"I been, thinkin'," Daryl said to Beth one evening. They spent a lot of time at Daryl's place. The house he and Merle grew up in, preferring to the farm where someone disapproving was always around. Merle spent most of his free time at the truck stop or wherever there was alcohol and women so they were alone most of the time during the week.
"Thinkin' 'bout what?" She asked.
"What do you say we just leave?"
"What? Beth asked, not really paying attention. He was drunk or high, she was not. She was trying to read and he was practically bouncing off the walls. Something told her he was more high than drunk. This wasn't his normal reaction to alcohol.
He plopped down next to her on the couch. "Daryl, I'm reading," she half-heartedly chided him.
"I know. I'm trying to get your attention." He plucked the well worn book out of her hand, trying to focus his floating eyes on the title. The four girls on the cover swayed. "What's so important about these Little Women anyway?" He asked.
Beth sighed, fighting back the urge to laugh. Not many people knew this playful side to him. He was almost too serious. She'd been successful in getting him out his shell, at least when it was just the two of them. "Guess you'll have to read it to find out."
He snorted a laugh, tossed the back in her lap. "Now that I got your attention. Let's go. Just skip town."
"And leave all this? Leave our tiny town with all its amenities," she joked, setting the book on the table in front of them, giving up on it for the night.
"Starting at zero, you ain't got nothin' to lose," he mumbled, snuggling his face into her neck, breathing deeply. "We can go to Mexico. Spend our days on the beach. You can wear that tiny bikini of yours," he said, trailing kisses down her neck.
"What about my family? What about Merle?" Butterflies danced in her stomach. She loved her family, but Shawn wasn't home often and when he was he was the typical asshole older brother. Maggie was pissed off more often than not for whatever reason. Her mom was strong and independent, busy with her own life. Beth felt she was floundering, just going through the motions until she started up with Daryl. She quickly became tethered to him. Anchored. They had each other and that's all they needed. Really, what was keeping them there, she wondered?
Daryl laid down, rested his head in Beth's lap. Her fingers automatically running through his perpetually shaggy hair.
He shrugged his shoulders. "I just wanna' be with you. You and me against the world, right?"
When he spoke like that, her chest flooded with warmth. She couldn't say she hated this sweeter, more vulnerable side to him - even if it was partially due to whatever he'd taken.
Leaning forward she placed a kiss to his forehead, his skin was warm beneath her lips. His chest rose and fell like he'd just gotten back from a jog. Under her palm, his heart beat too hard, too fast. "Daryl," she said hesitantly. "What'd you take?"
"What do you mean?" He asked, always evasive when she inquired as to what pill he might have taken this time.
"You know what I mean." They both knew what she meant. They'd had this conversation too many times lately.
"Just somethin' Merle gave me."
"So you take whatever Merle gives you? No questions asked. That's not very safe."
Daryl let out a breath, his hand that had been idly rubbing her side, tickling her ribs slightly, dropped and moved to rest under his head. The pupils in his blue irises were tiny pinpoints, searching her face, trying to decipher if she was mad at him.
"Can ya' at least wait for the buzz to wear off before you lecture me?"
She wanted to yell at him. Who did he think he was talking to her that way? She quickly decided against it. It wouldn't do any good anyway. He was a grown man and didn't need her to mother him. He was in a good mood, something of little occurrence lately, and after working all day she was tired. She wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, eat dinner, maybe go to bed early. Not spend the night arguing.
"That ain't fair. I just worry about you," she said quietly not wanting the conversation to escalate.
"I know." Reaching up he cupped her chin and she leaned into his palm. "I'm sorry, darlin'."
She nodded, quick to forgive. He didn't apologize often and when he did she took it seriously. "So," she said, shifting to lay down next to him, her body snug between his and the back of the couch. "Tell me more about Mexico."
"Warm sandy beaches. Just you and me." His tongue slipped between her lips, hand cupping her braless breast through her t-shirt. The mere touch of his lips against hers was enough to make her wet.
She sighed out a moan. "And my bikini?"
"Na'. We'll find ourselves a secluded beach somewhere. No bathing suits required."
She liked the sound of that. Lifting her outer leg, she hooked it around his middle, pulling him closer into her. "So, we're on the beach, just the two of us. On a blanket, in the sand. I'm not wearing anything..."
She felt Daryl nod his head against her neck where his tongue was trailing along her ear.
"What will you do with me all alone, naked on that beach?"
Daryl sat up quickly, shifting Beth to her back. "Well, you gotta be naked for me to show ya'."
She laughed as he grasped the hem of her shirt, sending it up and over her head, tossing to the side. At one time she'd been shy in front of him, preferring to remain partially clothed whenever they had sex. But he looked at her like no one else ever had, making her feel brave and bold. She no longer hid herself around him. It was as much a turn-on for her as it was him when he looked over her naked body.
Breathless by his touch, Beth asked, "Shouldn't we go to your room. What if Merle comes home?"
"Na', I like to live on the edge," he said with a wink, unbuttoning her shorts.
He kneeled on the sofa, pulling off her shorts and underwear, throwing them aside to join her discarded shirt. The dim lamplight glowing against her skin showing her taut stomach, small breasts, curvy ass. He wished he had the restraint to hold off so he could bask in her beauty just a little bit longer. Ultimately though, he wanted to be buried inside of her as quickly as possible.
He quickly lifted his shirt up and over his head and laid over her, bracing himself with his elbows on either side of her. "Why do you put up with me?" He questioned.
"'Cause I love you." It was a simple answer for her, one that didn't need any more explanation. Her words were enough for him. Running his fingers through her long hair, he pulled lightly, kissing her hard.
He removed his jeans and she wrapped her legs around him, pulling him tight to her body. When he slid into her, he watched as her eyes closed, her face relaxing into ecstasy.
When they were together like this, Beth didn't think about the run-down house, or the old sofa they were having sex on. She didn't think about Merle walking in on them, didn't think about Daryl's mounting drug use. Didn't think about Maggie warning her against being with Daryl. Didn't think about the birth control she took sporadically at best. She didn't think about the scars on his back that her fingers trailed over. Or how they got there which any other time made her want to cry for the little boy so horribly abused he'd been.
The only thing on her mind was Daryl. The only thing she felt was his body touching every inch of hers. How their bodies fit so perfectly together. How he knew just where and how to touch her. His hands, scarred and calloused, rough against her soft skin. She was soft where he was hard. His kisses stole her breath. It was cliche, something she thought only existed in books or movies until she experienced it herself.
Leaning his brow to hers, he stopped. "Ya' know I love you, right?" He'd asked that sometimes. As though he needed the reassurance as though he didn't know or couldn't tell just by the way she looked at him.
Switching positions so she was straddling him, his hands automatically going to her breasts, running over her shoulders, down her arms to rest on her hips.
He made her feel things, not just emotionally, but in her body, she'd never thought possible. He penetrated her so deeply, filling her so completely. She shuddered, never wanting it to end, yet wanting it to end, so they can begin again.
"Yes, I know," she answered that time, and every other time he asked.
Luckily Merle didn't come home till late that night. By then they were asleep in Daryl's room. Merle could be heard through the walls stumbling around. Thinking she was asleep Daryl quietly got out of bed. A moment later, their muddled voices could be heard through the paper-thin walls. Beth, half asleep, didn't care what they were talking about anyway. Soon the distinct smell of skunk trailed in under the door.
In the early morning, Daryl slid back into bed smelling of weed and beer, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her back to his chest. When she got out of bed an hour later to get ready for work, she knew he'd sleep till noon then stumble blurry-eyed into the coffee house. And he'd smile at her as though she was the most important thing to him.
"Shane?" Beth asked. She'd hoped he had left town. Apparently, he hadn't.
"No hello? No nice to see you or how ya' been?"
It wasn't nice to see him and she didn't care how he'd been. "You startled me," she admitted.
She pulled her purse closer. Not because she was afraid he'd snatch it from her but to have better access to the can of mace she kept in the side pocket. She didn't know Shane anymore, he probably hadn't gone down a path of the straight and narrow the past few years. His deeply shadowed skin under his eyes and hollowed out cheeks told her he'd had seen a rough few years.
"Sorry," he said with a smirk that said he wasn't sorry.
"What are you doing here?" Here at the grocery store the same time she was.
"Like Daryl didn't tell you," he mocked.
"No, he didn't say anything about you." Daryl hadn't mentioned Shane and she didn't ask.
Shane circled Beth where she stood, a wolf circling its prey. Her eyes followed him when he came back to stand in front of her. "I came here to see if Daryl wanted to make some money. Just tryin' to help a friend out." He paused momentarily. "You do know how he makes his money, right?"
She nodded. "He works at the recycling center."
Years ago, the few times Shane hung out with her and Daryl it was usually in a group setting, at a party, or with a few other people. She was sure to never be left alone with him, never one and one. He always made her overwhelmingly uncomfortable. She never could pinpoint exactly why. Now she understood as she was getting a glimpse of who he really was. Subconsciously, she'd always known.
"Yeah, he told me he was working there. I have no fuckin' clue why he'd want to, but I'm talkin' 'bout how he makes his real money."
"What do you mean?" She asked, growing even more impatient, wondering where he was going with his line of conversation.
He ignored her question. "I been watching you."
Beth's heart slammed into her ribcage. "Watching me?" She asked with a sinking realization it wasn't a coincidence he'd been at the store the same time she was.
"Uh huh, you and your little girl. You act all prim and proper now but back in the day you were just like the rest of us."
She took a steadying breath. "If I remember correctly I never sold any drugs if that's what you mean," she said flatly.
"No, you left the dirty work up to Daryl. You sure took anything that was offered to you, didn't ya? Drank plenty too. Smoked weed. You were right smack dab in the middle of it."
"That's not true," she said, wondering why she was dignifying Shane with any kind of response.
"Sure as shit it's true. Don't be such a hypocrite, Beth," he said, reaching into his shirt pocket for a pack of cigarettes.
It angered her because he was right. She did party when she was younger. Did that make her a hypocrite? She hadn't been as heavily into it as Daryl and Merle and, she imagined, Shane was. Yes, she drank and smoked marijuana occasionally. That was a long time ago, well before she got pregnant. As time went on she partied less and less. The deeper the guys got, the further away from it she became.
"That was when I was younger. I'm a mother now. I've grown up."
'Ya' ever hear of the Angels?" Shane asked, abruptly changing the direction of conversation.
She didn't want to respond, only stared into his cold dark eyes.
"Yeah, you have," he answered for her. "Didn't you ever notice the wings on Daryl's vest? Merle's? Mine?" He said, turning partly so she could see his cut that matched Daryl's.
Of course she had heard of them. The Angels were notorious in the surrounding areas all the way to Atlanta and beyond for all she knew. She never wanted to know what Daryl did for the group he claimed to be a motorcycle club. Naively she thought it was just that - a club. She didn't allow herself to think too deeply about where he got the drugs he sold and who he was moving them for. She was willfully ignorant when it came to what he and Merle did.
Finding her voice, she said by way of explanation, "That's all in the past. There's no way Daryl is still selling or a part of the Angels anymore," she said confidently. Simply put, there was no way he'd risk his relationship with Billie. Or her, she liked to think. "He promised me," she said softer, hating the emotion that clogged her throat. Was she ten years old? Believing in promises.
"He promised you?" Shane smirked cruelly. "You think he's gonna tell you anything? He told me how you'd take the little girl from him if he screwed up."
She hated that Shane was right. If she found out Daryl was still dealing it'd leave her no choice but to remove Billie and herself from his life.
Blood rushed to her head, making her dizzy, wondering why she was allowing Shane to interfere. Wondering why he was so hell-bent on interfering. Through clenched teeth, she asked. "What do you want from me?"
He blew smoke into the air and flung the half-smoked cigarette to the ground, took a step closer.
"I don't want anything from you, sweetheart," he said, dragging a finger lightly down her cheek, over the arch of her collarbone. "Just thought you needed a reminder of who you are. That you're no better than the rest of us."
"That's ridiculous. Just because I think slinging pills is a bad idea doesn't mean I think I'm better."
Ignoring her he continued, "You think Daryl will be happy stuck here working that shit job? Pretending to be someone he's not. You think he'll be happy with this life?" He gestured around him with a mix of disgust and pity.
"I think he cares for his daughter," she said, knocking his hand away. "And maybe that's enough."
Shane looked at her like that wasn't important, as though he couldn't grasp the concept. "You're banking a lot on 'maybe'."
Daryl was his own person and had only been back in their life a few short months. He could still deal and as much as she hated to admit it, Shane was right. Would Daryl really be happy living this normal quiet life?
Either way, she'd had enough, hated that she allowed this to go on as long as she had. "Leave me and my daughter alone," she said pushing past him.
Shane snatched her upper arm in his fist so fast she would have fallen from the force had he not kept a firm grasp on her. She tried yanking her arm back but he held on, pulled her close to his face.
"You just a selfish whore, ain't ya?"
Stunned by his words, she blinked back the tears that annoyingly stung her eyes. No one had ever called her a whore before. Or selfish.
"Daryl don't wanna' work at the recycling center. Doesn't want to live in that hellhole he grew up in," he practically growled. "Not even for a sweet piece a' ass like you. He's this lovesick little puppy and you use that to get what you want, using that little girl as leverage."
"You wait just a damn minute. That's not true." She wasn't using Billie as leverage. She was protecting her.
"Yeah right." Shane wouldn't hear of it. Tightening his grip on her arm he continued. Beth didn't even wince, didn't want to show him any pain. "Eventually he'll catch on and he'll get tired of it. Get tired of you using him for any sorry buck he makes, he'll get tired of playing daddy. You should just do him a favor and let him go now."
"Beth? You okay?"
Interrupted, they looked toward the entrance of the store. Carol stood there, apron wrapped tightly around her waist, a box cutter in her right hand at her side.
Shane reluctantly relinquished her arm, shoving her back a step, giving her a stare that would make a corpse's blood run cold. She stood stunned a moment, watching as he rounded the corner of the store disappearing out of her sight.
By then Carol was standing beside Beth, a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Who was that?"
"No one," Beth answered, voice shaky.
"You're shaking," Carol said, running a hand down her arm as though trying to warm her.
Carol insisted she come inside and sit down for a minute and warm up, even though it was eighty degrees outside and the air conditioning was going full blast in her little office.
"What is it with men? Thinking they can just put their hands on a woman," Carol said as she busied herself making Beth a cup of tea. "Course not all men are like that. Ezekial sure wasn't."
When it was ready, she sat the mug of tea in front of Beth and slid into the plastic chair next to her, continued her thought. "My first husband was brute if there ever was one."
"You were married before Ezekial?" Beth asked the first thing she'd said since entering Carol's office.
"Oh yes. Years ago. Sophia's father. But what he lacked, Ezekial made up for. Where one man can tear you down, it only takes one good one to build you back up. Do you want me to call someone for ya'? Daryl, maybe?"
Carol looked at Beth pointedly. She'd been at Billie's birthday party and seen them around town together. "No, please don't. I'm fine."
Fine, but her hands shook as she cupped the mug, bringing it to her mouth.
"Can't help but noticed the man you were talking to bore a striking resemblance to that Walsh kid. What's his name? Shane, Shawn?"
"Shane," Beth unintentionally whispered, her voice seemed to have escaped her.
"Still up to no good I see."
Beth nodded. They didn't say much more, only sat in silence sipping tea. Beth so numb she couldn't taste it. She appreciated Carol's solidarity. And appreciated that she didn't push her for more information than she was willing to give.
The items she intended to pick up were forgotten, when the mug was empty, she thanked Carol and went to her car. While in the comforting presence of Carol the shaking had subsided, now alone in the car, her body shook from head to toe.
As she drove out to the recycling center, part of her wondered if Daryl was actually there. Shane made her question everything. Did he really work at the center? Was he selling again? She had every intention of finding out if what Shane said was true. It didn't matter if this had been his intention - to cause a rift between herself and Daryl. She needed to find out the truth.
In the small parking lot, there were a few vehicles, she was only a tiny bit relieved to see Daryl's truck was one of them. Hesitating, she slowed but in the end, lost her nerve and kept driving. He could do what he wanted. What was she going to do? Nag him. Tell him selling drugs was bad?
No, he knew this. Her main concern needed to be Billie. If he chose to continue with the life he had before, then he was making a choice to not be in Billie's life. Period. End of story.
For a second time, she would have to walk away from Daryl just as it did before except this time it'd be much worse because Billie was involved.
NOTE: So obviously Beth wanted to see the best in Daryl and allowed it to blind her to his drug use. For a little context, not that it matters, but I'm putting Beth at about 20 years old during that time. So she'd be about 24 ish currently.
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