The sound of the shower provides a pleasant enough white noise to listen to while I scribble down the details from the previous day in Ash's notebook. I try to fit in my own little details in cursive as neatly as his, but I haven't really used cursive since primary school. Plus, there's not all that much space at the bottom of the page since he took up most of the blank space with his sketches of the vixen described in the notes.
I still feel a bit sticky from the previous night, but I'm pretty used to it at this point.
The shower will be available soon.
I usually take my shower first in the morning, but she insisted on going first.
Maybe she wanted to use the hot water? She's free to, since I blast my water at the coldest setting anyway. Nothing wakes me up or refreshes me like a nice, ice cold shower to wash away the grime and tears from each day.
I idly tap my lip with the end of the pen, trying to think of what else to write here. Ash was pretty good about summarizing the little quirks and details of everyone. After each experience, there isn't all that much for me to add.
Unless it's for one of the first time girls, of course.
The ones captured within the last year had nothing written about them in the notebook at all, so it was up to me to make their own pages at the very back of the notebook. Luckily there are only three new vixens so I wasn't too pressed for space.
The notebook is actually full now. Everything else I write has to be delegated to the sides of pages and what little white space I can find.
The shower stops. She took a lot longer than the rest usually do.
My ears rotate to capture the sounds of a faint humming coming from the other side of the door. A small smile creeps onto my muzzle as the feeling of relief tingles down my back.
Good, she's in decent spirits after last night.
I was worried.
Out of them all, Protea handled the experience the worst of all.
Even compared to the vixens who had been mothers outside of the farm and who told me that I resembled their sons or even daughters, Protea was the one that hurt me the most to work with. Ash thought Laura was hard to work with? She might have been stubborn at first, but Laura was seasoned and knew what to expect.
Protea has only been here since last season.
She's had her kits taken from her only once before.
And seeing me under her last night triggered something in her. Maybe I resemble one of her lost kits. Maybe just the thought of having to go through the whole ordeal again was too much for her to bear. All I know is that I spent most of the night trying to calm her down with a multitude of the tricks I've picked up from supporting the rest of the girls.
I look back down at the page.
'Protea - One of the vixens, one of the flower girls'
It had been explained to me that about eight of the younger vixens in the room had gotten together and given themselves fake names based on flower culture. The names given were to inspire both pride in themselves and also hope for the future. The older vixens, all the summer coats, didn't bother with the flower names and just stuck with the random fake names they gave themselves.
Maybe their original fake names have sentimental value to them, like Winter does to me. Now, I don't know much about flowers and their cultural meanings. It has so far been up to each of the vixens to explain their given names and what's special about them.
For instance, Daisy is named after her innocence, being one of the first timers and all. The day between us had been one of the most awkward, since I basically had to teach her about what was going on.
Me, a kit!
She's only around Ven's age, but still!
I figured that Tess would have given her some sort of training of her own, but nope. It seems it's just the tod that needs to be checked out, and all the vixens are expected to do is lay there and take it. This place is so backwards that it's practically upside-down.
'Age - 17'
I scribble out her original age and change it to 18.
'Birthday - Won't tell me'
So I don't know if she's 18 just yet, but she's going to be soon if she's not. From the way Ash is writing about her, I can tell that Protea has gone through a massive change in attitude since her first season.
Becoming a mother and then losing the kits will do that to a fox.
'Notes - Young upon arrival, hasn't had sex before. Very talkative, open to discussing many topics. Keep conversation going to keep her mind off of task. Takes a long time to get to bed. Tries to talk her way out of sex. She will PANIC if pushed too quickly. Give her space if she needs to calm down. Eventually she will come to bed if you let her do it on her own. DON'T RUSH HER. Very shy once in bed. Enjoys cuddling. GO SLOW. Watch her eyes, when they close, wait a minute. When they open, she is ready to go will move when in pain, wait for tail to stop. VERY LOUD. Do not put ears near her mouth, she will whine! Like to talk during sex once she gets going. Don't have to respond, she is talking to herself as a distraction. Listen but don't interrupt. Answer if given a direct question. Kissing calms her down greatly. SHOW AFFECTION.'
Who is this vixen he's writing about? It definitely can't be the same fox who Tess had to carry into my room yesterday. When the wolf came in with a bundle of white fur under her arm, I had a moment of panic at the thought that I was being shown someone's pelt. But the bundle started kicking and squirming when I spoke, so that fear was replaced with a different one.
Protea didn't want to be there and basically refused to participate.
Tess had left shortly after dropping off my partner for the day and taking back the previous vixen. She was not around to help me get through to the young vixen.
It took every trick I had picked up and several rereads of Ash's notebook to finally get her to come to bed. In the end, all I ended up doing was laying under the covers in my bed. She came to me after a couple of hours of sulking and she finally got on top of me.
But thanks to her following meltdown, we didn't actually have sex until early this morning.
Now my eyes sting from exhaustion and my vision is blurred from lack of sleep.
But at least Protea is doing better.
With a click, the bathroom door opens and the vixen in question walks out with her white fur still messy and damp. The lack of a blow dryer had become the number one issue to solve in my mind. Pretty much every white-furred vixen had filed a complaint to me about the lack of ability to finish drying off in the morning. I guess they must have their own blow dryer back in the vixen room.
Protea meets my gaze and gives me a tiny, but present smile. I blink sleepily back at her and her smile turns into a grin of apology.
"Sorry for last night, Winter…" she says quietly. In contrast to what Ash wrote about her during her first season with him, Protea is a much more secluded, quiet fox now. The apology that had just left her muzzle makes up about half of the words she's spoken to me so far.
I don't count the screaming and sobbing from last night.
Those weren't words, those were guttural wails of pain and trauma. I've done the same thing before so I know that when a fox lets out that kind of sound, they're no longer in control of their body. They are only a slave to their emotions.
"It's okay," I yawn back at her, looking back at my own section at the bottom of Protea's page.
'Winter's Notes - Quiet and withdrawn. No longer chatty or loud, besides for when she screams. Still needs to be left on her own to work through the process at her own speed. Had to wait on the bed for her to come to me. She would not respond to my attempts to talk to her. I remember seeing her hanging off of Tess's leg back in the vixen room, so she must not always be so solitary. Maybe it's because she's in this room with me. I finished as quickly as I could but we still couldn't separate for a while. Thanks, fox biology.'
In comparison to Ash's notes, mine are definitely more personal and tell of an experience rather than a list of traits. I preferred the less choppy feeling of being able to describe an actual encounter with the vixen. To me, it makes her seem less like a product and more like a mammal with feelings. Nothing against Ash, but his notes read like receipts.
Before Protea can come closer and see the intimate details I've written about her, I snap the notebook shut and tuck the pen back into the spiral binding. I hop over to the dresser, sidestepping Protea as I go, and slide the notebook back under the large piece of wooden furniture. Instead of using the top shelf to hide the book like Ash had, I've taken to just using the tiny bit of space between the dresser and the ground. Why would any of the mammals running this place look down there? Most of them are too big to even consider getting on their knees to check for randomly hidden objects as thin as a notebook.
Three weeks.
It's been three weeks of this.
Every day, it's the same routine but with a different fox.
Tess arrives with a new vixen and escorts the previous vixen back to their room.
Awkward meeting with someone I've met only once before, and never face-to-face.
Traumatizing experience with sex that usually ends up with me having to comfort a crying vixen.
Post-coital interaction that lets us actually get to know each other a bit.
Sleepy time with lots of cuddling.
Morning shower, always separate. They use hot water for some reason.
Tess arrives again and the process repeats.
Protea was the twenty-first one I've been with so far.
Again proving Ash wrong, the vixens only got harder to work with as the days went on. Since they were somewhat able to decide who went first, this created a pattern where the more experienced foxes were okay with going early and the younger, more reluctant foxes tried to hold out until the very end.
This meant the first week or so wasn't bad. All of the summer-coated vixens went first. None of them had flower based names.
After Laura, it was Vallerie. She went through the process like it was just another day for her, but did cringe when she had to finally climb into bed with me. I asked her to turn the lights off and she was grateful that she didn't have to see me. She was even older than Laura but had only been captured a few years ago. On the outside, she was a shining example of strength and perseverance. However, she didn't open up enough to let me see if there was anything hidden under that exterior. She did rub my back until I fell asleep that night, though. I think she might have been one of the mothers who have still-living children outside the farm and being able to show a kit some affection did her troubled mind some good. She left the next morning casually and with little ceremony.
After Vallerie, the next few foxes all behaved rather similarly. It seems that the older foxes are much better at handling their feelings and can hold in any sorrow in their hearts, even if it's probably just for my sake.
Agnes was very gentle with me and made sure to ask me if I was alright every few minutes. She's also a great singer and sang me to sleep within minutes of us finishing.
Waverly was much more sullen about the affair, but participated anyway. She was a little bit rougher with me but was experienced enough to make me finish much quicker. Most of her time in the room was spent trying to sleep the day away in hopes of tomorrow being easier. She did play with my tail a bit in her sleep, though. Maybe she missed how fluffy hers used to be when she lived in Tundratown.
Eve is one of the vixens I can definitely tell was a mother on the outside. She did everything my own mother used to do to calm me down and help me through the night. This was actually a very weird experience and I kept getting the feeling it was my mother on top of me. This night ended up taking me the longest to finish out of any of them.
The night with Natasha was the first time I decided to keep the lights on. She was afraid of the dark, thanks to trauma after being captured at night, so I didn't make her plunge herself into her deepest fear just for some extra comfort on my end. While I was a bit shy about seeing her naked body swaying above me, I have to admit that the view helped me finish a bit quicker. She refused to look down at me though, and instead drifted off into her own memories. She was the first one since Laura to actually clamp down on me and finish herself. Yes, I saw stars again.
The days started to blend together at that point.
The last three summer coats consisted of Jillian, Kara and the most awkward of them all, Bethany. That's right, I had to breed with a vixen who shares the same name and tomboyish personality as my sister. I'm just thankful their coats are so different, otherwise my mind might have been tricked into thinking I was fucking a future version of Beth.
Ugh, no.
After the summers, there were the three mixed coats.
Ironically, the first one to show up at my door was named Pepper. Too bad my name's not Salt. But seeing as all of their names are fake, it makes sense that she would name herself something to match her coat.
She was my introduction back down into the rabbit hole of depression and emotional instability. She tried her hardest to stay stoic about what she had to do with me, but the moment she saw me sliding my shorts down, she bolted and locked herself in the bathroom for hours. I ended up getting to know her from the other side of the door. That's actually a bit of a step up from my usual method. Sex is not a good way to get a first impression of someone, especially if it's sex that neither party wants. We both sat against either side of the door and just talked for a while about random stuff. She told me about how she got taken from her parents during a trip to see some singers. My ears did their best to pick up her story through the wooden door and I listened intently, offering warm words along the way. I even got her to laugh after a little while. But my mood dropped when the conversation returned to me and how I got here.
She was genuinely curious and didn't mean any harm, I know. But that still didn't stop me my emotions from working their way back to the surface. If Tess hadn't been resupplying me with peace, I probably would have lost it at this point. She was trying to wean me off of it with smaller and smaller amounts. So the itching was stopped each time but emotions were free to bring me back down to the pits of despair. Pepper is much more productive as a supporter and quickly left the seclusion of the bathroom in order to comfort me as soon as she started hearing my sniffles. I didn't cry, but I came really close. Thanks to our mutual understanding of our pain, we were able to finish our duty quickly and without further turmoil.
Pepper even gave me a kiss afterwards.
Not a cheek kiss, but an actual muzzle-to-muzzle smooch.
It felt way different than when Fru Fru did it. I could barely feel the arctic shrew's lips on mine and it was more the fact that she kissed me that stunned me so.
But Pepper's kiss was full of warmth and understanding. It was almost like a spark of comradery passed between us in that moment. She had a better idea of where I was in this mess and I knew why she acted like she did. She's just young and fragile like most of the mammals in this place.
Including myself.
Erin and Sharon, to my surprise, turned out to be twins. They aren't identical though, Erin being a few minutes older and quite a bit taller than her sister. Strangely enough, Sharon is much more bossy than her shy older twin. When Tess arrived to drop them off, Sharon had to forcefully shove her sister through the door.
This was the only day with two vixens at once.
Thankfully, they didn't come together because of some sort of kink or something. Sharon had apparently been accompanying her twin for years now because she knew Erin needed the support to actually participate. All I could keep thinking was that they must have some sort of twin bond that I'll never understand. I don't know if I'd be able to perform in bed if I had my sister staring at me within biting distance.
Erin needed tons of support to even crawl into bed with me. Both being around 30 years of age, seeing someone so young waiting for them must have been quite a disturbing sight. Sharon even had a hard time at first, despite her impatient and abrasive personality. Once I convinced them that I was pretty much used to it at that point, they got over the social stigmas of sleeping with a kit and we did what we had to do.
Erin took several showers while Sharon had her turn with me. Sharon ended up having to pick the lock with her claws so that she could get her own shower.
I'll have to remember that she can do that.
Once the twins came and went, then the winter started.
There are 10 in total, but only two of them have existing fake names. The one I was with first, Sonia, was a bit of a mixed bag when it came to outer attitude. She strutted in like she owned the place, causing even Tess to give her a weird glance. She kept her nose in the air the whole time I tried talking to her, keeping her arms folded in what I think was supposed to be a defiant gesture.
Thanks to Ash, I found out that giving her a kiss under the chin apparently makes her prima donna persona melt away. The kiss probably would have been more effective if I wasn't half her age, but my attempt at affection seemed to stir something in her chest regardless. I don't know what it was that she wanted from me in the beginning, but she quickly gave up her pursuit of it once she remembered my age. Maybe she had some sort of ritual with Ash from the years before. I don't really want to know.
The rest of the winter-coats, calling themselves 'the flower girls,' consist of 8 of the remaining vixens. As mentioned before, they all got together at one point or another and named themselves after flowers. And when new foxes come in, they get the same option.
According to Sonia, the one who came up with the idea of the flower naming thing, it's not a clique. Or at least, it's not meant to be.
It's just a fun little thing they do to inspire hope in those who are new to the farm.
Besides Daisy and Protea, I had sessions with Tulip, Heather, Lily, Lavender, Azalea and Jasmine. The flower girls all being much closer to my own age than the summer coats or mixed coats, the last week and a half spent with them was much more stressful for all parties involved. Some of the vixens are brand new to the farm and sex in general, and the rest are at the very least inexperienced. I think the longest any of them have been active in the vixen room is for around three years.
With them, I didn't have the experience of a seasoned vixen to fall back on each day.
It meant a lot of explaining, a lot of crying and a lot of denial.
For pretty much every winter coat, I ended up having to figure out a way to calm a sobbing vixen before each night was over. But once I got through to each girl, they turned out to all be sweet and caring. None of them enjoyed the idea of having to sleep with a kit of course, but I managed to coax a few into enjoying themselves despite my age.
For me, sex is already turning into just a means to proceed to the next challenge.
That feeling of dread upon seeing a vixen undress?
That's gone.
That fear of being seen naked by a much older fox?
That went away within the first week.
It's more of just a business now. Each day, a vixen arrives, I perform a service with or without some added emotional support, and then they leave the morning after. The thought that sex was supposed to be this awesome, spectacular thing that shows the passion between two willing lovers just seems silly to me now.
It's not boring, but it's definitely not special anymore.
I even stopped thinking about that night with Fru Fru. What used to be a deep, dark secret moment shared between us by accident seems trivial by comparison to what I've seen. So an arctic shrew girl played with herself next to my head in her sleep.
So what?
I've been inside over twenty older vixens now.
I know the sights, smells and sounds by heart.
Instead of trying to focus on a memory to get myself to finish, I just have to look up at the beautiful creatures looming over me and my body does the rest of the work. If I can get them to finish as well, then great. But it's not the end of the world if they'd rather climb off of me as soon as my body allows them to.
...I feel like a part of me that used to be blooming is just straight up dead now.
Am I supposed to feel this way?
Should sex feel this empty?
I honestly look forward to the time after the sex much more, when I get to connect with the vixens as they normally are. The fully-clothed, post-coital activities are so much more fun and relaxing to me.
Natasha taught me what 'post-coital' meant when I was with her. I've been using it a lot because it's my very favorite time of each day.
Why would I look forward to sex when the back rubs, scratches, songs and games we play after the sex are so much more enjoyable for everyone?
Sex is the work.
The post-coitus is the play.
But thanks to how long it took to convince Protea to do her work, we didn't have time for any play. And because of that, I know her the least out of all of the vixens. We didn't really get any time to bond, since the day was spent screaming and crying.
Looking at her now, though, she's like a completely different fox.
She's on the bed next to me, rolling around on the decently-torn comforter in an effort to dry herself off some more. I blink sleepily over at her, the ache in my muscles coming back as I'm forced to keep myself from tipping over.
The physical exhaustion from the past three weeks is hitting me hard. My body feels like it's about to give out at any moment. My back, legs and arms suffer the most because of the different positions I had to curl myself into in order to perform.
I'm not even done yet.
There's one more vixen to go before my season is over.
When I first started, she was the one I was looking forward to seeing the most.
But now I can't help but dread seeing her.
Ven is the last vixen.
Throughout the last few weeks, I realized that the basic order of the vixens turned out to be most willing to least willing. Each day was a harder challenge, thanks in part to the anxiety of meeting someone closer to my age with even less experience than me.
Protea was enough to drain my body of most of its energy and deprive me of sleep.
If the established order of difficulty is to be followed, then Ven wants to see me even less than Protea did. And Protea threw a water bottle at me.
I thought Ven and I hit it off pretty good despite the low amount of words shared between us. She sang me down from a panic attack and snuggled me to sleep. Then she sat down next to me while the rest of the room lost its mind.
But apparently she has an even greater desire than Protea to wait just a little bit longer.
Does she dislike me?
Did I do something to her while I was out of sorts?
I don't remember if I said anything mean to her or not.
So why, out of all the vixens, is she last…?
It hurts me deeper the more I think about it.
Next to me, Protea finally stops rocking the bed and basically passes out. She snores. She's almost cute enough to forgive how badly she kicked my ass yesterday. I'd lay down with her, but I really need a shower of my own. I stink of not only the sex, but also the can of fish she knocked out of my paws after I tried to give it to her.
As I slide off the bed, I almost lose my balance. My legs are practically jelly from all the strenuous use they've been put through recently.
I'm able to right myself and shuffle my way into the steamy bathroom, my tail dragging limply behind me. A wave of humid air slaps me in the face and I stop for a moment to shiver away the discomfort.
But just as I'm about to close the door, a familiar knock on wood rings out and the door to my room opens. I give the shower a longing look and let out a tired sigh, resigning myself to having no rest between sessions.
I walk back out of the bathroom and close the door behind me, allowing myself to enter the world of tedium once again. Everything goes blurry so I have to rub my eyes to allow my vision to focus.
Once I'm able to see again, I notice that Protea is awake and Tess is standing in the doorway, giving me a concerned glance. The tall wolf is wearing a hoodie today, a pretty daring choice for her. If I had one here and the temperature was more agreeable, I'd be wearing a hoodie too.
I still never found out where the damned thermostat is. Laura was the only one who seemed to know and everyone else I asked just shrugged at me. Tess doesn't even know. How does Tess not know?! Aren't all these rooms built pretty much the same?
Oy.
The sound of Protea sliding off the bed and hitting the carpet snap me back into the waking world. Wow, I think I almost fell asleep standing up just then.
"So...you guys do okay?" Tess asks nervously. Protea looks down at her paws shamefully and I just respond by crawling onto the bed and tucking myself in. Tess seems to work out how the night went just by the state of us and cringes. "Oof. Okay, but you got everything done that you needed to, right?"
"Yes…" Protea mumbles to the carpet. I can see Tess nodding her head in the very corner of my vision but I don't really feel like looking at her right now. She's pretty much become the daily reminder of where I am and what I'm meant to be. She brings the next hardship with her and takes away someone I've just gotten to know and like.
It's a recurring theme around here for sure.
"Good, good...well, one more day, buddy. Think you got it in you?" the wolf asks from her spot in the doorway. I respond with a long, drawn out huff of exhaustion. I'm not facing her anymore so I can't tell if she's giving me a look or not.
"C'mon, Protea, let's get you back to the room. Ven, your turn."
My ears flop back against my head at the mention of remaining vixen. I had almost forgotten that she was coming today. The feelings of guilt, confusion and hurt come rushing back to the surface and keep me awake despite my body's cries for rest.
I don't hear her voice, but I can just barely make out the sounds of claws walking across carpet. The steps are slow and careful, like she's trying to sneak in. Does she not want me to know that she's there?
She must really not want to see me.
I bury my muzzle into the pillow and try to hide, the first time I've done so in weeks.
"Okay, there you go. Go easy on him, he's had a rough few weeks. Oh, and Winter?" Tess calls my name and I grunt in response. "I know I keep asking you, but...it's getting down the wire now. Have you thought of anything else you can do after the season ends?"
Ugh. This again. I know it's important and the alternate might be worse than anything I've been through so far, but I need rest! How am I supposed to think of something to sell to the farmers when it's been constant, non-stop breeding? I have enough running through my mind all the time! The vixens have needed so much support and attention that I've barely gotten time to think of my own problems. Despite our ages, it honestly feels like I'm being forced to act as if I'm the adult in the situation.
Maybe that's another part of the punishment for causing such a mess when I arrived here.
I'm not just filling in for Ash as a breeder, but also as a full-grown tod watching over almost two-dozen other foxes. I have to act older than I am, or everything will fall apart.
At least me doing this means that the vixens won't be targeted.
"Winter?"
Oh, right.
"Not yet," I mumble into the pillow, just loud enough for her to hear. Tess lets out a 'tch' sound and grumbles into her paws.
"Bud, please, you have to try. If you don't, I can't promise that they won't just rent you out like they did Ash!" Tess pleads. I respond to her by folding the pillow around my head and blocking out her voice completely. A distant mumble tingles my ears, but ends after she realizes that I'm no longer listening. After about a minute or so, the sound of the door slamming jolts me awake. Did I piss her off?
Another thing to weigh heavily on my conscience. I guess Tess hates me now, too.
I just want to stop feeling emotions again.
Maybe if I skip a dose of peace but tell her I took it, I can double up and get the full effect.
That glorious feeling of calm and contentment is sorely missed.
Maybe if I skip enough, I can just overdose and stop the pain forever.
The room is quiet for a while, letting me stew in my darkening thoughts. The lack of sleep is doing my mental health no favors whatsoever. Despite knowing that I still have a job to do, I want nothing more than to just curl up and sleep forever.
I'm tired. Of everything.
"Mm!"
I feel a paw on my back and my body freezes. Oh, shit, there's someone in the room with me. Wait, I already knew that…
Once I summon enough energy to move, I let my body roll back over so that I'm facing Ven. Her muzzle is close to mine; close enough that I can see nothing but her wide blue eyes staring back. My ears are locked back tight against my head.
Doesn't she hate me? Why is she so close?
My eyes, as sore and unfocused as they are, can plainly see that she doesn't hold any sort of hostile expression or anxious posture.
She just looks pleasant.
She's wearing a massively oversized shirt that functions more like a dress for her. It's faded yellow with a massive sunflower in the middle, which is distorted somewhat thanks to the bulging shape of her body.
After being with so many lithe, perfectly figured vixens, Ven's body is enough of a change in my routine to transfix me just like the first time we met. My eyes examine her up and down, trying hard to process just how someone like her can exist. How can she be so shapely while having a head just as narrow as the rest of the foxes I've been with?
It doesn't make sense to me.
But I don't think she's unsightly at all. Quite the opposite, actually.
Instead of the sharp, boney look that I've gotten used to, Ven looks so...soft. She's like if a fox and a pillow had a kit together. I just want to squeeze her tight and bury my face into her so I can hide forever.
She looks so comfy!
But the lingering feelings of guilt keep me from reaching out to her.
She blinks at me, her eyes taking in my features just as mine had taken in hers. A slight tilt in her brow forms over the next few moments, turning into a full worried expression. I don't know what I must look like right now. I've been through hell recently and I haven't even gotten a chance to shower or sleep. And I probably stink really bad.
But if I look half as tired as I feel, then I must be quite a sight. I can't even open my eyes all the way to look at her. The muscles are too drained to respond.
Ven leans forward, gives me a quick sniff and recoils with a scrunched muzzle.
Yeah, I could have told her that was a bad idea.
But she's apparently not willing to leave me smelling like the fish-stained sex doll that I am.
Without any words or gestures, she reaches in and latches onto me. Using a surprising amount of strength that defies her age and size, she hauls me out of the bed and stomps forward towards the bathroom with purpose. I resign myself to dangling limpy in her grip, unwilling and unable to pull myself away from her.
Her squishy warmth is something that I didn't know I was desperately missing.
The world blurs around me as Ven gets to work. She places me on the floor gently and starts undressing me. A month ago, this act would shock and embarrass the hell out of me. But thanks to how often I've been nude around others lately, it takes a few moments to register to me that I'm sitting on the floor with my clothes flung off to the side. It's barely enough of a change to keep me awake.
Her paws wrap under me again and now my naked body is squeezed against her shirt. Out of muscle reflex, I casually start grinding against the plushness of her warm body. She lets out a little squeak and quickens her pace. I'm placed in a sitting position in the tub and the water is turned on.
What DOES wake me up is the feeling of hot water pooling around my rear and legs. In a moment of lucidity, I spin around and slam the 'Hot' dial on the wall into the off position. Ven stumbles back a bit at my sudden movement but doesn't try to correct my action. The water pressure slows to barely a trickle without the hot water being used. Good grief, was she trying to bathe me or cook me?
I spin the 'Cold' dial on full blast and let out a sigh of relief as the ice water mixes with the lingering molten water and overpowers it. Off to the side of the tub, Ven gives me a curious look and tilts her head.
Cute.
She doesn't move again until the water is at my chest level, letting me relax comfortably with my back against the wall of the tub. I almost want to go back to sleep, but the cold water does its work and I'm wide awake once more.
That doesn't stop my eyes from stinging, though.
Ven doesn't undress herself or get into the tub with me. She opts to sit next to the tub and reaches in to wash me. I lean forward when she motions for me to and duck under the water when she wants to rinse me off, but our exchanges are all wordless. It's kind of a cool thing between us, being able to communicate so effortlessly without actual verbal speech. One thing that catches my attention are her ears. As she works, her ears flick separately from each other in an expert way that I don't think I could recreate.
What is she doing?
There's nothing around for her to listen to besides the sound of water being displaced. But her ears are flicking up and down in a way that tells me she's not listening to anything in particular. She's just moving them for the sake of the motion.
"Mm?" she mumbles inquisitively as she catches me watching her ears. I look between her eyes and her ears, trying to hint her into my confusion. She looks up and notices that her ears are still flopping around wildly.
A knowing smile reaches her lips and she actually chuckles.
"Talking!" she tells me. I look up again and watch as she folds one ear down while holding the other at attention. She then moves them side to side like they're in sync. It's kind of like she's making them do jumping jacks.
But I'm still confused as to why.
"Talking?" I ask. She nods and points to me.
"Winter," she states. Her ears go through a practiced series of movements. "Ven!" she points to herself and the ears flick in an entirely different pattern.
"You...is that like a language?"
She nods and her ears go wild again.
"What did they say?"
"They say you clean!" she beams down at me from my position in the tub. Woah, apparently she's been running through a conversation with herself the whole time she's been washing me and I've been deaf to the meaning. My hearing is useless in the face of this new form of ear-based sign language.
I can't even feel the exhaustion plaguing my body.
I'm intrigued!
Is this something I can learn? Oh, I can only IMAGINE how useful a silent language would be around here. Hell, it could be vital in organizing a plan to get out of here without Boss or his goons catching on!
"Who else knows?" I ask.
"Just Ven," she answers with a shrug.
Oh. Well, maybe...we could learn.
"Can you...teach me?" I ask shyly. The exact source of the language and how sensitive it is to Ven are mysteries to me. I don't want to accidentally offend her for asking her to share something she might see as super personal.
She blinks at me and tilts her head the other way, her chin partially squishing into her neck.
Still cute.
"You...learn? Ven teach?" she asks, the words seeming to tingle her lips. I nod slowly to her, maintaining eye contact so that she knows that I'm serious.
Her ears flick even faster as she has an internal debate with herself. My attention remains locked on those two dancing bits of skin on her head, my mind trying to figure out what she might be saying to herself.
She finally lets her ears go still and she returns her focus to me.
"Ven tries. Hard, though. Time short," she answers me in her broken accent. I think I get the meaning of her words, though. It can't be an easy language to learn if we have limited communication already. And with how little time we're around each other, it might take a long time before I'm able to learn anything from her.
But after today, the season's over. Maybe I'll get some more free time? That is, of course, unless they decide to just sell my body to whoever is okay with fucking a kit for money.
A shiver runs down my body again at the thought of being forced into the bedsheets.
"How do I say Ven?" I ask as I start to drain the water from the tub. Ven responds by folding her left ear down and flicking her right ear three times. I repeat the motion back to her and she grows a wide smile, clapping her pawpads together in glee.
We share a moment of bliss together as we both work to get me dried off.
The fact that I'm naked around her still doesn't bother me, but I catch her shooting glances towards my chest every so often. I don't mind the looks; the other vixens all had their shares of checking my scars out. In my mind, they were all just checking to make sure I was okay. I know my first impression on them might have left them thinking that I was an emotionally unstable basket case who can't handle being around more than a few mammals at a time thanks to my previous trauma.
...That might not be that far from the truth, honestly.
But I think that part of me is getting better over time.
I hadn't wedged myself anywhere since the fridge incident, and that one wasn't even in fear!
Soon enough, I'm dried off and Ven is leading me back out of the bathroom. The smell of sex hits me like a train as we enter the work area. Geez, had I really gone so noseblind to this stench? The lack of windows in this place is definitely a curse.
Ven flinches a bit but tries her hardest to show me that she isn't phased.
The kindly vixen sits me down on the bed and motions for me to get back under the blankets. My ears flick out the motions for her name again and she spares me another giggle. She walks over to the wall, my eyes following her every motion.
Since when have I been so curious about what lies under a vixen's dress?
With every other vixen, I didn't really feel much attraction to them. They are all beautiful, but at the same time, I feel like I'm doing something horrible by seeing them naked. It's like I hate myself for even being around them.
But with Ven, it's different. All those thoughts about her hating me are long gone. She's the same sweet fox that I met in the vixen room and she's done nothing but put my well-being first. What is this tingling warmth inside my belly?
For once, I'm actually looking forward to her taking her shirt off. Not because I necessarily want to see her naked, but because I know how comfy she would feel to hug without her shirt. If I'm naked and she's naked, our warmth together would be like…
Gosh...is this what a crush feels like?
I like to think so. Maybe something in me can still be stirred. Maybe some of my positive emotions can still be triggered.
A tingle runs through me and I can't help but squirm under the covers.
The lights in the room flick off suddenly and I'm plunged into darkness.
"Wha?" I ask in confusion. I hadn't asked her to do that. I hadn't turned the lights off in a while now. And I was kinda looking forward to seeing her. Her body fascinates me.
"...Lights off?" Ven mumbles from her place in the dark.
"It's okay. You don't have to do that. I've been leaving them on recently," I tell her. Her voice mumbles something but it's overpowered by the sounds of her ears flicking like mad.
"Please?" she finally asks. A bolt of pain runs through my chest at how vulnerable she sounds. It didn't even occur to me that she would have her own reasons to do this in the dark. For some reason, she doesn't want to be seen without her dress-shirt.
You know what? That's fine. I had the same emotions running through me the first few times. The only reason I got over it was because I was exposed to a lot of constant nudity.
I didn't even bother double checking Ash's notebook for details on Ven.
She's a first-timer and I've known since my first full read-through of the notebook.
Ash probably never even got to meet her.
How weird is that? Between a twelve year old and a...maybe sixteen-seventeen year old, the kit is the sexpert. What a fucked up world I'm forced to live in. But at least I get to live in it with mammals such as Ven and the rest of the vixens.
They might be several pawfuls to handle, but they're good friends.
"Sure, you can keep them off. I don't mind," I answer. Ven lets out a happy yip and proceeds to make her way to the bed, though slowly as to not trip over anything. The sound of fabric being removed and folded catches my ears and my face burns bright red.
She's taking her shirt off. Even in the dark, I try my hardest to see what she looks like.
To my disappointment, all I can see is the dark outline of her roundish body. But just the knowledge of her being nude is enough to stir me awake again. I hide under the covers, already starting to feel overwhelmed. But this time, it's in a good way.
Ven's weight falls onto the bed but doesn't move closer to me right away. She just sits there for a few moments and I think she might be hesitating. This is her first time, after all. I remember how nervous I was about mine.
I'll go slow with her.
I pull the covers back down and look in the direction of her breathing. A faint tremble can be felt vibrating the mattress even from this distance. Oh no, she's shaking.
Without a moment's thought, I sit up and reach forward, wrapping my arms around the nervous vixen and pulling her down the bed next to me. A small bark escapes her lips but she doesn't pull away.
She might have expected me to pull her on top of me, but I don't. Instead, I simply lay her down right next to me and cover her with my blankets so that we're sharing them. The trembling stops over the next few minutes and I'm content to just cuddle up next to her with my arms lassoed around her. As I remember, she's very soft and warm to hold. My muzzle can't stop itself but burying into her skin and letting out a warm huff.
She's like a den all by herself. She's safe, warm and dark. I wish I could just hide in her forever.
Plus, she smells nice.
She taps me on the head after a while and I realize that I'd actually gotten so comfy in her skin that I'd fallen asleep. I am quick to remove myself, but can't stop the yawn that escapes me. She's warmer now than she was before. I wonder if that's my fault.
I sit up a little bit, but get pulled right back down to her. A pair of lips is pressed to mine and I melt instantly. This isn't the kiss of understanding between victims like Pepper had planted on me. No, this is a warm kiss full of appreciation and...something deeper that I don't recognize.
Either way, I love it.
I kiss her back with equal force and cling to her body again. She rolls us back over to the middle of the bed so that she's laying on me. She's admittedly a good bit heavier than the rest of the vixens I've been with, but I don't care. I'm not being crushed and the weight instead seems more like a comfortable squishing.
Another kiss.
But instead of moving forward, she pauses for a moment and fumbles with something she had placed on the side of the bed. The darkness of the room around us keeps the item's identity a secret until I feel her paw fumbling around near my head. Once she finds my ear, I feel something smooth but firm being pushed into it.
This is...no, it can't be. How would she have access to one of these?
But as the music starts flowing into my head, I can't deny that she somehow brought along a CD player. And the song she happened to start playing is...the same one she hummed to me back in the vixen room to pull me down from my panic attack.
My mom's song.
My ears flick out the spelling of Ven's name in the dark. I can't see what she signs back, but I only assume that she's returning the affection.
My session with Ven goes as quickly as I would have hoped.
But it wasn't about the sex. The sex was just the thing going on in the background of our minds.
What we really shared was a moment of serenity between two foxes.
My father used to describe feeling something very similar during one of his early meetings with my mom.
For a fox, we only get one of these moments in a lifetime.
It's like a sealing of two souls together.
A binding.
As I look into the darkness where I know Ven is located, I feel something pulsing in me that I thought would have been dead forever.
After only spending a very short amount of time around her, I know.
I love her.
I want to be her mate.
She's the one I want to be with for life.
And with this joyous revelation shared between us, our session concludes alongside the CD we both were listening to.
The season is over.
But the struggles will undoubtedly continue.
Except now, I'll have someone to share them with.
Before we go to sleep, Ven switches out the CD with another one she had brought along with her and we drift off together to the sounds of strings.