~Gonna earn that M rating if it kills me~

Renesmee

"For what it's worth, it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Leah spent most of this week, the week after she'd left Seattle without looking back, cursing Adam - that was, when she wasn't swinging an axe at the trees Jake had wanted chopped down. On Friday, most of our afternoon is filled by stacking the cabin scraps into a bonfire on the beach. It's nearly dinnertime once we retrieve the last few pieces. Jake had a late appointment at the shop, but he promised to come back later, with friends and pizza.

She plops down in the sand, reaching for the bag she'd just retrieved from the car. She pulls out a bottle of wine and two cups. "Wanna try your luck with alcohol again?" I must look at her skeptically, because she says, "It's wine, not whiskey. I promise not to overserve you this time."

She passes me a cup and then pours one of her own, taking a sip. I follow suit, and then ask, "Why do you like me, Leah? I mean, not to be rude, but you hate my mom." The question had been on my mind lately, especially in the last week as she'd allowed me not only to go with her to Seattle but to keep her company in the aftermath.

She stares out at the sea, deciding how to answer. After a minute, she says, "I used to, yeah. Back when she strung Jake along." I shift uncomfortably, but she proceeds, "And then you happened, and everyone was smitten. Jake included." There is a smile playing at her lips. "I know that you won't screw with him like she did."

Even though it is late March and the water is ice cold, down the beach, there is a couple and their small children splashing in the waves. We watch them play for a moment, and Leah comments, "Must be nice." She takes a long swig of her drink. "He asked me if that's why I was there. If I was pregnant. I wished so hard for it to be true, or even possible."

"There's still a chance," I say, more hopefully than factually. "How did Adam react?"

She shrugs and remains quiet. Just when I think I've ruined the day by opening my mouth, she takes a breath. "Sam used to think that you imprinted on who you had the best chance to have babies with. I think he's changed his mind since it took so long for Emily to get pregnant, and the complications. Billy thinks it's about producing genetically strong offspring. I have a different theory." I gesture for her to continue, taking another sip of wine. "I think it's who you have the best sex with."

I choke on my drink, and she giggles as I cough. "It's really that good?" I barely get out. Wolf life was in stark contrast with my family, who refused to discuss sex at all whenever I was in the vicinity, let alone discuss it with me. Aside from discussing my one rogue sex dream about Jake and receiving The Talk from Mom and Rose when I was younger (and, much to my embarrassment, a refresher course after Christmas), the topic remained taboo. Wolves, on the other hand, seemed very entertained by it – both as a conversation piece and in the act itself.

"Every time, I think, no, that was the best time ever. And then we do it again and he proves me wrong. I wouldn't ruin a marriage for someone just mediocre," she says, chuckling. "I'd show you if I could. You should work on making that little gift of yours go the other way – pulling memories instead of pushing them."

I take a sip. "We could just invite the Volturi for dinner – it'd be faster. That's Aro's ability, and I get the feeling he likes being unique." I say, pulling off my shoes and socks and letting my toes sink into the sand. "And, by the way, Leah, you didn't ruin that marriage. If it was that easy to sleep with him, he hasn't loved her for a long time."

"How'd you get to be so wise?" she asks, tipping her cup back.

"I think it's all the real-world experience. When people want you dead in your formative years, you learn a few things," I say in laughter.

By the time Jake arrives with Embry and the pizzas, the bottle of wine is empty. Leah was right – wine drunk is much better than whiskey drunk. My head is still partially clear, but my face is warm. After Jake kisses me in greeting and tastes the wine, he leans into my ear and whispers huskily, "Easy, tiger. Wouldn't want you to wind up in my bed again." I don't think what he said matches what he meant. At least, I hope it didn't.

Others start to show up soon after, and we light the fire and dig into the pizza. Quil was on patrol tonight, and I think I heard someone say that Jared and Kim were at Sam and Emily's. Baby watch was officially underway with just under a month until the due date. Jake had instructed everyone to keep their phone volumes up – he'd made a phone tree. I was starting to think he was getting excited.

"Leah!" Someone calls from down the beach. I turn to look, and in the fading gray daylight, I see Adam approaching us.

"Oh, my God," I exclaim, standing. The alcohol rushes to my legs, and I stumble into Jake's side. His strong arm snakes around my back. The others rise to their feet, and Leah jumps up too, but she falters. Her legs nearly give out. I'm not sure if it's Adam or the alcohol. Maybe both.

"What are you doing here?" She yells at him, voice cracking. At first, I'm worried she might phase, here in public, but then I realize that she's not angry – she's fighting back tears as she watches him storm the beach toward her.

"I had to – have to be with you," he yells back, his long strides closing the distance between them fast.

"Why now? Why not, I don't know, call me? You kicked me out of your apartment without another word. It felt like a pretty big fuck you." Despite her words, I already see her giving in; she takes a small half step in his direction. Seth's hand clench into a fist, and he starts toward Adam, but Katie places a hand on his arm, and he freezes.

Adam comes to a stop a few yards away, breathless. "And what, leave a voicemail? I left my wife." Whoa. My eyes grow wide, and Leah drops her cup, the liquid absorbed by the sand as quick as it had hit. Adam keeps talking. "The divorce papers are in my car. My copy, I mean. She was served hers about," he checks his watch, "four hours and seventeen minutes ago. I would have been here sooner, but I went to your place first to find you. I started packing about five minutes after you left. I saw the lawyer on Monday but the earliest a judge could hear the case was today. I didn't want to give you the same empty promise again and come here with nothing to show. You deserve more than that."

Leah approaches him, legs still shaky on the sand. "So what, I just come to Seattle, tell you I'm a werewolf, and that's enough for you now?"

"You are enough for me. You've always been enough for me." He reaches for her hand, and she starts to let him take it before pulling back.

"I can't give you the life she can. I don't know if I'll ever be normal. I don't even know if I can have children, Adam, the children you want! I can't control my temper for shit, I hog the covers, I snore, I –"

"I know." He grabs her hands again, holding them to his chest. "And I'm in love with you anyway." She stumbles into his chest, and he smiles down at her before he kisses her. I try not to stare as they get carried away. I have to turn my face away and hide my embarrassed smile behind my hand, my cheeks warm. Jake catches my eye and gives me a wink.

Leah and Adam leave shortly after he arrives, staying just long enough to be introduced to everyone in the circle he didn't already know. Embry sizes him up, saying that he could take him. Adam had only laughed. Seth didn't say much; I think they'd met each other before. Based on Seth's willingness to beat him up upon arrival, I don't think Seth is too fond of him. Leah and Adam don't give an explanation of where they're going. We don't need one anyway.

The fire burns lower as the night drags on, and as the temperature drops, I find myself nestled between Jake's legs in the sand, leaning back into his warm chest. My head clears from the alcohol as the cool sea air kisses my arms and Jake kisses my neck and shoulders periodically. As everyone starts to leave, I stand, but come to a realization and groan. Jake looks at me in confusion as he wipes the sand from his pants. "Leah was my ride. Can you give me a lift to the cabin?" He nods, and we head toward his truck.

I walk through the cabin door first, flipping on the light. The air smelled of fresh paint, and I admire Jake's handywork briefly as I enter. The house was just a few steps away from being completed. He was rushing to finish before the baby came. I think he thought he wouldn't be capable of being a worthy Alpha if he lived with Billy. The Alpha's house was a central location for meetings, dinners, and life in general as a pack. While I often wondered how thirty wolves would fit in the small main room, I'm sure on the other end of things, Emily was excited to have her house back.

I go to grab my keys off the newly installed kitchen counter, but when I turn back Jake is there, standing directly in front of me. "What?" I say, giving him a funny look.

"I love you, Renesmee," he whispers into the small empty space between us. For as rarely as I use his full name, he uses mine even less. My heart skips a beat. Although I knew he did, and although I felt it back, we'd never said the words aloud.

I rest my hands on his chest and sigh contentedly into him, whispering, "I love you, too." He smiles down at me before finding my lips with his, winding his hand around my back. I sink into him. While our hands are soft and gentle, our lips become the opposite – needy and rough. He steps me backward until my hips hit the counter. I let out a squeak against his lips, dropping the keys. They clatter to the floor, the noise filling the empty room. He pulls back with a deep laugh.

"You know," he starts, his lips ghosting down my jawline and throat, "I never got a chance to…" he reaches out with his tongue to taste my skin, his bottom teeth grazing at my neck, "thank you" – he sucks lightly on the skin of my collarbone – "for what you did in the shop."

My knees go weak, and I feel like I'm drunk again. My head spins at his implication. "I'm honestly surprised you didn't stop me," I say breathlessly, barely managing to get out the words.

He chuckles shortly against my skin. "I think you underestimate the effect you have on me." He says, pushing his hips to mine so that I can feel exactly what effect I'm having on him right now. "Like I could tell you no." His hand slips under my shirt, fingers brushing the skin on my back.

I find his mouth with mine, our tongues tangling. I feel his hand creep around from my back to my stomach. His large hand splays across it, and I know he can feel my breath hitch. "If I do something you're uncomfortable with, will you stop me?" He asks against my lips. I nod, fingers wrapping in his hair. I don't think anything he could do right now could make me uncomfortable.

He places small, short kisses on my lips as his hand creeps up over my bra. His other hand creeps down from my hip and slips into my back pocket, squeezing. I moan against his lips. I suck at his lip, pulling it between my teeth. He groans as his fingers slip underneath my bra. As his lips work against mine in a frenzy, his thumb brushes over my nipple, hard from the cool night air. I gasp at the sensation, pulling back and resting my forehead on his. "Is this too much?" He whispers, nuzzling my neck.

I shake my head, barely managing to rasp out, "Not enough." His eyes go wide, and he pulls back. I grab his hand from my pocket, pulling it around to place it on my pants button. My hands sneak under his shirt, feeling his abs greedily.

Jake's fingers make quick work of the button on my jeans, followed by the zipper. His eyes find mine, silently asking for permission. I bite my lip and give him a small nod. His warm hand snakes in my underwear, the other holding me around the ribs tightly. He slowly starts to swirl his fingers and I am only capable of producing a small whimper, despite how amazing his hand feels there. Of all the times I have imagined Jake doing this, or done it myself, it has never felt this good. I lift a hand to his face, showing him that. He sucks in his bottom lip and smiles darkly down at me.

His lips never stop – they are nomadic as they suck at mine, and then my ear, my neck, my chin. I rock against his hand, and we find a rhythm that is comfortable for both of us. I feel myself coming close to climax and increase my speed. He cannot touch me enough. He slips a finger inside me, and this time we groan together at the new sensation. "Ness…" he trails off. I understand. I don't think I could form a coherent sentence if my life depended on it.

I grasp for his shoulder, digging my nails in. My lips suck at his neck, but I feel myself rapidly reaching my peak as he swirls his fingers faster. "Jake," I rasp, clinging to him as I fly over the edge of oblivion.

When my senses return to me, Jake is staring at me with a greedy smile. Although he doesn't say anything, I hear him as if he had. You are mine. I resist the urge to hide behind my hands. "How am I supposed to go home after that?"

He chuckles, fixing my jeans and buttoning my pants for me. He leans forward, placing a kiss in my hair. "I had to go back to work."

I park the car. Don't think don't think don't think. I know my father is home and alert; he usually was after I spent the weekend with Jake. As I walk through the front door, I hang my bag up on the hook and calmly go to sit on the couch.

He is reading a book next to the fireplace. My mother doesn't appear to be here. "Hello, Renesmee. I'm glad you're home safe."

"Dad, can we talk?"

Instantly the book is down on the coffee table and he is perched on the edge of his chair, waiting. I know he is scanning my thoughts, and before he has time to jump to any conclusions of his own, I say, "I'm moving in with Jacob. When the cabin is done." He stays silent, but I watch his body tense. I press forward, "I'm not asking for permission. But I would like your blessing."

I wring my hands in my lap. I focus only on his face, pushing what happened with Jake not 30 minutes ago to the back of my mind. I can tell by his expression that he knows I'm hiding something, but not what. "And this is what you want?" His tone is suggesting that he thinks Jake forced me into this.

"It was my idea," I respond.

"And you trust that Jacob can protect you?"

I try not to take his words personally. I focus on slowing my heartrate. "I'm capable of protecting myself." He starts to protest, so I continue, "But yes, Jake will protect me, too. Of course he will. You know that."

"Have you talked to your mother?"

"Yes, she knows." I spoke to Mom last week; I'd come home unmistakably giddy after Jake invited me to move in and she dragged it out of me. She'd been reminding me, gently, for years that she was a safe place. I believed her wholeheartedly.

He nods, head falling. "I almost got angry with myself just now, for raising you to be so strong. I then realized how idiotic that sounded." He pauses for a moment, and then surprises me by asking, "Are you being careful?"

"What…" I realize his train of thought and blush a deep shade of crimson. "Dad, we're not – we haven't."

His brow furrows. "Your mother's been shielding your thoughts for weeks – I thought… My mistake." My heart swells. My mother, my amazing mother, without knowing anything at all, had been hiding me away in a safe little corner of her mind. She must have been close after all. Always around, just out of sight. "If this is what you want, Renesmee, I can't stop you." And although it wasn't exactly a blessing, I couldn't expect much more from him.