All rights to Kiera Cass. This book is designed to make story edits that largely follow the original plot. So even in the edited parts it is often largely Cass's writing.

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Author's note: This chapter was super long so I split it into two parts but both will be posted today.

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(Edit)

CHAPTER 27 A

The next day, after I had read the whole diary. I decided I really did need to speak to Maxon about it. At the end of breakfast I caught his eye and pulled my ear. He pulled back. And gestured out. I had the book with me and scurried to the hallway with him.

"How long do you have?" I asked. He looked at me, taken aback by my abrasiveness.

"About an hour. "

I nodded, "Can we go somewhere more private?" He took me up to his room, and I immediately started pacing. I was gripping the book hoping the awfulness of it gave me the right thing to say. Maxon followed me and brushed my arm. "My America are you okay?"

"Have you read this?" I finally asked forcefully.

He stood back a bit shocked. "I haven't, no. But it's just a book America. Why are you so worked up?" I could tell he was getting concerned but I couldn't stop pacing.

He hasn't read it that makes sense, "This is not just a book. It's-. It's-." How can I summarize the horror I read, "I'm not completely sure, but you need to read it."

"I'll read it when I get the chance."

"Please promise me you'll make time for it." I pleaded into his eyes.

"America I have a very busy week." I wondered if maybe he had read it and didn't want me to know. That may be completely paranoid, but I felt like it's okay, maybe even good, to be a bit paranoid after what I read last night. This entire country is a lie and the pain of millions was nothing more than to benefit one man. He grabbed my hand and moved to the bed. We sat down and he prompted me to take deep breaths. I hadn't realised it, but somewhere along the way I had started hyperventilating. "Shhh breathe America."

"I'll take the book." He said quietly and I handed it over. So, so glad not to have to deal with it anymore. I began breathing normally again now that I didn't have the evil book in my possession. Maxon placed it on a bedside table and then went to grab my other hand.

"Your bracelet is gone." He commented suddenly.

"Yeah….we broke up." I admitted.

"America I am so sorry." Maxon replied and pulled me into a hug. "Do I need to go punch Aspen? Is he such an idiot to have broken your heart twice."

I shook my head, "I broke up with him."

Maxon was silent for a long time after that. Finally he whispered out, "Why?"

I shrugged. "It's mean to string someone along when you're not in love with them anymore." Maxon nodded, "But that isn't what I came here to talk about. I just needed to give that back to you." I said pointing at the book.

"I'm in and out of meetings all day, but if you need me send a note and I'll find time."

I smiled at him. "Thank you My Maxon."

I left somehow more conflicted then I had entered. One thing was clear though: it was a violation of Maxon's trust to directly use that book, but now that it's in my head I can use it to influence me.

I went back to my room and wrote a far overdue letter to May.

"May,

I should have written this ages ago, and my lack of doing so is not a representation of my lack of caring, if anything it's a representation of my trust for you. Part of me feared this letter would be met with a death announcement, and I hoped I could keep them alive a bit longer by not writing. However I both know you would inform me at such an event, and that not writing would not keep them alive longer.

I know our family is doing far better than usual. I figured this would be implied, but I hope you are finding ways to get them extra food and blankets. They are my family, that money is for them too.

Tell them I haven't forgotten about them. That I think about them all the time and send all my love. Tell them that I wish we could be together, but right now I have to be here. Tell them I never have and never will abandon them. And don't tell them this, but just between the two of us, if this Friday's report goes I think it will, I probably will be home soon. Hopefully in one piece, but regardless I need them to know I love them with all my soul. They are my chosen family.

With more love than the world can handle.

Your sister,

America"

The letter ended sounding far more formal than I had intended, but it was the only way I could get it out. I worked so hard to compartmentalise them, so that I could keep going on and keep them safe. I hoped they still knew how much I cared.

A few days later when Silvia asked me what I would need for my presentation, I told her a small desk for some books and an easel for a poster I was designing. She was particularly excited about my poster. I was the only girl here with any true experience making art.

I spent hours writing my speech onto note cards so I wouldn't miss anything, referencing it from things I remembered from the book (although I wouldn't use any direct quotes) and some anecdotes from my life. I rehearsed it in the mirror to get through the parts that particularly worried me. I tried not to think too hard about what I was doing; otherwise my whole body started trembling. But the alternative -not doing what felt honest- wasn't an option.

(cass)

I asked Anne to make me a dress that looked innocent, which made her eyebrows pucker.

"You make it sound like we've been sending you out in lingerie," she said mockingly.

I chuckled. "That's not what I mean at all. You know I love all the dresses you've made me. I just want to seem … angelic."

She smiled to herself. "I think we can come up with something."

They must have been working like crazy, because I didn't see Anne, Mary, or Lucy the day of the Report until the hour before it started, when they came bustling in with the dress. It was white, gauzy, and light, adorned with one long stream of green and blue tulle running along the right side. The bottom fell in such a way that it looked like a cloud, and its empire waist added a level of virtue and grace to the gown. I felt lovely in that dress. It was by far my favorite of everything they'd designed for me, and I was glad it worked out that way. It would probably be the last dress of theirs I'd ever wear.

It had been hard to keep my plan a secret, but I did. When the girls asked what I was doing, I simply said it was a surprise. I got a few skeptical looks for that, but I didn't care. I asked my maids not to touch the things on my desk, not even to clean, and they obeyed, leaving my notes facedown.

No one knew.

(edit)

The person I most wanted to tell was Maxon. But he would only try to talk me out of it or be conflicted on what to do. It was better he didn't know.

As my maids worked to make me look beautiful, I stared into the mirror and knew I was walking into this alone. And that was for the best. I didn't want anyone—not my maids, not the other girls, and especially not Maxon—to get in trouble for my actions.

(Cass)

All that was left to do was to put things in order.

"Anne, Mary, would you please go get me some tea?"

They looked at each other. "Both of us?" Mary clarified.

"Yes, please."

They looked suspicious but curtsied and left all the same. Once they were gone, I turned to Lucy.

"Sit with me," I invited, pulling her down to the padded bench on which I was sitting. She complied, and I asked her simply, "Are you happy?"

"Miss?"

"You've seemed kind of sad lately. I was wondering if you were all right."

She dropped her head. "Is it that obvious?"

"A little," I admitted, wrapping my arm around her and holding her close. She sighed and placed her head on my shoulder. I was so happy that she forgot the invisible boundaries between us for a moment.

"Have you ever wanted something you couldn't have?"

I snorted. "Lucy, before I came here I was a Five. There were too many things I couldn't have to bother counting."

In a very un-Lucy-like manner, a single tear fell to her cheek. "I don't know what to do. I'm stuck."

I straightened up and made her face me. "Lucy, I want you to know I think you can do anything, be anything. I think you're an amazing girl."

She gave me a weak smile. "Thank you, miss."

I knew we didn't have much time. "Listen, I need you to do something for me. I wasn't sure if I could count on the others, but I'm trusting you."

Though she looked confused, I could tell she meant it when she said, "Anything."

(edit)

I reached over to one of the drawers and pulled out a letter. "Could you give this to Silivia?"

"Silvia?"

"I need it to be delivered after the report is over. I assume you'll understand at that time." I must have looked a bit shaken, but I tried my best to keep calm.

"I can get this to her immediately after," she said eagerly.

"Thank you." Tears threatened to come, but I pushed them down. I was scared, but there were at least 23 reasons this needed to be done.

We all deserved better. My family (blood and chosen), Marlee and Carter, Aspen, even my maids were all stuck because of Gregory's plans. I would think of them.

I had packed up all my stuff last night. I figured I would be going home at the end of this. And as I walked to the report room, I couldn't help mulling over Silvia's note in my mind.

"Dear Silvia,

I hope you don't take what just happened as a reflection on you. As my teacher you taught, guided, and nourished me. A large part of me feels like this was no way to pay you back, but I had to follow my heart. I tried, but there was no other project I could think of that wouldn't dishonor those I love.

I hope you believe me when I say one of two hesitations going into this is my fear that you would see it as a betrayal. You would have every right to, but this decision goes far deeper then anything at the castle.

While I hope you will one day forgive me, part of me fears Maxon may never look me in the eye again. For as well as I know him I have no idea how he will react. So although I have no right, I ask one favor of you: watch out for him. If this goes the way I think it will, he will lose his best friend. And the thought of leaving Maxon alone is almost unbearable. Taking on my favor would not serve to lessen my guilt for wounding some of the people I love. It would only help them, him, suffer less.

I hope you understand one day.

With best of luck in life,

America"

(Cass)

When I walked into the studio for the Report, I was clutching an armful of marked books and a portfolio for my poster. The setup was the same as always—the king's, queen's, and Maxon's seats to the right near the door, the Selected in seats on the left—but in the middle, where there was usually a podium for the king to speak at or a set of chairs for interviews, there was a space for our presentations instead. I saw a desk and my easel, but also a screen that I assumed someone was showing slides on. That was impressive. I wondered who had found the resources to go that far.

I went over to the last open chair—next to Celeste, unfortunately—and placed my portfolio beside me, keeping my books on my lap. Natalie had a few books, too; and Elise was reading through her notes over and over. Kriss was looking toward the sky and appeared to be reciting her presentation mentally. Celeste was checking her makeup.

Silvia was there, which sometimes happened when we had to discuss something she'd briefed us on, and today she was beside herself. This was probably the hardest we'd worked to date, and it would all reflect back on her.

"You look beautiful, ladies, fantastic!" she said as she approached. "Now that you're all here, I want to explain a few things. First, the king will get up and give a few announcements, and then Gavril will introduce the topic of the evening: your philanthropy presentations."

Silvia, usually a level-headed, palace-hardened machine, was giddy. She was actually bouncing as she spoke. "Now, I know you've been practicing. You have eight minutes; and if anyone has a question for you afterward, Gavril will facilitate that. Remember to stay alert and poised. The country is watching you! If you get lost, take a breath and move on. You're going to be wonderful. Oh, and you'll be going in the order in which you're seated, so Lady Natalie, you're first; and Lady America will be last. Good luck, girls!"

Silvia skipped off to check and double-check things, and I tried to calm myself. Last. I guessed that was a good thing. I supposed Natalie had it worse by being first up. Looking over, I saw her breaking into a sweat. It must be torture for her to try and focus like this. I couldn't help but stare at Celeste. She didn't know I'd seen her and Maxon, and I kept wondering why she never told anyone about it. The fact that she kept it to herself led me to believe it wasn't the first time.

That made it so much worse.

"Nervous?" I asked, watching her pick at something on her nail.

"No. This is a stupid idea, and no one really cares. I'll be glad when it's over. And I'm a model," she said, finally looking at me. "I'm naturally good at being in front of an audience."

"You do seem to have mastered how to pose," I mumbled.

I could see the wheels turning as she tried to weed out the insult in there. She ended up rolling her eyes and looking away.

(edit)

Just then the king walked in with the queen by his side. They were speaking in whispers, and it looked very important. A moment later, Maxon entered, adjusting his cuff links as he made his way to his seat. He came across so sweet, so clean in his suit; I had to remind myself that this decision wasn't about him. It was despite him.

I hadn't seen him since the book freak out. He looked over at me. I looked back. His eyes full of concern. Then, tentatively, Maxon reached up and tugged at his ear. I slowly shook my head with an expression that conveyed he'd change his mind later.

(cass)

A cold sweat broke out on my entire body as the presentations started. Natalie's proposal was short. And slightly misinformed.

She claimed that everything the rebels were doing was hateful and wrong, and their presence should be outlawed to keep Illéa's provinces safer. We all stared at her quietly once she was done. How did she not know that everything they did was already considered illegal?

The queen's face in particular seemed incredibly sad as Natalie sat back down.

Elise proposed a program that would involve members of the upper castes getting involved in a pen pal–type of relationship with people in New Asia. She suggested that it would help strengthen the bonds between our countries and aid in ending the war. I wasn't sure that it would do any good, but it was a fresh reminder to Maxon and the public of the reason she was still here. The queen asked if she happened to know anyone in New Asia who would be open to being in the program, and Elise assured her that she did.

Kriss's presentation was spectacular. She wanted to revamp the public school systems, which I already knew was an idea near and dear to both the queen's and Maxon's hearts. As the daughter of a professor, I was sure she'd been thinking about this her whole life. She used the screen to show pictures from her home province's school that her parents had sent to her. It was plain to see the exhaustion on the teachers' faces, and in one picture it showed a room where four children were sitting on the floor since there weren't enough chairs. The queen piped up with dozens of questions, and Kriss was quick to answer. Using copies of old reports about financial issues we'd read, she'd even found a place where we could borrow the money to start the work and had ideas on how to continue the funding.

(edit)

As she sat down, I saw Maxon give her a smile and a nod. She'll make an amazon princess.

(Cass)

Celeste's presentation was interesting, if slightly manipulative. She suggested that there be a minimum-payment wage for some of the lower castes. It would be a sliding scale, based on certifications. However, to get these certifications, the Fives, Sixes, and Sevens would have to go to school … which they would have to pay for … which would mostly benefit the Threes, as they were the authorized teachers. Since Celeste was a Two, she had no idea how we had to work around the clock to make ends meet. No one would have the time to get these certifications, meaning their pay would never change. On the surface it sounded nice, but there was no way it would work.

Celeste returned to her seat, and I trembled when I stood. For a brief second I considered pretending to pass out. But I wanted this to happen. I just didn't want to face what would come after.

I placed my poster—a diagram of the castes—on the easel, and set my books in order on the desk. I took a deep breath and gripped my cards, surprised to find that when I started, I didn't even need them.

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