She woke to the feeling of water against her face, and scrunched her face in confusion as she woke. It was raining. She'd fallen asleep on the grass and it was raining. She groaned softly as she sat up, wiping at her face realising it must've been raining for some time before she'd actually woken up. She stood up, picking her coat up and looked around. She was still alone there.
She walked across the grass and to the trailer, sitting on the chair on the porch as she watched the rain start to come down heavier, her damp clothes clinging to her skin in the humidity. She had no idea what time it was or how long she'd been asleep for, but she guessed it was almost midday by now.
She ran her fingers through her damp hair with a sigh, she really hadn't thought this through last night. How on earth was she going to get home now? Her eyes flickered to the door of the trailer. She could always just use his shower, borrow his clothes and make her way to the ferry. He would've known she was there and she'd have to give the clothes back, though.
Just as she stood out of the chair, she heard the sound of a car approaching and looked up to see Derek's car approaching the trailer. That last excuse just flew out the window and she sighed softly, knowing there wasn't really any way she could avoid him now.
"Meredith, where have you been?" He asked as he got out the car, coming up towards her.
"I was here," she said with a shrug, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I've been trying to call you," he explained, stopping a little distance in front of her.
"My phone died," she said with a sigh, "and I fell asleep and I can't call a cab so I was just going to change and wait out the rain before walking to the ferry…"
"Walking to the ferry?" He asked, his brow furrowed, "You can't walk from here to the ferry that would take well over an hour!" He said, running his hand through his hair.
"That's how I got here last night," she said, rolling her eyes.
"Come inside before you catch a cold," he said with a slight shake of his head, leading the way into the trailer and leaving the door open for her.
She hesitantly walked inside, her nose scrunched up a little as she wrapped her arms around herself. She'd rather be able to just go home. She didn't have the patience to deal with him today. Even though she was the one who had come to his trailer, that's besides the point.
"Here, get in the shower before you catch a cold," he said to her, passing a clean towel out of the cupboard, "I'll put your clothes on to wash."
She sighed softly before she peeled off the damp clothes, covering her naked self from his view with the towel while he sat on the bed waiting for her. Without saying another word to him, she got in the shower under the hot water, unable to fight the relief she felt from the warmth. She could hear him moving around in the trailer as she washed herself with the lavender soap he'd kept in the shower just for her. She did wish he wouldn't do things like that, it made it harder to stop feeling the way she did for him when it wasn't reasonable or practical to do so.
After rinsing off and turning off the water, she wrapped the towel around herself and briefly thought about the fact this was the first time she had showered without him in the trailer. She stepped back out and noticed he had left clean clothes on the bed for her, one of his tops and his grey sweatpants that she definitely remembers him protesting against her wearing one time. She looked to him with a raised eyebrow, and he chuckled softly at her expression.
"Use your words, Meredith. You can still talk to me, you know. The clothes are for you, while yours are washing," he explained as he was pouring them both a coffee each.
"I'm surprised you're letting me wear these, that's all," she commented as she changed into them. He came over with the mugs of coffee once she had changed and was sat cross legged on the bed and he sat beside her.
"As much as I'd prefer you walking around naked, I figured it's best we keep you warm, and it's best I'm not distracted. We still need to talk," he said, his head turning to face her as he held the mug of coffee in his hands.
"What do we need to talk about?" She asked before softly blowing on the hot coffee and taking a sip.
"Well, for starters, Megan signed the divorce papers," he said, taking a sip of his coffee as he faces forward again, "She's pregnant."
"But you're still divorcing her?" Meredith, asked, confused now.
"Yeah. It's not mine. There's no way it could be mine unless she stole my sperm in the night, we haven't been together in over 12 months " he looked at her with a slight smirk but there was still sadness in his eyes, "She admitted it isn't mine anyway. She's gone back to New York."
"Oh, I see. I'm sorry," she said in a quiet voice, holding the hot mug close to her chest for warmth, and she looked at him, her brow furrowed, "You've only been with me?"
"I have only been with you since I met you, and don't worry, it's been a long time coming," Derek said with a shrug, "I regret not doing it sooner. I know I said I'd do it back in February and you've been kept in limbo this whole time, and I feel awful about doing that to you, I really do," he continued, resting his hand on her thigh as he spoke, "Meredith, I'm in love with you. You've changed my life, and I know I've hurt you and I kept on hurting you every day I stayed with her."
"Derek, I," she seemed lost for words and he shook his head as he reached his hand to cup her cheek.
"You don't have to say anything," he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers in a soft, slow kiss. "I just need you to know that I love you, Meredith Grey."
Her hand reached into his hair as she still held on to her coffee mug and he felt the familiar gentle tug of her fingers on the strands, pulling his lips back onto hers. He obliged, giving her another soft, slow kiss as one of his hands slipped into her damp hair and he felt a slight shiver emanate from her.
"Baby, you're cold," he murmured softly, keeping their lips close.
"I'm not, I just," she murmured softly, pulling herself back from him again and looking out the window to the house, her brow furrowed and her gaze far away, as though another thought had entered her mind.
"Speak to me, Meredith," he spoke softly, reaching his hand to take hers again with a gentle squeeze.
"You spoke to Addison," is all she said as she turned to look at him, the confused look still lining her expression, "You told Addison about us."
"I… yes, I did speak to Addison. I've been speaking with Addison about you since I met you, if I'm completely honest. I didn't even think that she was the same Addison you told me about last December," he admitted to her, keeping hold of her hand in his as she took in the information that Addison hadn't told her.
"Addison knew. This whole time, she knew what has been going on," Meredith shook her head with a bitter laugh, "Did she tell you about me? About what happened between her and I?"
"No, Meredith. She never once mentioned you, I'm sorry," he said, reaching for the blanket off the bed and handing it to her, "here I really don't want you to catch a cold."
"Thanks," she murmured softly as she pulled the blanket around herself, getting comfortable in it before looking up at him again, "Did she ever tell you anything?"
"Honestly, when I really think back to a few years ago, she mentioned meeting someone in passing but then she'd moved on to California and didn't speak of it again. She hadn't even said she had been in Seattle," he trailed off as Meredith's gaze focused on the window looking outside the trailer, "You never did tell me how close you two were, either."
"She came to the hospital in my second year of residency," Meredith began telling him, the words falling out as she continued to look out the window, "I was already dead set on neurosurgery, so I hadn't even realised she was technically my boss until… anyway, I actually met her in Joe's. Dr Sloan had been pestering again and she swatted him away for me, not that I wouldn't have done it myself," a soft laugh escaped her lips at the memory, and she still didn't look at him.
"Wait, Dr Sloan? Mark Sloan?" Derek asked incredulously, not realising she also knew his childhood best friend.
"Yeah," she said, looking at him now, confused again, "You know him?"
"He's practically my brother," Derek said with a soft chuckle.
"It really shocks me that no one told you about me specifically, you know. Addison didn't, Sloan didn't… I mean nothing ever happened with Sloan, but I may have wounded his ego on more than one occasion," she said with a shrug.
"I wouldn't worry about that, he needs it knocking down a peg or two anyway," he told her, laughing softly again.
"Yeah. Anyway," she looked back out the window as she continued, "I met her in Joe's. I went back to hers. Slipped out the next morning, my modus operandi if you wish. Only to walk into the hospital and be assigned to her service. Long story short, we continued seeing each other, I never wanted to commit, and just when I thought… my mother found out, and apparently had her shipped off to California. Ellis never was a fan of my lesbian side. I didn't know this is what happened though. Up until the Christmas party, it was my understanding that Addison got fed up of me not knowing what I wanted, broke up with me, and left for a new life in California," her voice had become quieter by the end, and he noticed a tear slip down her cheek that she quickly wiped away.
A silence fell between them, he didn't know what he was supposed to say to her, how to make her feel better. His hand reached out, hesitant to touch her shoulder, but he dropped it when she released a deep sigh before suddenly speaking again.
"I don't know what to do," she whispered, holding the mug in both of her hands as she sipped at the coffee absentmindedly.
"I think there are decisions to be made," Derek said, standing up off the bed and carrying his now empty mug and hers to the sink, setting them inside before leaning with his back against the counter.
"I need to be honest with you," she looked up at him, gently biting her lip.
"About what?" He asked, his brows knitted together as he watched her eyes welling with tears, "What's wrong?"
She buried her face against her hands, mumbling something but he couldn't quite make out what it was she was saying.
"Meredith, I can't hear you if you cover your mouth like that," he told her, and she looked up at him with wide eyes.
"Addison, she, uhm, the past few days... we may have been doing more than just talk while she's been here," he noticed a slight blush on her cheeks as she spoke.
"Oh," he breathed out as he realised what she was trying to tell him, and he wasn't even sure he wanted to hear what she was saying. His heart was hammering in his chest. He knew they had a history, he thought it would be just that, a history. And he'd seen the kiss in Joe's yesterday...
"Oh, God," she muttered, lowering her head into her hands again and he watched her for a moment, an internal conflict in his mind.
He'd told her not even ten minutes earlier, she was the only one he had been with these past six months they'd shared together. But did she even know before that? Did she know that she was the only one for him? As far as she knew, he was messing about with her at work and climbing into bed with his wife at home. She never knew the truth, and he abandoned her time, and time again. He couldn't be angry at her own confliction. He couldn't be angry that a woman she once loved - maybe still even loved - had come back after so long, and all those feelings came rushing back. After everything she had just told him about their history, he couldn't begin to imagine what had been going through her mind the past couple of days, not just now, and he can't have been helping with that.
He approached the bed again, sitting beside her and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gently pulled her closer to him as he pressed his lips against the top of her head for a short moment, trying to reassure her softly, "It's okay, Meredith."
"I feel... I don't know how I feel," she spoke quietly, as though afraid her voice would break, "I don't think I regret it, but I don't want to hurt you. You've said all these things now that I didn't know before, and if I'd known, I would never have let it get that far, I don't think."
"I understand, Meredith. I do," he cupped her cheek with his hand, gently guiding her to look at him again so that she wasn't hiding her face, allowing him to look into her eyes again as he spoke, hoping she could see the sincerity in his, "It doesn't change how I feel about you. You could run me down with your car and I'd still be madly in love with you," a smirk hinted at his lips as he tried to cheer her up, lightening the mood a little.
"You're... mental," she laughed softly, shaking her head a little, "I promise not to run you down with my car... or your car, for that matter."
"You're still adamant you're going to get to drive my car?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at her as he scoffed playfully.
"Well," she said, perking up a little more now as the tension dissipated from the atmosphere around them, and she moved to sit in his lap, straddling him on the bed. His hands fixed on her waist as she leant her forehead against his, and he recognised the familiar playfulness in her eyes, "You're madly in love with me, remember? You said you'd do anything for me."
"You..." he started, completely lost for words at her rebuttal, and all he could think to do was press his lips against hers, moving one hand to tangle his fingers in her hair and hold her against him.
"Derek," she murmured softly against his lips before pulling back a little, "I don't know how I feel, about us, about you."
"It's okay," he murmured back, lifting his hand to stroke her cheek gently, "It's okay if you don't know right now."
"I think I need to make a choice, I need to take time and think. And I have the boards coming up and I need to study and all this isn't helping," her eyes looked into his as she sighed softly and then lowered her head forward against his shoulder.
"I'll wait for you," he said in a soft voice, his arms around her and holding her close, "You're worth every second of waiting."