October, 2000
Buffy lay awake until the sun seeped through her curtains. Then, careful not to disturb Riley, she slid out of bed, got dressed and left.
She stood outside Giles' door, staring at it. She wondered if she couldn't just ignore everything that had happened. She could just go back to her dorm and climb into bed with Riley and then on Monday everything would go back to normal. But it wouldn't be normal. And putting this off meant leaving Giles to wallow in uncertainty and angst and she couldn't do that. She couldn't ignore this anymore.
She knocked on the door.
It was a minute before Giles answered. He hadn't shaved and was wearing the same clothes from the night before, the top buttons of his shirt undone. He looked surprised to see her.
"We need to talk," Buffy said.
Giles nodded. "We do," he said seriously and stepped aside to let her in.
Buffy noticed he was holding a glass with some amber liquid in it.
"Are you drinking?" Buffy asked, concerned..
Giles looked embarrassed. "Hair of the dog. But I'm fine," he insisted, putting the glass down on the counter. "I'm fine. I-I don't want to put this off."
Buffy nodded and took a breath. She got straight to the point. "What you said last night, it wouldn't have worked, she wouldn't have moved on, if you hadn't meant it."
Giles stared solemnly at her. "I did mean it." His voice was hoarse and low. "I'm sorry. I'm leaving."
"What?" Buffy started to feel panicky.
"I thought I could ignore... this... but it's been dishonest of me to carry on here when I feel like—"
"I don't want you to leave," Buffy interrupted. Giles stared, taken aback by her insistence. "You should have told me," she continued. "You should have said something. But I... I..." She took a breath and started again. "I've been thinking about this all night... why I feel this way, why this happened." Her voice started to waver. "She couldn't have moved on if you didn't love me, but she wouldn't have even chosen me if I... if I didn't..."
Buffy couldn't finish, she was choking on the words, but from the way Giles looked at her she could tell he had figured out what she was trying to say. If I didn't love you.
Disbelief and a smile were playing on his features. Buffy felt heartbroken.
"But we can't work," she said.
"I know," he replied, his voice oddly calm, the same disbelieving smile on his face.
"I love Riley," she said softly. "I don't want to hurt him," she added more surely.
"I know," he repeated.
"Stop looking at me like that."
"Sorry." He looked away, self-conscious.
"What are we going to do?" she pleaded.
"I am not exactly level-headed right now," he said, struggling to keep a smile off his face.
"I want to go back to before, like this never happened."
Giles tried very hard to look serious and nodded at Buffy's suggestion. "We could try."
"I guess that's the best we've got."