Dina looks out the window over the sink, warm water running over the plate in her hand from breakfast. The Masons' house blocks much of her view, but she can see the day is going to be bright and sunny. It's really warmed up, halfway through June. Maybe they'll take their daily long walk earlier, before it gets too hot. She smiles.
She focuses on the dishes she's washing. Her smile recedes. She's already thinking about Ellie. Last night was the first one she'd spent alone, in her 'studio.' Her leaving had felt sudden…
If Dina was being honest, there was some selfishness in her pleading with Ellie to stay. For Dina, having Ellie around was just… more. More work, yes, but more fun. More sadness… and more love. It felt like an expansion of her family. But for Ellie…
Ellie said she felt like she was intruding. It's not like it wasn't true, but Ellie's well-being was more important than that right now. Quality time with Dale could wait another week. JJ was already preoccupied with looking for Ellie during breakfast. Dina had reminded him about Ellie's promise. It had satisfied him, but he still had a little frown on his face. He's especially fond of Ellie, and her him. It warms Dina's heart.
What Ellie hadn't said, but Dina is pretty sure of, is that being around Dina's family reminded her of she was missing for herself.
Dina sighs. She's about to grab another dish when the phone rings. She looks at the clock. It's 8:01. She looks over at Dale in the living room, playing with JJ. He looks a question at her and she shakes her head. She dries her hands and picks up the phone.
"Hello?" she starts.
"Hey," comes Ellie's husky voice over the phone.
"That didn't take long," says Dina, shouldering the phone and resuming the dishes. "Sleep much?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
"I dunno," says Dina, "just thought it was interesting that you called the minute it was socially acceptable to do so."
The line is quiet. Ellie sniffs. "You got me."
"Sleep at all?" Dina asks, concerned.
"It's nothing new, Dina."
"That supposed to make me feel better?" she asks, walking over to the doorway to the living room. Dale is watching, concerned, but Dina shakes her head, quietly closing the door. She moves back to the sink. "Ellie, maybe you jumped the gun."
"That's not why I called, Dina, I'm fine."
"Then why did you—"
"I'm just settling back into it," interrupts Ellie. She sniffs again. "Jackson."
"Jackson's glad to hear it," says Dina, brow pinched.
"Maria sure seems to be," says Ellie. "She finally gave me one of those electric heaters like—" She stops herself. "Anyway, last night was actually pretty comfortable. The lava lamp brings back good memories. It feels good."
"That's nice," says Dina. "That's really nice. So what are you gonna do today?"
"Um," says Ellie. But she doesn't continue.
"Are you picking at your fingernails again?" asks Dina.
"Damn it," says Ellie. "You got me again. There's someone I need to talk to…"
Dina frowns. "Well, I guess it's not any of us."
"No."
"Despite that bomb you dropped right before you left."
"I wouldn't call that a bomb."
"Well it's had me thinking a lot."
"Me, too. Did you ever think about what you were asking me for?"
Now Dina bites her lip. "I mean… I just felt like it needed to be said, I don't know. I—"
"No," says Ellie, "I think you were right. It's just… this thing's gonna take a while, okay?"
Dina is quiet for a few seconds. "Okay."
"Thanks."
"So who do you need to talk to? Maria?"
"Maybe, but that's not who I'm thinking of."
Dina frowns. Who's left? "…Joel and Tommy?"
"Jesus!"
"I'm sorry, I didn't—"
"No," says Ellie. Dina can practically see her pushing her fingers into her eyes. "No, it's fine. I just didn't expect that. It's… um… it's Maedlyn."
Dina freezes. What? Do they know each other? Dina doesn't know Maedlyn that well, she came after Ellie left for Santa Barbara. What Dina does know is that she works for Guillermo, her mom is quiet the gossip, and she's the prettiest new face in town. But pretty hard-to-get, apparently.
Dina looks back and forth, and things start to fall together in her mind. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah."
"What… do you want to say to her?"
"I don't want to go into detail… but at the very least I need to apologize for something. For breaking a promise."
"A promise? Ellie—" Dina puts down the plate with a clatter and nibbles at her thumb. "Did you sleep with her?"
"Dina!"
"I just—"
"Come on!"
"Well, I just don't see why…" Dina laughs. "God, Ellie, you were only here for a couple weeks."
"Part of the problem."
"How serious was… I mean…" Dina laughs again. "I guess I just wonder why you're telling me."
"Starting to feel like a mistake."
"It's not," Dina says, turning and leaning against the counter, still nibbling her thumb with a conspiratorial smile on her face. "Actually, that's really juicy."
"Well I'm glad—"
"No," says Dina, more serious. "I'm glad. I didn't… I didn't know you had someone."
"I don't, really."
"Well, sounds like maybe you might…"
Ellie sighs.
"What is it you want from me?" Dina asks.
"Well," says Ellie, "since the cat is out of the bag, and I'm already embarrassed, even though I told you almost nothing, I guess… would it be ridiculous to ask for some advice?"
"Hmm," says Dina. "No. Though you are keeping all the good stuff to yourself… I guess, if you're asking, I'd say to do what you do best, and just be up front with her."
"You think that's what I do best?" Ellie is honestly surprised.
"When it matters, yeah."
"That's…" The line is quiet for several seconds. "Honestly kind of hard to believe, but thank you."
"You're very welcome."
Ellie yawns on the other end of the line. "Damn it, I'm tired."
"Ellie?"
"Huh?"
"Will you?"
"Will I what?"
"Be up front with her?"
Sunlight streams in the dining area window, over the table she and Ellie had sat at so many months ago, when she had told Dina of her new mission. Now, they were having a conversation much more Dina's speed. She loves it. She waits for Ellie to answer.
"I'll try."
Ellie paces up and down Edmonton Street. She keeps scratching the side of her head. She probably looks like an addict, but fortunately she doesn't see many people. She thinks about going for it one more time, and one more time she decides against it.
She had gone to Maedlyn's house and knocked on the door, but no one was home. Which left one place she was likely to be on a midmorning. Ellie just hadn't summoned the guts to go in yet.
Shit. This is stupid. She's spinning her tires. She needs to… she just needs to talk to someone, Dina hadn't been enough. She decides to go see Clint. He'll be useless for advice, but—
It hits her and her lower lip trembles. She brings her hands to her chest, and stops pacing. She feels a pulse in her chest, and all of the sudden this is way too big of an ask. She decides to go home, right now.
She turns around, and twenty feet away is a familiar face.
Lev is wearing a simple white t-shirt and some khaki chinos. He has a bulky satchel slung over his shoulder. He looks at her curiously.
"Hi there, Ellie." He approaches her.
"Hey," she says. She tries to sound casual but she's not doing a very good job.
Lev is not as chipper as usual and he's obviously picking up on her vibe. "Still wearing an overshirt? It's gonna be pretty warm later today."
"Yeah…" Ellie looks down. "Old habits, I guess."
Lev nods. "Old habits, yeah." He just looks at her for a few moments, but she doesn't say anything. "Ellie, you look pretty stressed out."
"I am," she instantly confesses.
"Would you like to join me for a while?"
"I'd love that," she replies honestly.
To her relief, he starts walking away from Guillermo's and they start talking. He's gotten his first official job: mailman. There's not a ton of mail in Jackson, since you can probably just call whoever you want to talk to, but there's a bit to do in the way of delivering notes and packages, both business and personal. He says he likes it a lot. It's easy work, and he gets to chat with people all over town. He's growing popular pretty quickly, Ellie surmises. Which makes sense, because it's hard not to like him.
They chat idly for a while, but, like Lev does, he eventually cuts to the point.
"Do you want to talk about what's stressing you out?" he asks.
"Eh…" Ellie scratches the side of her head again. She shoots him a look. "I guess, if it's you. Can it be between us, for now?"
"Sure." He frowns. "Only unless I think Abby should really know."
A laugh escapes Ellie. "Abby wouldn't…" She shakes her head. "I'm pretty sure Abby wouldn't even want to know."
"Okay…"
"Remember that girl?"
He frowns.
"My 'someone special' you asked about?"
Lev's eyes go wide. This, it turns out, is his favorite topic. Which makes sense, given his age. "Oh, yes! Did you talk to her?"
"No, but I'm about to."
"Oh. No wonder you're nervous."
"No kidding."
"Do you want to tell me what you plan on saying?"
"Well, I… I don't really rehearse, or anything. I know what I want to say, though. Or where I want to start, at least." She rubs the back of her right hand with her left. "I told you she was upset that I was leaving Jackson."
"That's right."
"But there's something in particular, that I want to start by apologizing for. A promise I broke. I'm pretty sure I hurt her feelings."
"Oh… that would be a good place to start."
"Do you think she'll forgive me?" Ellie knows he can't possibly answer, but she has to ask.
"Mm," he says, considering, "if it's you, I suspect she might…"
Ellie smiles. "Thanks, Lev."
They keep walking for a while, largely in silence, with short spurts of conversation. It's really nice. Ellie gets it, actually. They're just strolling around town, greeting familiar faces, enjoying the sights of Jackson. Not a whiff of a threat around them. Being a mailwoman wouldn't be that bad.
And, as if decreed by fate, they find themselves walking right past Guillermo's. Ellie stops, so Lev stops too.
"What's up?" he asks.
Ellie gestures. "She's in there."
"Oh," says Lev. "Are you going to go in?"
Ellie shakes some nerves out of her leg. "Seems like it."
"Do you want me to wait for you?"
"Most definitely," Ellie says. Before she has a chance to think about it, she climbs up the steps and pushes the door open.
Guillermo's is a bit busy, actually. There's someone at every table, and the air is full of chatter. Mexican music plays jauntily from Guillermo's little stereo on the back counter. The multicolored lights are lit. It's precisely the atmosphere she remembers.
And Maedlyn is standing maybe eight feet away, taking down notes on her pad from some people in the nearest booth. Ellie freezes up.
Maedlyn seems to be doing well. She looks almost like the first time Ellie saw her, only a little more… reserved? She's wearing a light purple country dress with little polka dots that makes Ellie's heart swell. Her hair is tied up perfect, red locks twisted up into an elegant, loose bun by the nape of her neck. Scarcely a strand escapes, just like she remembers.
"And with green salsa, you said?" says Maedlyn. She glances up at the newest visitor curiously, then she freezes too.
The moment carries on.
"Hey," says Ellie.
Maedlyn stares in disbelief. She doesn't seem inclined to respond.
"Uh…" This is awkward. Terrible, actually. "Do you have a second?" Ellie asks.
Maedlyn looks down and her brow pinches, masking her chagrin. Her mouth is hanging open slightly. She looks annoyed. She finishes the note on her pad.
Someone on Ellie's side of the booth turns to look, curious. It's Bobby Turner. He glances between them and puts on this annoying little smirk.
Maedlyn pretends not to notice, but her eye twitches subtly. "Actually, Ellie, I'm working right now." She looks up with a civil but firm expression. "And we're fairly busy."
"Right," says Ellie. In hindsight, it couldn't be more obvious. This is a terrible place for that conversation. "Right. Of course. Later."
Ellie should go, but she's having trouble moving her legs. She just… she just wants it not to go this badly.
Maedlyn dangles one arm by her side casually. When Ellie doesn't move, subtle anger spreads across Maedlyn's face. She breaks the silence. "Later then?" she asks a little too loudly.
"Sure, yeah." Ellie's confidence is a ghost. She turns to go.
"Trouble in paradise?" she hears Bobby ask. Glancing over her shoulder, Ellie sees Maedlyn give him a wide-eyed, dangerous look that shuts him right the fuck up.
Ellie pushes through the saloon doors and descends the steps gingerly, a ringing in her ear and a coldness in her gut. She acts as natural as she can.
"How did it go?" Lev asks as she approaches.
"Really really bad, let's get out of here."
"Oh, uh, okay." They immediately resume walking. A couple blocks away they pass by a Pearson Park.
Ellie gestures. "Can we?"
"Most definitely," Lev replies.
This park is really quaint. Lots of green, open grass, dotted with big Elms that provide shade in the summer. Which of course is not top of mind for Ellie. There's a bench under one of them. Ellie sits, and Lev follows suit.
"So…" he starts.
Ellie's not looking at him, head in hand, covering her mouth. "That was so embarrassing."
"Was she angry?"
"Yes, but—" Ellie pulls her head out of her hand, picking at her nails determinedly. She's so angry with herself. "She didn't let me have it or anything. It was just obviously the wrong place." She thinks. "I totally embarrassed her, too. Shit!"
"What was that place?" Lev asks.
"A restaurant. She's a waitress there."
"What's a waitress?"
Ellie glances at him. She forgot how much of this is foreign to him. "They serve food there, for notes. She walks around and asks people what they want, and she gives their orders to the cook."
"Oh," says Lev, eyes widening in understanding. "So she was working."
"Yeah."
"Were there a lot of other people there?"
"Yeah."
"Oh." Lev screws up his lips. "Probably not a good place for that conversation, then."
"No," says Ellie, burying her face in her hands. "No, not at all."
"Um, well in hindsight she may see your intentions, and that you only made a mistake."
"God…" says Ellie. "God, I hope so."
"You really like her," says Lev.
That catches Ellie by surprise. She looks at him. "Why do you say that?"
"Your body language," says Lev. "That's what Abby told me mainlanders call it. You are stressed out. I feel like you're afraid you're going to lose something important to you."
Ellie is taken aback.
"Is she important to you?"
"I don't—" Ellie looks at him, confounded. "I don't know… I want to say yes, but I mean, like, that's ridiculous, right?"
"Why would that be ridiculous?"
"Cause I barely know her."
"Why do you say that?"
"I mean, I basically spoke to her on two or three occasions."
"That is a small number, it's true," says Lev. "Were they… meaningful?"
Ellie can feel her warm hip against her leg, as she lies on her loveseat. There's a mug in her lap, and she's giving Ellie this secret smile. Her eyes are so…
You don't know what you got, girl.
Ellie swallows.
"Then maybe she is important to you. Or maybe you feel like she could be."
"She's very special." Ellie's voice is dry.
"Then try again," says Lev. "Probably not at that place, though."
"Right." Ellie sniffs. "How long do you think I should wait?"
"Honestly," says Lev, "I'm not sure you need to wait at all."
"Tonight, then?"
Lev nods.
Ellie swallows. She goes to speak but Lev speaks first.
"Do you want to have dinner at our place?" Lev asks.
"Honestly," says Ellie, "I was just about to ask the same thing."
Lev grins. "Abby will be glad."
Ellie shoots him a look. "Really?"
"Well, she will act surly, but yes, she will. This transition is more difficult for her than me."
"Have people been giving her trouble?"
Lev frowns, unsure. "Not for the most part, no. But some people have had trouble seeing past the reputation she held before we arrived. And Ellie—" he looks at her, "can that stay between us?"
"For sure," says Ellie. "Thanks for telling me. Maria told me you guys are under her protection. No one's going to get away with giving her shit."
"Perhaps not," says Lev, "but that doesn't change the way it feels."
Ellie smiles. "You're pretty smart for a kid, you know that?"
He punches her arm gently. "I'm not a kid."
She ought to let him get back to work, but he shows no hurry. So they sit on that bench for a while, enjoying each other's company.
Maedlyn has just finished the dishes, drying her hands in her favorite red patterned towel. She hangs it back up on the stove. The mushroom barley soup has come out better, but it wasn't bad. Especially with a little black pepper. She'd have leftovers for days. And she has got to stop eating so much of Guillermo's cuisine, or his prophecy of her future fatness would come to pass.
She sighs. She's feeling… what? Restless? Anxious? Bored? Why obscure the truth, she's feeling lonely, like she feels every day. She could go to her mother's… that would be fine, but what she really wants is out of reach.
She looks over at the romance novel she started yesterday. The cover depicts a muscular man, far too many buttons loose, clutching a lovely blonde woman who's leaning, maybe falling, desperate to hold on to her. She looks back at him with reservation, but the desire in both of their eyes is obvious.
The man is nothing like what she is looking for. But the look on the woman's face… It's about as close as she gets to the real thing, anymore. She's not long on options, after all… and heaven help her if she ever decides to trust that Cat character, with no mind to her wavy blonde locks.
And, of course, Ellie drifts back into her mind. She feels a little surge of heat, but she's tired of fuming. What had she been thinking, showing up at Guillermo's like that? Putting Maedlyn up on a stage, in front of all those customers? Ellie…
Ellie does not get it, is what she does.
She might, if she had stuck around to get to know her better.
Maedlyn grabs the novel, drops it on the coffee table, and plunks down on her loveseat, head in hand. She stares at it, but doesn't open it.
For a while, she thought about Ellie frequently, then less, and less… She had… dreadful thoughts about her, when she let herself. She was sure Ellie was never going to come back, so she tried to let her go.
And then Ellie came back.
Maedlyn couldn't deny the thrill that had elicited when she first heard. It was from Guillermo. Bless that man, he had told her before opening, when it was just the two of them. He said it casual, like it was just another tidbit of news. He knew she wouldn't want to be 'on a stage,' as she liked to think of it, when she found out.
But what did that mean? What she and Ellie had… so briefly, there had been promise… but Ellie made her decision.
Maedlyn makes a sound, between a grunt and a sigh. She picks up the novel, desiring distraction, when there's a rap on her door.
She glances at the textured glass oval in the middle of it, and she can instantly tell who it is. She freezes for a second. Already? She looks at the novel in her hand. It's not smut, exactly, but the cover is… she puts on the table cover down, just in case.
She touches her hair in the necessary spots, and everything seems to be in place. She rises, walks to the door, and opens it.
Ellie's hair is almost shoulder length, tucked behind her ears. She's clean, and kempt. The late afternoon sun brings out the auburn of her hair. Maedlyn notices the little scar across her right eyebrow. She'd forgotten about that.
Ellie was the one who knocked, but she looks surprised. Her green eyes are bright, and wide. She looks like she doesn't know what to do with her hands. She looks down for a second.
Maedlyn is about to say she didn't expect to see her so soon when Ellie speaks up.
"I'm sorry about earlier," she says plainly.
Maedlyn works her lips. Subtlety is a talent of hers, and she abides well in it. And Ellie is so… not subtle. There's a swirl of emotions inside Maedlyn, and she'd like to keep it that way. Inside. "Ellie…" she can't help but frown. "It's fine. I accept your apology, can we just… step a little lighter?"
"Oh, uh… Yeah, sure."
Maedlyn takes a breath. "What can I do for you, ma'am?"
Disappointment tinges Ellie's features.
No, you don't get a 'sugar.'
"Well," Ellie says, scratching the side of her head in that adorable way. "Crap, I may have lied."
Maedlyn puts a hand on her hip. "About what, exactly?"
"Keeping it light."
Oh, lord. Maedlyn gestures helplessy. "So be it."
"I mean… Someone told me I should be honest, about this."
Maedlyn's brow pinches. She sought advice for this? "Go on."
"I want to apologize—" Ellie stops abruptly. "I'm just, I'm only hesitating because I know it's a big deal. And I want you to know that. I don't know if I waited too long, to… or not long enough. I know I'm rambling, I just, I knew I had to come here to apologize for—"
"That sunset," Maedlyn finishes.
Ellie's face is scared and relieved at the same time. "Yeah."
Maedlyn nods subtly, looking down. That is definitely not 'light' territory. It had been fairly satisfying to see Ellie squirm a little. And she's obviously earnest. But that's… so suddenly? Maedlyn was just about to…
Maedlyn takes another breath. "It may as well be now." She doesn't explain, she leaves the door cracked and then dons her shoes. She's absently grateful for choosing one of her best dresses today, the light purple one with white polka dots and collar.
When she opens the door again, Ellie is clearly unsure. Did she think she was invited in? Maedlyn forgot how much she enjoyed Ellie's obviousness.
"Well?" says Maedlyn, standing on the threshold. Ellie clearly doesn't understand. Maedlyn gestures to the stairs. "Do you mind?"
Ellie starts and begins climbing down the stairs, she slows and glances over her shoulder halfway, to make sure Maedlyn is following. Maedlyn cannot help but smile for a second. She had forgotten…
She had forgotten Ellie.
Ellie waits in the road and Maedlyn passes her, leading wordlessly. It's a five minute walk to Hansen Manor, and Ellie allows it to pass in silence. They arrive at the gate. Maedlyn glances, and Ellie is looking up at the manor with the wary beginnings of understanding. Maedlyn tries the gate, but it's barred. She sighs, offering a frustrated gesture.
"Can you open this or something?"
Ellie's a little surprised. She nods, and moves to the fence, grabbing the upper bars. She climbs it and hops nimbly to the other side. She pulls a bar from the gate, and holds it open for Maedlyn.
"Thank you," she says as she passes through. She leads Ellie around the side of the manor and through a short archway tunnel into the inner courtyard. It's Summer, and the bright, waxy green leaves of the magnolia tree are lustrous, but the cherry red blossoms won't arrive until Winter.
She stands there for a minute, gazing at it, not wanting to offer it up freely. "Do you know why I picked it?" she asks.
Ellie is running her hands nervously over her hips. She looks up at it. It's warm, by this time of day, and Ellie is wearing an unbuttoned overshirt. There's a sheen of sweat on her skin, which is, if anything, an enhancement.
"It was Winter, so… the blossoms?" says Ellie.
Maedlyn appreciates that she figured that. "Do you remember what they look like?"
"Hard to forget," says Ellie. "They're like, um… they're pink and white, kind of like little beetle wings."
What? Maedlyn screws up her face.
"You know, how they lift their carapace and spread their wings? It's cool. That's what they make me think of."
Not… a comparison Maedlyn would have ever made, but it manages to get a chuckle out of her. "I believe you do have the image. Most trees don't blossom in Winter. I thought it made a nice symbol."
Ellie frowns, and before she can say anything further, Maedlyn walks over to the bushes at the edge of the courtyard. She had not been looking forward to this part.
She squats down in front of the bush she's pretty sure is right. It had been Winter then… there's a lot of new growth, grass, and such. There had better not be a bunch of bugs, or she would make Ellie dig for it.
Ellie's behind her, watching. "Maedlyn?" she says.
Maedlyn doesn't bother responding. Her hands are getting dirty, but there's nothing for it. She pushes aside another bush twig, and her fingers find what they've been looking for. She grabs it and stands up.
The pistol grip is dirty, and tarnished. The polish on the wood had all been removed by the elements. The wood is dry, the coloring patchy. The brass inlay is still there, but it now rises from the wood, just slightly. There's rust on the screws, and dirt caked into the openings on top and bottom.
With that, she turns, hands it to Ellie, and waits.
Ellie takes it. She immediately recognizes what it is, that's obvious. She turns it over, appraising it. She looks back at Maedlyn, but her face is a mask. She is not going to help Ellie get it.
Ellie frowns. "How did you know it was there?"
Maedlyn stares back.
Ellie's eyes widen. She looks back at the Magnolia tree, then at the pistol grip in her hands. Maedlyn can practically read her mind.
And I might, just have a present for you.
A present that Maedlyn had just dug up from some untended bushes, where it had been discarded, as if it were trash.
Ellie's features go slack and the color drains from her face.
"Yeah," says Maedlyn, "that one hurt, Ellie."
"I am so, fucking, sorry," says Ellie, and Maedlyn can tell it's coming straight from the heart.
Maedlyn turns to the side, finally letting some of what she's feeling show on her face. She crosses her arms over her belly.
"I—" Ellie starts.
"I was sure I'd never see you again," says Maedlyn quietly. "I was sure you would die out there."
"I…"
Maedlyn smirks unhappily. "What? You didn't?"
Ellie's mouth is open, she shakes her head, looking for words. When she speaks, it's quiet, and powerful. "I had to do it."
Maedlyn's mouth twists. She looks down at the overgrown cobbles. "Did you do it?"
"Did I do what?"
"Did you make the cure?"
Ellie is taken aback. "I… didn't do anything. I let them poke me with needles. Dr. Watanabe and Ikeda made the cure. They named it after me, though."
Ellie is not a liar. Or at least, she is not lying right now. "How does it work?" Maedlyn asks.
"Um…" It's not the conversation Ellie expected. "It's two sided. There's amphotericin B, to fight the fungus, and immunoglobulin E, to teach the body how to beat cordyceps. You get both. And it has to be within 24 hours of infection. After that, if it takes, you're immune."
"How likely is it to take?"
Ellie shrugs, as if it were an impossible question. "They couldn't test it. They only let me go because a local came in after getting bit, and he survived. Not only that, he was immune, so they didn't need me anymore."
"How much did they make?"
That also doesn't make sense to Ellie. "They're never going to stop making it, until cordyceps is extinct. That's the plan. Eventually they plan to export it all over the world. It'll take a long time, though."
Maedlyn is feeling distinctly off balance, and a little light headed. She releases a breath. "Well that there is downright incredible, Ellie."
"We couldn't have been happy," Ellie says suddenly.
Maedlyn freezes. A gust of wind rolls through the courtyard. Her voice comes out tight. "What did you just say?"
"We couldn't have been happy." Suddenly, Ellie seems so sure of herself. Her brow is pinched, she's delivering it like hard news. "This was my purpose. This was… my everything. If I had tried to let it go, and just stay here, with you, and with everyone, I could never have been truly happy. I would always know… I'd let this thing, this all important thing slip away."
Maedlyn's breaths are shallow.
"It would have slowly crushed me."
Maedlyn swallows. "And what about now?"
Ellie's surprised. She searches about with her eyes. "Do you even still…?"
Maedlyn has no intention of giving it up that easily. "Do you?"
"Yes," Ellie breathes. Her eyes are… Maedlyn feels about ready to break in half under those eyes right now, but she is giving it her everything not to show it.
She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "Thank you," she says, "for saying that. But that's... not really—"
"Stepping light," Ellie finishes.
"No," Maedlyn says, with a little smile. "That's yours. I don't know if it can be restored, but please keep it. I was just going to my mother's, actually. I'll be on my way."
"Can I walk you?" Ellie asks.
"No, but thank you, Ellie." Maedlyn turns and moves partway across the courtyard. She stops and half turns. "And thank you for being present for this. I'm relieved."
"You're so welcome," says Ellie.
Her longing is so obvious. It's making it hard for Maedlyn to hide. So she gives Ellie a little smile, just as she's turning away, and she leaves the courtyard, before she finds herself doing something hasty.