Though it did seem Ruien had spent the night in his bed, he was gone before Mingjue woke the next morning. Mingjue sat up on his own, the silence of the morning feeling unusually oppressive. The more he came to rely on Ruien, in truth, the more he feared him. He feared making the same mistake twice.

He would not go to Ruien's chamber. He swore to himself he would not, but every time he had to hold back the urge, he grew angrier. He knew one thing about that man, and that was that he was obedient; he would not take in a dog without asking. This very fact made his lying about whatever he was hiding all the more painful and infuriating.

He called for his Captain of the Guard. "You are to tell him nothing," he told the captain in an undertone. "But you will alert me, and only me, if you observe any suspicious behavior in Kang Ruien."

This captain, though clearly jealous of Ruien's status, still seemed reluctant to be spying on his superior. "…yes, Clan Leader," he said softly.

When Ruien returned from Guangling, he did not volunteer any details of the journey. Not that being terse or taciturn was unusual for him, but normally he would at least give a perfunctory report. While Mingjue was reviewing financial records and Ruien double-checking his work, he asked him directly.

"Did your friend appreciate the effort you went to?" Mingjue grumbled, directing his question at the document he was writing.

Ruien nodded, also appearing to be discussing things with the paper he was holding. "I believe so."

"Chang Lu, was it?"

"Mm-hmm."

"What was his illness?"

Ruien glanced up, obviously already catching on to the suspiciousness in Mingjue's tone. "…malaria. Is something wrong, Clan Leader?"

Mingjue didn't answer and merely continued sullenly filling out his records. That evening, Ruien once again disappeared as soon as their daily duties were complete, and he was seen preparing extra food in the kitchens. Notably, not low-quality meat and grain as one would feed a dog. Rather, the same things he himself would eat, but enough for two. And Mingjue's anger continued to build.

In Ruien's absence, Mingjue wrote and dispatched a letter to Guangling, inquiring about the health of a certain Chang Lu. The next day, a letter returned, glowing with gratitude about Clan Leader Nie's concern, describing a peaceful, pastoral existence and mentioning nothing of malaria. Mingjue's fingers curled around the parchment and almost rendered it to pulp. Though intellectually he was aware that it was normal not to burden a superior with minor personal troubles, especially if his illness was cured by Ruien's help, it was just another point of distrust.

Out of fear of his own anger, Mingjue avoided Ruien for a few days after that. And without Ruien's intervention, his yang energy continued to grow harder to control. And then, on the night of the new moon, his captain of the guard told him Ruien had been accompanying a cloaked figure to and from his own room, and that they were currently still talking just outside the gates of the Unclean Realm. Anger rumbling in the pit of his stomach, Mingjue grasped Baxia and went out onto the ramparts.

Though it was dark, Mingjue could clearly see Ruien's naturally light brown hair below. And though almost completely hidden by a black cloak, he could just make out another figure before him. Ruien's hand reached out and grasped the figure's arm in an incredibly intimate gesture. Mingjue's jaw tightened until his teeth creaked inside his head.

Though he still couldn't identify the other person clearly, there was something familiar about them. When they looked up and seemed to shake their head in frustration, he caught the flash of a white forehead ribbon. Suddenly, from his height and build, Mingjue could not mistake the identity of the cloaked figure as anyone but who he was. He felt so much anger and pain filling up his chest that he found it difficult to breathe. Baxia rattled impatiently inside its scabbard.

In moments, the figure was gone, disappearing into the night. Mingjue watched Ruien turn to enter the Unclean Realm again as if nothing had happened. He sank down against the ramparts, for one of the first times in his life unsure of how to handle the situation. He grasped Baxia and pressed the hilt to his forehead, seeking some clarity.

While he had been assuming his relationship with Kang Ruien was one of normal intimacy between lovers, part of him was aware that Ruien kept things from him. At first he thought this was his usual respect and deference toward his clan leader, not wishing to burden him with anything unnecessary. But the very reason he had chosen to replace Meng Yao with Kang Ruien was his intelligence; a mind that Nie Mingjue did not have, and therefore relied upon. What if he had once again put all his faith into someone who was only using him?

And more than that, someone who had once again chosen Lan Xichen over him. He couldn't blame him. No one could look at Lan Xichen and not be dazzled by him. He was shining with talent of every kind, from music to cultivation. He was powerful, rich, universally respected, and on top of everything else, he was kind. There was no quality of his in which Nie Mingjue did not feel inferior.

But when had this started? Albeit Mingjue had only heard about Ruien sneaking food in the past couple of weeks, had they been meeting somehow before that? Or was it only Ruien's one-sided love until recently? Yes… Mingjue suddenly realized. Perhaps that was exactly it. Ruien's food-sneaking started several weeks after Meng Yao's disappearance. Xichen must be lonely. He must have been seeking out another pity case to occupy that meddlesome personality of his. And as Mingjue himself had thought before, a half-foreign orphan of war wasn't too far off from an abused son of a prostitute.

They had never talked of love, Mingjue reminded himself. Ruien only talked about "liking" or "admiring" Mingjue. Those were all things that might be expected of a myrmidon devoted to his clan leader. This had all started with Ruien's suggestion of an unusual treatment for Mingjue's rage. It had never been anything more than that, not even once, he thought.

Well. Then again, Mingjue had never expected anyone's sincere feelings for him. He had been happy to think that was what he had from Ruien, but he should have known that was never really possible. He thought of all the times he had hurt and pushed away Ruien and others in moments of rage. Much though he had felt justified each time, he also knew that no sane person would ever feel affection for that.

If Ruien wanted to find happiness, it was not Mingjue's place to get in the way. It really had nothing to do with him. But he could never forgive Ruien hiding it from him. Even if there had never been anything intimate between them, he could not have a subordinate who operated secretly behind his back. There was only one way to deal with this situation which wouldn't also hurt his apparent lover, Lan Xichen.

Mingjue did not sleep that night. In the early morning, he sent out an invitation to Gusu, inviting Lan Xichen over on the pretense of needing some soothing music. He knew Xichen would respond immediately to that, even if he were tired from going back and forth secretly from Gusu to Qinghe.

Sure enough, Lan Xichen appeared alone in the mid-morning, seemingly haven ridden his sword there directly upon receiving the message. Mingjue called Ruien to them as soon as Xichen joined him in his study. Xichen did look at Mingjue a little oddly when he said nothing to greet him, but seemed to assume he was feeling unwell and simply took a seat at his side, producing Liebing from his sleeve and preparing to play.

"I want you to take my deputy away to Gusu," Mingjue said, halting Xichen's actions abruptly.

Both men stared in wonder at what Mingjue had just said. Ruien glanced worriedly between Xichen and Mingjue but obediently said nothing.

"You want me to take Master Kang?" Xichen clarified softly. "…whatever for?"

"He can't do his job. I don't need him anymore. You to take him."

Ruien sucked in a shocked breath. He looked pale and seemed to be struggling to keep his feet under him, his gaze wandering vaguely beneath him as he failed to comprehend the words he had just heard.

"Da-ge…" Xichen murmured with reproach in his voice. "No matter what Master Kang has done, surely that is going too far."

Mingjue shook his head slowly. "Oh, I don't care who he fucks," he said, purposefully loudly, humiliating both the men in front of him. "But I can't have a subordinate who hides things from me. If he's so desperate to be with you, then take him. I don't want him."

In the tense silence that followed, Xichen got to his feet. "Da-ge…if you mean last night, that wasn't-"

"Zewu-jun," Ruien interrupted him softly. Even so, he quickly grew silent again, his eyes heavy on the ground. His jaw shifted as his mind seemed to be running through all the possibilities about how to resolve this situation. Finally his lips pressed together in determination.

"The reason doesn't matter. The fact that I kept something a secret from you, that is my crime, is that right, Clan Leader?" Ruien asked tonelessly.

Mingjue didn't even glance at him, letting the silence hang in the air between them.

Ruien took this in for a few long moments, and eventually nodded. "Then…I'll gather my things."

"Ruien!" Xichen said in distress as Ruien turned and left, though by referring to him so casually, only inadvertently increased Mingjue's anger. "Da-ge, he…I promise you, he has done nothing wrong!"

Mingjue scoffed, watching Ruien's back as he walked down the stairs toward his own chamber. "I really couldn't care less if he was good or bad at it."

Xichen recoiled with a deep flush over his cheeks. He shook his head, trying to quell his own anger. "You are jumping to conclusions," he muttered.

"Are you still here, Xichen?" he asked, getting to his feet and pulling out a ledger to start his morning duties. "Your new disciple could probably use some help packing."

…

Ruien's hands were shaking and he felt he could barely see as he loaded his personal belongings onto a rickshaw. It was surprisingly painful even to do only this, tearing up his roots for the first time since he had started his life here in the Unclean Realm.

"Master Kang…" came the sorrowful voice of Lan Xichen, approaching from behind him. "This is temporary anger. Da-ge is being unreasonable. There is no reason for you to go this far."

"It is not unreasonable," Ruien murmured, loading a second trunk of his clothes onto the rickshaw and securing it. "I knew he would not forgive me if he found out. I was prepared."

"…but…you did this for us…"

Ruien shook his head. "Please don't concern yourself with that, Zewu-jun. I did this by choice." As he secured the last of his things, he said, "We should leave now in order to reach Gusu before nightfall."

Xichen still seemed stunned and hardly comprehending. "…you are of course welcome in the Cloud Recesses, Ruien, but…there must be another way. Together I'm sure we can explain it to him."

Ruien only shook his head once again. He wasn't sure why Xichen would even say that, as he should know just as well as Ruien did that Nie Mingjue did not change his mind. He picked up the end of the cart and began to pull it along.

"Wait!" In an undertone that was barely audible, Xichen asked him, "What about A-Yao? What will he do if you leave?"

"I've taken care of it."

Not leaving any room to argue in his tone, Ruien pulled along his cart and guided an uncertain Xichen from the Unclean Realm. As he passed through the gates, Ruien felt visceral pain shudder through his body as he wondered if this would be his last time seeing these gates from the inside.

…

When they arrived in the Cloud Recesses that night, Xichen personally guided Ruien to a room that he could use, staying close out of obvious worry.

As Ruien started to unpack by bringing one of the large trunks inside, Xichen shook his head with a sigh of exasperation. "I know his heart is unyielding and true, and this is one of his best qualities. But sometimes Da-ge…" he trailed off in frustration and Ruien did not bother to attempt to finish his thought for him.

Instead, Ruien merely flipped open the heavy trunks to reveal the contents. In doing so, he struck Lan Xichen completely still and silent.

Inside the trunk, a frail figure groaned and held the back of his head. "I feel sick," Meng Yao complained irritably, looking it as well.

"A-…y…" Xichen's breath stopped before he could even say his name.

"You woke up?" Ruien observed, picking up the discarded talisman that, hours ago, he had stuck to Meng Yao's forehead in order to get him peacefully into the trunk in the first place.

"About half an hour ago, thank you," Meng Yao grumbled. "And thought perhaps Da-ge had finally cast me into hell in my sleep. At the very least, you could have explained the situation before knocking me out with a talisman and stuffing me in a suitcase."

"A-Yao…" Xichen finally found his voice.

The other two grew still at the soft plaintiveness of his gentle voice. Meng Yao stared resolutely at the inside of the trunk, making no move to get out of it, though in fairness he may still have been too weak to do so on his own.

"It's cold…" Meng Yao murmured, his eyes still cast down. "And this air smells of water and evergreens. So we must be in Gusu."

Ruien nodded. "Yes."

Meng Yao's jaw tightened. His hands curled around Ruien's borrowed robes on his knees. "I didn't agree to this. I will leave as soon as I have the strength to do so on my own. And I won't forget this indign-"

At that moment, he lost his words as huge arms gathered him up from the trunk and wrapped him tightly in a warm and trembling embrace. With his face resting in the hollow of Meng Yao's neck, Xichen's shoulders shook with soft sobs.

"A-Yao…" he said only. "A-Yao…!"

As Ruien watched, the surprise on Meng Yao's face gradually melted away into barely concealed torment against Xichen's shoulder. And then he seemed to forget Ruien was there, his eyes growing red and moist. His trembling hands rose slowly, apparently with the purpose of pushing Xichen away. But instead they only curled into his robes, unable to either push him back or return his embrace.

"Er-ge…a clan leader shouldn't be this sentimental…" he murmured, his voice cracking slightly.

Xichen seemed to pretend he couldn't hear him, shifting his embrace and squeezing Meng Yao's tiny form against his own, even stroking his hair. Realizing he could neither break free nor purely accept Xichen's obvious shows of affection, Meng Yao's eyes tightly closed and he also let out a soft sob. The two seemed lost in their own world for many heavy moments, and Ruien decided he probably shouldn't stay. He turned to leave.

"Ruien," said Xichen in a broken voice, reluctantly parting just a little from Meng Yao but keeping him within the circle of his arms. "Please stay. At least until I can thank you properly."

With a small sniff, and his eyes lowered toward Xichen's chest, Meng Yao added softly, "I would like to do that as well."

Though it not only felt intrusive but also deeply painful to be around this happy couple, Ruien realized it was quite dangerous to descend the mountain at night, and he was exhausted. He nodded vaguely.