Chapter 12

"Mass is not proportional to volume
A girl as small as a violet a girl who moves like a flower petal
is pulling me towards her with more force than her mass

Just then, Like Newton's apple
I rolled towards her without stopping until I fell on her
with a thump. With a thump.

My heart keeps bouncing between the sky and the ground
It was my first love.

- Kim In Yook [The Physics of Love]

Monday

Lupin sat behind his desk, rubbing his face tiredly, though he was mostly recovered from the full moon, his body still ached, and he hadn't slept well all weekend. His eyes lifted to see the reason for his lack of sleep sitting in the back row between her two friends as the class continued practicing wandless magic. All three of them had conjured blue flames at this point and, Rose, who was showing off for the other two, was causing her ball of flames to twirl into a small whirling tornado on her desk. Normally Lupin might remark on this kind of behavior but every time he thought of speaking to her today his mouth went dry and his throat closed up. A cold bead of terror seemed to drip down his spine each time the thought came to him—she knew.

In the middle of a laugh, Rose glanced up and their eyes met. The smile became suddenly unsure on her face and both of them looked away at the same time. Remus clenched and unclenched his hands nervously. By the time he looked back at her she was staring fixedly at her left hand trying to conjure flames in her nonwand-hand. Lupin rubbed his face again, turning his attention to the other students to see how they were doing. 'I was disgusted and terrified,' her voice echoed around in his mind torturously. Had he really expected her not to be? Of course she'd be afraid of him—he was a monster.

'But she stayed,' he thought to himself. She'd stayed even when she saw what he was. She had touched him, read to him, comforted him. He could still remember how beautiful she had looked in the firelight, her red hair glowing, her lips forming the words of the poem she'd read to him. Lupin shook his head to clear it of those thoughts. Clearly she had pitied him and now that the first moments of sympathy had dried up she was afraid and wanted nothing to do with him. It was for the best. Their relationship had begun to border on the inappropriate and this would put some much-needed distance between them.

As soon as the class ended, Lupin grabbed his briefcase off the desk and turned to go up to his office. He was so focused on getting away that he never noticed that Rose was the last one to leave the classroom or that her eyes lingered on his back as he walked away from her.

Tuesday

Lupin sat in his office grading papers, trying to ignore the empty seat across from him. The lack of her presence felt like a gaping void. He didn't realize how empty the room could feel without her in it or how tedious grading papers could suddenly become without her voice to make the odd joke or casual conversation. What had he expected though? When she had told him 'never forget I'm on your side,' how could he have believed that level of sincerity from someone who had lived over a decade of her life as the child of Death Eaters?

She had tried to tell him weeks ago that she was a Malfoy at heart; that she wanted nothing to do with her lineage as a Potter. But despite telling her that he wanted to know her for who she was now, it had been so difficult to separate Rose from his memories of Lily and James. She looked so much like her mother, and at times she acted so much like James that it was easy to ignore the times her nature as a Malfoy peaked through. So, he had continued to labor under the impression that she was the same girl he had once known so long ago. He wondered how long it would be before she told her friends about him. How long did he have left at Hogwarts?

'She won't do that to me,' he told himself. Even now part of him trusted her. And he trusted her not because she was Lily and James' daughter but because she was the young woman he had come to know over the past few weeks. The one who would sit in that chair across from his desk and smile at him over the top of an essay. The woman who would grin cheekily at him during class when she had accomplished something new. The woman whose eyes would narrow calculatingly when she faced a problem that needed solving. The woman who felt like she was sculpted to fit perfectly in his arms. Rose. That was the woman he trusted.

Wednesday

Stomach growling, Lupin headed down to the Great Hall for dinner. He had just learned about the werewolf essay Severus had assigned for his third-year students and was feeling particularly tired and annoyed. He hadn't expected Severus Snape to be kind or friendly to him this year, but the essay on how to recognize and kill werewolves had felt over the top. It was likely a retaliation against the boggart lesson from earlier in the year, and Remus might have even found it amusing if he hadn't already been in a poor mood from the business with Rose.

As if in response to his thoughts, both Rose and Severus materialized in a classroom doorway, preceded by a Slytherin student he didn't recognize and by the Ravenclaw seventh-year Parker Smythe. It took a moment for Lupin to connect the dots and realize that this must be the Alchemy class Rose had told him about earlier in the year. Rose, who appeared to be in the middle of asking Snape a question, trailed off as he walked by and glanced down at her feet. As he passed, Snape caught Lupin's eye and the expression on his face was one almost of victory. Remus's hands balled into fists and he walked on, suddenly with much less of an appetite.

Thursday

Remus followed Madam Pince through the library, trying not to feel like a young schoolboy who was in trouble. He was a Professor now, and much too old to still be scared of the stern librarian. No matter how many times he told himself this, however, the icy glare she shot at him over her shoulder from time to time still made him want to flee to avoid a detention.

"It's down there," she said sharply as they came to a halt in a dark corner in the restricted section. "They love to hide behind old books and jump out when people dust them."

"Thank you for saving it for me," Remus said sincerely. Madam Pince only sniffed at him in annoyance and swept back down the aisle. Lupin bent down and laid his briefcase on the floor, unlatching it and opening the lid. Pulling out the book she had indicated, Remus was unsurprised as the full moon materialized in front of him. Pointing his wand at the boggart Remus said, "Riddikulus."

The moon turned into a balloon that was quickly losing air, and he directed it into the briefcase, the lid snapping shut on top of it. 'Perfect,' he thought. He knew the boggart would come in handy sometime. Maybe for an end of term test for his third-years or a surprise review for the fourths. Turning to go, he almost smacked straight into Rose as he rounded a corner. Fortunately, both were able to stop in time.

"Rose," he said in surprise before he could stop himself. Their eyes met briefly before both looked away.

"Excuse me, Professor." She mumbled, and Remus stepped aside to let her past. Catching a brief look at the book she was holding titled The Plight of the Lycanthrope. Remus felt both cold and hot, a fine sweat breaking out on his brow as he hurried out of the library.

Friday

Another day, another empty chair. Remus fought very hard not to keep staring into his empty office and to keep his mind focused on his essays. She hadn't come today either, and he couldn't deny that he was missing her terribly. He had lived the past fourteen years of his life without close friends or family. Lupin had thought he'd become used to solitude. He didn't understand how in a matter of weeks, Rose had managed to intrude so much into his life and routine that going back to days of loneliness now felt unbearable. Perhaps the sense of loneliness and displacement were amplified because of the essay he was currently grading. He'd allowed Hermione to turn her werewolf essay into him for extra credit, but he hadn't counted on how painful reading it would be for him—and he'd only gotten through the first paragraph. There was a whole roll of parchment left.

A soft tapping came from the open door to his office, and Lupin glanced up wearily, tensing when he saw the woman with red curly hair who stood there. Rose's hand dropped from the doorframe where she had rapped her knuckles moments before. Their eyes met and she smiled sheepishly at him.

"Do you need any help with grading, Professor?"

"If you'd like." He managed to get out through a dry throat. Moving into his office, Rose unslung the bag from her shoulder and sat in the chair across from him. Rifling through the contents of her bag, Rose pulled out a small package and slid it across the desk to him.

"From Honeydukes," Rose explained as Remus set down Hermione's essay and picked up the bar of chocolate. Her eyes flickered to the essay, taking in the heading in moment. Her gaze grew steely and cold. Reaching over, Rose snagged the essay off the desk and pulled it to herself. "I can finish this one."

Remus had never felt as much affection for Rose as he did in that moment. Unwrapping the bar of chocolate, he took a bite and leaned back in his chair. For a long while he just took her in, sitting across from him in her usual spot, long curls falling over her shoulders, a look of concentration on her heart-shaped face. Her gaze flickered from the parchment to his eyes, and she smiled at him before going back to reading. Lupin's heart lurched at the light blush that began to color her cheeks. He could feel the goofy grin on his own face but didn't care. She was here; she had come back. Taking another bite of chocolate, Remus felt the tension drain away from his body in one contented sigh.

AN: Short chapter, but wanted to get something in from Lupin's perspective. Don't forget to review or favorite if you're enjoying so far and follow so you don't miss updates! If you have any love poems you think would work well for future chapters I'd love to hear them.