going to enter the nearest shop you can see right now, and then I'm going to call Flora. Just walk - quick but casual."
"Ok. Uh, there's one there. Oh, sorry, you..."
"Just go," Cinder said, ignoring the likely slight that had just occurred that was her daughter trying to point something out to her.
As soon as they entered, Cinder directed Bae to take them toward the back. "Now, tell me what she looked like."
"Uh, she was kind of tall I guess, she had dark hair and dark skin, and she had a coat on with just pants and a shirt. It didn't look like she had weapons or anything."
"How old do you think she was?"
"Your age? Maybe?"
"Okay." Cinder drew her scroll out and leaned against the wall, putting it to ear. "Bae, watch out the window for me - but try not to look like you are. Tell me if you see her either pass by or enter. If she comes in here, and she starts heading our way - Flora, we have a small problem. A stalker. It sounds like Aisha, from Bae's description."
"Alright - tell me where you are - Emerald says she's on the way to pick you two up."
Cinder told her, and ended the call.
But Emerald showed up, and the stalker didn't.
As much of a relief as it was that nothing awful happened, at the same time, it just put Cinder extremely on edge for the rest of the evening.
"Really? A door ditcher? Ugh." Emerald's voice exclaimed. Then, a change in tone, to a more pleased one. "Oh! They left a present - that's great!"
"It could have been Aisha," Cinder snapped instantly. "Check if it's an explosive, or a gas can, or-"
"It's just a money pouch," Emerald said absently. Some shuffling. A gasp. "A money pouch with a lot inside! How much is this? Oooh, this is good! I haven't gotten something like this since my last Maiden mission a few months ago..."
Cinder relaxed. If it was just some admirer of the Maiden... She had gotten similar gifts before, though usually not straight cash, in thanks for her deeds. She had always enjoyed plucking them up (except when they became overly, annoyingly frequent).
A scattering on the table, a voice murmuring to itself...
"Wow," Emerald said finally, whistling. "This is several million lien! Thank you to whoever I helped out there - you were either a rich socialite, or you were some CEO of a company. Because this, I've never even seen this much money before - oh, hey, there's a note. A cute little note."
"Read it," Cinder advised.
"Let's see here...ahem: 'Ci...'" Emerald trailed off. She started again. "'Cinder, you were left in a rougher shape than I ever thought - and so was your kid. So was your house, I saw! You probably won't believe this, but, I am really sorry for all that. It's been bugging my brain for weeks. So, for my own peace of mind, here you go. Signed, The Idiot.'"
"It's for us?" Flora said, amazed. "From...?"
"From Aisha," Cinder surmised. "Idiot with a guilty conscience...thinks she can just throw a few million at a problem and fix it..."
"Well, a few million can fix our house - and get you those cybernetics much sooner than we ever expected to be able to!" Flora said quickly. "If this isn't laundered or something, that is. If it's not, we should take it with grace and gratitude."
Cinder missed being able to roll her eyes. She tossed her head in similar motion anyways, though it still wasn't the same. "Fine, okay, it can fix some problems. But if she thinks that's enough to make up for kidnapping Maggy in the first place..."
"Of course it's not," Flora agreed. "But, at the same time, why kick a gift horse in the mouth? And also - what are you going to do about it? About her?"
Cinder sighed. "Right, of course. I'm going to do nothing about her - not if we never cross paths again."
"That's a wonderful compromise," Flora complimented. "If you do run across her again, feel free to give her another smackdown with my blessing! But, until then...just forget her. We don't want to go inviting more trouble onto our heads. Not when we finally got out of it."
"I know. I'm happy to say I don't want to have to go after her any time soon," Cinder confessed.
The knock at the the door to Cinder and Flora's rebuilt home came in late morning, over two months later.
"Hey..." came the young man's voice, tentative and quiet. Neutral as could be.
Cinder froze, arm slinging over her highly swollen belly. She was closer than ever to being done with this now - thank god. "H-hello."
"I- look, I know this is very sudden and- but could I- I'd like to come in and talk with you, if that's okay."
"Okay..."
So it was that Cinder led Jaune Arc into her living room.
"You can sit anywhere," she told him quietly, seating herself on the couch and drawing in her legs as much as she could. Her shoulders did the same.
"Th-thanks."
Silence.
"Pretty quiet in here - the wife and kids having a nice day out without you?"
Cinder restrained a growl. She reminded herself firmly that it wasn't right, that it wasn't fair, that this young man was her victim - and if anything, he should be the one trying not to strangle her. "Y-yes, in fact," she managed to choke out. "Why...are you here?"
"I...I don't know, honestly. Maybe I'm just...trying to understand the woman who murdered the only girl I ever loved."
Trying to understand the woman who...? And Cinder had thought this young man had no grasp on subtlety. Here he was, using the same words at her that she'd used at her mother - he'd been in the room at the time, of course he would have heard.
Cinder sat in silence, waiting for him to speak again. And he did.
"During our battle at Haven...when I did...call you broken, when I asked you how you could do all the things you've done...I wasn't looking for an answer, then. I was just being emotional, stupid, I was trying to hurt you. I didn't really want to know, I didn't really care. Not back then."
"But now?"
"Now I do," he confirmed, heavy. "I'd like to know...what could possibly have happened in your life, what happened to you, to cause you to make the choices you made in life...that led you to do what you did when you came into mine. Into hers." He paused. Then- "I mean, that mansion, the way you reacted to it - I'm not a moron, I know it couldn't have been a bundle of sunshine and rainbows for you - but how does that get you from there to...to Beacon? To Pyrrha? To Ozpin? To Haven? To Salem? And to the way you were so- so...I still can't figure any of that out."
Cinder sat up straight, drawing a breath. She knew she owed answers to this young man just as much as her own mother owed answers to her. The difference was that Cinder was not going to hold them back from her victim. Even as hard as it would be for herself, she knew she owed it to him to give it to him. Because it was about him - not her. "I'll tell you everything about my life," she began softly. "Even things I've never told my own family. Whatever you decide to take from it, or do with it, or however you want to feel about it - about me - that's all entirely up to you."
"Well, I'm here, aren't I? I'm willing to hear it - please."
"Okay, then. I suppose the place to start is..."
"Ms. Zang - it's a pleasure to meet you."
"Thank you, Doctor."
"Come in, please - sit."
Salem complied, lowering herself onto softness and splendor - for Mantle.
"So then, I was recommended to you by a...friend. But now that I'm here, I'm not sure where to begin."
"Start by saying whatever you like. Start wherever you'd like - whenever you'd like to."
"Well," Salem sighed. "I- suppose it all began when I was a girl. I...grew up with my father. Alone. Locked up at home with him. I never took my first steps into the world, proper, until I was an adult. And it was only thanks to a very brave man who had come to get me out there. He freed me, he was- marvelous. We fell in love, but it was only a few short weeks after that he...became very ill. Deathly ill. Because of this, we had to be- apart for a long time. It was incredibly stressful, and I tried several times to take my own life. I didn't succeed."
"I see. Please, keep going."
"Yes, well...after that, over the years apart, I became- imbued with a...mind-altering- substance. It was daily, constant. Every waking moment. It was my new normal. It was...due to a stupid hope, desperate act. I was still- affected by this substance when we ended up meeting again - after he was better again. I was numb, I was angry, it was this fog in my head all the time. But he was strong again. The man I'd missed so dearly. And this time, we had time to do it all properly. We had a splendid home, we married, and even started a family. We had...four girls. E-Endora, Lani, Jesse, and Dorothy."
"Only, because of this substance, this- way my mind was being altered, I- it caused problems between us. I..." Salem put her hands together tightly in her lap. "We disagreed on a lot of things, and ultimately, he felt like I was a danger to him, and to our daughters as well. One night, he tried to sneak away with them. I knew he would: I waited for him. They were in the room with us, and we got into a- a very violent, very powerful fight. It involved...powers. When it was over, t-they were dead, and he was- nearly dead. And I couldn't feel anything, I couldn't care - just anger, hatred. Fury, at how he'd tried to leave me - take them away from me! The truth didn't hit me until later. The remorse, too. The- the fact that I had killed them, that it was my fault."
"It was a very, very long time until we truly saw each other again, after that night. Two years ago, now, we came face to face again. And he told me he still loved me, he told me he didn't blame me, that he knew I hadn't been in my right mind at the time. He tried to...I didn't listen, I didn't forgive him back. But I did...change, after that meeting. I- went completely clean from the...substance. My mind the past two years hasn't been foggy anymore, I'm not just cold inside, it isn't just anger. The world isn't so distant from me. It's overwhelming, most of the time. Just the sun on my face, the way the ground is under my feet, or how sharp pain is again. My emotions, too, they're...very present."
Salem paused, eyeing the man across from her. She ducked her head, staring as hard as she could at her own hands. "And then we come to two weeks ago, now, where circumstances forced my ex-husband and I to spend a few days together again. It was a serious situation. Tensions were very high, needless to say. The whole time, he kept being so...he brought up so many painful memories, he brought up my guilt, our daughters, and I-" She stopped. "We just have very different ways of looking at the world, and coping with it. He sees hope, joys, simple pleasures, love and light, whereas I...I never have. I just want to be cold again, distant from it all again. I want to numb my mind again. I don't want to feel any of this, I don't want...but at the same time, I don't want to go back to how I was - back on that...that substance. I realize it was a mistake. I do realize how I behaved back then was- unforgivable. But I'm not sure where that leaves me now. I have no idea what to do with myself, in this world, in life itself. It's been so long since I took any real joy in the simplest things, and it's been so difficult just to admit aloud that I even...I don't know what to do with myself!"
"So that-" Salem lifted her head, brushed her hair back behind an ear. "-that is why I'm here now. A - friend...recently told me some very insulting, but perhaps very truthful things to my face, and I couldn't help but think it all over lately. She told me I was broken inside, that I was squandering the potential of life away, and that I needed help. Medicine and...well, therapy." She gestured at the man. "That's why I came to you - I decided to take her advice, and see what...what happens. If I can even find some way in this world, something more, something else...because I can't be what I was before. I know that much is true. Can you help me?"
"I can help you to help yourself," the man said finally. "But whatever you take from this, or any future sessions - if you'd like to come back again - is entirely up to you. However you might change, improve yourself, change your perspective...that is all going to be up to you, Ms. Vang. You're going to have to be honest, with me, with yourself, and you're going to have to do a lot of soul searching. And maybe, then, you can get what help you're looking for here."
"All right." Salem rose, hands at her waist. "Then I'll see you again next week? That is how this works?"
"If you feel you've said all you need to today," the man nodded. "And if you'd like to come back again, yes. Consider what you'd like to say next time, then, if you would."
"Yes, I'll- do that. Thank you."
Salem swept from the room, feeling, inexplicably enough, a bit lighter.