A/N: So this one's really short. Sam and Jess have sent Kayla to live with John and they're still in the period where Sam and Jess haven't come for a visit yet. Still feeling guilty, Sam is having trouble sleeping and he gets up and thinks about Kayla. It's a sad chapter, and it's meant to be.

Also, the title of this chapter is the Latin word for 'broken'. Thanks Google Translate!

Thirteen Years Old

The Winchester family was in shambles, and Sam hated himself for it.

Kayla had been away, living with her grandfather and uncles, for exactly six weeks now. The house felt empty, even with Jess and Mary there. The pain still ebbed a little, but Sam had a feeling he was just numb to it now. He would walk through the house looking for Kayla for a few seconds before he'd realize why she wasn't there. He'd go to her room to wake her up on weekends and panic for a brief second before he came back to reality. He'd see Mary playing by herself, and wonder where Kayla was and why the two of them weren't together, as they usually were in the better times.

Sam knew that Jess, and probably Kayla, believed that he was sure of the decision to send Kayla to his father's. But if they knew the truth, Sam honestly believed they would lose any respect they might still have for him. The idea had come in the spur of the moment. He'd been cleaning his car after Kayla had gotten sick in it, and it had just occurred to him. His reasons seemed to make sense. Kayla's behavior was getting worse, and she just wouldn't talk to him or Jess about what was going on. Maybe if he sent her back to his father, to the place Kayla truly considered to be 'home', maybe they would get some answers.

But Sam knew all those reasons were crap.

The truth was that he just didn't know what he was doing anymore. He was terrified that he was losing Kayla, and he'd sent her away because he thought that maybe his father could protect that from happening.

What Sam had failed to predict was how big a hole Kayla's departure would leave.

All of them cried for Kayla, publicly and privately. Mary slept in her sister's room every night. Jess cleaned the room once a week, which before had been Kayla's job. Sam picked up the phone and would dial the number to talk to Kayla, only to hang up the phone again, certain that she wouldn't want to talk to him.

Sam remembered once seeing a dog at Bobby's and staring at it in amazement. The dog had lost a leg, and while he was able to get around, the dog wasn't one hundred percent functional anymore. He could walk and get to where he needed to go, but he dealt with pain and issues doing what other dogs could do easily.

Sam felt the family was functioning in the same way. There was a missing limb, one that made them all limp along and try to act like everything was okay. It wasn't. Their lives were seriously out of balance, and the only way to fix it was for Sam to bring Kayla back.

He could do it. It was well within his power. He had even thought of doing it just to do it. Bring Kayla back and put things back the way they should be, no matter the consequences. But every time he gave it some serious thought, Kayla would call and tell him something about her new school, or her friends, and she'd sound so happy now that he couldn't do it.

Sam walked down the hall and came to Kayla's room. It was the middle of the night and he couldn't sleep. Again. Mary, as she had every night since Kayla left, was sleeping on Kayla's bed. Sam tucked her in again, kissed her cheek, and said his thankful prayers under his breath that he still had Mary.

In the hallway on the way back to his room, Sam passed the Christmas present Jess had given him last year. Sam was absolutely in love with it. It was a large picture frame, with slots for forty small pictures in them. In one of the slots was a piece of paper written in Jess' neat handwriting Kayla Ellen Winchester-birth to 18. Halfway down the frame was another paper with Mary Deanna Winchester-birth to 18. For each girl, in the first slot after their name, was a picture of the day they were born, followed by their first birthday, second, third, and so on. Sam stopped and looked at the most recent picture for Kayla. It had been taken a few months ago, on the day of her thirteenth birthday. She was smiling broadly, and Dean was standing just behind her. Sam and Jess hadn't told her that Dean was coming, and Sam smiled when he remembered her reaction. She'd shouted Uncle Deanie! before grabbing Dean in a hug and refusing to let him go for several minutes. It was one of the last times that Sam remembered seeing Kayla truly happy.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry we're so broken right now. I love you to the moon and back, Bug."

Not knowing what else he could do to soothe his aching heart, Sam went back to bed.