-Present-
"Okay, so I guess I only have tap water," Cosima sighs in front of her fridge. "I have beer apparently, or if you want like half an ounce of orange juice... I have coffee, but I'm not sure if you want caffeine this late. Otherwise, wine, liquor…maybe I'm an alcoholic".
Delphine chuckles, leaning against the counter and watching Cosima search. "I don't think so. I'd love coffee, though". Cosima nods and starts a pot of coffee. Delphine watches.
"So, why'd you decide to get your car tonight instead of waiting for tomorrow like a normal person?" Cosima leans on the other side of the counter across from the blonde.
"I wasn't tired enough to go to bed," she shrugs, unsure if it's an honest answer or not.
"Well, good thing you're having a cup of coffee here, then. That should help with the insomnia," Cosima raises her eyebrow. "Is there something wrong?" she finally asks, noticing how silent Delphine is. The woman's silence is typically accompanied by her signature invisible smile and general mysterious aura. It's not tonight.
"No," is all she says in return.
"I thought you didn't lie?"
"I don't like to lie. That doesn't mean I won't," Delphine clarifies. "I don't know what's wrong, so…" she shakes her head, trying not to look too serious.
"Did something happen?"
Delphine thinks about what Alex told her. For the most part, she's not taking it seriously, but it's still at the forefront of her mind. "I think our peculiar relationship is troubling me," she ignores the question, not wanting to admit she was scolded by her sister-in-law.
"Makes sense," Cosima smiles when Delphine looks up at her. "It troubles me all the time". Cosima moves around the counter to Delphine's side and takes the stool beside her. "What in particular?"
"Hmm," the blonde can physically feel a difference in her body when Cosima is sitting right next to her, nothing between them. "I feel guilt and excitement at the same time. I don't know what either of the feelings are attached to".
Cosima nods in thought for a moment, and then hooks her hand behind Delphine's neck and kisses her with force. When she lets go and sits back in her chair, for the first time, she sees Delphine dazed. "So, first thoughts – guilty or exited?"
Delphine blinks away her surprise and thinks. For a moment, her anxiety was numbed and all she felt was the rush of warmth throughout her body. She felt focused, stable, in control. No negative feeling approached her, not guilt, not shame, nothing. Four seconds of contentedness. "Neither," is all she decides to say.
"Not helpful," Cosima giggles and stands to attend to the coffee. Delphine grabs her wrist, pulling her back like a dog on a leash. Once Cosima is directly in front of the woman, a skeptical look covering her face, Delphine slides both her hands up to Cosima's neck and jaw and reclaims her lips. She reciprocates without question.
The kiss escalates slowly, and Delphine can feel herself getting drunk on the relief of her burdens. Even if she wanted to evoke the feelings of guilt, they wouldn't be able to penetrate the thick wall of elation. A thick wall that crumbles violently the second Cosima backs away again.
"You know, we're getting to the point where someone might call this a booty-call. Just for your information," Cosima smirks.
"Booty-call?" Delphine tries to breathe, to calm herself down and lose the air of desperation.
"Yep. And as much as I want to have naked fun time with you, I don't want you to regret it," she walks to the other side of the kitchen and fills two mugs with coffee.
"I'm not saying I'm here to have sex with you, but why would I regret it exactly?" Delphine takes her mug and sips on the dark liquid.
"Your motivation is ambiguous at the moment. Maybe you want to distract yourself, maybe you want to show your stupid husband that you can fuck girls too, maybe you're tired and not thinking as you would at your best, or maybe you do just want to have sex. I think you'd feel bad afterwards and that's not what I want you to feel after having naked fun time with me. You don't seem like you're in a great place".
"Why do you care whether I regret it or not?" Delphine sasses – irritated about being denied something she didn't even outright ask for. Irritated that Cosima sees through her in areas she'd rather her not.
"Because I want to win you over fair and square - beyond just you sticking your hand in my pants. I can get any girl to sleep with me, but you are very different in a lot of ways. I want you to lose inhibitions because you just can't control yourself anymore," she smiles evilly, "Not because you need an outlet".
"Ah, well I'll try to not be too tempting tonight then," Delphine smiles and looks Cosima over – finally feeling that seductive attitude return. Her invisible smile and half-lidded eyes teasing the brunette. It's different now, though. Her mask was always something that lured Cosima in, but tonight it's to keep her away. Keep her away from certain emotional places Delphine would prefer to remain hidden. Places that Cosima is already too close to exposing.
"Tonight? You planned on staying all night, then?" Cosima seems pleased by the change in character as well.
"I didn't plan on anything, but now that you're so set on refusing me, I wouldn't mind making it difficult for you," she sips her coffee and crosses her legs.
"Great. So, we're back to this game, then," Cosima shakes her head with a smile. "Who shall break first this time?"
"Not quite," Delphine sets her beverage down and stands to hover over Cosima, crossing her arms in front of her. "You're the only one resisting in this round. There's no question of who shall break first. Only the question of when will the adorable little computer geek give in".
Cosima smiles when she hears the same line she used once herself. "Do you think about that conversation a lot?" She asks with her eyebrow raised.
"What conversation?"
"The one where we talked about your personal feelings towards me. The one where I referred to myself as an adorable little computer geek? You think about it?"
Delphine grins but cringes internally. She tries her best to not think about that conversation, though she's often unsuccessful. She can't decide if she regrets saying so much now. Instead of explaining, she exhales and turns to walk away. Cosima does nothing to stop her, but Delphine can hear a scoff from behind. "You know, we did already have a sexual encounter today. How is this any different? Again, not that I'm here to repeat it".
"I don't know. It just is," Cosima sighs and finishes the last drops of her coffee. "It feels different". Delphine hums and nods, turning her back again and looking around the apartment. "Do you think Mr. Delphine and his sister suspect anything of you?"
"Mr. Delphine was drunk," Delphine shrugs, again reminded of Alex's warning just as she was starting to forget. "He's just jealous that I go out without him, wearing pretty things, to see someone who isn't him".
"Okay, but his sister is, like, a journalist or something right? They're like detectives without the police backup," Cosima counters.
Delphine was hoping she would just let it go. "She's not a reporter in the middle of a murder investigation. She writes pieces on places like Martell, where to find the best organic fruit, upcoming events – mentioned an art show for me once. If she wrote about gossip and scandals, I may be more worried".
"Okay, but – "
"Cosima," Delphine faces her and crosses her arms, but her expression is friendly. "It sounds like you want me to be worried".
"Well, I guess I'm kind of worried…" Cosima mumbles. "Your husband seems like a powerful guy and your sister-in-law is…frightening. They could, like, fuck me over or something".
"What, like write a bad review of your incredibly popular band? Crush your dreams of world fame?"
"Uh, first of all, the band just got an offer to demo for a label. And second, I never really gave a shit about the band, and these days I just don't really like it anymore. I was there for my friends, but now there's just too much tension".
"Which label?" Delphine tries to ask without giving away how nervous she is for the answer.
"Why?" Cosima seems to pick up on it anyway.
"What tension? Has something happened?" She evades, continuing to explore the apartment, but she's running out of space. It's…still small.
"Well, a while ago, like, before you ever even started coming to the bar, I accidentally made out with someone I shouldn't have. Jack's still kind of mad, I guess, and recent events have only made it worse, so…"
"How do you accidentally make out with someone?" Delphine pulls a book off one of Cosima's tall bookshelves and examines the cover.
"It wasn't an accident that I made out with someone, it was an accident that I made out with her. Jack's girlfriend – like, his very first serious relationship girlfriend. He was going to introduce her to everyone that night, which is basically like meeting the parents. I was just doing my regular thing, being a charming minx at the bar. I saw her and we flirted, we kissed, then we kissed some more, then I heard Jack yell 'what the fuck' at us".
"Seems like an innocent enough mistake…" Delphine lays down on the floor, looking through her claimed book.
"Yeah, like, she didn't tell me she had a boyfriend, and she kissed me back…enthusiastically. But she really liked Jack, I could tell, so I just said it was all me and I kind of forced myself on her or whatever".
"So noble. You didn't even tell the drummer girl?" Delphine crosses her ankles, reminded again that she's still in her work clothes. "Why is he still mad at you? What recent events?"
"Is tonight just going to be you interrogating me?" Cosima grins and moves to sit next to the woman, who shrugs with the flick of her eyebrow. "I was going to tell Mads, but just the fact that she immediately believed I would actually force myself onto someone kind of hurt my pride. I just went with it. Thing is, though, I'm not an actor. Everyone kept asking me about it – how could I do that, what was I thinking – and I just couldn't come up with believable answers". She shakes her head, remembering the more difficult days. "Madi eventually figured out why I was so sketchy around the subject and I had to admit I lied about it. It put a huge dent in Jack's relationship. Most people were on my side, though".
"Most people…except for Jack?" Delphine lays the book on her chest and slides one of her arms under her head, listening intently.
"Yeah. Then, as you saw, I kind of interrupted him fucking the same girl on the couch backstage. I think he took it as me just disrupting their relationship further. I could tell by the look on his face that it was bad," Cosima trails off a bit for a moment. Delphine watches her thinking eyes. "Anyways, since I've been hanging out with you, he only resents me more. No idea why".
"I'm sorry, Cosima. I didn't realize I was causing so much trouble between you and your friends".
"It's not you, Delphine," Cosima scoffs with a smile. "Jack just doesn't like me and takes every excuse he can find to make his feelings valid".
"Why do you stay with them? You don't care about the band and even the girl who seems to like you the most thinks poorly of you," Delphine sets her hand atop Cosima's on the floor.
"I don't know. Complacency. This conversation feels familiar," she snorts. "Like when I was asking you about Mr. Delphine".
"Hmm," Delphine nods. "I'm much less intoxicated now, though".
"I have beer for some reason if you want to fix that. Don't need to be sober for the drive home anymore since you're staying all night to try tempting me," she wiggles her eyebrows.
"I want a cigarette," the blonde sighs and closes her eyes.
"Didn't know you smoked…"
"I don't anymore. Not regularly, at least," she feels the fatigue of a long day finally get to her.
"Well, I don't have cigarettes, but I do have…other substances. I don't think you'd be willing to try those, though". Delphine opens her eyes and shrugs, holding her hand out, ready to sample the new product. Cosima laughs until she sees Delphine isn't kidding. "This is a bad idea…" she warns just before getting up to fetch her tin.
…
…
…
"So," Delphine passes the joint to the woman laying on the floor next to her. "Darwin?"
"Mhm," Cosima mumbles back, exhaling slowly. "I was a super science nerd in high school. Almost went to college for it. Madi too".
"That explains your band name," she sets the book on Cosima's stomach. "Did you meet in high school?"
"Yeah. Madi and I have been friends since, like, fifth grade. Jack and J were her neighbors, so they had been friends since forever. We all started hanging out together in high school. They would jam together, and I would watch. Eventually, I made myself useful on Madi's mom's computer – she always let me play on it – and we just kind of became a thing".
Delphine hums and nods. "You always look so cool on stage".
"Delphine," she turns on her side to face her. "I don't do shit on stage. Honestly. I am a hundred percent expendable". She returns to laying on her back, handing the joint back to Delphine. "I mean, if it's not obvious enough by the fact that the night they do a show without me is when someone is like, 'dope show, let me give you my card and a million dollars'".
"Then what are you afraid of my husband fucking over for you? Your employment at an insignificant club?"
"Dude, I don't know. He could, like, have his goons come beat the living shit out of me or frame me for murder," she stops when Delphine starts to giggle. It's a sound she rarely hears.
"Mr. Delphine has no goons," she shakes her head and takes a long hit.
"But he could still frame me for murder. What if he murdered you and then framed me for it?"
"Cosima, he's not going to do anything to you. He would do something to me. He'd see you as an unimportant factor," she thinks about what he might do. She knows that, if he finds out that she has any feelings for Cosima, anything beyond lust, he actually would do something to spite the girl because he knows it would hurt her to see Cosima attacked in any way. As long as she keeps her feelings at bay, everyone will be fine.
"That's not better," Cosima puts the remaining stub of a joint on the bookshelf at their heads. "If he did something to you, I'd go beat him up or hire someone to".
"So sweet," she answers sarcastically, but feels herself internalizing the statement.
"I may be an asshole sometimes, but I get really protective of people I care about".
Delphine resists looking at the brunette beside her. She can't remember a time when she had a relationship like this with someone. As lovely as it feels, it also feels unsafe. "You don't need to care about me, Cosima. In fact, I would recommend you not".
"Shut up," the girl snorts. "You can't just not care about people, Delphine," she shakes her head.
"I disagree," she closes her eyes, the heaviness of their conversation overriding her high.
"You think you don't care about anyone?" Delphine shrugs in response. "You don't care about me? Just a little?"
Delphine opens her eyes automatically, glancing at the figure now turned on her side and staring at her. She looks away quickly and stutters a bit. "I should leave," she states quietly, unable to bring herself to say, 'go home,' the word 'home' seeming inaccurate.
"And what are you going to say when you get pulled over and the cop sees your blood shot eyes and dilated pupils?"
"I can call a cab".
"And leave your shiny car in my sketchy neighborhood? I'm surprised it wasn't broken into the last time you left it here".
"If I stay, it will still be left in your sketchy neighborhood," she argues again.
"Listen," Cosima sets her hand on Delphine's cheek, pulling her in so Delphine is facing her. "I'll stop talking about feelings, okay? Just don't leave".
"I'll have to eventually," she replies, thinking about more than just their current situation. She knows this thing with Cosima can't go on forever. If William finds out, he'll hold it over her somehow. It would make a divorce that much more strenuous. It would make it look like she's divorcing him for Cosima and it's simply not true.
"Let's cross that bridge when we come to it," Cosima suggests. "For now, I'm going to kiss you, if that's okay…"
Delphine only nods and lets her tired eyes focus on Cosima's mouth. The woman is slow about it, giving Delphine enough time to slide her glasses off, fold them up and set them on the bookshelf carefully. Their lips reunite and Delphine feels that same warm sense of relief. The knots in her mind loosening, but not quite unravelling.
She holds Cosima's neck and pulls her closer. Compliance is inevitable, and it's not long before Cosima finds herself blanketing her company, feeling her chest rise and fall against her own. One elbow remains on the ground, propping her up, but Cosima's other hand wanders downward, grazing Delphine's stomach, waist, thigh, and behind her knee. However, a frustrating issue presents itself to her.
"How the hell do you even move in this?" Cosima sits up, straddling the blonde, and stares at her skin-tight pencil skirt.
"I don't wear it often," Delphine replies with a smile, feeling much better with her distraction. Her persona peeks through her anxiety for a moment and she reaches down to unfasten the prison of a garment, her gaze not leaving Cosima's.
"I'm still not having sex with you tonight," she reminds, looking over her body.
"I didn't say anything," Delphine smiles. "You'd rather your guest be uncomfortable in your home?" Her smile grows as she watches the torment in Cosima's eyes.
"Of course not," she finally answers. "I'll just loan you some comfy clothes for the night," she gets up and goes to look through her dresser.
"A shirt, too, perhaps?" Delphine calls, still laying on the floor.
Cosima scoffs but finds some pajama shorts and a t-shirt. She wonders if Delphine has ever even owned clothes like this. She returns to her side to look down at her once again, only slightly disappointed that her provocative outfit will be no more. "Here," she tosses the clothes on Delphine's chest.
"I'll put these on – on one condition," she watches Cosima sit and waits until she's given her full attention. "You have to take my current clothes off".
A slight blush tints Cosima's face, but her eyes sparkle with thrill. "You are one evil human, aren't you?"
"Shut up and take my clothes off," she tries to sound assertive and demanding, but an airy giggle at the end of her command ruins it.
"Well aren't you silly when you're high". Cosima exhales with a large smile, "Whatever". She moves to Delphine's feet and starts pulling at the hem of her skirt. It takes a bit of work, but the fabric slowly starts to inch down, revealing the lower half of her white button up blouse. The shirt covers enough that Cosima can't even tell what color her underwear is. Once the last of the fabric slides off her feet, Delphine sits up, keeping her legs straight in front of her, and propping her arms behind her so that her upper half is accessible and ready to be taken care of.
"Shouldn't I be hungry or something?" Delphine inquires as Cosima takes a reluctant post on her lap to finish her job.
"Eventually," she shakes her head, pushing the blazer over her shoulders like she did just hours ago. "Or maybe you won't because you're weird".
"You call me weird all the time," she slides her blazer across the floor to join her skirt and leans back on her palms again. Cosima bites back a smile, tortured, but still thoroughly enjoying herself. She can feel Delphine staring at her with the elusive smile as she carefully tends to each button of her shirt.
"You are fucking weird," Cosima scoffs. "And so, so mean," she reaches the last buttons and does her best to avoid touching skin as she pushes the white sleeves off her shoulders.
"Mean? What makes me mean?" The blonde frees her wrists of the blouse and tosses it in the pile with the rest of her clothing, remaining in her lacey black bra and underwear. She sits up further, grabbing Cosima's waist, and starts kissing her neck.
"You know exactly what," Cosima's head falls back involuntarily, giving Delphine as much room as she pleases. "This whole performance here, for one".
"What? Kissing doesn't count as sex," she stops to look straight up at Cosima, who looks back down with a smirk.
"I know what you're trying to do," she shakes her head. "I may be weak, but I will not forfeit".
"First, I'll repeat, kissing doesn't count as sex. But fine, Cosima, I'll make you an offer – a deal," Delphine feels her confidence and playfulness return and the awful feelings repress further inside of her. She leans back again and Cosima crosses her arms. "I promise to not touch you anywhere that is clothed or taunt you until you give in if you get just as undressed as I am".
"How the hell is that not taunting me?" Cosima exhales sharply, her willpower slowly melting.
Delphine just smiles happily. "I wouldn't be able to touch you anywhere…euh… important".
"You know, I could just fucking leave you here on the floor and go to sleep," she nods her head towards her large mattress.
"You could, but you're going to take your clothes off instead," she grins and tugs at the hem of Cosima's shirt. "Of course, I have no problem relocating to your bed".
"That is a whole lot of work, though," she stalls, glancing around at anything but the woman beneath her.
"Well then," Delphine sits up again, grabbing onto the bottom of her shirt, "I'd be happy to assist". She pulls back slowly on the blue button up shirt covering her shoulders, waiting for any kind of signal to stop. Cosima only watches her with a blush and a smirk. Once the shirt is on the floor with the rest of the clothes, Cosima is left with a black tank top and her red jeans. Delphine takes a moment to look her over, amazed at how simply and casually the woman can make herself so enticing.
"Change your mind?" she brings Delphine out of her daze. She shakes her head and quickly pulls the tank top over her head.
"Stand up," she orders. Cosima takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, eventually doing as she's told. Delphine goes to unbutton the remaining item, but Cosima stops her.
"I'll do this," she rolls her eyes and takes off her jeans, leaving her in red boy-short underwear and a simple red bra. Instead of joining Delphine on the floor again, she walks away, chuckling with frustration. "God, you are so fucking stressful".
"Stressful?" Delphine turns on her side and watches Cosima pace, mostly naked, throughout her apartment.
"I'm not usually the one who feels like this – I'm the asshole in charge, telling people it's okay to let loose a little, and, like, actually trying to be seductive or whatever. Not going crazy with antics and…and fucking restraint. Oh my God, I only ever restrain myself when I don't want to go too fast for someone, not when I'm trying to be, like, a decent person".
"Calm down, Cosima," Delphine giggles at the manic woman and turns back on her back.
"And you," she continues, strutting over to Delphine, straddling her once more and aggressively pinning her hands above her head. "You are a wife with a job and a house and shit. You're supposed to be uptight and resistant. Like…you were, kind of, when we first met, but not really".
"Cosima, stop talking and look at me," Delphine practically shouts, still an entertained grin on her face. Cosima looks at her, panting from her tirade. "I promise, we will not have sex tonight. I won't allow it. You don't need to restrain yourself, okay?"
She sits up, letting Delphine's wrists go. "Does that mean we can put clothes on?"
"I won't tell you what to do," she smiles, putting her hands under her head. "But I'm not putting anything on right now".
"Wait, you promised, though," Cosima grabs the shorts and t-shirt on the floor next to them. "You said that if I took your current clothes off, you'd put these on. You didn't lie, did you?"
"Of course, not," her smile doesn't waver. "I'll put them on…eventually. But I never said I'd put them on immediately after".
"Holy fucking shit. Were you, like, a lawyer in a past life?" Delphine ignores the question and lets her hands slide across Cosima's thighs and up to her waist. "You're not going to make this easy on me, are you?"
"I don't see why I should. Now come here," she pulls at Cosima's sides until the girl leans down to hover over her. "Stop freaking out. All I want is to kiss you".
"This is the strangest shit I've ever experienced," she shakes her head, wondering where her high went. "And look at how fucking calm you are".
Delphine smiles warmly, which feels unusual to Cosima. "I can be a very patient person".
Cosima tries to syphon some of the apparent composure she sees in the eyes below her. It doesn't take too much work, perhaps the weed assisting, and she finds herself leaning down in seconds. Though she allows their lips to meet, Cosima is very carefully to keep her body hovering out of reach. Delphine's hands are already exploring at their leisure – full body contact would be too much.
Both of their hearts jolt when a familiar sound fills the room. Disappointment on both their faces – Cosima's for the interruption, and Delphine's for the habit Cosima has of pausing all activity when her phone goes off. Without looking, Delphine finds her blazer with her foot and drags it up far enough to reach her hand. The device is found and, before the owner even glances at the screen, she's prying the back off and popping the battery out. Once the deed is done, she puts her phone atop her blazer in a pile of three pieces, and then forces Cosima back to roll them over.
"Why do you always do that when my phone rings?" Delphine pants above her for a moment.
"You seem like an important person. I assume there's a good chance it's important when you get a call," Cosima shrugs.
'Not more important than you,' Delphine hears a voice in her head say. It takes her by surprise. "It's the middle of the night. Probably just a telemarketer," she reasons, though she does feel nervous about the fact it may very well have been her husband.
"We'll never know since you broke open your phone".
"Mm," she barely acknowledges, "May I kiss you now?" Cosima nods weakly and before she can kindly request Delphine to keep their bodies apart, their lips are busy, and their skin is in full contact. Delphine feels a warmth similar to when she's been drinking wine, only stronger and with more of a tingling feeling throughout her body. Cosima, however, feels her heartrate skyrocket and her mind melt. Her ears ring slightly as though an explosion has gone off nearby. A very primal and automatic reaction takes over her body and she can't help the occasional noises escaping with her exhales while her hands move with a mind of their own, feeling everything that she'd been fantasizing about for weeks. She's never waited so long to be intimate with someone. Usually the longest she waits is a few hours, maybe half a day.
But the thought only reminds her that she isn't going to have sex tonight. Somehow, she needs to control her buzzing muscles and get ahold of her untrained willpower. Why is she not having sex again? She can't seem to remember.
Delphine gives her a chance to breathe, moving to her neck, but it only increases the friction between their bodies when she slides down those few inches. She stops for just a moment and then continues torturing Cosima by slipping down further, kissing her collarbones, her chest, and her stomach. Cosima takes her hands off the woman and covers her face, nervous she may end up pushing her down further. She shakes her head and starts a breathy mantra, "No sex, no sex, no sex, no sex…".
"Who are you saying that to?" Delphine smiles up at the girl, still covering her face.
"I don't know. Myself? The world?" Cosima moves one hand to her forehead and the other to her pounding chest. "I'm going to die".
"If you're not quite strong enough to handle the challenge, just say so," Delphine instructs in the least comforting way. Before Cosima can answer, Delphine sits up, the texture of her lacey bra sliding against the inside of Cosima's thighs.
After her hearts starts beating again, Cosima responds, "I'm not strong enough. I'm too weak. I cannot handle it. I am the lesser party. I am weak willed. You are superior," all on the backs of exhales. It surprises Delphine, especially since she posed her question methodically so that Cosima would want to continue. She knows it's a bit selfish.
"Okay, lesser party. Come here," Delphine gives in. Cosima looks up to see the blonde holding out her hand. She grabs on and is pulled up to her feet. "Should I put clothes on?" she asks politely, already fetching the loaner outfit.
"I'm going fucking crazy," Cosima says to herself, shaking her head and trying to calm her heart.
"Well, don't go too far," Delphine smirks, grabbing her wrist as she walks by her, bringing them both to the bed. "And I hope you don't feel the need to put clothes on, but you can if you want".
Cosima flips down the comforter and then goes looking for her own pajamas. "Oh, I can? Do I have your permission?" She asks playfully, feeling the whirlwind slow.
"I suppose," she watches with disappointment as Cosima slips on some sweatpants and a tank top.
"I don't know how," Cosima starts, slipping under the covers next to the blonde. "But you are fucking me up," she chuckles. "You'll be the death of me".