OKAY, so this might get... Special? Maybe? This whole story is about messing with ideas and concepts that I haven't messed with before.

One being something that I've been wanting to toy with but too much of a fucking virgin and softy to toy with... Smut.

I know that might not be good for anyone else, but as I warned before with this story, this is all about toying with stuff and that's something as a writer that I feel as if would push my writing just a little bit further.

SOOOOOO~ There isn't going to be a smutty chapter really, but I'm building up to it somewhat.

ANYWAY! I hope you guys are okay with that and I hope you enjoy this update! :) Much love mates!

Intimacy was something I used to my advantage as a teenager.

I knew that my parents were trying to control my life, but I knew that they could never control what I did to my body. So whenever I felt as if I wanted to feel something else than my hate and spite against my parents and against the hell they put me through, I found love and intimacy within others. The birth control my mother had me on since I was fourteen for my period flows being my best friend throughout this time in my life.

Did I regret this at the time? No. It felt wonderful. It made me feel something more than the darkness and hatred that I had held against my parents. It made me feel loved in some way when no one else did at the time

But now I feel so nervous just thinking about stuff like that.

I felt Jim wrap an arm lazily around my waist as we laid together on the hills that were my white sheets and purple comforter.

Especially with him.

I smiled as I felt him nuzzle his face into the top of my hair.

Lord, we nap together a lot. Can't believe I just noticed that, honestly.

I let out a small laugh as I felt Jim stir slightly behind me.

He deserves rest though.

I placed a hand on top of his that was resting on my stomach.

The boy has two jobs, a makeshift family, two best friends, a girlfriend, and a small circle of friends outside of that to keep up with. Must be tiring at the very least.

I looked down at his arm that was flung around my waist to see the familiar tattoo sitting upon the inner skin of his forearm. My hand now moving to trace it instead of just resting upon his.

But somehow he's able to keep up with it all.

"I know I should get up soon," My smile only widened as I heard his sleepy voice bury itself into the top of his head. "But I don't want to leave."

"Who says you have to?" He pulled his forearm out from under my tracing fingertips before slipping his hand into mine and intertwining our fingers together.

"I wonderful thing called work."

"Blinky's?" I heard him hum in reply as he just buried his face further into my hair. "He's really running you ragged, huh?"

"Late night shifts at the shop is nothing in comparison to early morning shifts at mom's."

"That's because you're not a morning person." He just hummed once more as he pulled me closer against him. "Jim. You keep cuddling me like that and you might end up going nowhere."

"I don't want to go anywhere so don't tempt me." I giggled at the childish tone in his voice before slipping my hand out of his and patting his forearm.

"Okay, time to get you up."

"But Claire." I laughed wholeheartedly as he whined. I tried pulling myself out of his grasp but he just snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me back into the bed with him. "I don't wanna."

"Jim!" I laughed as I turned around in his arms to try to push myself up by placing my hands on his chest. He just gave him a sleepy grin as I brought myself up to look him in the eye. His bright blue eyes were half-lidded but somehow they were even brighter now than ever before. His dark hair was messy and tossed around due to how my favorite flower boy couldn't lay still for more than ten or so minutes, but all of this mixed together just made him an even greater sight to uphold.

I might be a little nervous with him. Especially with the ideas of intimacy that I've had in the past.

I leaned forward and captured his lips without a second thought as my hands moved to cup both sides of his face.

But I think it's for the better, honestly. Then I won't be rushing in and messing everything up with such a perfect guy.

He placed his hands on my waist as we deepened the soft kiss.

I love him. More than I thought was even possible for me to even feel.

I felt myself straddle his waist as his hands moved away from my waist so he could entangle his fingers into the mess that must have been my hair.

And I want to prove it to him so desperately.

His fingertips grazed my scalp as I licked at his bottom lip. He opened his mouth almost immediately as if he knew instantly what I wanted from him.

But I know I'll be his first and that's frightening to me. I love him, yes, but there's something so haunting about being that for him. The idea that if we mess this up someway somehow that he would have to remember me like that brings an eerie feeling within my chest.

I nearly felt my eyes roll into the back of my head as our tongues battled slightly for the territory that was each other's mouths while the taste of strawberries took over my senses like it was second nature.

How in the hell could he taste like this? Like how? I've never even seen him eat strawberries.

I felt his left hand place itself on my waist as the ache of lack of air caused my chest to constrict within my ribcage. I pulled back from him and placed my forehead against his while both of us smiled like fools as we were panting in reaction to our small actions.

But Christ do I want to enjoy it.

"I should be getting ready." I felt him comb his fingers through my hair as he looked up toward me as if I was some kind of living Mona Lisa. "I really don't want to though."

"After what we just did there, I wouldn't want to either." He just chuckled at me as we both moved so he could get up to his feet. He grabbed his button-down mechanic's shirt that was laying down at the foot of my bed before leaning over and giving me a quick peck to my lips.

"I'll call you when I'm. If you're still up that is."

"I'll more than likely will." I smiled at him before she shared another quick kiss. "Love you."

"Love you too." He pulled back and flung on his mechanic's shirt over his white v-neck and black khaki's before making his way out of my room and down the stairs. All as I flung myself back onto the bed with a frustrated groan.

And this is what I get for still being a hormonal teenager in my twenties.

"You're kidding me, right?" I groaned as I heard Toby's teasing laughter. "You're nervous over that of all things?"

"Can we not joke about this right now as I'm chilling in the pit here?" I unscrewed the oil filter from the parked car as Toby's laughter still rang within the enclosed auto shop.

"Hell no!" I grumbled as Toby just continued laughing at my blushing face as he was looking at me through the grate of the pit under the floor of the garage. "You're scared of having consensual sex with your girlfriend." Toby snickered a little more as he gave me a curious look almost immediately afterward. "I don't think I've ever heard of that, either. But you've always been a unique one so honestly, it doesn't surprise me." I sighed as I brought up the oil pan to drain out the bad oil from where the oil filter was.

"What's so wrong about being scared?"

"There's nothing wrong with being scared, Jimbo." I looked up toward Toby as I moved the pan down to the floor so that it could drip into the metal tin. "It's just, haven't you two already-?"

"Nope." I reached over toward where Toby one as he gave me the new oil filter with a confused look.

"You haven't at all?"

"Nope."

"Not even-?"

"The closest we have done to anything like that is make-out sessions. Even then, they don't go that far."

"And you've been dating for what? Six months?"

"Almost seven." I twisted the new oil filter into place before glancing over toward Toby once more. "Why? Is there something wrong with that?"

"There's nothing wrong with that. I just thought you two would have-. You know what? That feels weird saying out loud." I chuckled at his embarrassed face as I emptied the oil into a small bucket I had over to the side. "So you're still a-."

"As much of a virgin as fucking Mother Mary." I dropped the oil pan onto the floor before grabbing the bucket.

"Well that's not really a Virgin Mart now is it?" Toby chuckled at himself before giving me a confused look. "But Claire isn't, right?"

"Yup." I wiped the sweat off my forehead with my forearm as I tried my best to keep oil from getting on the skin there before grabbing the bucket handle in one quick swoop.

"That's gotta be frightening. Especially being in your twenties."

"Don't remind me." I made my way over to the staircase leading to the main floor of the garage as Toby stayed where he was. "It's fucking petrifying, really. Like, what if I'm jack shit at it? There's so much about it that I'm worried about fucking it up."

"Does she know that you're a virgin?"

"Yeah, but we haven't really spoken about it since the time it was brought up."

"How many has she been with?"

"Two that she remembers." I heard my voice darken as I poured the oil down the filtration drain we had.

"Oh. Not including the-." I only hummed in reply as he seemed to understand the main reason for my hesitation. "So you're more afraid of doing something-."

"And she had a panic attack because I remind her of something. Yeah." I dropped the bucket as I looked over toward the car we were working on. "The only thing that needs to be done now is the air filter change. Unless you were able to do that while fucking with me."

"Nope, but I can get right on it." Toby turned to head toward the front of the car before turning toward me once more. "But Jimbo?" I gave him a curious look as I pulled my handkerchief out of my pants pocket to wipe the oil off my hands. "Everything will be okay, alright? You two love each other. It'll be alright. Even if it's sloppy or not as you imagine it. Trust me. If that was true, Darci would have broken up with me a long time ago." I chuckled a little before giving him a soft smile.

"Thanks, Tobes."

"Anytime, Jimbo." He gave me a bright smile before turning toward the car once more. "NOW! Air filter time!" I chuckled as I turned toward the stairs to head down toward my pit once more.

Maybe he's right. It'll be alright.

I smiled as I pocketed my handkerchief.

We love each other. We'll continue to as well. With or without the intimacy.

"Huh. So that's your problem, eh?" I blushed under Douxie's gaze as I wanted to slip as low as I could in my seat.

"Quit looking at me like that. I feel like a sinner in a house full of saints."

"Aw, sis. If you think you're a sinner for just wanting sex with your boyfriend, then I guess I'm fucking Satan."

"EW!" I gagged before burying my face into my hands. "Oh God, I don't need images like that in my head!"

"Hey, I said nothing other than saying I'm Satan in comparison. You're fault for the images." I looked up toward him to shoot him a glare as he just gave me a cheeky smile.

"I hate you."

"If you hated me, you wouldn't be talking to me about your relationships." Douxie leaned his weight onto the counter as a more serious look took over his face. "But seriously, why are you so worried about this? I thought you said when the time comes, it comes. What changed your mind?"

"The fact that when that time comes it's going to be something that Jim will remember forever even if we don't work out." Douxie gave me a knowing look as his voice softened.

"And what do you mean if it doesn't work out? Do you think you and Jim will break up or something?"

"No! God, no. I love him. I wouldn't even think about us ever-." I stopped as I let out a soft sigh. I fiddled with my hands in my lap a little before closing my eyes for a moment. I took in a deep breath before releasing it slowly as sudden memories filled within my head as if they were from yesterday.

"STOP!"

"You weren't saying stop yesterday."

"I'm serious!"

"Aw come on, Nuñez. Don't hold out on me now."

"I said stop."

"Well, I guess we both aren't getting what we want, huh?"

A flash of devious hazel eyes filled my mind before shaking myself from the memory before swallowing dryly.

"The action itself." Douxie gave me a confused look but allowed me time to explain myself as I opened my eyes slowly. "I'm afraid that I'll panic. That he'll do something that is not even similar to what they did and then I'll have a flashback or something and ruin it. I don't want his first experience to end with me freaking out on him and making him feel as if he did something wrong."

"Claire," I tilted my head a little as he gave me a simple 'Are you kidding me' look. "I will be completely honest with the fact that you are freaking out over a guy who had held you through your other, well, episodes," Douxie hesitated for a moment as he tried to make sure the word was what he was looking for. "And didn't even question it when he witnessed the first one." He pushed himself away from the counter before reaching out across it to place his hands onto my shoulders. "Any other guy probably would freak out at least the slightest, but Jim knows your traumas. Even if he does, knowing that boy, he would be more worried about you than about what in the hell you two are doing together."

Well,

I smiled as I pulled my gaze away from the older man.

That does sound like him.

"You're right." I looked back up toward him as I gave him a soft smile. "I'm just overthinking."

"Exactly." He pulled his hands back from me as a large smile took over his face. "Now, I rather not be talking about my sister's sex life with someone that is basically my little brother." He went to turn toward the kitchen but stop before looking at me once more. "I have a strong sense of deja vu right now." I couldn't help but laugh at him as he turned his attention toward what he was doing in the kitchen once more.

Douxie's right.

I smiled as I jumped up from my seat and moved around the counter to give the older man a hand.

I'm worried about something that I should know Jim wouldn't overreact about. Jim's never caused issues with my panic attacks before. Why would a change in mood change anything about that?

"But since we're on the topic still," I snapped out of my thoughts as I rolled up my sleeves and started washing my hands. "I'll put a box of protection in your nightstand just in case something arises for you two." I blushed as I rushed through washing my hands before grabbing the hand towel to smack Douxie with it.

"Fuck! You!" I yelled out the word in beat with when the towel smacked the fellow artist in his right bicep.

"HEY! At least I'm willing to lend you a hand here!"

"I didn't need to know you had some already!"

"Claire, darling. I had my long term girlfriend over for the holidays recently. Do you think I wouldn't have any in hand?" I smacked him with the towel once more as he just chuckled in reply. "Not even going to get a thank you for helping you from having that awkward conversation with the store clerks?" My blush only deepened as I muttered out my reply.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome, little Maria." I felt him ruffle the hair at the top of my head before gesturing toward the dough he was messing with. "Now, you take over the dough. You've always been better at making the tortillas than I am."

"That's because I was taught how to make them ever since I was a literal child."

"Exactly." I smiled as he gave me a warm-hearted smile. I couldn't help but smile in reply before turning my attention toward the dough.

He might be a pain in the ass.

Douxie joined me at my side as he started doing whatever else it was that he was planning on doing with our dinner we were making.

But I'm lucky as hell to have a brother like him. Teasing and all.

I swallowed dryly as I felt Claire's fingers tug at the roots of my hair.

I swear to god I'm going to die in this girl's hands.

I placed my hands on her hips as my heartbeat spiked high as fuck in my chest. Her tongue licking at my bottom lip as I nearly jolted in the brunette's hair.

Christ, Jim. You've done this how many times and you're still acting like this? Gain some confidence, jackass.

I tightened my grip on her as I felt a small moan escape the girl that was sitting within my lap.

I swear to GOD she's going to give me a heart attack.

She pulled back a little as a mischievous smile took over her face before she placed her hands onto my shoulders before pushing me back so we both fell onto her bed. A small yelp escaping me as she straddled my waist like she did the other day. Our lips still connected as I tightened my hold on her hips. Everything felt right. My veins felt like they were being filled with electricity as her touch grazed my skin. A chill running down my spine as a small moan escaped her mouth and into my own. I felt bliss as I held her close against me. My grip only tightening on her as she laid down on top of me.

Everything was perfect to me. Everything was beautiful to me.

Until she suddenly froze and pulled back from me.

"Claire?" I looked up toward her to see a ghostly glaze filling her hazel eyes. "Claire?" A distant look filled her eyes as I just decided to pull her into a tight hug and wrapped my arms around her waist. Once her face was hidden away in my right shoulder, I heard a soft whimper come from her as she placed her hands onto my chest.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I reached up with my left hand to toy with her hair at the scalp like I knew she enjoyed as my right hand just rubbed gentle circles into her lower back. "You have nothing to be sorry about." I smiled as I turned my head to place a small kiss on the side of her head. "You don't need to push yourself for me. Stuff like this takes time."

"And you're just willing to wait?" I smiled at her soft voice as I just held her closer against me.

"I'll wait a hundred years if you needed me too." I felt her giggled against me as she shook a little as a small whimper escaped her.

"God I love you." I just chuckled at her as I continued to toy with her hair and rub circles into her back still.

"I love you too, Claire." My smile widened a little more as I wrapped my right arm around her waist but continued to toy with her hair gently.

Everything might have been perfect, but I know exactly why it was in the first place.

I held her tightly against me as I felt her wrap her arms gently around my neck.

But it wasn't the physical stuff that caused it to be perfect. It was her herself.

I place a small kiss on the side of her head once more before laying my head back down onto her bedsheets. Her forearms being my true pillows as I held her close.

And I'll wait a million years just to have her with me in a moment like that where she felt comfortable. Where she isn't being haunted by her past or having to think of anything like that. Because no matter what, I love her and I know that I'll do whatever it takes to make her feel as if she can be free from it all with me.

I closed my eyes gently as I felt her start breathing gently against me.

No matter how long it takes.